Is one or both of your parents a pessimist?

[mahon83050]

I realized having an overbearing, over-protective pessimistic mother has had a seriously negative affect on my life and led me to be a negative thinker myself. Are all mothers this way?

My mother is not an alcoholic, mean-spirited or malicious....she is actually a compassionate person. However, I think her own low self-esteem makes her indistinctley believe; since her children are products of her self, there is no possible way they can be successful.

Some Examples:

Never saying, oh that is wonderful you are doing that or planning to do that (a negative remark is always made e.g, you will be in so much debt)

Never pushing me set goals or challenge myself (In middle school and high school she never wanted me to take Track one or AP classes because she was afraid I could not handle it.

Always staying stuff like..."You will never ever learn" or You can't do anything right. (Usually due to something menial such as not hanging my pants up correctly)

Very rarely praising her children and taking for granted the many good qualities my sister and I have.

Never supported me in taking German courses in Berlin or enrolling in Grad school (Why? It costs too much money)

Still till this day, is always reminding me to do this and don't do that (I am 29) due to the fact I think she I can't handle things on my own.

In fact, I am no genius, but I am not stupid. I took an online IQ test and scored in the 120's, I speak a foreign language and I am in graduate school.

I am out of the house now, but for all of those who suffer the same predicament either move out or change your way of thinking.

I have suffered low self-esteem and confidence for many years and I blame alot of that on my mom. However, ONLY YOU can control how you think. Even if you have been raised in a negative household and are a negative thinker yourself, you can break that vicious cycle by thinking positive.

 

[oakraiderz2]

I'm pretty sure my mom is. She doesnt want me to move out cause ill "be in debt.' Frankly ill be in debt either way. Shes never positive about anything, doesnt think, and always says stupid sh*t. My mom never pushed me either. She always wanted me to accept the mediocracy. She tells me to wait till i finish school until i fmove out. Basically i shouldnt do anything that is a risk cause its too dangerous. She wants me to be an engineer so i can make more money faster because "thats what i want." She has no clue what it entails or any other reasons as to why i should do it. I can clearly see why she was never successfull, its kinda sad but oh well. I wanna move out but when i talk to her about it she creates doubt so now im more hesitant to do so.

 

[Silverback82]

my mom is this way somewhat but it is mostly my dad with the negative pessimistic attitude

 

[MuayThai]

Never saying, oh that is wonderful you are doing that or planning to do that (a negative remark is always made e.g, you will be in so much debt)

Never pushing me set goals or challenge myself (In middle school and high school she never wanted me to take Track one or AP classes because she was afraid I could not handle it.

Always staying stuff like..."You will never ever learn" or You can't do anything right. (Usually due to something menial such as not hanging my pants up correctly)

Very rarely praising her children and taking for granted the many good qualities my sister and I have.

Never supported me in taking German courses in Berlin or enrolling in Grad school (Why? It costs too much money)

Still till this day, is always reminding me to do this and don't do that (I am 29) due to the fact I think she I can't handle things on my own.

That sounds exactly like my mum.

My mum currently doesn't want me to take up a career in music because "It's too difficult".
When I started playing guitar, she never encouraged me... ever, I did it all myself. When I have kids, they're never ever living with thier mum, most women are pratically incapeable of looking after themselfs let alone raising children.

Oh and i've been told i'm lazy at least 3 time a week since I was about 3.

HA ha ha this ****s gonna end even if I get kicked out on my ass.

Jesus your 29!!! and she still talks to you like that? ****ing hell.

 

[Skel]

Both my parents are pessimists yes

 

[djbr]

My dad used to be a hell of an optimist. The guy managed to cheer up EVERYONE!

He died depressed. Go figure.

My mother's family is the MOST PESSIMIST PEOPLE in the WORLD.

To be optimist you have to struggle EVERYDAY against negative thoughts thrown up by everyone. That's why it's hard.

