It's all about respect...a bad date story.

[Mr.Positive]

Hey everyone! I haven't posted much, but have done my share of learning from this site...and I need to vent.

I've been dating this one gal for about a month or so, nothing serious, and we went out last night. Well, we hit a pub, had a couple of drinks and ended up eating a late meal at a chinese place. During the date, she answered her phone in the car, checked her phone messages in the pub, and get this...during the meal, she actually opened up a magazine and started reading it. Are you laughing yet?

Man, what a bad date! I actually got a couple of sympathetic looks from a couple of guys sitting next to me. It was pretty embarrassing. I really was at a loss for words at the time and didn't know what to say. I was pissed and ate quick and took her home. Well, she told me she would call tomorrow because she wants to go running together. As you can imagine, I'm not too thrilled, but am unsure whether to even bother to pick up the phone to tell her so. Any thoughts? I'm trying to not even care at this point.

So...on a postive note, I came to a realization a few minutes ago. It's all about respect. Not just women, but anyone you choose to spend time with. If I'm with a good buddy, family, whatever, I'd never read a magazine during a meal. Our time is valuable, and there is a lot of people we should be spending time with, and there is cute women everywhere. I can think of a long list of people that I wish I had more time to see. If anyone disrespects you, don't put up with it, and they do not deserve your time.

Man..I wish I could have come up with a "suave" response to the girl last night..

 

[STR8UP]

Call me a cynical bastard but that kind of disrespectful behavior CANNOT be tolerated.

When she has her nose buried in the magazine, tap her on the shoulder when a hot chick walks by and say, "What are you doing reading a magazine? You missed the bangin' ASS on that chick that just walked by!"

And if THAT doesn't drive the point home just get up and walk out.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Ha! That would have been great STR8UP! Thanks for the laugh..

At the time, I think I was kind of in a state of disbelief. I've never had a woman even attempt something like that..

 

[Wyldfire]

You should still go running with her...but do this...

Everytime she talks to you say "Hmm?" as if you aren't listening. If you are in a car, everytime she speaks turn the radio up louder. When you start running...leave her in your dust.

When she gets pissed at you just tell her that you always treat women exactly how they treat you. It will get your point across.

 

[RedPill]

Life's too short for bullsh1t like this. This girl was wasting your valuable time. In the future you've gotta stamp this stuff out right when it happens.

This chick probably walks through life like this, completely oblivious to how disrespectful her spoiled, self-centered quest to never be bored makes her look to others. If she's hot she probably gets away with it much of the time. Going forward, be cordial with her if she calls or you run into her, but completely disengage from dealing with her. She's fired.

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation down the road with other chicks, call them out covertly. Tell her with a completely 'I think of you like my little sister' tone of voice that you've gotta wrap this up because you're meeting this girl you met at the gym for a drink, and then get a carryout container, cash out, and leave.

A good saying on how to best get your point across, which is especially effective with women because they are naturally much more perceptive of discrete communication:

Never write if you can speak.
Never speak if you can nod.
Never nod if you can wink.
Never wink if you can walk away and still make your message clear.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Amen Redpill, well said...thanks for the input everyone.

 

[Phyzzle]

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation down the road with other chicks, call them out covertly. Tell her with a completely 'I think of you like my little sister' tone of voice that you've gotta wrap this up because you're meeting this girl you met at the gym for a drink, and then get a carryout container, cash out, and leave.

That's exactly what works for me. I recently went out with a chick who was giving me passive-aggressive attitude due to something else bothering her (she suddenly had zero warmth or humor). Before I found Sosuave, I would have kept trying to tear down her shell, and maybe if I keep being charming enough, she'll finally open up.

Not this time. I just said "you're obviously not in the mood to have me around." I wasn't huffy or insulted. In fact, I was openly bummed when I got up and left. My half full beer remained on the table, which she knows is a huge step, since I have a Vulpine-esque appetite for booze. She said "wait, wait, okay, it's just that . . . " and after 5 minutes of venting about some legal troubles, you could see her interest in me shoot up. This girl is REALLY into me now.

If you ever get disrespect, you can do what I did, but just do SOMETHING and do it quick. I mean, if nothing else, instantly ask what would you do if a GUY friend acted like that?

Women need men who don't accept disrespect.

