Is this disrespecful female behavior?

[The Grue]

About 10 days, a woman(Marianne) passed by my office and we discussed the possibility of her doing some freelance translations for me(I work in the field). We talked about the work but at some point, things got a bit more casual and she said we could also talk over coffee some day.

A few days later, I call her up and invite her to go out that evening for some coffee.
In brief, we ended up in bed at my place, which happened Wed night. Last night(Saturday), we went to a party one of her male friends was throwing for his birthday.
I didn't know anyone at the party and she only knew the host. At some point she starts talking with a group of 3 guys who were obviously on the hunt for women.
There is this one guy in particular who asks for her number(she gives it to him in plain sight) and he and his friends took a group picture with her.

While this was going on, I was meeting other people, yet I felt insulted and disrespected by what was going on.

I was thinking about bailing on her, but relaxed and enjoyed the party instead. When we left, we made out but no sex as she was on her period.
However, what happened with the guy came up in conversation and I told her that I felt insulted.

She asked if I was jealous and explained that she is very sociable and has many male friends and that it is nothing more. However, she did acknowledge that the guy was hitting on me by complimenting her continuously and being a bit touchy-feely at times.

I told her that her behavior was inappropriate and that the only reason I didn't take more drastic steps was because we have just met and I was in a stranger's home.

In any case, I have decided to cut her loose.

I feel that a woman who goes to a party with a man should not be exchanging numbers with "player" types.
Her excuses do not hold water with me.
Your thoughts gentlemen?

 

[zekko]

In any case, I have decided to cut her loose.

I feel that a woman who goes to a party with a man should not be exchanging numbers with "player" types.
Her excuses do not hold water with me.
Your thoughts gentlemen?

Sounds like you did the right thing, for sure. Trust your instincts. Red flags abound.
I mean she did go to bed with you your first time out, right (and just a coffee date at that)? I would consider it disrespectul if she was with me and handing out her phone number to guys hitting on her, I wouldn't care if I had just met her or not.

It's possible she was trying to make you jealous. But since she said she is very sociable and has "many guy friends" (what do you suppose that means?), it sounds like this is her normal behavior. Typical female to play the "are you jealous?" card at this. You don't have to be jealous to not stand for being disrespected. You got what you wanted. Next her.

 

[squirrels]

The f*ck??

A party isn't a "date". You took her home, you won. If you want her to not see other men, put a ring on her finger. (LOL!) Otherwise, her inviting you out to a party somewhere does NOT constitute an intention by her to see no other men than you.

When a woman plays the "are you jealous" card, you should take it as a compliment. If she was worried about you knowing that guy was hitting on her, she wouldn't have told you sh*t. It sounds like she initiated this topic, though, which means she WANTS you to know she's in-demand and is trying to qualify herself to you.

If you can't handle a little competition, perhaps you should consider dating ugly girls.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Are you exclusive? Why would you act like you were? You seem to have an emotional attachment to this woman after one intimate encounter. Its a big red flag though and if you think you may develop an emotional attachment to this woman its probably better to cut her loose now. Im surprised some dont see it as a red flag actually. Its rude, it shows low interest. What would the typical reaction from a woman be if the situation were reversed?

My advice?

I would keep playing the field, bang her if you are keen but keep it casual at all times. Make it obvious you are seeing other woman too without flaunting it. If she gets upset, just say that you thought this was the deal after the way she acted at the party. Eventually, when she starts to push you for something a little more exclusive (if it comes, but the competition anxiety could raise interest level) tell her you have your doubts because of her actions previously. Tell her if she wants exclusivity, she will need to earn your trust first. That way you control the frame going forward.

It sounds like she is easy tail and possibly starting the drama already. **** her, just dont get too involved with her until you have had a chance to see the lay of the land first

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Grue,
look because you make out with someone you don't own them,she was very generous to you and owes you nothing....Why feel bad that someone else also finds her nice?

 

[dark god]

Soooo Let me get this straight: since he doesnt have some sort of "commitment" Then its cool if she snags numbers right in front of him? How about if she makes out with a guy? is that cool? How about a Blowj*b thats cool right? Lets reverse this How about if HE gets numbers in front of her, Do u think she would mind? u bet ur sweet ass she would.

