Is there a such things as a perfect match?

[gm8384]

When you are looking for someone to date, there are qualities you look for in that person that are non-negotiable as well as ones that are negotiable.

Nobody is perfect and I don't think its fair to scrutinize someone who is roughly on the same level as you are (ie. having double standards that its ok if you do it but not someone else).

So my questions:

1. Is there a such thing as a "perfect" match?

2. What if you met someone who filled all but one of your non negotiable qualities requirements? (ie. would you date them and see how it works out or completely dismiss the idea of dating them)*

3. Is it really possible to find someone that meets all your requirements, or are you to assume that since no one is perfect and that no one is exactly the same you need to find the people that most closely fit what you are looking for?

*Things to consider for number 2 are not things you know can/ cause you harm. So, if your boyfriend/husband or girlfriend/wife used to beat you I think its safe to say that you wouldn't date someone with a record of domestic abuse.

A good example for number 2 is you might want someone that doesn't drink, or drinks very very little. So if you met someone that drank a little more would you still consider dating them?

Another example for number 2 would be if you and you partner are around the same level when it comes to sexual experience but view its importance differently.

So, what if you and your partner had different views about sex in the relationship. You think its about love and your partner thinks its part of the relationship or vica versa.

So, what does everyone think?

 

[bootlegger]

I think you should read the bible.

You sound desperate.

And she'll see you as desperate.

 

[gm8384]

Actually buddy...I have read the Bible. It has a lot of good information in it too.

Am I desperate? Probably, but between stuff I figure out on my own and what I have learned on this site, it won't be a problem.

I do meet girls, not as many as I would like, but I still meet them. My problem is that I rarely meet a girl that I am actually interested in. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, so try being in college and finding girls that are anywhere similar to me.

Don't get me wrong, I would still date a girl that drank, as long as she had a life outside of drinking and isn't obsessed with it (which again, is rare to find in college).

So, you can see that I am working a pretty narrow field. Most of the girls I meet don't have the personality I am looking for either.

This is why I was wondering if there really is someone that fits everything you are looking for, or if you let somethings slide so you can get the closest to what you want.

 

[sux2bu]

Is there a such things as a perfect match?


Short answer: No.

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by gm8384
My problem is that I rarely meet a girl that I am actually interested in. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, so try being in college and finding girls that are anywhere similar to me.

Don't get me wrong, I would still date a girl that drank, as long as she had a life outside of drinking and isn't obsessed with it (which again, is rare to find in college).

EXCUSER! What your problem is bro - you got no game, you are scared sh!tless of approaching new girls and socializing outside your comfort level. I'm not hating or dissing, but tell me I'm wrong?
What you want is an ideal, an infatuation in order to justify yourself apporaching a girl! So when you see an attractive female, and you know you should go up to her and shoot the sh!t, what do you do bro? Do you go up to her? Or say to yourself, she's just like all these college girls and is obsessed with drinking That will get you nowhere, it will keep you at AFC level and very prone to onenitis. It sounds like you are deseperate for one as a matter of fact. That will fck you up!

The game is outthere, up to you to realize it

 

[Capo De Tutti Capi]

short answer-no, but near perfect yes...the liklihood of you finding that...who knows.

 

[gm8384]

sux2bu - nothing wrong with a short answer, it makes it easier because there is no bull**** to read between the lines.

don_marko - you are partly right in what you say. I am actually extremely outgoing and I don't try to stay in any comfort level but I still need more work. If I didn't need some work I wouldn't be here.

Like I said, its not that I can't meet girls, but when I do I rarely meet ones who I have an interest in their personality. I don't talk to all the girls that I should or want to, and yes thats something I need to work on too, but I still meet a ok amount of girls.

I go on a few dates too, but it doesn't happen often that I am interested in another date with them (or them with me I am sure too).

I don't just assume girls are obsessive drinkers without actually getting to know them, and yes it is very AFC to think that and let that stop you from talking to girls.

 

[DAMY]

ok

Will you find or date or marry the 'perfect woman' ??? NO!
Forget trying to find the 'perfect woman'---she ain't out there!!!!
BTW, if you ever find one be sure to let us know, here. We would love to hear all about her!
Good luck........................................................

Damy

 

[Gold Heart]

Actually, I do believe that there is a perfect woman out there, completely compatible with you. There must be someone in the whole world of the opposite sex who shares the same views, same this, same that. But the chances of finding her? .1/infinity.

So good luck with that.

