It's been a few years.. but I'm back.

[PowertripII]

Hi guys.. good to be here again (and hopefully just in the nick of time).

I'm working on getting back up to speed but the motivating factor for me being here is that I came to the conclusion (tonight) that I'm making every single AFC mistake in the book with this new girl I'm seeing. Picking them up/sealing the deal isn't the problem, it's the one-itis that's killing me.

After going through quite a few articles on here I'm completely ashamed of myself for letting it get to this point. I guess after a four-year relationship you just get used to a certain mentality; she-does-this, you-do-that, everyone is happy. Unfortunately when you take that one person out of the equation you can start down a very deep and mysterious path.. thankfully I realize that.

This new chick is getting the boot and I'm going to start focusing on getting myself back up to par- for someone who used to juggle 5-10 women at a time I never thought I'd be writing such a post. Any comments, suggestions, ideas, etc would be appreciated! For those who weren't around, my original screenname was simply Powertrip-- I'd prefer to keep this title as I don't really equate myself with the 22-24 year-old I was back then.

In other words, it's a whole new ballgame. :box:

C.

 

[Vulpine]

Don't boot her, FB her. Call her a "seed plate".

I don't know you from before, so hey, I'm Vulpine. Welcome back. Do a search for Rollo Tomassi's "Plate Theory" and read it - he has posted that since you've been away, I'm sure.

You seem to know about all this DJ jazz and have self-diagnosed yourself already. His plate theory post is a great motivator to loot, pillage, and plunder the woman race.

"Loot, pillage, and plunder" seems mysoginistic, but I think it's a great way to describe the transitional attitude where you go from AFC to DJ. One of the first phases is "TAKE TAKE TAKE". Then, it's "ME ME ME".

From there, it's "ME ME WE... not really "WE", just ME, but you can come along for the ride, IF you keep cool, beeyatch. If not... get the fux out... but maybe we can still fux, I'll let you know if I feel like it."

Stay positive.

 

[PowertripII]

I know all about the spinning plates.

Maybe I should clarify what my objective has always been- to find and develop that 'ultimate relationship'. Yes, those two words on this board aren't used together very often but I've had more than my fair share of pillaging and plundering in the past (and continue to do so) so maybe I'm just an optimist at heart.

Right now however, the mindset is going to be ME ME ME. I'm currently coming out of the WE WE WE coma, which I think is the sticky point here. Funny to note that a 'W' is an upside-down 'M'.. there's symbolism in there somewhere.

No.. I'm not a glutton for punishment, nor am I unrealistic in my goals. For me, riding the new-girl-every-night roller coaster is only fun for so long.

 

[PowertripII]

You know, it's pretty amazing what can take hold after a night of reading this site. Let's go over my specific mistakes with this new girl (who in retrospect, wasn't the greatest match even though she was a hottie):

1. Buying dinners, lunch, & drinks: All told, I probably spent over 1k wining-and-dining this one last month. Why? Because my ex never had a job or any cash of her own.. I just got used to paying for everything and never thought about it as something that would hurt IL-- I suspect that she just started to see me as friggin cash register.

2. Not standing up for myself: A couple of weeks ago she started throwing a fit because if I was out and about I'd start talking about the other women in the room with me, something that I normally do if I find a situation funny (one woman peed her pants next to me, another time I had a group of young girls at a table who dropped off their phone numbers, etc). Yeah, there is some subsconscious 'social proof' going on with that, but it's not something I should've apologized for in subsequent conversations with her. Don't like it? Too bad.

3. Making myself way too available: Yep.. this one was so obvious I can't believe I missed it. I'd wait for her to call, then I'd rush over. Jesus, I even bought another cell phone just so that I wouldn't miss that call (I haven't had one in almost a year). WTF is wrong with me?

4. Buying into her BS: With every other chick up to this one, I've had invites to join her and her friends- this one kept me at an arm's length and never did so. At first I could understand it; nobody wants to look like an ass and start introducing a new person around if it's not going to pan out. But I think in this case my AFC side and her IL drop intersected at the same point. I knew it too, but I just kept on being 'Mr. Understanding' even though I was already swimming upstream- I guess it really just threw me off my timing.

