Is this girl blowing me off?

[Matt Rogers]

Ive had a few dates with this girl and things are going ok. I ask her out earlier this week and she says she has some papers due. Im like ok. She aske me if i am busy at the weekend. I say no. She says she will let me know if she has time during the week but if not she will make time for me at the weekend. So I wait to hear from her. Sunday afternoon arrives and Ive heard nothing from her. So I am kinda confused. She comes online and says hello and chats to me like nothing has happened asking me how my weekend was etc. She doesn't offer an explanation why she didn't get in touch about meeting up.

So I am not really sure what is going on. If she was not interested why did she bother promising she'd make time for me at the weekend and then chatting like nothing happened? Usually if a girl is not interested she just breaks off all contact or tells me straight.

Im not really sure what to do now. Should I just ignore her and wait for her to suggest meeting up? Or should I give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was just busy with work and forgot about it and suggest meeting up this week? Or should I say something to her about it?

 

[Thomas94305]

It's hard to read anything into what she's said. She could honestly be busy. She's not really conscious of what's going on in your mind. However, she seems to be leading, and not you.

When she asked about if you were busy on the weekend, that's time to just set something up. If she doesn't know, then don't wait around.

Recommend you lean back a little. Message her, etc. Let her bring up hanging out. At that point, she'll be missing you, and you'll be in a better position. You've already gone out on dates, so are beyond the shyness women have at first. In any event, force yourself to not bring up dating at all this week. In the mean time, go talk with other gals.

 

[Tazman]

Usually if a girl is not interested she just breaks off all contact or tells me straight.

Or they just string you along with false hope (an ego boost for them). Sounds like this one will require work, as you don't seem to be a priority. Are you willing to work for this girl's time or do you want to be with someone who is really into you? That's the ultimate question.

She didn't forget about the plans that were made, she ended up doing something else and neglected to call you to avoid any confrontation about it until the last day of the weekend (Sunday) because by then it would be too late to try and get together.

If she actually DID forget, I'd say you're in an even worse position.

Thomas' advice is good.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Your advice sounds good Thomas. Ill try and ignore her this week. Would it be a good idea to break off contact compeletely? Usually we chat a couple of times a week on instant messenger.

She seems the passive type who does not have to ask guys out on dates. But presumabely if she is interested in me and intelligent she will realise why I am not contacting her and get in touch.

But even then there does seem to be quite a lot of work to be done. So as an insurance policy Im going to forget about her all this week and go out most nights and try and get some numbers.

Tazman your reading seems correct. She obviously did have some work on. But preferred to spend her spare time hanging with friends rather than with me. So it does seem that if she is bored and has nothing better to do she is happy to go out with me but other times she cannot be bothered.

 

[PectoralisMajor]

She has low interest. She never apologized for no contact, and you made a mistake by always sounding free to do things. Another mistake was when you let her contact you IF she had free time at the weekend. I would have called on thursday, said 'are we hanging out at the weekend? if not i'm going to make other plans and do X...'

She needs to know you have a life, and YOUR time is valuable. YOU need to lead her. Do not suggest meeting again, she must suggest it after she turned you down twice. PLay it cool, spend a little less tiome talking to her, and when she asks what you have been doing let her know you;ve been out having a great time etc..

 

[ProtoMan1]

Yeah had she said she was sorry about not calling you and then making a counter offer then I'd say she is still interested. If you ignore her for a while and she does that then you are back in the driver's seat. But yeah, seems like she has low interest or playing games with you. Just act if it didn't happen and ignore her for a bit. She knows what she did and if she comes around and calls you and says shes sorry. Then you can call her back after a couple of days.

 

[girl_in_a_boy_forum]

Sounds like two things to me:

1. She's actually busy
2. You're not important enough for her to fit you into her schedule

 

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah girl_in_a_boy_forum. That was pretty much what I figured.

