Is this "fair"?

[Fruitbat]

This is a non-game/relationship post so forgive me, I just want 2nd/3rd opinion.

Parents are equity releasing house as they have temporary ran out of money until pensions kick in.

I am semi wealthy, debt free and have deposit for house. I've busted ass to get here witth virtually no help.

Sister is in moderate debt which she is unlikely to clear. She has always chosen easier work rather than die slowly in a corporate rat race.

My sister is unlilkely to ever own a property as it stands. She will never clear the debt and build a deposit.

So, she wants to pressure parents to do a further remortgage to her to clear debt. She will repay interest on loan.

Personally, I have no need for the money. She's suggested I do it to, but the likelyhood is my parents might refuse - I don't need a loan.

My issue is, if my parents get ill, need help, go broke again, they will spend the whole house fund so effectively my share is in that pile, whereas my sister gets money now and puts it to work.

My other half says it's unfair - what they do for one should be done for both children, regardless.

However, I can see this being my sisters only shot to be free of debt and possibly buy a house one day.

I can't help feeling if this happens, that I worked and worked and she took the easy route, and she gets a benefit for it.

Tough call. Opinion welcome.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Crikey what a mess we have come to today. Previously, it was the children that supported parents when they aged. Now it seems to be the reverse. I blame the monetary system for this. It has created massively inflated asset prices in houses, which serves to effectively price the younger generation out of the market. But high asset prices are not necessarily real wealth... that is to be had in other real assets and liquidity.


Most people are asset rich [with debt] but cash poor. A recipe for disaster.What a mess.

 

[Fruitbat]

Crikey what a mess we have come to today. Previously, it was the children that supported parents when they aged. Now it seems to be the reverse. I blame the monetary system for this. It has created massively inflated asset prices in houses, which serves to effectively price the younger generation out of the market. But high asset prices are not necessarily real wealth... that is to be had in other real assets and liquidity.


Most people are asset rich [with debt] but cash poor. A recipe for disaster.What a mess.

Completely agree. However, families have quibbled about inheritance since the dawn of time. Children haven't always supported parents.

You're a good christian man. What's you analysis on the morality of my sister accessing her inheritance early to clear debt whereas I wait for mine and risk losing all due to care etc?

Do I fall on my sword, I don't "need" the money but I could sure use it?

I feel pretty betrayed TBH. I've not needed any support, my sister has had a lot more than me, as I say, I chased career, she chose easy jobs and didn't want stress and got into debt.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

the thing that struck me in your post was -

Parents are equity releasing house as they have temporary ran out of money until pensions kick in.

They are not wealthy. It seems they don't have cash/ savings/ other investments... instead they have to pull out equity in their house.

The price of an asset is very fickle... it goes up, it goes down... depending on the market. There is a very real risk that the price of their main asset, their house, could go down.

Actually, a house should not even be considered a monetary asset, it is a real asset... a consumable. We've managed to monetize them, and have created a lot of debt, in order to keep a flagging economy going.

I think it is really bad form for your sister to ask her parents to pay her debts. If your parents were wealthy then maybe a different story.. but they are not.

I know that a lot of the baby boomer generation that have gone into retirement these days are not even thinking about leaving an inheritance. they want to live the good life and blow any capital they managed to acquire... either through campervanning, holidays, or an expensive retirement village. Of course it is their 'right', but society is becoming very selfish, which makes it more difficult to build that established inter-generational wealth.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I'd add that I don't even factor in the possibility of being left an inheritance by my family.... just as I don't factor in the pension. They could all one day be worthless/ non-existent.

 

[Fruitbat]

the thing that struck me in your post was -



They are not wealthy. It seems they don't have cash/ savings/ other investments... instead they have to pull out equity in their house.

The price of an asset is very fickle... it goes up, it goes down... depending on the market. There is a very real risk that the price of their main asset, their house, could go down.

Actually, a house should not even be considered a monetary asset, it is a real asset... a consumable. We've managed to monetize them, and have created a lot of debt, in order to keep a flagging economy going.

I think it is really bad form for your sister to ask her parents to pay her debts. If your parents were wealthy then maybe a different story.. but they are not.

I know that a lot of the baby boomer generation that have gone into retirement these days are not even thinking about leaving an inheritance. they want to live the good life and blow any capital they managed to acquire... either through campervanning, holidays, or an expensive retirement village. Of course it is their 'right', but society is becoming very selfish, which makes it more difficult to build that established inter-generational wealth.