 

[jophil28]

This thread opens up the opportunity for some of us to post our favorite "put her in her place" statements to disrespectful women.
I try really hard NOT to raise my voice or act pissed. My tone,and the contents of my statement is designed to bluntly deliver the message to her that she has crossed the red line of disrespect and our connection is about to be severed. The problem is this - these occasions occur only rarely and so I am usually caught off guard and unrehearsed.
Anyone got a well practised punisher for when the princesses blow it ?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

First of all, you been dating for about a month?? What does that mean? Have you banged her? IF not, why not? How many times, dates, total hours, etc. have you spend together?

I a month you should be to the point where you are very confortable with her and would not hesiate to call her on her BS. My guess is that she didn't call you to go run, specially since she thinks you were expecting it and wanted her to go running with you.

If you've been hanging around eachother for a month, then you should be to the point where you already escalated physically, and both of you are ok with not being totally glued and starring at each other at every single minute during your get togethers. The reason the people around you felt bad for you is because they saw you felt bad, ackward, and didn't know how to handle an inconsiderate broad.

Don't do any of that game playing that Wyld told you. That's immature 14 year olds play with their boyfriends. Last thing you want to do is stroke her ego by letting her know she mattters to you that much.

You can't blame the broad for not having enough interest in you at this point. It comes down to you not escalating and moving the sarge along to the point to where she didn't feel the need to treat you just like a little, loyal, and non-threatening puppy.

Dude, don't worry about it, if you look at it this way, why is she worthy of getting you all emotional and shaken? Don't treat her as such. Make yourself less available to her and put her on probation, and let her earn the time she spends with you. This is what they do when you give them something before they feel they earned it. They don't value it.

 

[Wyldfire]

Gangster...his post is but a symptom of a much bigger issue...and it's something he needs to reflect on for a bit...which is what he's doing. I sensed what the bigger issue was and my previous post reflects that. He's sorting out what he needs to do, and the real issue is not respect or a lack of it. It's more of a power struggle that has nothing whatsoever to do with their relationship and everything to do with their careers. Basically...they both have the need to prove they are strong and in control in general because of what they do for a living and it's spilling over into their relationship. To me, he was describing a power struggle and competition...not disrespect. My post was to elicit a response that got to the meat of the issue. It worked...and I expected it to be posted here, but it wasn't. Okay...not going to say anything beyond that, other than the OP is reflecting on the real issue and sorting out how to best deal with it.

Sorry Positive for putting this out there...but I don't want your thread to turn into another "let's pig pile on Wyld" party.

 

[edger]

Hey everyone! I haven't posted much, but have done my share of learning from this site...and I need to vent.

I've been dating this one gal for about a month or so, nothing serious, and we went out last night. Well, we hit a pub, had a couple of drinks and ended up eating a late meal at a chinese place. During the date, she answered her phone in the car, checked her phone messages in the pub, and get this...during the meal, she actually opened up a magazine and started reading it. Are you laughing yet?

Man, what a bad date! I actually got a couple of sympathetic looks from a couple of guys sitting next to me. It was pretty embarrassing. I really was at a loss for words at the time and didn't know what to say. I was pissed and ate quick and took her home. Well, she told me she would call tomorrow because she wants to go running together. As you can imagine, I'm not too thrilled, but am unsure whether to even bother to pick up the phone to tell her so. Any thoughts? I'm trying to not even care at this point.

So...on a postive note, I came to a realization a few minutes ago. It's all about respect. Not just women, but anyone you choose to spend time with. If I'm with a good buddy, family, whatever, I'd never read a magazine during a meal. Our time is valuable, and there is a lot of people we should be spending time with, and there is cute women everywhere. I can think of a long list of people that I wish I had more time to see. If anyone disrespects you, don't put up with it, and they do not deserve your time.

Man..I wish I could have come up with a "suave" response to the girl last night..

See this is all ya gotta do in a situation like that ----> :kick:
Hehehe, of course I'm kidding, just think the emoticon is funny. Nah, but in all seriousness, cut her loose. And like others have told you which I'm sure you realize, is don't show you're pissed(which makes her feel good and fuels her ego). You did the right thing, you called it a night after that. To do what she did, it's an obvious indicator she's not interested.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

...or better yet, as our good old friend Rollo would say....


GO SPIN MORE PLATES!!!!!!