 

[jophil28]

Sometimes we form a rapid emotional attachment to an attractive woman without intending to. She just pushes the right buttons and then we start thinking "girlfriend" before she has even met minimum character criteria.
THis is fine as long as the woman has the same set of operating procedures as you do and also has a high level of interest in you.

The problem arises when a guy is "hooked" , but she is not . He has high IL but hers is low .
Or, (gawd help him) he meets, and falls for the offerings of sex from a BPD.

I can see the OP's point. Handing out her number could be seen as disrespect. It is a gray area because she and he have no established relationship.

However, I would probably not follow up with a woman who did that. That sort of social butterfly just does not work for me. Beware the woman who cultivates lots of male "friends". Those guys are recruited and then 'trained' as her orbiters in her fan club.

Curiously however, I think that she would be howling and whining to her girlfriends the next morning if he had blatantly chatted up another girl at that party and got her number in full view.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Everyone has already said what needs to be said here. If you'd just given the "I don't give a sh!t" attitude, then she may or may not have noticed, but at least, she'd know that your thoughts, feelings, emotions, are dependent on what she does, that they are self-contained withing, and that you could sing to the birds and smile within and be happy no matter where you are or what situation you find yourself in. You could have left, but you work together right? So that would not be good.

 

[vitor]

I think we have beat the dead horse here, im wondering why you dont smash when she is on her period?? Put a towel down, put on a rubber and go for it. It is a little bit slippery but still a good time. Just dont go down on her. hahaha

In the future never let a girl see you sweat, you were pissed and insulted what you do is remember that, act like it never happened and then later on you just drop her. One sex session and a date dont constitue ownership, your actions were Beta not alpha..

good luck

 

[zekko]

Beware the woman who cultivates lots of male "friends".

I have to agree with this. They are either fvck friends, orbiters (potential future lovers or just there to give her attention), or else she has such huge personality issues that she is unable to cultivate or keep friendships with other women.

Although it is not completely clear in the original post, I'm inferring that the original poster brought up the issue of her giving out her number at the party. So I don't see her asking him if he is jealous as a sign of her interest in him. If anything, it's a failed test on his part by appearing insecure.

As some said, there is no exclusive relationship here, so she was within her right to give out her number. But if she went to the party WITH the OP (sounds like she invited him along as her date - again, it's not real clear), then I think it was simply rude to be giving out numbers to other guys. Add this in to her propensity for a lot of male friends, and it's a big red flag.

If you're only interest is in banging her, have at it, but watch out for STDs. It also sounds like you could have a tendency to get attached to her, which doesn't sound like something you want to do in this case.

 

[guru1000]

Walk away.

She doesn't meet the baseline requirements for even a non exclusive candidate.

Respect is the cardinal rule of every rapport. Never devalue yourself in the company of a woman who does not deserve harem rights. She MUST earn this position shown by consistent respectful behavior and compatibility.

 

[Tazman]

I think it was a mistake to confront her about this given you weren't in some kind of commitment. If anything it lowered your status in her eyes. However, it doesn't mean what you felt was wrong, it just means you should've made a mental note of what she did and simply turned her into either a booty call and/or an acquaintance. If anything, she didn't deserve an explanation from you, she already knew what her actions spelled out to you. I think it boosted her ego to know it upset you.

 

[jophil28]

If anything, she didn't deserve an explanation from you, she already knew what her actions spelled out to you. I think it boosted her ego to know it upset you.

Probably correct.
However, " she already knew what her actions spelled out to you..."

My experience is that -
a) A lot of woman do not 'get' what is unacceptable behavior UNTIL it happens back to them.
b) A lot of woman DO understand what is OK, but act badly nonetheless. They believe that women are entitled do as they please and use tests and mindgames to provoke drama and gain attention.

In summary, this woman is NOT a contender for G/f or even a rotation position. Most woman who know how to 'audition' for your approval would be on their best behavior and NOT accept another man's number so blatantly .