Yes, my parents are speed/weed addicts and my dad is also a compulsive gambler. However, these habits are not expensive, not like foreign holidays/eating out (dad gambles, but not big stakes)

My parents also inherited LOTS of money and decided to retire at 55, spent all of that without investing or even bothering to manage money or improve house etc, and now they are spending the only thing they had left.

I'm just feeling really, really lucky I had a good job and I'm halfway comfortable now.

This is why my sister wants the money now. She fears they will spend the lot and so do I.

Also, I tried to stop them on advice of my sister, and my sister played it passively. She has narc traits and has set me up to be the "selfish ogre" in this. My dad also told her that she "would get something" and he said nothing of the sort to me.

 

[Alvafe]

if you ask me, I would be worried because pretty soon you will have to bank for sis and parents, parents not have much and are bad at savings, sister is a parasite who only suck, guess who will cry next for money. if anything you should curb the sis on wanting the parents money even to the point of telling parents to no do that and let her learn how to manage her money better

 

[zekko]

I think it is really bad form for your sister to ask her parents to pay her debts. If your parents were wealthy then maybe a different story.. but they are not.

I agree with this. It's like Fruitbat said, she's taken the shortcuts and easy way, and now she's looking for someone to bail her out.
My parents weren't wealthy, I got virtually no inheritance from them. That's okay, I don't need it, because I've put in the work myself.
I see other people who inherited a lot of money, and good for them. Most of them needed it. I didn't have that luxury.

 

[BeExcellent]

Let it all go Fruitbat. Life is never fair. You don't need the money. That is to your credit. You have built sound financial habits and those will carry you.

If your parents give an allocation to your sister? It is their money to do with as they see fit. They will expect her to nurse them in return when the end is near. You remain unencumbered by obligation in this case; your conscious can remain clear.

You are not responsible for your sister. Your parents have been irresponsible too. If you wish to help them out of gratitude & duty and love at some point that is a fine thing. But do it without allowing their financial decisions to color your view.

After I lost my father last year it came to light that my step mother had raided almost all the assets in his estate earmarked for my siblings and I for herself...this was in addition to her receipt of half his estate. She took 90% of everything and did so in a very calculated way as he lay dying. My naive sister who was chosen executor was mortified to discover she had been hood winked and the estate looted.

This removed 75k to 100k from me. Money my father wanted me to have use of. I would have paid off several income properties. Alas for not. A very bitter pill with essentially no recourse.

But I, like you, don't need the money. It would have been useful, yes, but I will be Ok. So will you.

Forget the money. Love your family. Money and stuff divides too many families. Don't let it divide yours. Let it go.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

No one owes you anything if life.... and everything you have is a gift. All wealth is fickle... and there is no real wealth but life. This is the happy consciousness.

 

[Alvafe]

Let it all go Fruitbat. Life is never fair. You don't need the money. That is to your credit. You have built sound financial habits and those will carry you.

If your parents give an allocation to your sister? It is their money to do with as they see fit. They will expect her to nurse them in return when the end is near. You remain unencumbered by obligation in this case; your conscious can remain clear.

You are not responsible for your sister. Your parents have been irresponsible too. If you wish to help them out of gratitude & duty and love at some point that is a fine thing. But do it without allowing their financial decisions to color your view.

After I lost my father last year it came to light that my step mother had raided almost all the assets in his estate earmarked for my siblings and I for herself...this was in addition to her receipt of half his estate. She took 90% of everything and did so in a very calculated way as he lay dying. My naive sister who was chosen executor was mortified to discover she had been hood winked and the estate looted.

This removed 75k to 100k from me. Money my father wanted me to have use of. I would have paid off several income properties. Alas for not. A very bitter pill with essentially no recourse.

But I, like you, don't need the money. It would have been useful, yes, but I will be Ok. So will you.

Forget the money. Love your family. Money and stuff divides too many families. Don't let it divide yours. Let it go.

its not money who divide is the way they deal with it, that shows how selfish and how they consider you, its one thing I always say its not money or power who corrupt people, it just let then show who they really are.

the problem with it is, further in the future, this is what will happen, parents will not ahve money and they will need it, little sis will not have money and not even teh wish to spend time with the parents to take care of things, and everything will fall to his lap with he will feel the obligation to help then, but then little sis will still try to parasite on the help the parents are getting from him, so in the end he will be helping the lazy sis ass by proxy, I could be wrong, but I saw that happen too many times to let naive hopefullness creep in my mind

 

[Von]

This is a non-game/relationship post so forgive me, I just want 2nd/3rd opinion.

