Is it selfish, or chocked with too many expectations for marriage, or any relationship for that matter, to depend on only 1 person? With friends, whom we generally get along quite well, we aren't 100% with them either. And people who have been normally get burned at least once, or lost that friend, or see the relationship lost.
Does the institution of marriage fail because it puts all its faith in 1 person, a flawed person at best, and merely only human?
People themselves can't figure things out. Answers are always on the outside, somewhere else, at another point in time. Never within that own person's mind or body. But then I think, after having returned from a pal's wedding, is it expecting too much for 1 person to be "our world," which in a philosophical sense implies GOD, as religious folk would say there is only 1 truth. Even if there weren't, and we discount religion from marriage, still, humans are flawed, and 1 person can't be everything. They will be something, but not everything. And because they can NEVER get in your head and read your thoughts, they can't be you, or give you everything you need.
For me, the hardest part about longer term relationships has been, there could always be someone else. The catch 22 is, you barely ever get to know someone. Some people base their marital choice, their promise to be together forever under the institution, when they've only known said person for less than 10% of their life. How can that be? I find it a catch 22 because a few dates doesn't show anything. Heck, even a year doesn't show much. I've had friends who didn't I know until 2 years +, and that was after a serious of life events that "tested" what type of friendship we had.
So is the insitution of marriage doomed to fail, as it stands now, because all of one person's faith is purportedly in one person?
It would appear you need 2 whole people. Two people who demand and require NOTHING to make it work, because otherwise, if 1 person is whole, and happy, and healthy, and could survive on their own, then the other person is a 'want', not a need, which is as great, if not greater. Is this possible? Can you find another 'whole' person with whom you link up well enough to consider a lifelong journey with?
I realize many come here to learn to pickup chicks, but the reality is, when you put in your time here, grow a little in years, you'll encounter these same questions, either through yourself or by way of friends or family as they encounter these questions and situations. Many of my friends are getting married this year or having kids. Not that it's pressuring me to do the same, but rather it's asking me, in light of being in a relationship, to ask myself...do I want marriage, now or ever? What are the urges I have? Why do I 'itch' after 2 years for greener grasses, or is it just immaturity?
A great quote from Neil Strauss' book "The Game" was had by Sweater, who had married and realized that, you can't experience true pleasure in life until you experience DEPTH and COMMITTMENT. After reading it through, I realized it was a very true and wise quote. Our society is anything BUT depth. We're so go, go, go, never using the time freed up by technology to think, to slow down, to appreciate. I've golf for over 15 years, and it's better now than it has ever been. I've found the MORE I've done stuff I enjoyed, the better and more enjoyment I've received back. Moreover, you can't KNOW anything or ANYONE without any amount of depth. The idea that first impression is a make or break rule is more NLP based than anything, and here's why.
If you don't know something, or someone, at all, that first encounter will be your 'trigger', or how you archie it in your brain, and will take ALOT of work and time invested to turn it around, if that's at all possible. I can remember ALOT of people I felt one way about for along time based on a first impression, only to think much differently after months or years. First impressions matter b/c your brain will link up that experience and file it away as positive or negative. This is especially true with women. Try this...get out a song your woman, or the woman you're dating, has never heard. And now DO something with that music on that will install a great memory, or if it's going to be an ex, then make it a negative memory. How many times have you heard..."that song makes me think of __________." True right? It's called anchoring. The first impression is ANCHORED, and is VERY hard to unanchor, because it's like your first touch with THAT reality. It's what you've come to know it as, and until you see it from a variety of angles, you can't change the viewpoint.
Is committment possible, or should we just set up lease programs on relationships? Personally, I did the dating thing, and it's fun, but in reality it tires. As noted in other posts, date a bunch of women and return here. The cute girl at the restaurant MIGHT be a great girl, but it's equally likely she's a bytchy, whining, hoe who's banging the cook, too.
Marriage seems flawed, unless of course you've managed to correct the expectations and perceptions of marriage. Then it may be possible, so long as the 2 parties view it similarly. Otherwise arguments arise b/c a relationship has 2 people, but there's only 1 relationship, so 2 people can't manage it without finding common ground to manage it upon.