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Gangster...his post is but a symptom of a much bigger issue...and it's something he needs to reflect on for a bit...which is what he's doing. I sensed what the bigger issue was and my previous post reflects that. He's sorting out what he needs to do, and the real issue is not respect or a lack of it. It's more of a power struggle that has nothing whatsoever to do with their relationship and everything to do with their careers. Basically...they both have the need to prove they are strong and in control in general because of what they do for a living and it's spilling over into their relationship. To me, he was describing a power struggle and competition...not disrespect. My post was to elicit a response that got to the meat of the issue. It worked...and I expected it to be posted here, but it wasn't. Okay...not going to say anything beyond that, other than the OP is reflecting on the real issue and sorting out how to best deal with it.

Sorry Positive for putting this out there...but I don't want your thread to turn into another "let's pig pile on Wyld" party.

Unless he is one of those cats who must have drama,and turmoil when dealing with women, and there are plenty of those running around, why even bother with somebody who by nature will just bring stress and friction. If is is a matter of a power struggle for almost everything, not worth the efford, TO ME. I don't crave the drama, so I am happy with your typical good girl who knows how to carry herself like a lady, when in public!

 

[Wyldfire]

Unless he is one of those cats who must have drama,and turmoil when dealing with women, and there are plenty of those running around, why even bother with somebody who by nature will just bring stress and friction. If is is a matter of a power struggle for almost everything, not worth the efford, TO ME. I don't crave the drama, so I am happy with your typical good girl who knows how to carry herself like a lady, when in public!

Well...they have a lot in common...which is probably why they are attracted to each other in the first place. The ironic thing is that I really don't think the power struggle is personal or directed at each other. It's something they both feel they have to do...prove they are strong, basically. I also don't think it's a need for drama. Basically...the only place respect even really comes into this is that people who work in their profession feel they have to prove that strength and control in order to be good at their job and have the respect of their peers. This might not be a big issue in a romantic relationship if only one of them were like this. But with both of them like that it makes for a constant power struggle that isn't even about the romantic relationship at all. Bottom line...the two of them will either have to work together to figure out a way to keep this out of their relationship or it's just not going to work...even if they like each other and have so much in common.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Relationship??? Sounds like he hardly knows the way she really is, as he was dissapointed to see that side of her. Sounds like way too much work to salvage this one.

SPIN MORE PLATES!

 

[Wyldfire]

Relationship??? Sounds like he hardly knows the way she really is, as he was dissapointed to see that side of her. Sounds like way too much work to salvage this one.

SPIN MORE PLATES!

lol...I don't think the problem is that he hardly knows the way she really is...it's more a case of them being exactly alike, so it's like dealing with the female version of himself...and she's just as good at being "him" as he is. I hope he posts more about the situation so what I'm saying makes more sense. I'm trying to give a feel for what's really going on without divulging any details as best I can.

Personally, I think he's likely to find that it's best for him to move on rather than try to have a relationship with someone who not only shares the same career as him but who is also so much like him. He might not come back and post again at all. However...he is examining the situation logically and realistically...and knows that it's more than just respect. He seems both willing and capable of letting go and moving on if the issue can't be resolved.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

OK, just seems you're giving him the long approach to dealing with his situation. I am giving him the shorter.

We agree, who needs sombody who's gonna be sucking you and draining you out of your energy because they are too set on things, and inflexible on the same issues you are.

 

[Wyldfire]

OK, just seems you're giving him the long approach to dealing with his situation. I am giving him the shorter.

We agree, who needs sombody who's gonna be sucking you and draining you out of your energy because they are too set on things, and inflexible on the same issues you are.

It's not really a long approach. I just read between the lines of what he was telling me and helped him see that there was more to it than he originally realized. In the process he discovered that it was something very different that was bothering him than disrespect. It's something he should sort through. As for the relationship...I don't see him staying in it because the issue that's really bothering him is not easy to get past for any guy...and with the whole power struggle going...the issue will only get aggravated and cause resentment. He needs to figure that out on his own, though...and then he learns something useful and gains confidence in making relationship decisions.

(There really IS a method to my "madness" on here...even if it doesn't make sense.)

 

[Gangster Of Love]

but you do agree that he needs to SPIN MORE PLATES, don't you?\


Lately I've been pretty fascinated by that phrase!

 

[Wyldfire]

but you do agree that he needs to SPIN MORE PLATES, don't you?\


Lately I've been pretty fascinated by that phrase!

First he needs to address the issue he discovered and at least understand how it is going to impact him...and learn how to filter future women he gets involved with while keeping it in mind. Then, yes, he should be meeting other people and if he meets someone he's more compatible with, by all means, ask them out.