is she lying? need some experts in here

[captain55]

. Ive been dating this girl for a little while now and were at that point where were thinking about moving in together no red flags until tonight.

Tonight I missed a call I got from her around 10 ish... right after I get a text from her telling me that she was going to bed since i missed her call. I call her back and her phone is on do not disturb. Few hours later she calls me back and she tells me she got a new job at a new restaurant. after we get off the phone I send her a brief text asking her "are you excited?". at 12:35. ( pay attention to the time)

She calls me back at 12:46..... First thing that comes to mind is If my text woke her ass up like she said it did then why did it take 10 minutes for her to call me back? We talk for the second time tonight for about an hour this time. Then After about an hour on the phone, she says she's going to bed. And tells me "no more calling I was almost asleep". Well why the **** would you tell someone not to call you when you could of put your phone on do not disturb like you did a couple hours ago? Im starting to think that she meant to call another guy tonight but dialed my number. by mistake.... realized it was too late to pull the "sorry babe wrong number I was calling marrissa" with me and just kept on a conversation acting like she wanted to talk to me.

Im working nights I have no time to date right now...shes the only plate I have spinning so I don't want to dump her. First choice is telling me to just start cheating on her ass and enjoy ****ing her while I cut myself off emotionally........ . Other side of me wants to go through her cell phone in the hopes that she was telling the truth and I can keep the relationship alive. I really do like her.

yeah Ima do what I want at the end of the day but if someone thinks Im losing my mind Id appreciate it if they would tell me. I mean it does seem fishy doesn't it? based on the above details tonight, if it was your gf what would you do?

 

[sylvester the cat]

...............................

 

[Fireballs]

Stop over analysing, you sound rediculous.

If you were spinning plates/had options, you wouldn't care.

 

[marmel75]

Dude, this borders on ridiculous...get a job at NCIS you could take over for Abby

 

[mikey2012]

Definitely fishy dude. I was doing a chick who was cheating on her hubbie and this sounds like similiar behaviour. Usually your gut is right. She may have been cheating on you for awhile. There isnt really a need to confirm whether shes cheating or not. If you having these thoughts then she probably is. Its very difficult to prove her cheating unless you catch a text or her red handed in bed.
It must be tough working nights since its harder to meet people and I understand you don't want to lose her.
If I were you, I would cut her loose since it seems highly likely she's cheating on you. Its better for you in the long run since you will always be looking over your shoulder. Even if you catch her and she says sorry, are you going take her back? Once a cheater always a cheater. You can keep her as FWB if you arent emotionally involved but it looks like you are. So the hard truth is cut her loose. She in not LTR material. Its good you havent moved in or gotten married.

 

[Bible_Belt]

paranoia will destroy ya

 

[hudpes]

There is no relevant information in your post to reach a sensible conclusion about her, but I can tell you about yourself. You care about her alot and she makes your hamster go spin the wheel like crazy. Just keep your sh!it together and mind your own business, she is a part of your life not the foundation of it, if she vanishes out of it, your world will not crash, you will feel a void, that will shrink in time and will be eventually filled with someone new. You're not married to her, you don't have kids with her, you don't share a mortgage with her, so breathe, whatever happens happens, you will have lost nothing and so far it's still looking stable.

 

[gravityeyelids]

Is she a plate or your girlfriend?? If she's just a plate and you're not exclusive with her, then this thread shouldn't exist. If she's your girlfriend....then it still shouldnt exist.

Regardless, you are being far too paranoid. If you go down this road, you are going to see shady things and create monsters in your own mind, and this paranoia is going to manifest itself, and she will pick up on it and realize you are very insecure and it will destroy your relationship.

Don't go through her phone. It's a slippery road. Either make the decision to trust her or not. If you can't trust her, then leave her, cause it wont get better. If you decide to trust her, then trust her. Focus more on yourself and stop over-analyzing things.

 

[crazyboy]

wow dude. You over analyzing this to the extreme. Well maybe she was just trying to get some sleep that a high possibly at that time lol. Also she probably took her phone off do not disturb when she seen your texts figuring that you was call her. anyway relax its not end of the world.

 

[Hmm]

Yes your being paranoid...

 

[Donnie Darko]

Most women are liars and master manipulators. They won't admit it and don't like being called out on it though.

The more you dig the more paranoid and unhappy you will be.

The more you call her out on her behavior the more she will hide her true actions and the more she will lie and deceive you.

Always care less than the your plate(s).

Judge her buy her actions and not by her words.

Set the frame and your expectations.

Don't date just one woman until she meets all of your qualifications. There is too much opportunity cost for settling with the wrong woman.

Trust your gut and don't be afraid to walk away.

 

[In2theGame]

. Ive been dating this girl for a little while now and were at that point where were thinking about moving in together no red flags until tonight.

