is there a better way to handle this where i don't burn bridges?

[pete101]

I was talking to this chick on facebook about a month ago, came across bit too full on she told me this and from then on the dynamic changed.. prior she'd be asking questions etc giving me a chance so i kinda f'd it up.. from then on whenever we talked she just gave answers never asked me any questions.. suggested to be friends and to meet up but nothing more.. i declined her offer saying i was only interested in dating her. past week or so the convo has been frosty.. i sensed attention seeking and was being more bold with my comments, today she insulted me called me 'a funny little man' i took this at disrespect and called her out on it saying that was like me calling her 'fat' argument ensused.. i felt f this, im not letting some girl insult me and not stick up for myself.

basically it ended in her blocking me and me telling her i wasn't interested anymore, she called me insecure etc blah blah.. i called her an attention seeker looking for male orbiters. she gave me the whole 'oh i would have gone for a drink with you but now i seen your true self i'm glad im not wasting my time' blah blah.. i'm quite aggressive when i'm arguing so even if i dont say anything abusive i am saying nasty things calling them out.

is there a way to not burn bridges when i get into altercations like this? i know you're supposed to not pay attention to anything a woman says but at same time if you keep quiet it's like you're letting things slide. ok she had low IL from the beginning so doens't make much difference but i always end up having arguments with these girls. i lose too many hot girls from facebook pick up due to this but maybe i should focus on fact they had low IL anyway so it doesn't matter.

 

[The411]

I was talking to this chick on facebook about a month ago, came across bit too full on she told me this and from then on the dynamic changed.. prior she'd be asking questions etc giving me a chance so i kinda f'd it up.. from then on whenever we talked she just gave answers never asked me any questions.. suggested to be friends and to meet up but nothing more.. i declined her offer saying i was only interested in dating her. past week or so the convo has been frosty.. i sensed attention seeking and was being more bold with my comments, today she insulted me called me 'a funny little man' i took this at disrespect and called her out on it saying that was like me calling her 'fat' argument ensused.. i felt f this, im not letting some girl insult me and not stick up for myself.

basically it ended in her blocking me and me telling her i wasn't interested anymore, she called me insecure etc blah blah.. i called her an attention seeker looking for male orbiters. she gave me the whole 'oh i would have gone for a drink with you but now i seen your true self i'm glad im not wasting my time' blah blah.. i'm quite aggressive when i'm arguing so even if i dont say anything abusive i am saying nasty things calling them out.

is there a way to not burn bridges when i get into altercations like this? i know you're supposed to not pay attention to anything a woman says but at same time if you keep quiet it's like you're letting things slide. ok she had low IL from the beginning so doens't make much difference but i always end up having arguments with these girls. i lose too many hot girls from facebook pick up due to this but maybe i should focus on fact they had low IL anyway so it doesn't matter.

So you tried to run "full on alpha game".

Chick pulled your card with the friends thing and you got bent out of shape.

Don't try to pressure chicks as they'll take you as too pushy or needy in their minds. She tested you and you as she expected got pissed.

Next time try to be normal and cool. Learn from this and grow. Move on.

 

[Krueg]

You cant let girls get to you like that.. If you get mad and offended, it turns them off and you lost. Also, they could be testing you to see if you have a sense of humor or to see how well you handle things. You cant always tell the context of words through facebook, she could of just been being playful and teasing you.

Dont sweat the minor sh!t.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

i felt f this, im not letting some girl insult me and not stick up for myself.

You should probably work on making the list of things you would consider to be "insulting" much much smaller.

Indulge in a little self deprecation from time to time. Don't take yourself so seriously, and you'll find that these "altercations" won't even pop up anymore - how "not to burn bridges" would become a moot point.

Instead of focusing your attention on how to avoid destroying relationships altogether once you two have clashed, focus on your ability to remain unreactive -

 

[Ronaldo7]

You are insecure. It does show at how bent out of shape you got with her response. How could you lose your frame like that? Learn to establish your terms, rules, and conditions to other people. It's their choice if they play your game or not. Not everyone is going to like you or be your friend. However, it is important to assert yourself and demonstrate that no matter what, you are first, second, and third.

 

[SeymourCake]

i called her an attention seeker looking for male orbiters

Did you really say this?

 

[movistar]

I would have had the same response, need to work in that myself. I go all out like you are "one stupid kunt"
Are you letting these things slide?

 

[Greasy Pig]

Agree and amplify.
Her: "You funny little man".
You: "Thanks! I love compliments, you adorable little nerd."
"Oh right. Pick on the small man hey? I'll be the one laughing when I'm cast as the lead in the next Hobbit film."
"Aww, that's so cute! Your mum said the same thing to me the other night."
"Hey, easy on the "little" stuff ok? I'm 5ft 5in of pure masculine energy."
"Flattery will get you everywhere. Maybe even into a cheap hotel room for an hour or so."
"Being unfunny and big is overrated."

Of course in assuming you are short, but if she was calling you "little" in a condescending and nasty way, you could try:
"Stop it, you'll hurt my feelings soon and I'll have to ditch you for a weekend away as an oil boy at the world bikini championships.... again.
"Geez, is that all you've got? Your material is almost as bad as your taste in men."

Some of these are pretty lame but you get the idea.
Don't let em get to you! Flip the script and be cool.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

@Greasy Pig
When someone insults you, agreeing and amplifying can make you seem weak because you're essentially rewarding bad behaviour.

I just ignore them and carry on with what I was saying as if nothing happened. I came onto that tactic by accident at a party - I met a guy I hadn't expected to see there and was really surprised. He had a friend with him who said "This is the most awkward greeting ever, there was no hug or anything" and I just glanced at him, said something like "Oh" and carried on. You know when you get a sudden snapshot of how someone feels, like you just detect their vibe somehow? After I said that I got that from him, so I knew he felt awkward and put-down.

What I'm trying to demonstrate is that it's the put-downs that seem (and in this case, was) accidental and dismissive that are the most powerful. Like the person's stupid comment is so irrelevant, and your frame so strong, that you just brush it off. That's the most alpha way; I was reading somewhere that males in other species only respond angrily if an aggressor is of a similar rank to them: if he is higher, they submit, and if he's lower, they just ignore him. There's obviously a limit, though; when someone genuinely challenges your authoritah it's ok to use aggression as a dominance tactic. You have to get a feel for when it's right or wrong, and the only way to really do that is to do it when you think it's right and observe the results. Eventually you get an intuitive sense of how best to respond.