Is this normal?

[Kitttydiet88]

I recently came out of an LTR and decided to mess around with dating apps for the first time. So far, it’s been a total disaster.

A little about me: I’m 32. I’m familiar with the core gaming concepts. I’m confident and assertive. Most girls describe me as handsome. I’m ripped. I have a high powered professional career with a six figure paycheck. I dress/groom well, solid body language, etc

With that being said, I can’t seem to get a second date on these apps. I’m going out with HB 6s and 7s just to get some practice and I’m still not getting anywhere. I’ve gone on 4 dates in the last 2 weeks, after dozens of convos leading nowhere. During the dates, all the girls showed plenty of IOIs, lots of kissing, touching, saying they want to meet again, etc. However, every one of them has either flaked on date 2 or ghosted me.

It feels like I had a lot more success picking up girls in college than I do now with these apps even though my SMV is considerably higher now. What the heck is going on?

tl:dr: I’m getting ghosted by girls with much lower SMVs than me. Wtf?

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Delete whatever nonsense you have in your profile/headline and put this: Looking For A Travel Partner.

/thread

 

[bat soup]

You're probably doing better than most guys if you're getting dates at all from online dating.

Take into account that there's probably about 10 guys for every girl and even the ugliest ones are getting hundreds of matches.

Tinder is where the reject women go to boost their egos or to get attention. Normal women have plenty of options in real life and don't feel the need for it.

 

[backseatjuan]

Women online are looking for sex. You making them wait for sex until 2nd date? Screw you.

 

[redskinsfan92]

OLD is a fools errand. Congrats on getting even a 1st date

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I recently came out of an LTR and decided to mess around with dating apps for the first time. So far, it’s been a total disaster.

A little about me: I’m 32. I’m familiar with the core gaming concepts. I’m confident and assertive. Most girls describe me as handsome. I’m ripped. I have a high powered professional career with a six figure paycheck. I dress/groom well, solid body language, etc

With that being said, I can’t seem to get a second date on these apps. I’m going out with HB 6s and 7s just to get some practice and I’m still not getting anywhere. I’ve gone on 4 dates in the last 2 weeks, after dozens of convos leading nowhere. During the dates, all the girls showed plenty of IOIs, lots of kissing, touching, saying they want to meet again, etc. However, every one of them has either flaked on date 2 or ghosted me.

It feels like I had a lot more success picking up girls in college than I do now with these apps even though my SMV is considerably higher now. What the heck is going on?

tl:dr: I’m getting ghosted by girls with much lower SMVs than me. Wtf?

Possibly because they feel you are too much above them and will only pump and dump them. Maybe try going for the lay on date 1? Maybe try giving them a little softer side to balance you out in their eyes?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OLD is a fools errand. Congrats on getting even a 1st date

I am a master of getting girls out on dates. It's pretty simple actually.

 

[Kitttydiet88]

Possibly because they feel you are too much above them and will only pump and dump them. Maybe try going for the lay on date 1? Maybe try giving them a little softer side to balance you out in their eyes?

Thanks for the advice That’s a good observation. Maybe they believe a guy like me has better options and don’t want to get pumped and dumped. However, doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of hypergamy and going out with the highest value guy you can get? Maybe these girls are the ones with better options lol.

I tried taking 2 of the dates to a nearby hotel after kissing/touching for a while and got shot down with “next time”. There simply wasn’t enough time to build comfort in a few hours and I didn’t want to keep pushing and end up with buyers remorse. They ended up flaking anyway lol.

Is this the norm? Should I just give up on OLD?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Is this the norm? Should I just give up on OLD?

This is the norm with OLD and yes you shouldn't use it. It will destroy your self-esteem. OLD is ok if you want to date like 3-4 leagues below your own and have a low success rate with even that. I've dated nothing but 7's and 8's in the last couple years, many of whom were 20 years younger than me. While on OLD, I was LUCKY to get a 7. I would mostly match with 5s and under (meaning, I would see that's who was swiping right on me but there's no way I'm going to swipe on a 5).

My advice is to approach women you find attractive as you go about your day to day life, build your social circle, and do things that you enjoy which put you in the proximity of the kinds of women you find attractive. This is what I've been extremely successful with.

I will say that I do know some guys who clean up on OLD but they live in very large cities like NY and they have spent a ton of time honing their profile pics and bio. And they also learn to accept the flakes that are simply the nature with OLD. Lots of women on OLD have boyfriends already and are just looking for excitement - and that means being validated by an attractive man on a date, while having no intention of sleeping with him.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks for the advice That’s a good observation. Maybe they believe a guy like me has better options and don’t want to get pumped and dumped. However, doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of hypergamy and going out with the highest value guy you can get? Maybe these girls are the ones with better options lol.

I tried taking 2 of the dates to a nearby hotel after kissing/touching for a while and got shot down with “next time”. There simply wasn’t enough time to build comfort in a few hours and I didn’t want to keep pushing and end up with buyers remorse. They ended up flaking anyway lol.

Is this the norm? Should I just give up on OLD?

I have great success on OLD for the most part but women in general are hot and cold especially on there

 

[AttackFormation]

Is this the norm? Should I just give up on OLD?

Yes it's the norm, and considering that you are getting matches and actual dates at all, you are doing better than most men.