 

[crotchrocket]

What exactly does 'perfect' mean in this context, my definition of a perfect match is continually evolving, what I would have settled for a year ago I would reject after a couple dates now.

I totally agree with Don_Marko, at least the concept of the problem - EXCUSES, that's what some of this is about isn't it? When I think back to my more AFC days, I definitely used to make excuses to justify my lack of effort and fear of whatever.

Is there actually someone out there who meets all your requirements, reasonably speaking, yah I think it's possible, I think very few people know what is perfect for them and even fewer ever find it.

One simple quote sums it up for me, "you don't know what's missing until it arrives", if she fits even some of your criteria, and you have the interest and the time, find out for sure - by dating her!

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by gm8384
sux2bu - nothing wrong with a short answer, it makes it easier because there is no bull**** to read between the lines.

don_marko - you are partly right in what you say. I am actually extremely outgoing and I don't try to stay in any comfort level but I still need more work. If I didn't need some work I wouldn't be here.

Like I said, its not that I can't meet girls, but when I do I rarely meet ones who I have an interest in their personality. I don't talk to all the girls that I should or want to, and yes thats something I need to work on too, but I still meet a ok amount of girls.

I go on a few dates too, but it doesn't happen often that I am interested in another date with them (or them with me I am sure too).

Basically you just contradicted yourself here and you admit that you don't go outside your comfort zone... Anyways I don't wana talk too much sh!t, and start flaming you. But I think it's key to work up your game in order to approach EVERY hottie on campus, note I said approach not go out with or get phone numbers off. That's the first step... second one is to get laid. Once a good social proof follows you, you are seen as desireable, which makes your life a kick a$$ place to be!

Generally speaking dates are boring and once you are on them you fall into certain social traps which are hard to get out of, also the conversation on them is all too generic... guys who get laid by the hottest girls don't even bother going on them, they simply find an appropriate spot to have sex or simply to kick back and hang out with the girl.

Also I think you are misguided about women, you wish an ideal woman based on your fantasy (fantasy that has probabbly been corrupted by all the AFC social programing), instead of choosing actual woman from your life.
Note the contradictions and the traps.... ideal as opposed to actual, as well as fantasy - real life.

Good luck

 

[gm8384]

Thanks for all the responses, but I need to clear up some of what I was talking about.

Sure, who wouldn't want to meet someone that was their perfect match? But, I was doubting the fact that there is a such thing as an perfect match and that is why I posted, to see if I was the only one that thought this way.

The main point that was shown by some of your replies is that, sure there may be someone that is the perfect match but its unlikely you will meet them.

Alot of people, me included, are tricked into thinking that this perfect match does exist. I am not saying to sit around and wait for them, but through dating people you would find them. Turns out this is probably not the case. Instead by dating around your best match would be someone that is closest to your ideal woman, because the chance of you meeting her is nil.

crotchrocket - You are very correct that "perfect" is an evolving thing. I am at a point in my life where I am reevaluating what perfect means to myself...therefore part of the reason I posted.

Im not a complete AFC by anymeans, but Im no Don Juan either and I don't claim to be one. The only excuses that keep me from talking to any girl is the fear of rejection. Yes, I am working on overcomming that. Even with that handicap, I don't make excuses to meet girls very often.

The line I agree with most is when you said to date someone and find out more about them if they have some of the qualities you like. There is no better way to get to know someone that dating them. I am not saying I would dismiss ever dating a girl because we didn't see eye to eye on something, but getting into a relationship with someone that there is something I really don't like about them is another story.

Don_Marko - Its only a contradiction when you say two confilicting things. I will always try to get along and be outgoing no matter who I am with, but there are times when it just isn't going to work. No one is perfect.

On to the things I agree with that you said:
I have 0 problem going up to anyone and just shooting the ****, but when I am interested in getting their number or whatever is when nervousness plays a role. So, as far as just talking to the hotties on campus, that is no problem whatsoever. I need to work on getting their numbers, not just talking to them.

You are completely right that I have this fantasy of what the perfect girl would be like. I think that blaming it on AFC social programing is very likely the root of this too. Again, this is why I posted, so I can figure out more about what I want and what is realistic.

If it is unlikely I (or anyone) will find their perfect match, you need to focus on the positive things about a girl, and not the one negative. The thing I learned here is that if you have a girl that fits 90% of what you are looking for, she is one of if not the best you will find. The key is to get to know her more and see what happens with that other 10%.