It NEVER pays to be a "nice guy". A must read for EVERYONE...

[The Unknown Don]

The nice guy vs. jerk debate has been raging on here for years, and along with it, the related question of the importance of a man's physical attractiveness to the object of his affection.

I have always maintained that no matter how much effort, romance and affection a man puts into a relationship, if the woman is not really attracted to him in "that way", it is all for naught. She may marry him, and even have kids with him, but she will never truly love him. And by the way, I'm not talking about a man being a "nice guy" in the sense of a needy guy - emotional tampon. I'm talking about a good guy who enters a long term relationship with the best intentions and gives it his all.

While researching a completely unrelated subject, I ran across this thread, quite by accident, on the prevention.com website. To say it was illuminating would be a grotesque understatement. I think it should be required reading for any man contemplating marriage.

I suspect that even the most cynical among you will be...stunned. The name of the thread is "I'm not attracted to my husband". Make sure to start at the top and continue reading through the multiple pages of messages from married women. Enjoy.

http://www.prevention.com/community...ionshipsForum:3251004491Discussion:9251043602

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[PrettyBoyAJ]

Sad things, If he wasn't a nice guy he wouldn't be in this situation.

 

[Doctrine Dark]

Cot damn. It's worse than I thought. I didn't expect to read that many replies.

But to be honest, this really isn't too surprising. I feel for the husbands. I don't want to be in that position, ever.

 

[rum]

Stop blaming the man...for the love of god these women are ungrateful ****s. Nothing satisfies them

I still struggle with the physical attraction though I work out and try to maintain myself while he does not. This makes me a bit un excited when I see him in the bedroom. He's not fat, he's skinny but not toned at all.

let's see what you look like. somehow I doubt it's the spittin image of kate beckinsale

well Ladies, I am here to say that I was once in your position for 12 years, in 98 I left with my children, at that time being 6 and 10, it was very hard for him for about a year. we divorced in 2000

broke up a family with young children and likely sent a good man into a depression...all because you weren't absolutely elated 24/7. good going

but living alone beats having to lie to someone each and everyday, you dont need someone to make you happy,

translation: "After going through men like tissue paper after walking out on my husband, I've realized none of them are even close to being worthy of me. Now where did I put my crown?"

Oh my God! I am so glad I found this. I felt so alone. I'm in the same boat, ladies. My husband is wonderful, caring, kind, considerate, smart, my best friend... and I'm completely unattracted to him.

wow, found a pot of gold but still unhappy. I'm sorry, but this one is a flat out impossible *****

I love him without question. I just don't want to be married to him anymore.

absolutely impossible...their brains are mush I tell ya

I feel your pain. My husband too is a great provider, a good man with a good heart. He is just about everything a woman should want,but I am not happy. I find my self picking fights about stupid stuff just so I have an excuse to be unhappy.

i hope he leaves YOU, another ingrate who won the lottery of men and insists on burning her ticket.

 

[crazyboy]

Whats **** up it doesn't surpise me. But the response i have great guy but im not attractive to him. Basically these woman wants security of that guy but have no lust to have him. Why because a man actually puts his guard down and stop being such an ass to maintain a realtionship. Which puts his attractive level down. Woman kill themselves in realtionship but the blame is always put on men. The dirty ill gotten truth is men try harder to maintain realtionship than a woman does. to put it simiple its just not in a woman nature to be faithful. That loving tenderness and caring they are catorgize for only applied to there children and thats because they have carried them.

 

[rum]

A common thread with these broads is that they were all relatively young when they got married...and they got LUCKY. The found a great husband.

Thing is, they never got a chance to kiss many frogs, so they're curious if it can get any better.

it's not

 

[Falcon25]

It's his fault. Not hers. She's just being a woman. He is boring. You may want to ask this question to our homosexual members "Karma Sutra and ELMER GENTRY" They may have insight on the gay point of view. Good Luck!

 

[Veridin]

This is a website for men, so of course women will be blamed. Kind of like at a feminist website, the men will always be blamed.

