Is she committed?

[Dudenski]

I've been seeing someone for a couple of months now, even though we were acquaintances at work for a couple of years. I left that job and then we started dating. She says she is afraid of break ups and so isn't allowing herself to develop feelings. I've been away for a week and she said she doesn't need to email as it will then give us the space 'we' always talk about. It's good between us, and I guess I want it to be more, but am a bit worried that she might not be into it as much as I would like. Writing this I realized I am being a bit of a control freak by asking for this so soon. When is it reasonable to expect some firmer commitment? Or should that be present already?

 

[Boilermaker]

Here's the trick: If you want it to be more, you need to walk away from it.

Very counter-intuitive but works like a charm. An example strategy would be:

- I know, I am feeling the same. I don't want to get wrapped up in anything serious. It's totally cool if we don't talk for a week. I guess I need it, too.

And ... you wait for HER to call you.

 

[wait_out]

Golden rules:

1) you can't control 'em
2) judge by actions not words
3) if you find her making you unhappy, commit less, not more.

In short if you want to draw closer and she wants to pull away you are setting yourself up for unhappiness. Gaming the situation with *looking* less invested is not good... you really need to emotionally invest less.

I'm not saying it couldn't turn out well but if you are running to the internet for help demystifying the situation, something is going wrong.

 

[DonJuanabe]

"I've been away for a week and she said she doesn't need to email as it will then give us the space 'we' always talk about."

I hope the 'we' means what I think it implies -- her and only her. You should never *talk* about needing or wanting space. You just have space.

If a girl is committed to you you won't have to ask whether she is or isn't. It will be obvious. Thus, in your case, the answer is no. You need to step back and spin plates. Consider this girl as an FB for the time being. She will either become something more or you will eventually not spend time with her anymore. If you push it and become needy or demanding I guarantee it will be the latter.

Memorize: "If you want to win, you have to spin."

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Dude,
Yeah the general concensus has it,just another LollyPop finished!

 

[Boilermaker]

I'm not saying it couldn't turn out well but if you are running to the internet for help demystifying the situation, something is going wrong.

All of us at some point came here for help, so I wouldn't demean coming to SoSuave for advice by calling it "running to the internet".

"really investing less emotionally" is easier said than done. Those just are just words. Do you believe you can execute them yourself?

 

[wait_out]

All of us at some point came here for help, so I wouldn't demean coming to SoSuave for advice by calling it "running to the internet".

"really investing less emotionally" is easier said than done. Those just are just words. Do you believe you can execute them yourself?

Not demeaning... just my way of writing.

And no it's not easy. But learning to recognize and manage your emotions (rather than being ruled by them) is part of growing up IMO. Doesn't mean it ever gets fun, though...

 

[sharkbeat]

She says she is [insert excuses here] and so isn't allowing herself [more excuses].

Whatever the excuses are, they are none of your business. Something went wrong. Maybe you said something, did not say something, did something, didn't do something, PMS, her cat just died, issues with her friends, whatever it is. Walk away.

 

[kimberleah]

I've been seeing someone for a couple of months now, even though we were acquaintances at work for a couple of years. I left that job and then we started dating. She says she is afraid of break ups and so isn't allowing herself to develop feelings. I've been away for a week and she said she doesn't need to email as it will then give us the space 'we' always talk about. It's good between us, and I guess I want it to be more, but am a bit worried that she might not be into it as much as I would like. Writing this I realized I am being a bit of a control freak by asking for this so soon. When is it reasonable to expect some firmer commitment? Or should that be present already?

No actually this woman is smart and not weakminded. Unfortunately, if you believe the stuff written on here she is not the type to go after.

Some women dont show much interest even when they have it...for a good reason. Look at all the **** your bros write on here. I was on the fence about relationships before I came here but Ive completely written them off now after being on here and observing how selfish, callous, unemotional, uncompassionate men are. Men are only out there to use you and throw you away when you are done...first girl written on this site that Ive seen that isnt a dumb, submissive airhead.

 

[Boilermaker]

Not demeaning... just my way of writing.

And no it's not easy. But learning to recognize and manage your emotions (rather than being ruled by them) is part of growing up IMO. Doesn't mean it ever gets fun, though...

It's not easy - especially in the beginning. I agree it's part of our growth.

Anyone must execute a few solid NEXTs before they can claim to be a DJ.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Can the mods please do something about the troll?

Kimberleah, instead of behaving like the trailer-trash cvm junkie your posts seem to indicate you are, feel free to contribute meaningfully to these boards or fvck off and drink chamomile tea with your women's support group and bytch about men there.

To the OP, a woman saying she needs space isn't a good sign IMO. It seems like a tactical withdrawal to me. I'd definitely pull back your attention.
Hopefully this will make her hamster spin as she wonders that maybe you don't give a fvck about her after all.
If she's still willing to see you, assume she's a FB at most. People in serious relationships don't seek space unless there are major problems or it's the first stage of breaking up.

 

[Epimanes]

Kimberleah seems like she has been pretty hurt by someone... I agree with some of the stuff she says (not all .. but some) ... however, she is being overly general in her accusations and assumptions while lashing out across the forum.

To OP .. when a woman says she needs space .. its usually because she has someone to contrast you with and wants a chance to persue that contrast. Seeing how you have only been with your lady fora few months .. dont take it too seriously. Obviously shes not .. GO climb a mountain... or get together with some buddies and chill out with them. Have some fun. Dont worry about the girl.