Is this the "active test" or does she actually want exclusivity?

[Ted_SA]

I post with reference to Squirrels' excellent post "The sh!t test everyone fails"

A re-occuring problem for me is, having put alot of effort into "getting" the girl, once I "have" the girl I am stuck as for what to do next.

I have been seeing a girl for several months, usually at least once a week. We had kissed, fooled around but had never had full sex. Last night she came over to watch a movie and we finally had full sex. Now immediately she is acting differently.

I received a message from her today, expecting it to be the usual "had a great time with you last night" message that I receive from her the day after. However, this one simply asked if I thought it would be awkward if we were to continue seeing eachother. When I asked her to ellaborate she asked if it would upset me if she hooked up with other guys because she doesn't want to do anything to upset me.

I replied that the choice to hook up with other guys lies with her and that I didn't want to force her into exclusivity if thats not what she wants.

Now, I'm not sure what she is actually saying because I could draw several conclusions from the message.
1) She wants to continue hooking up with other guys.
2) She actually does want exclusivity but is going a weird way about asking for it.
3) This is part of the "active test" that Squirells refers to.

What do you think she wants and what do you think is my best course of action?

I think that I'll make it clear now what I want. I would like things to carry on the way they are, I don't think an exclusive relationship is the best step for now but I wouldn't rule it out entirely for the future.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

That would be kind of a roundabout way of her asking you for a relationship. Some women are conditioned to associate having sex with exclusivity, so maybe she's just clearing things up with you. It sounds like she wants to continue seeing you as well as other men. As long as you're not acting very different now, you should be fine.

You say you don't want an exclusive relationship with her right now but saying that you "didn't want to force her into exclusivity if thats not what she wants," makes it sound like perhaps that's what you want. Just tell her that nothing is weird now, that you're fine just continuing things the way that you had been.

 

[Kevin Feng]

I think you're overanalyzing the situation,


In this case, you've won, you guys had sex, you've got the whole nine with her and as far as I'm concerned, only she can lose out at this position. I find that the best way to get into a relationship is to really challenge the girl and make her work for it.

Don't worry about what's going on in her head right now, that really isn't something you directly control, what you can actively control right now is your "supply", just focus on being that fun cool sexy guy as you obviously have (otherwise she wouldn't have slept with you) and just make it seem like you're in short demand.

That is if you want to have a relationship with her, right now you sound unsure, obviously if you don't want to be with her, you know what to do.

-Kevin

 

[Teej]

Now, I'm not sure what she is actually saying because I could draw several conclusions from the message.
1) She wants to continue hooking up with other guys.
2) She actually does want exclusivity but is going a weird way about asking for it.
3) This is part of the "active test" that Squirells refers to.

What do you think she wants and what do you think is my best course of action?

LOL, are you serious? Why don't you ask HER!?

 

[Ted_SA]

LOL, are you serious? Why don't you ask HER!?

"Excuse me love, are you **** testing me?"

Yeah of course the best way of finding out IS to ask her but I feel an overanalysis of the situation (as I have posted here!) may just kill what we have and make things awkward.

Unfortunately this is often the point where I find it easy to mess things up. Whereas last week I was aiming to "get" the girl, the aim now is to "keep" the girl. Although I realise the best thing to do is keep on doing what I have been doing, the fact that my aim has now changed, the fact that I now have something to lose whereas this time last week I didn't, can make it easy for my attitude and approach to change.

I'm just gonna play it cool, try to continue to do things I've been doing. Whatever I've been doing has worked, so there is no need to for me to change it.

Would it be a wise move to maybe sit back and wait for her to contact me next?