Let me know if I babbled. It wouldn't be the first time.
A-Unit
Does the institution of marriage fail because it puts all its faith in 1 person, a flawed person at best, and merely only human?
People themselves can't figure things out. Answers are always on the outside, somewhere else, at another point in time. Never within that own person's mind or body. But then I think, after having returned from a pal's wedding, is it expecting too much for 1 person to be "our world," which in a philosophical sense implies GOD, as religious folk would say there is only 1 truth. Even if there weren't, and we discount religion from marriage, still, humans are flawed, and 1 person can't be everything. They will be something, but not everything. And because they can NEVER get in your head and read your thoughts, they can't be you, or give you everything you need.
For me, the hardest part about longer term relationships has been, there could always be someone else. The catch 22 is, you barely ever get to know someone. Some people base their marital choice, their promise to be together forever under the institution, when they've only known said person for less than 10% of their life. How can that be? I find it a catch 22 because a few dates doesn't show anything. Heck, even a year doesn't show much. I've had friends who didn't I know until 2 years +, and that was after a serious of life events that "tested" what type of friendship we had.
So is the insitution of marriage doomed to fail, as it stands now, because all of one person's faith is purportedly in one person?
It would appear you need 2 whole people. Two people who demand and require NOTHING to make it work, because otherwise, if 1 person is whole, and happy, and healthy, and could survive on their own, then the other person is a 'want', not a need, which is as great, if not greater. Is this possible? Can you find another 'whole' person with whom you link up well enough to consider a lifelong journey with?
I realize many come here to learn to pickup chicks, but the reality is, when you put in your time here, grow a little in years, you'll encounter these same questions, either through yourself or by way of friends or family as they encounter these questions and situations. Many of my friends are getting married this year or having kids. Not that it's pressuring me to do the same, but rather it's asking me, in light of being in a relationship, to ask myself...do I want marriage, now or ever? What are the urges I have? Why do I 'itch' after 2 years for greener grasses, or is it just immaturity?
A great quote from Neil Strauss' book "The Game" was had by Sweater, who had married and realized that, you can't experience true pleasure in life until you experience DEPTH and COMMITTMENT. After reading it through, I realized it was a very true and wise quote. Our society is anything BUT depth. We're so go, go, go, never using the time freed up by technology to think, to slow down, to appreciate. I've golf for over 15 years, and it's better now than it has ever been. I've found the MORE I've done stuff I enjoyed, the better and more enjoyment I've received back. Moreover, you can't KNOW anything or ANYONE without any amount of depth. The idea that first impression is a make or break rule is more NLP based than anything, and here's why.
If you don't know something, or someone, at all, that first encounter will be your 'trigger', or how you archie it in your brain, and will take ALOT of work and time invested to turn it around, if that's at all possible. I can remember ALOT of people I felt one way about for along time based on a first impression, only to think much differently after months or years. First impressions matter b/c your brain will link up that experience and file it away as positive or negative. This is especially true with women. Try this...get out a song your woman, or the woman you're dating, has never heard. And now DO something with that music on that will install a great memory, or if it's going to be an ex, then make it a negative memory. How many times have you heard..."that song makes me think of __________." True right? It's called anchoring. The first impression is ANCHORED, and is VERY hard to unanchor, because it's like your first touch with THAT reality. It's what you've come to know it as, and until you see it from a variety of angles, you can't change the viewpoint.
Is committment possible, or should we just set up lease programs on relationships? Personally, I did the dating thing, and it's fun, but in reality it tires. As noted in other posts, date a bunch of women and return here. The cute girl at the restaurant MIGHT be a great girl, but it's equally likely she's a bytchy, whining, hoe who's banging the cook, too.
Marriage seems flawed, unless of course you've managed to correct the expectations and perceptions of marriage. Then it may be possible, so long as the 2 parties view it similarly. Otherwise arguments arise b/c a relationship has 2 people, but there's only 1 relationship, so 2 people can't manage it without finding common ground to manage it upon.
Let me know if I babbled. It wouldn't be the first time.
A-Unit
