Is she showing disrespect?

[Harms]

Hi guys I would really like some advice please

My current gf has a guy friend who was best mates with her through school and she has told me he was more like a brother to her. They stopped being friends when his gf got too jealous. However they have started being friends again despite arguing with his gf about it and they met up about a month ago which I was fine with. She is now meeting up with him tonight again which she told me about openly and also said he "insisted" on seeing her and then proceeded to tell me he can be slightly annoying. I know in the past he has fancied her so I am completely aware of his intentions. I am not sure whether she ever had any interest in him but from what I can gather he is in the friends zone.

She has a high interest level in me and I would consider myself better than him.

Should I stay calm and not show any jealously? Call her out on it? Mirror her by seeing my female friends?


What would you guys do?

Thanks for any input it's greatly appreciated

 

[Cremasta]

Have you met this guy? Did she invite you along?

If the answer's "no" to both, I'd at least ask when I was going to meet the guy.

 

[Harms]

Have you met this guy? Did she invite you along?

If the answer's "no" to both, I'd at least ask when I was going to meet the guy.

Both are no so I will bring it up.

however what is your view on a gf having male fiends?

Some people on here seem to think it is showing disrepect therefore she would lose respect in me, whilst others say not to show jealousy as it only shows insecurity and pushes the girl away.

 

[GotED?]

Tough place to be, I wish I knew your age and her's.

It depends on what your frame is, dude. If your frame is from the beginning, totally reinforced then I would think she would respect your opinion if you do not want her to meet him. But if your frame has been shakey in the beginning where you exhibited insecurity/jealousy, then it would be hard to do anything at this point.

Life is life - most of it is out of our control, we can only react to circumstances. If she no longer fancies you, then it will happen and there's not much you can do but react when it does. A lot of it, is just - believe and faith about who you are with really. Good luck.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[Harms]

Tough place to be, I wish I knew your age and her's.

It depends on what your frame is, dude. If your frame is from the beginning, totally reinforced then I would think she would respect your opinion if you do not want her to meet him. But if your frame has been shakey in the beginning where you exhibited insecurity/jealousy, then it would be hard to do anything at this point.

Life is life - most of it is out of our control, we can only react to circumstances. If she no longer fancies you, then it will happen and there's not much you can do but react when it does. A lot of it, is just - believe and faith about who you are with really. Good luck.

With respect,

Exodus

Thanks for the reply

She's 22, I'm 24

We have only been serious for the past month or two and she is the one who has shown a jealous side a lot as she is aware of other girls who like me. I have aslo pulled her up once when she danced with a friend in front of me and she apologised a lot.

But I have told her to be fair that I'm not the type of guy to get jealous if she talks to other guys, which I'm not. I just want to know whether or not to bring it up now ealry in the raltionship or let this guy be an orbiter.

 

[GotED?]

Okay, now that is more information to work with.

If I were you, I would make sure I set the frame in the beginning of the relationship. Girls (I can't call her a woman yet) need to be scolded and told what is right and wrong, or else they will test your boundaries (whatever defines your boundaries) indefinitely. By that time, you would have already lost your frame and she would be able to accuse you of insecurity and jealousy. This needs to be established from the beginning so she knows what the boundaries are. Good luck.

 

[Sofomore]

Look.

If your girl really likes you she will not do anything with this guy. Girls ALWAYS have guy friends, or orbiters, and a boyfriend (you) that can't handle the dude friends is seriously insecure. Now, if there was a visible threat- like him obviously hitting on your girl- then you have reason to step in and give your opinion.

Relationships are built on trust and if you cant trust your partner, why are you in a relationship?

We all get a little insecure here and there, but seriously, relax. If you don't chill out you are going to end up pushing her away with your neediness and insecurity. Learn from my mistakes. My (ex) girlfriend broke up with me three days ago because I was insecure about her relationships with other dudes. Turns out she wasn't a cheater, just a very social girl.

In hindsight I should have not given a fvck. If you keep the mentality that YOU are the prize, and that she should be happy to be with you, you will avoid all of these problems. Take a second and analyze who has the upper hand in the relationship. Do you show more affection to her? Or is it the other way around?