Parents are equity releasing house as they have temporary ran out of money until pensions kick in.

I am semi wealthy, debt free and have deposit for house. I've busted ass to get here witth virtually no help.

Sister is in moderate debt which she is unlikely to clear. She has always chosen easier work rather than die slowly in a corporate rat race.

My sister is unlilkely to ever own a property as it stands. She will never clear the debt and build a deposit.

So, she wants to pressure parents to do a further remortgage to her to clear debt. She will repay interest on loan.

Personally, I have no need for the money. She's suggested I do it to, but the likelyhood is my parents might refuse - I don't need a loan.

My issue is, if my parents get ill, need help, go broke again, they will spend the whole house fund so effectively my share is in that pile, whereas my sister gets money now and puts it to work.

My other half says it's unfair - what they do for one should be done for both children, regardless.

However, I can see this being my sisters only shot to be free of debt and possibly buy a house one day.

I can't help feeling if this happens, that I worked and worked and she took the easy route, and she gets a benefit for it.

Tough call. Opinion welcome.

If the parents are always coming behind to ''save'' the day.... How will you learn to ''take care of yourself''.

Your sister, if helped, she will be in debt again eventually (in a 95% case scenario)

It really depends on ''if you actually need it'' .... Or live your life like you have no ''inheritance''.

Life is unfair.

Your GF is right in essence but she's sticking to her interest.

It's likely your parents will remortgage (as your mother wants to help her kids or dad)

Some people can't handle ''money'' they can't handle the ''freedom of having wealth'' ... they will spend it right away and redebt themselves.

Your sister might ''eye'' her inheritance and want to make sure to have a part of it. Inheritance is always a 'b!tch', cause the parents death always bring back all kind of memories and conflicts.

Since its a Male-Women forum and BeExcellent touched that.... Women will always plays for their ''ground'', their ''territory''. Remember the stories about the ''evil in-law mother''.... Mothers don't care for their ''in-law kids'', they will always favor their ''bloodline''. Your GF will play for her interest, your sister her interest, your mother for her kids and herself, the InLaw mother will want to remove the ''in laws'' in favor of her and her kids etc...
Men are sometimes powerless to stop it since they don't want a ''couple conflict'', they close their eyes, or they plainly ignore it.

Unfair? Sure... Life is Unfair....

The only thing you can do... Build a life free of inheritance money and debt.

You could ask to have the Will redone to consider the ''current help'' to be removed from your sister inheritance while keeping your part untouched

 

[Glassguy]

Dont let money get in the way of good standing family relationships. If they help your sister, great. If not, great. Have no ill will if they do because no amount of money can repair a destroyed or tarnished relationship.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease but it's also the first to be replaced.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I am semi wealthy, debt free and have deposit for house. I've busted ass to get here with virtually no help.

I'm not familiar with the definition of "semi-wealthy". What does that even mean? You have a "deposit for house"? What does that mean in dollar terms? Are we talking about a 50% deposit on a $10 million mansion or a 5% deposit on a $200,000 bungalow?

If you were anything remotely close to what I would consider wealthy (i.e positive net worth in the seven digits), you wouldn't even be asking the question that you are asking.

 

[Fruitbat]

I'm not familiar with the definition of "semi-wealthy". What does that even mean? You have a "deposit for house"? What does that mean in dollar terms? Are we talking about a 50% deposit on a $10 million mansion or a 5% deposit on a $200,000 bungalow?

If you were anything remotely close to what I would consider wealthy (i.e positive net worth in the seven digits), you wouldn't even be asking the question that you are asking.

income of 150000 USD last 2 years. Top decile earnings but net worth not even half of seven digits.

Property is seriously expensive in the UK and I pay about 40% tax overall, so it might not equate to a comparison. I could have bought a house years ago but I was unhapilly maried when younger and I am not convinced the rapid property growth in the last 20 years can be sustained. Mainly driven up by low interest rates, a lack of a housing policy, baseless speculation (a lot of people got lucky, lets be honest). We have just pumped the largest amount of QE into the system and at some point, inflation will happen. Inflation will raise rates from central banks and any sort of wage/price spiral will quickly decimate property markets and that's when I am hoping to buy.

We are long overdue inflation and a property market correction. It's already moving lower in the UK.

The vast majority of people in the UK can barely save anything, so I consider myself semi wealthy. I can't retire just yet but I am on track to be given my age.