Is This a Sign of Supreme Wussiness?

[Tiga]

My g/f and I have been dating for about 2 months now. She has an ex-boyfriend that she still hangs out with and they have messed around before. He has been in her room while we were dating. I confronted her about this and she claims he is just a FRIEND. To my amazement, I kinda believed her, but not for long.

One day I finally decided that I couldn't trust her anymore and decided to break up with her at her house. I came over and sat there, dead silent. She knew something was wrong. I told her I came over to break up with her and she made an sickeningly cute puppy dog face while saying, "Whyyyy?" I changed my mind at that point. I told her I was going to break up with her because I was thought that she was cheating on me. Once again she convinced me that she was faithful and intended to stay that way. To my amazement, I believed her again.

I am going to break up with her soon for real this time. I have no proof of her cheating on me, but I don't need a g/f that still talks to their ex constantly; I'm sure there's a girl out there who won't.

My question is if I was acting jealous (weak) when I told her that I thought she was cheating on me. What would you guys have done or said? I am just curious.

 

[Thraxeh]

well, if u have that thought in the back of ur head that shes cheating on u, and u feel uncomfotable with it, then dump her, if u dont, then still go with it.

 

[TyTe`EyEs]

Saying that to her was in no way weak IMO. I might have waited to see if I could get some evidence, but there is nothing wrong with what you did.

Go with your gut. Your mind just fvcks with you.

 

[biker_gixxer]

To late bro, she has you right where she wants you. When she gave you that puppy dog look, you should have called her out on it. I would have said 'that look won't work, we need time apart' and walked out.

 

[JohnJones]

Since you are going to break up with her anyway, I don't have any criticisms. You are clearly strong in your beliefs.

She is going to suggest that you are wrong, that whatever it was was innocent, she may beg, etc.... all things you probably expect. I would just tune it out.

My question though is (1) is it that you believe she is cheating (i.e., emotionally involved with him, hooking up, on the verge of hooking up, etc.) or (2) that having that level of contact is not appropriate no matter what?

 

[sux2bu]

"We're just friends.." = This is the oldest trick in the book girls use to throw your suspicions off.


THEN, she looked at you all sheepishly once you confronted her about it.


That's 2 red flags right there. You do the math, bro..


NEXT.

 

[Phrozen]

Not weak about confronting her, but weak by not following through. Don't fall for her jedi mind tricks this time.

I think you're using sound judgement and you're not being unreasonable about the situation. She may not be cheating, but you're right that you don't need a girl who causes that much suspicion. Its just trouble and heartache waiting to happen.

 

[NewMan]

Don't use threats is your not going to follow through with it.

Your a DJ now - you stick to your words.

 

[jbbrain]

on a total side note....where did u get your username?

is it your name, or is it after the dj (disc jockey)?

sorry for the hijack.

 

[FlyGuy]

*in Obi-wan voice*
Luke... trust your instincts! Don't give in to the dark side (falling for her puppy-dog eyes).

Dude I had a gf once who cheated on me for months on end and I trusted her even though my gut was telling me the truth. She would look me right in the eyes and say "we're just friends". I didn't want to seem all jealous and insecure so I ignored my instinct. That was a mistake. If you've got bad vibes then unless you're very insecure there is probably a good reason.

 

[rjherche]

You shouldn't have gotten yourself into a position where you were occasionally bugging her about hanging out with her ex. Expressing jealousy makes you look fearful, and DJ's are not fearful, but they aren't morons either who let themselves get played. You should have made a decision more quickly about whether or not you can trust her, rather than sticking it out and looking insecure.

You totally ****ed yourself by backing down. All she needs is a sad face and you give in?? Her respect for you is going to take a big hit, damaging the relationship even more and causing problems. Make a clean break soon. If you have to, line up some rebound possibilities (but don't cheat on her) so you are less tempted to get back with her.

 

[Hamaraz]

What would you guys have done or said? I am just curious



I would have never seen her or talk to her again. I would block her out of my cell. If she stalked me, i.e. tracked me down. I would say "Whats up? Hey, I have been meaning to call you. How are you doing?..........Well, I have this meeting that I late for, I will call you tomorrow and we can talk about this further. I love you. Later."



Then never call her. After awhile she will get the idea.

Or you can act like an AFC and send her flowers, call her 30 times a day and tell her that you want to die for her. At this point, she will be turned off by you and she will never contact you again.


Either way works. Personally I would NOT demean myself with the second option and with the first option you have a hb stalking you which is good for your reputation because other hbs will want you more.

 

[DJ_Dork]

obviously you can't handle her hanging around her ex. you ALREAYD know the answer but you gave in... Now she will play games with you till hell freezes over. Dump her right away!

 

[Tooms]

girls get attatched, get pissed, dump, and then act like just friends, and then get emotionally involved again, even if just by sheer principal she doesnt physically mess around with this ex, she will probably mess around with him emotionally, which will tug his afc heart strings, and he wont leave even though he in the bottom of his gut knows that its not worth it with her anymore, shes got him hooked, and if he doesnt have the strength to rip that hook out of himself, then hes just gonna fall into depression, and mess things up between you two, its a tough situation, i was once that depressed afc, but i realized wat was right, and broke all emotional ties with her, if this guy does the same, ur good, but if not, you need to get out

 

[NatureGuy]

Sure, as someone has said, it's an old trick to say 'we're just friends' to throw
suspicion off. But it can also be true that they are just friends. If you have no real proof, why work overtime interpreting things? It's weak, just as showing jealousy is weak, and I think you're expecting too much from a 2 month 'relationship', especially at your age.
I would suggest calming down first, and either continue as you are (but also be open to other girl friends, because after all, she's given you an excuse to also have 'friends') or tell her you don't like her seeing the other guy and if she acquices, fine, otherwise drop her. Hey, even if you break up you may be back together again someday so in any case there's not alot to worry about.
Most importantly, concentrate on improving yourself, viz., school, career/hobby development.

 

[Viking25]

I don't think there's a need for anything else but tellimg her the real reason you want to break up with her. Juts tell her you don't feel comfortable with her seeing her EX. Don't accuse her of cheating or anything else...she might be just friends with him. The point is...no matter what the deal is...you are not ok with her seeing her ex. I,personally wouldn't even date a girl who is friends with EXes.

 

[neobrood]

TRY NOT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HER TOO MUCH!!!

That way, breakin up with her is gonna be easier...

Cuz if you fall in love with her too much, thats it.

I don't wanna talk about the girl I was talkin bout in my first post in this site... but... The reason why I kept comin back to her and ignoring her faults is because I WAS COMPLETELY SEDUCED like a mindless zombie.

Pls dont make the same mistake I did...