If you seem to like her more, then you might be in a bad place. Don't mess up like I did and get obsessive over a girl. Realize that most relationships end, and if she is cheating/ends it with you, she is doing you a favor by not wasting your time.

If you want things to work you need to be the chill, relaxed dude that you were when you guys stated dating, while also not accepting any disrespect in the form of **** tests.

 

[Cremasta]

however what is your view on a gf having male fiends?

As long as I've met them and had a chance to make my own assessment, then no dramas. I have female friends... fair's fair.

When they try to keep you away from particular guy friends, then I don't think I'd be happy (hasn't happened to me yet though).

 

[betheman]

Ive never known any straight guys who had good looking female friends they wouldnt f ccuk! any such guy who hangs around a decent looking woman will want to f ccuk her.
go out with anohter girl (friend) and see how the female likes it! take note of the friends gf, how she got jealous? women know the deal

 

[pyros]

Many ppl here are totally wrong.

First- You do not have to trust a girl you're starting to date/know. Trust must be earned.

Second- It does not matter whether she introduces him to you or if she invites you to go with her and her friend.
A friend of mine was banging a girl that had a bf, a bf for five years. She was very nice and outgoing girl and she INTRODUCED my friend to her bf. She invited her bf to go with her and my friend some times, and she kept banging my friend for a year while her bf was not around. Now that my friend does not see anymore this girl, she's still with her bf....and probably banging someone else.


So, trust must be earned. Do not be naive.

In my personal opinion I do not mind if my gf talks to guys, or if she has guy 'friends' whom she meets ocasionally, but very ocasionally.
If she is not retarded she should know that when she's dating a guy, no close male friends are allowed. The same for you and close female friends.


I know there are girls that have tons of male friends eventhough they have a bf, ok, **** them all, but I dont want one of those as my girl.

 

[john1234]

look if it makes you feel bad, Tell her to stop!

My reason is because, my GF did a similar thing to me and she went out with a Man friend also with her friend, the previous day she told me she reckons the dude fancied her even though he had a girlfriend(abroad), because she mentioned this I was some what weary!
She only told me they went out after they had got back! therefore there was not much I could do.

You see Girls can't be trusted just as how they say men cant be trusted!

However girls are known for getting favours from men! she may just want a favour from him, maybe she wants companionship, drinks , dinner and so on.
So you may not need to worry.

This situation is not Black & White. It is soley down to how you judge the situation.

 

[zekko]

Second- It does not matter whether she introduces him to you or if she invites you to go with her and her friend.
A friend of mine was banging a girl that had a bf, a bf for five years. She was very nice and outgoing girl and she INTRODUCED my friend to her bf. She invited her bf to go with her and my friend some times, and she kept banging my friend for a year while her bf was not around.

Good point. Look at all the posts you read here where guys are banging a girl behind the boyfriend's back.

Ive never known any straight guys who had good looking female friends they wouldnt f ccuk! any such guy who hangs around a decent looking woman will want to f ccuk her.

I agree with this too.
That's the problem with the "just go out with a female friend" response.
If she's ugly, your girlfriend might not care or get jealous, or get the point.
If she's attractive, you're going to want to bang her.

 

[Harms]

Cheers for all the responses guys

Pyros I read you had a similar situation a while back, how did that turn out?

I saw her today after she asked to meet me. She brought up that she saw her mate and that he had broken up with his current gf and how she thought he was gonna get back but thought it was a bad idea. So I said "maybe he should look elsewhere I'm sure he's a good looking guy and will have no toruble", to which she replied "no, not really he is not my type" and then said "he would really like to meet you." I did say next time we are all out we should meet up as she explained he was feeling down and had lost contact with his male friends.

So I am being cautious with the whole thing but I'm kinda under the impression especially after today they were close friends and possibly he was looking for advice, but then again he could still be an orbiter. I just don't want her to be meeting up with him on a regular basis whether he is a threat or not, once a month would not bother me, but once a week would.