On OLD, both your SMV is much lower and the medium itself is a magnet for low value women (substance users, single moms, cluster Bs, attachment disorders, women who can't show their face without electronic and physical cosmetics, instagram & cashapp hustlers and prostitutes, women who aren't single, serial validationists, .....).

My recommendation is to delete all of your OLD. It's bad out of every aspect: your self-esteem, input to output ratio of time and energy, and the results themselves.

 

[zinc4]

Can confirm. Online dating, especially in the US sucks. Its not really meant for finding anything serious. I have been abroad and had good success with OLD. But most those ones are all crazy or trying to get over an ex.

 

[Lookatu]

I agree with all of the above.

I'm not sure where you live around but if OLD is one of the few ways you can meet women these days(Covid), maybe give Hinge a try.

The difference with this app is it only allows you to like x amount of people per day unless you're a paid premium member. This minimizes the Paradox of Choice effect. This app is also marketed as a relationship app and I find gals(at least for me) want to put in more effort and focus compared to other apps. Your miles may vary though depending on your location.

 

[Kitttydiet88]

Yes it's the norm, and considering that you are getting matches and actual dates at all, you are doing better than most men.

On OLD, both your SMV is much lower and the medium itself is a magnet for low value women (substance users, single moms, cluster Bs, attachment disorders, women who can't show their face without electronic and physical cosmetics, instagram & cashapp hustlers and prostitutes, women who aren't single, serial validationists, .....).

My recommendation is to delete all of your OLD. It's bad out of every aspect: your self-esteem, input to output ratio of time and energy, and the results themselves.

Thanks for the tips bud. Honestly, I wish I wasn’t even getting dates. At least I would know it’s got nothing to with my game. Getting multiple dates, plenty of IOIs, and then getting ghosted is messing with my head and making me doubt how tight my game is lol.

 

[Lookatu]

Thanks for the tips bud. Honestly, I wish I wasn’t even getting dates. At least I would know it’s got nothing to with my game. Getting multiple dates, plenty of IOIs, and then getting ghosted is messing with my head and making me doubt how tight my game is lol.

I hear ya bud. Just remember to only believe actions over words. Keep in mind their looks will most likely be 1-2 points lower in real life. Make minimal initial investment inline with theirs(equal reciprocation and effort). If you have these expectations, it will make it just slightly easier to tolerate.

 

[fastlife]

Thanks for the tips bud. Honestly, I wish I wasn’t even getting dates. At least I would know it’s got nothing to with my game. Getting multiple dates, plenty of IOIs, and then getting ghosted is messing with my head and making me doubt how tight my game is lol.

Ya, it's definitely a mindfvck coming off a breakup, especially when you're used to getting good responses from women hotter than what you can pull online. You're almost always better off approaching women in real life.

 

[zinc4]

Thanks for the tips bud. Honestly, I wish I wasn’t even getting dates. At least I would know it’s got nothing to with my game. Getting multiple dates, plenty of IOIs, and then getting ghosted is messing with my head and making me doubt how tight my game is lol.

It has happened to me a lot too man. In China, which according to everyone's stereotypes is supposed to be so easy, it seemed to be the new status quo. Like everyone just rotates to a different person or something. It will definitely mess with your head especially when they were seemingly so into you.

My theory is as online dating becomes more the norm with all these popular social media apps after all this time a new class of women has emerged...veteran online daters who have seen a lot of men and are extremely picky and prematurely judgemental/critical. They have like a 3 date limit and unless you have completely swept them off their feet so to speak you are history.

Many times after 1st or 2nd date as well but especially the 3rd.

 

[Kitttydiet88]

It has happened to me a lot too man. In China, which according to everyone's stereotypes is supposed to be so easy, it seemed to be the new status quo. Like everyone just rotates to a different person or something. It will definitely mess with your head especially when they were seemingly so into you.

My theory is as online dating becomes more the norm with all these popular social media apps after all this time a new class of women has emerged...veteran online daters who have seen a lot of men and are extremely picky and prematurely judgemental/critical. They have like a 3 date limit and unless you have completely swept them off their feet so to speak you are history.

Many times after 1st or 2nd date as well but especially the 3rd.

Yeah this is pretty much my experience. I’m starting to think all the girls in there are delusional.

 

[Aeterna]

Yeah man, I know your struggle. I had about 600+ matches on Hinge alone. I only slept with 2 women(they were hot) and got head from 3 (way below my league).

I went on loads of dates with women who said they wanted to see me again, they had a great time, etc. but I never saw them again. Your self esteem has to be ridiculously high to mess with OLD

At this point, I just ask for their number in the first message, invite them to bar 15 mins away from my place and go for sex on the first date.

If I don’t get the lay on first, I either just delete the number or just invite them over a few days later.

 

[zinc4]

Yeah man, I know your struggle. I had about 600+ matches on Hinge alone. I only slept with 2 women(they were hot) and got head from 3 (way below my league).

I went on loads of dates with women who said they wanted to see me again, they had a great time, etc. but I never saw them again. Your self esteem has to be ridiculously high to mess with OLD

At this point, I just ask for their number in the first message, invite them to bar 15 mins away from my place and go for sex on the first date.

If I don’t get the lay on first, I either just delete the number or just invite them over a few days later.

Seems like first date lays from OLD are getting harder and harder. Its like there is a rule u must wait until 2nd or 3rd date now maybe even later. Seems it was much less taboo even 5 years ago smashing on first date.