Issues with confidence in a relationship

[Blazing]

So to put it simply how do you keep confidence in your relationship?

Like I trust my gf but I've seen so many horror stories of guys getting completely blind sided by their gfs cheating. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't something that didn't cross my mind when she's not around. **** like wondering where she's at or what she's up to when she goes out with friends.

It honestly kinda ruins the relationship to an extent and can cause fights. Not to the extent that you're like asking "who're you with?" constantly because I've always kept these thoughts to myself.

I guess my question is how do you manage these thoughts? I know it has to cross people on heres minds as well. Is this an issue of my own self confidence? Because it does seem like a stupid thing to waste thought and worry on because if she's going to cheat she's going to cheat regardless. But I suppose I'm just worried about being way too naive and not wanting to get crushed if it happens.

Any insight would be welcome. Idk If I've made my point or not as it was just venting what's been on my mind lately. Really hoping for some advice so I can move past this mental block

 

[zekko]

Like you said, if she's going to cheat she's going to cheat. There's nothing you can do about it. Only worry about things you can control. If she is an unfaithful woman, it will come to light sooner or later. Be aware of any red flags or risk factors, like if she is living a wild lifestyle.

Your bigger problem is that you're placing too much importance on this woman. I don't care if she's your wife and the mother of your children, you should never consider any woman irreplaceable or indisposable. Always be prepared for the possibility that you could lose her, and be ready to live with that. That way you won't be blindsided.

 

[goldengoose]

If you're always worried about what she's doing you're going to fail. Don't worry about women at all. Keep yourself in check and always do what's best for you. Friends and women come and go, that is why you take care of yourself. Having options will take those thoughts away.

 

[Blazing]

Thanks guys I needed that.

Lately I've spent more time worrying about the possibility of being cheated on more than doing my own thing. No use worrying about something completely out of my control. Time to get back to enjoying life.

 

[zekko]

Something else to remember, Blazing, is that if she does cheat, then who the heck wants an unfaithful ho for a girlfriend? If she does cheat, then she wasn't really the girl you thought she was in your mind, was she? So in that case no great loss.

Just be aware that you can move on if worst comes to worst. Sure it will probably hurt some, but it won't kill you, and might even give you some motivation to get back out there. You don't get through life without a little pain.

 

[Don-Kong]

You need to sit down and really reflect on it.

Then you need to come up with a firm conclusion and in your mind use it like a mantra.

It could be:

"I have thought about this clearly and the most beneficial way to think about this is this: Facts or evidence suggests nothing has happened, yet I cannot trust some assumptions i have. My assumptions ruin my happiness, my imaginings of what might be is tiring and will drain me. I CHOOSE to believe in this relationship and myself. If it fails, then at least I know I did everything I could from my side and I would survive anyway. I choose to be confident and trusting, i let all that other stuff go"

You then keep coming back to this conclusion because unhelpful thoughts will always come in so you train in this discipline. Holding it in your mind until you start belieiving it. Then you will start feeling happier about things and see things differently. Our minds always try to prove our assumptions so we look for eveidence that is not really there. What is true is that if you continue to allow yourself to speak to yourself in unhelpful ways then you wont be happy.

good luck

 

[GotED?]

I tend to think that through much painful experiences in life (that comes with age usually), a man learns to FILTER the woman he dates as he gets older because he knows better what is a higher quality woman versus a HO.

This translates on your level of TRUST with the woman you decide to be exclusive with. You should feel some level of COMFORT & TRUST with the woman you decide to get into a relationship with, this is my main factor in deciding to give her a chance or not.

I determine how much comfort & trust I have towards a woman by TAKING MY TIME in making her qualify herself to me. I admit, I NEXT way more women than most of you guys can ever handle (letting go of HB7, 8's weekly aren't easy if you are desperate minded). But I am so sick & tired of BULLSH!T women that I don't even want to bother getting to know them once I recognize a 1 or 2 redflags in the first or second date (NEXT!).

So spend TIME with her before you DECIDE to jump in - only AFC-likeminded men can't wait to tie down a GF and call her his own, and later feel the torturous pain of not able to know if you can trust her when she is away from you. You can DETERMINE who she really is ONLY THROUGH ADEQUATE TIME SPENT together. Notice every little details of her behavior, WITH YOU and WITHOUT YOU.

Remember, you are the most important PERSON IN THIS UNIVERSE - because at the end of the day, YOU should be the one looking after yourself if YOU LOVE YOURSELF and not let yourself be taken advantage of or think a woman can do that for you.

ALL men and women put up a grand facade when meeting someone new, this lasts for 3 months up to even 1 year. Granted, no woman is going to keep on dating you without exclusivity even past 3 months, but you should TAKE YOUR TIME getting to know her really well before you decide to get tied down (you may miss the woman that is RIGHT for you after you get tied down! So make a smart decision).

We are born into this world alone, and we leave this world alone, ain't no woman we can take with us when we die - so you better get used to the idea of loving and taking care of #1 which is YOU.

Be well

Exodus