5. Being her emotional tampon: Again, another obvious one but when you're just getting back into the swing of things it's hard to know when to change topics. She'd go on about her sisters, friends, etc.. and I'd listen! It just gets exponentially worse from the moment you open that door.

Hopefully that sheds some light on why I'm back here.. I'm going to 'try' to turn all of this to my advantage and use her as a jumping off point for getting my game back on track. The one ace in the hole I've got with this one is that the sex is out of control- she's just going to be relegated to FB status however.

C.

 

[tmpgstx]

Relationships with the wrong girl (in many cases spoiled selfish girls) will damage you. You're walking on eggshells and playing a game of appeasement to keep her stable around you.

When you come out of these things you're used to being the problem solver and so understanding. The 'wiseman'. When looking for a new girl you come across as damaged in this respect i think. You care too much about things.

It's amazing when you don't care you're exploiting the other person's insecurities and we all know most HBs have them bigtime. This is why they go for the guy that shows and withdraws interest (typical jerk) repeatedly. Forget the guy that knows what he wants, lol.

God forbid a man be consistant - that's just too logical.

 

[PowertripII]

Forget the guy that knows what he wants, lol.

God forbid a man be consistant - that's just too logical.

"..and soooo boring. I've got a vagina that is lined with gold; please entertain me and give me drama!"

:trouble:

 

[PowertripII]

Admittedly, I slipped again today.

Honestly some of this is just morbid curiousity; I have absolutely no idea where this chick is coming from. I don't really care where it ends up but as a social experiment I don't know what to expect anymore-- I'm just putting myself out there and letting the cards fall at this point.

With regards to issue #4 above, it was a small victory today. I actually went to her parent's house and was mentioned on the phone while she was talking to a friend (this hasn't yet happened in well over a month- my head almost spun around like a soon-to-be-exorcised Linda Blair). Maybe I was just over there to fill her time, maybe she's testing the waters and seeing what I do in such a senario.

Yes.. there is some AFCness to it all but it's not going to cripple me. I'm just saving the experience for posterity as it may benefit someone down the road.. this may be the female equivalent of a DJ (however shaky that idea is).

C.

 

[Phyzzle]

Naw, no reason to be hard on yourself. None of this stuff is really AFC. First of all, she would have cheated on and dumped you within 4 years if you were all that AFC.

1. Buying dinners, lunch, & drinks:

So you're a lot richer. Does she do favors for you? Cook? Small gifts? A grand a month aint so bad. Wives cost a lot more than that.

2. Not standing up for myself: A couple of weeks ago she started throwing a fit because if I was out and about I'd start talking about the other women in the room with me ...Don't like it? Too bad.

What? You were out and about, with a cell phone glued to your ear? That's kinda wierd. You should be talking about the next time you see her, and hanging up. Are you one of those people who goes to pubs and parties, talks on a phone for an hour, then leaves?

3. Making myself way too available:

Not Good.

4. Buying into her BS: With every other chick up to this one, I've had invites to join her and her friends- this one kept me at an arm's length and never did so.

Forget the friends. You two can have seperate groups of friends your entire lives and get along just fine. Many women spend their entire lives obsessed with a guy that all her friends and relatives hate. It has nothing to do with interest. Still, it's nice to have a social life together that doesn't involve hanging out at your place.

5. Being her emotional tampon: ..you're just getting back into the swing of things it's hard to know when to change topics.

Be reasonable: a brief, daily venting is okay. What else are you guys gonna talk about? The weather? Politics? No, she wants to tell you what happened during her day, and if she's a human being, most of it will be bad.
~Phyzzle

P.S. Has she bugged you about marriage yet? If her interest isn't high enough after 4 years, I'm guessing it never will be. So you REALLY need to think about ending the (monogamous part of the) relationship,

 

[PowertripII]

Phyzzle-

Maybe I didn't explain myself all that well.. I actually got OUT of a four-year relationship. I'm back in the dating world and giving some updates on my new adventures.

You're spot on, just coming from the wrong angle.

Thanks,
C.

 

[SexPDX]

Hey, Powertrip! I just sent you an e-mail a few minutes ago, drop me a line back when you get a chance.

As for these issues being discussed in this thread, because I know you I am of the view that you will handle things just fine. The fact that you recognize mistakes are being made and are prepared to make changes, in fact so prepared that you have come back here of all places where I never thought I would see you again, speaks for itself.