She does have papers due and exams in a week or so. So if she was busy I would understand that. And we have not been dating all that long so if she felt she wanted to spend what little time she did have free with friends that would be understandable too, if not a sign of very high interest. But seems pretty rude not to let me know beforehand that she did not have the time after all, and extremely rude not to apologise when she does finally get in touch sunday afternoon and act like everything is cool.

I definitely slipped up letting her get away with a "Ill get in touch" type counterooffer. Should have tried to nail her down later in the week or just said "Don't worry about it. We'll do something when your schedule is tighter".

Sound advice though guys! Ill ignore her and unless she will clueless she will realise why and apologise and suggest meeting up.

 

[Obsidian]

DON'T talk to her so much on instant messenger. That's just ridiculous.

 

[WhitePimp]

I have a psychotic theory about this and so far it's proved pretty much accurate in realizing and understanding mistakes I've made in the past...it's been discussed a million times before but here goes:


I think that as soon as you start thinking about a girl and start wondering and waiting around for her, you literally transmit those feelings over some telekinetic passageway straight to her and she can sense that you are waiting around for her and it's a turnoff. Anytime in the past I've gotten too excited over a girl or started thinking about her and imagining **** way in the future, it's never worked out, they always lose interest. Even if we had an awesome date or meeting, they lose interest because it's like they can subconsciously sense that I'm thinking about them WAY too much, or even wondering about them, and then that's transmits through our next communication...it's like they can tell when I've gone to the ***** dark side and lost grip on my DJness that got them in the first place.

I would seriously withdraw and start looking at other girls and at least get some numbers so you can transmit those good vibes back over to her and get the interest back. Even if you dont care about other girls and want this one, you need to transmit those feelings of you being the ****ing man back into the atmosphere.


And that's my crazy theory.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I have a psychotic theory about this and so far it's proved pretty much accurate in realizing and understanding mistakes I've made in the past...it's been discussed a million times before but here goes:


I think that as soon as you start thinking about a girl and start wondering and waiting around for her, you literally transmit those feelings over some telekinetic passageway straight to her and she can sense that you are waiting around for her and it's a turnoff. Anytime in the past I've gotten too excited over a girl or started thinking about her and imagining **** way in the future, it's never worked out, they always lose interest. Even if we had an awesome date or meeting, they lose interest because it's like they can subconsciously sense that I'm thinking about them WAY too much, or even wondering about them, and then that's transmits through our next communication...it's like they can tell when I've gone to the ***** dark side and lost grip on my DJness that got them in the first place.

I would seriously withdraw and start looking at other girls and at least get some numbers so you can transmit those good vibes back over to her and get the interest back. Even if you dont care about other girls and want this one, you need to transmit those feelings of you being the ****ing man back into the atmosphere.


And that's my crazy theory.

Interesting theory, but the reason a guy starts thinking about a girl in a worried fashion is when he can't read her interest level. He's already certain that he is very interested but he isn't exactly sure where she stands. This has nothing to do with that little "telekinetic passageway" you think of in your wild imagination. It has EVERYTHING to do with the guy not establishing dominance, creating attraction and then escalating that emotion.

Matt Rogers: Without getting into a detailed explanation, this chick has very low interest in you. Don't waste time trying to figure out her motives, move on to other women and you'll be happier.





PIMP

 

[Matt Rogers]

I ignore her for a week and go to some bars and have some fun. Pull a few girls and go home with one of them. It amuses me how you can go further in a few hours with some girls than you can on a few dates with others. But for some reason when girls have low interest or play hard to get I become more interested in them.

Case in point. I go on this date with a girl earlier this week. She is probably hotter than the girl in question and has more of a personality. But she throws herself at me and even kisses me first and I end up taking her home. So I have lost respect for her and do not see her as relationship material.

But the girl in question is classy and I like the fact she is such a challenge even though I know this is mostly because she just has low interest.

Anyway she phones me up earlier today and asks me how I am and what Ive been up to. I tell her and she seems kinda jealous and says she's been stuck doing term papers and revising for next week's exams.

So I figure Im going to keep hunting for numbers and hope that she gets in touch and asks me out after her exams and that she will sense Ive been getting some action.