 

[Warrior74]

trying to turn a one night stand intoa relationship...dude you care too much. This is FB material at best and you should be treating it as such. This is why guys get in trouble. They luck up on some ass and try to lock down the first piece they get. Yah you showed your hand, not by getting mad, but by hanging out with her after you hit it. It should have been coffee/drinks and hitting it for a while and let her ask you what's up with you guys. You gave in too early. Sex is just the beginning, not the end.

 

[The Grue]

Well, she called the following day and asked if I'd like to go out for a walk and we hooked up later in the day for a while.

My actions and apparent jealousy triggered some sort of mechanism in her...and she has become all lovey-dovey.
She also inquired about what I would be doing that evening but I brushed her off as I had other plans.

I know that my actions at the party were not alpha, but I felt she needed to be set straight about her actions.

Again, the clear change on her part has been a shift into a more obedient and submissive female that is ,unfortunately, already starting to make more demands on my time....

I am writing a bit quickly and need some time to digest all the comments fellow DJ'ers have posted..,

 

[zekko]

My actions and apparent jealousy triggered some sort of mechanism in her...and she has become all lovey-dovey.

I know this goes against all DJ principles and everything you hear in the seduction community, but sometimes a woman will like it if she notices you have feelings for her and reciprocate.

Then again, it's possible she sees a sucker on the hook, and wants to turn you into one of her AFC orbiters or even AFC boyfriend. It's difficult to say without really knowing her.

 

[The Grue]

Contrary to what some posters may think... I don't really care about this woman. I don't want a relationship with her and I don't want to be spending any significant amount of time with her.
Furthermore, she has clearly gone into "relationship mode" and I am not interested.
Could she have been relationship material?
Possibly, but exchanging numbers with other guys is very low class in my eyes...and while not a DJ... I am no AFC anymore.

Women have to be taught that if they pull sh$t like that there will be consequences...

That having been said, I will hit it a few more times...no reason not to....

Great input guys, thanks!

 

[WaterTiger]

Contrary to what some posters may think... I don't really care about this woman. I don't want a relationship with her and I don't want to be spending any significant amount of time with her.
Furthermore, she has clearly gone into "relationship mode" and I am not interested.
Could she have been relationship material?
Possibly, but exchanging numbers with other guys is very low class in my eyes...and while not a DJ... I am no AFC anymore.
Women have to be taught that if they pull sh$t like that there will be consequences...

That having been said, I will hit it a few more times...no reason not to....

Great input guys, thanks!

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

BY JOVE I THINK HE'S GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's heart warming to see the little lightbulb blink on over their heads and SHINE!

 

[The Grue]

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

BY JOVE I THINK HE'S GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's heart warming to see the little lightbulb blink on over their heads and SHINE!

You can't read the Don Juan discussion forums for months(like I have...) and not get something out of it!

These forum threads and posts should be put in textbooks and taught to young boys in grade school!

 

[jophil28]

Women have to be taught that if they pull sh$t like that there will be consequences...

That having been said, I will hit it a few more times...no reason not to....

Great input guys, thanks!

Two points here...
"Men are punished for poor behavior but women are 'understood' and quickly forgiven." (Author unknown)
Women have been raised and conditioned to expect to be rescued from the consequences of their actions. They adopt many and varied tactics to avoid accountability for negative outcomes which may follow their bad choices. So it may be a stretch to expect her to corelate your withdrawal from her to her behavior at that party. MY experience is that women meet a guy's protest at their disrespect with even more disrespect via a shaming reply, OR they fall back on a counterfeit display of tearful regret.
However, I agree with you that her handing out her # to a stranger in plain sight was shabby and low class behavior on her part, and it called for a response from you.

Secondly, you say that you plan to hit it a few more times. While this might appear to be to your advantage, to her it is most likely to like a ringing endorsement of her belief that you are probably enthralled by her to such an extent that you continue to pursue her.
Such is the narcissistic mindset of a lot of women.

I am also reminded of the brilliance of Des's comment about not rewarding your dog for sh!tting on the carpet.