Tonight I missed a call I got from her around 10 ish... right after I get a text from her telling me that she was going to bed since i missed her call. I call her back and her phone is on do not disturb. Few hours later she calls me back and she tells me she got a new job at a new restaurant. after we get off the phone I send her a brief text asking her "are you excited?". at 12:35. ( pay attention to the time)

She calls me back at 12:46..... First thing that comes to mind is If my text woke her ass up like she said it did then why did it take 10 minutes for her to call me back? We talk for the second time tonight for about an hour this time. Then After about an hour on the phone, she says she's going to bed. And tells me "no more calling I was almost asleep". Well why the **** would you tell someone not to call you when you could of put your phone on do not disturb like you did a couple hours ago? Im starting to think that she meant to call another guy tonight but dialed my number. by mistake.... realized it was too late to pull the "sorry babe wrong number I was calling marrissa" with me and just kept on a conversation acting like she wanted to talk to me.

Im working nights I have no time to date right now...shes the only plate I have spinning so I don't want to dump her. First choice is telling me to just start cheating on her ass and enjoy ****ing her while I cut myself off emotionally........ . Other side of me wants to go through her cell phone in the hopes that she was telling the truth and I can keep the relationship alive. I really do like her.

yeah Ima do what I want at the end of the day but if someone thinks Im losing my mind Id appreciate it if they would tell me. I mean it does seem fishy doesn't it? based on the above details tonight, if it was your gf what would you do?

LOL Im willing to bet anything she is fvcking around and playing it slick. The exact happened to me with a girl i was fvcking with a while ago. I find it so damn hilarious that Women do the same things no matter what, its like they all have the same handbook in manipulation.

 

[In2theGame]

Most women are liars and master manipulators. They won't admit it and don't like being called out on it though.

The more you dig the more paranoid and unhappy you will be.

The more you call her out on her behavior the more she will hide her true actions and the more she will lie and deceive you.

Always care less than the your plate(s).

Judge her buy her actions and not by her words.

Set the frame and your expectations.

Don't date just one woman until she meets all of your qualifications. There is too much opportunity cost for settling with the wrong woman.

Trust your gut and don't be afraid to walk away.

This guy above is right. The reason you feel "uneasy" about this situation is because your gut is telling you something is off. You probably really like her so your viewpoint on this is to analyze it further instead of just walking away. Its easier for us to tell you this because we are looking at this situation from the outside. If its fishy, it probably is.

 

[MillionBillionaire]

Dude.. I was lied to by my current plate and it turns out.. she is cheating on her baby daddy whom she is living with.. and I am the other guy. I also work over nights and I did not have the strength to let her go. I really wish I let her go. I am soo emotionaly attached to her right now it is the worst thing in the world. I do not recommend baning her and looking for another if you will get attached. It is too easy to go for the easy lay with the tramp you are with than to find another quality woman.

Cut this cancer. Trust your gut. Don't give this woman any more of your heart. I wish I didn't love my current plate... this comming from a guy who got in too deep with my oneitis.. and yes I have had sex with other girls and dated other girls.

 

[Poop1337]

You need to get other plates spinning and no do not move in with her. You're being paranoid and jumping to conclusions. She may be cheating but the only thing that is clear is you're unhappy with her and have oneitus. I believe my natural state is beta but I know how painful oneitus is so I fight it. The pleausure you get from oneitus is short lived your life could become hell for years, decades, forever if you let it.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

The real problem I foresee happening if you choose to stick around is that your brain is going to go on confirmation-bias mode and it's going to be hell trying to resist an all out investigation. Any little thing she does from this point onward that seems off is going to bring you back to this situation which will trigger a downward spiral of anxiety while eroding away trust and fomenting resentment. Girls have this frightening way of drilling their idealized self-image so deeply into their minds that they will rationalize away any vice or transgression in the face of the naked truth no matter how convincing, compelling and overwhelmimg the evidence may be.

You ever try playing a badly scratched up CD in a car's CD player, only to have it spit it back out after a few seconds with an error message? That was my ex when I confronted her about sexting me while she was dating the guy before me. I didn't find out about this dude until I was officially with her! I thought she had been single the whole time! Conniving attention whoring succubus! At first she said "oh yeah, he knew you and I would talk" I then responded, "Yeah, but did he know what we would talk about?" She froze up, tried to wiggle her way out of it. "We broke up a bunch of times. That probably happened when we were broken up." I then reminded her that I had all of the text messages saved in my old phone and that her story was pure bull****. What does she say next? "You don't know everything. You think you do, but you don't! How do you know we didn't have an open relationship, huh?" I'm telling you, the girl could not digest something that would disrupt her self-perception as a "good, selfless, classy conservative girl." Bull-fvcking-sh1t.

Your story reminds me so much of what I allowed myself to go through. It's up to you of course, but I'd eject if I were you. It's just not worth losing your mind for a piece of @ss.

 

[stevo]

Bro, in the nicest way possible. Calm da fcvk down!!

Why you feel insecure about her should be what you look into, not how to go through her phone. THATS A BIG NEVER DO!

If you want some ars on the side, get some ars on the side but know though that getting ars on the side means your gf isnt all that to you.

Believe it, if she dialed a wrong number and didnt want to talk to you, she wouldnt stay on the phone for an hour.

To answer your initial qxtn, nope no red flag here, only concern is why do you feel like there's a red flag?