Reading all the stories from the women in that prevention.com thread, you'd have to be really thick to think it's just the women's fault. No doubt in part of these cases it is. No doubt in part of these cases it's the men's fault. Don't hide from the truth.

What you see in a lot of the stories is this: men who are fat, men who are skinny but not toned at all, men who are boring like drying paint, men who are lousy in bed. Why shouldn't we accept that men too should make an effort?

We expect an effort from women. They have the same right to expect it from men.

So if you can't get women, stop whining and stop blaming them. It's you. You are the problem. A lot of guys get a lot of women. Change yourself instead of being bitter and blaming others. The laws of physics and psychology won't change to satisfy your laziness.

 

[bigneil]

Guys need to be in shape, there is no question - however: the problem that I observe is that women feel entitled to marry the hottest guy who ever used, abused, cheated on and dumped them.

Men just want to get laid - so they lower their standards for easy sex. The woman who they use then feels as though she has "proven" she is worthy of men who are that hot. They are not.

The man who provides for them is always compared to the man who dumped them. If the provider were that hot, he'd dump her!

i.e. most of these b*tches will never get what they want.

 

[Warrior74]

don't get married. problem solved.

 

[AlexDP]

I met a girl at a ski trip five years ago. Every once in a while she has contact with me. When I met her she was with her boyfriend. But she admitted she thought I was very sexy and liked my confidence. For some reason she did think I was always having sex with a lot of girls (which isn't really true, but nevermind). She got married a couple of months ago. Yesterday she posts a couple of comments on my facebook wall and even comments on how sexy she still thinks I am. Then she PM's me and tells me that that spark is gone with her husband, but that she still loves him very much.

And she says this stuff to a guy she barely knows. I mean, this girl is going to cheat on him sooner or later.

 

[PapiChulo]

I hooked up with a 53 year old in a bar who is in a really good shape. Well, she doesn't date men in their 40s or 50s because they are such "wrecks" as she put it. She has the money and thinks she deserves a hot 30 year old brazilian stud. Lol. That pretty much explains it. Ya gotta stay on top of it, in the looks, health and sex department or your as$ is out, even worse you get cheated on. Plus western women always think that they could do better, and they could probably once they have half of your house and stuff.

 

[omkara]

Then she PM's me and tells me that that spark is gone with her husband, but that she still loves him very much.

The purpose of marriage is not some ephemeral 'spark' of infatuation. It is to raise children and divide up the labor of a household. That 'spark' is fleeting for almost everyone. So if people are expecting that 'spark' to last throughout an entire marriage, that just goes against human nature. Yeah it may happen in some cases, but it's not realistic at all to expect that.

 

[AlexDP]

The purpose of marriage is not some ephemeral 'spark' of infatuation. It is to raise children and divide up the labor of a household. That 'spark' is fleeting for almost everyone. So if people are expecting that 'spark' to last throughout an entire marriage, that just goes against human nature. Yeah it may happen in some cases, but it's not realistic at all to expect that.

I understand that, but you don't say that to a guy you barely know aside from flirting with him. And you definitely don't say that in the same message you tell him how hot he is. That is just not right.

 

[RSanders219]

Wow haha, this thread from that website is definitely turning me into a misogynist. I always wanted to have a family, but I don't think I ever want to get married now!

 

[women haze]

Veridin are you a chick?

and Rum has it correct the problem with MOSt of these cases is that They lucked up and found a decent man, but it's not enough for these women. In today's Sociey it's a use and abuse system that we live in...

We use it then pass it off to get the Newest thing keeping up with the Jones' These women "feel" that the spark in their marriage is gone and wantto find "better" SAD thing is what they may get won't be BETTER at all....

The Men in these relationships need to exercise, stay looking sexy , and do things without their wife. They need to Put that FEAR in their wife that the guy is looking for something better , or will cheat.

..You cannot get comfortable at all in a relationship. It's like someone here said...thre are three Entities in a relationship.

You, The Woman, The Marriage...You have to invest in all three or it will crumble.