 

[mahon83050]

I'm pretty sure my mom is. She doesnt want me to move out cause ill "be in debt.' Frankly ill be in debt either way. Shes never positive about anything, doesnt think, and always says stupid sh*t. My mom never pushed me either. She always wanted me to accept the mediocracy. She tells me to wait till i finish school until i fmove out. Basically i shouldnt do anything that is a risk cause its too dangerous. She wants me to be an engineer so i can make more money faster because "thats what i want." She has no clue what it entails or any other reasons as to why i should do it. I can clearly see why she was never successfull, its kinda sad but oh well. I wanna move out but when i talk to her about it she creates doubt so now im more hesitant to do so.

Yes, that is exactly it. My mom never pushed us to be our best or to take risks because she thought we would fail and get dissapointed. By her pushing the average or mediocracy on us, it saved us from failure (In her eyes atleast)

 

[oakraiderz2]

Yes, that is exactly it. My mom never pushed us to be our best or to take risks because she thought we would fail and get dissapointed. By her pushing the average or mediocracy on us, it saved us from failure (In her eyes atleast)

Yea bro. I can see that my mom grew up being mediocre, never trying anything new. She graduated with C's, lived in the same place her whole life(until we moved cause of my dads job), and she NEVER questioned anything. Whatever someone says shes inclined to believe. I honestly think shes incapable of thinking at all, let alone logically and rationally. When i was a freshman in hs she said i should go to a community college cause she cant afford anything else. What pisses me off about that is she didnt try to find away for me to go anywhere else. I was too young and naive to realize anything. By the time i was a senior and it hit my that i could have made something happen it was too late. Shes still telling me the same thing, do everything the conventional way...just sit back and wait. FVCK THAT! I'll make something happen, ill be damned if i just wait. I wanna tell her i wanna go to grad school but i know more negative thoughts would be thrown my way. The pessimism is one of the reasons i want to move out.

When i was younger i was the shyest kid in my grade and classes. I cant entirely blame my parents but i can for not teaching me social skills. Its like they didnt care...and still dont. All the optimism i have comes from me. I know at times when something is unlikely ill choose to believe the more enjoyable thought, yet i dont get carried away. Ive found that everything is so much more enjoyable. My mom sometimes tells me about when she would read to me when i was young and all that other learning stuff. It seems like she wants to take some credit for my success and future success because she hasnt accomplished anything. I dont really talk to my mom much cause being around negative people is fvckin annoying.

 

[OzyBoy]

Yea bro. I can see that my mom grew up being mediocre, never trying anything new. She graduated with C's, lived in the same place her whole life(until we moved cause of my dads job), and she NEVER questioned anything. Whatever someone says shes inclined to believe. I honestly think shes incapable of thinking at all, let alone logically and rationally. When i was a freshman in hs she said i should go to a community college cause she cant afford anything else. What pisses me off about that is she didnt try to find away for me to go anywhere else. I was too young and naive to realize anything. By the time i was a senior and it hit my that i could have made something happen it was too late. Shes still telling me the same thing, do everything the conventional way...just sit back and wait. FVCK THAT! I'll make something happen, ill be damned if i just wait. I wanna tell her i wanna go to grad school but i know more negative thoughts would be thrown my way. The pessimism is one of the reasons i want to move out.

When i was younger i was the shyest kid in my grade and classes. I cant entirely blame my parents but i can for not teaching me social skills. Its like they didnt care...and still dont. All the optimism i have comes from me. I know at times when something is unlikely ill choose to believe the more enjoyable thought, yet i dont get carried away. Ive found that everything is so much more enjoyable. My mom sometimes tells me about when she would read to me when i was young and all that other learning stuff. It seems like she wants to take some credit for my success and future success because she hasnt accomplished anything. I dont really talk to my mom much cause being around negative people is fvckin annoying.