 

[Bible_Belt]

There was one mention on that long series of replies about actually generating attraction:

"I did have a guy I really liked but he would not pursue a relationship with me-he felt I should honor my marriage commitment (of course that made me attracted to him even more!"

Contrast that to the typical soon-to-be-divorced husband:
"My husband is constantly asking if I will leave him someday"

I would guess that the best way for any of those husbands to save their marriage is to simply tell the woman to get out. Not doing so is the one thing they all have in common.

 

[betheman]

this thread turned my stomach, if EVER MEN NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND THE SH!T MENTALITY OF SOME WOMEN...

"I am so glad I am not the only one. I feel like I am going crazy. Im just not happy.

We have been married for almost 3 years, things were going great, he returned from Iraq happy and healthy. We were going to get a new house and start a family. Then reality started to hit, his happy adrenaline rush of being home dwindled.

He did not suffer huge injuries, like most returning soldiers PTSD, nightmares, sleep apnea. He also suffered a herniated disc and torn rotator cuffs. He has had 5 surgeries in 2 years, most of them elective. He takes numerous pain pills, narcotics and muscle relaxants all of which affect his physical and mental abilities.

He was always very outgoing, adventerous and energetic, very athletic. Now he has atrophied, is sluggish and has no energy. Its not so much the physical changes, as the character changes.

We have no children. We can not have children. All of his surgeries, medications and traumas have contributed to it. That is another strain on the marriage.

I work full time, he is retired. I work long hours, he stays home and shops. Our roles are reversed and it is depressing. I hate going home.

We have had alot of unusual circumstances in our marriage that I feel are contribuiting to my unhappiness.

Please help!!! "

In sickness and in health???? he went to fcucking war and YOU are his reward?

Marry at your peril

 

[st_99]

From reading over a handful of those posts, it seems like sex and attraction is a big part of it all. Its like being with a fat chick that has a great personality, good job, takes care of the kids, etc.. but when you're in bed all you want to do is rollover and go to sleep! haha.

"We were happy overall and have 3 children. They are 12, 8 and 5. I admit to never being physically attracted to my husband and have done just about everything possible to get out of having sex with him for the last 14 years. He is the typical "nice guy", supports his family and has no issues of drugs, abuse or being faithful."



"I just am NOT attracted to my husband. He makes love to me and I find myself cringing when he kisses me or my neck. I love him. He has children of his own and I have my own and they ALL live with us. Seven to be exact. I love the way he is great for my kids. A REAL dad. I just don't ever want to have sex with him."



Man, reading over some of that crap sure makes me feel good about NOT being married.
The common theme is... Great guy, love him, great dad, good provider, loves me to death..... CANT STAND HAVING SEX WITH HIM.
WTF??

 

[typical]

CAUSE THEY DON"T FU(KEN LOVE THEM !!!!!!!!!!!!


Yup thats right the women never ever ever loved their husbands, they just settled down with the best beta provider they could find at the time.

Most of these women are all secretly in love with their first real boyfriend the guy who could fu(k like a animal and dump them without thought, the guy they all knew would never settle down with a women like themselves, a true don juan ............... or the druggie bad boy with multiple convictions, take your pick.

Nothing new here, feel sorry for the men in the marriages they have "no clue" about anything. Just cause a woman smiles and says nice things to you does not mean she likes you.

Heres an example I once had a g/f (she married her good guy friend who waited till she was ready to settle down), she only wanted to go out with me because years ago she was blowing up my phone and I picked it up and said "honey I'm with a girl right now call me in a few hours and turned the phone off". She ended up dating me and nearly twice a day asking to "practice making babies" with her.

She married her good guy friend because he was faithful decent would never cheat on her and was willing to do anything for her, I've met them a few times and her eyes always tell me to call her and "do something" or she texts or calls up saying we should "catch up". All the while they pose infront of everyone as the best loving couple ever.

Wake up now and don't be that guy, he doesn't even know I boned her what a chump. DONT BE HIM.