That is exactly what my parents are like, probably more so with my mother and my life became such a mess and so miserable. Things are still pretty ****ty as a result but things are slowly beginning to get a bit better. Things started to change for the better when i moved out to get away from all the **** i was putting up with and stopped taking any notice of what ever crap they were rambling on about and what i should be doing. I must say having parents like this has ****ed me over.They probably mean well, but still. I will certainly try to be different to this if i ever have kids.

 

[ChrizZ]

My dad is the most pessimistic person in the world. "If you can´t do it at first, then give up on it". That´s the way he lives. I have been living with him for 18 years now and he hasn´t even laughed once in that time. My mother is a lil more positive. Me, I´m always positive.

 

[ValleyDJing]

Well, I think my Mom and Stepdad are that way, mostly my mom and then my stepdad just agrees with her. And it seems like its mostly money stuff for me, and it seems like you guys too. Most of it is because my older brothers have chosen career paths were the money is s.hit basically, and they're struggling financially, driving their girlfriends cars, moving from s.hithole apartment to s.hithole apartment, eating frozen pizzas and the like.

My advice? Choose a career path where you get rich and tell em to go hell when you wanna buy that Vette and they say...."ohhhh I don't know about that honey. Why don't you go with a nice Volkswagon?"

 

[Aureliano]

My mother

 

[Abbott]

Wow...I must be fortunate.

I don't know if this counts, but my mother seems to be more fearful than most people I know. She worries when I go out for hours on a weekend. Yes, going to bars and clubs carries some risk, but so does driving to work in the morning.


My father might count. He thought I should train in some sort of skilled labor, "just in case." He doesn't think that double majoring in college is enough. Granted, it makes a difference on what major you choose, but I don't think I can go wrong. I'm double majoring in Accounting and something in computers (I don't know if I should do Computer Science or Information Systems).

He did, by the way, go to graduate school. In fact, he's got a bachelor's in Theater and a master's in Library Science. Basically he wanted to be a librarian. He wound up getting a job he hates in 1980, and still works there. In fact, it's going to be his last real job since he's going to retire sometime soon. The worst part is that his job could honestly be performed by a high school drop out. I think he's afraid that the same thing will happen to me.

I'm not afraid. But even if it did happen, well don't forget: At 5 o'clock the whistle blows. There's so much more than just a job.

 

[djbr]

My mother and her whole family.

edit: I already said that on this thread, LOL.

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

My parents are both that way, mostly my dad though.
One second they're in a happy mood, everything is fine, the birds are singing and I'm just chilling. The next second hell breaks loose. My dad starts screaming and getting all worked up, my mom telling him to cool down because he will get a heart attack, my baby sister crying like fvuck because she wants something and me telling them to leave me alone. Why did hell break loose? Because I left the bathroom door open.

Damn! I know what you mean.

I have this memory from grade school. It was early in the morning and I didn't take a shower the day before. Before bed that is. So I figure I still have plenty of time to take it in the morning before school.

That's when hell breaks loose. My mom starts crying like a maniac because I'm "disobeying her" for taking a shower in the morning since she believes its bad since you cath a cold. Then my dad gets all worked up. He gets so freaking mad, his face is all red and he's staring at me as he tries to yell but its more like a grunt.

I forget how I calmed them down, but it was the most fvcked up thing I remember. And I never did get that shower. Fvckers.

It's really sad actually. They are both highly educated persons, but still they have no idea how to cope with "problems".

The conclusion I have come to is that there's a difference between real education and simply having knowledge. Graduating University does not give you an education, just knowledge for the work force.

They have never provided a good study environment for me. The TV is constantly on high volume, all the doors are open in the apartment and my parents are constantly fighting. They pretty much hate each other but they won't get divorced because they are middle-eastern, "people will look at them in a different way."

Have you been living in my house? Do I know you?

This is pretty much what mine were like. Except scratch the Middle Eastern. Add in European.

I get As in every goddamn subject at school every term. What happens when I get home? They get angry and start to yell at me because I didn't thank them for their support and help. Pure bull****.

I never got anything for suceeding. I just got yelled at and criticised whenever I did "bad" in school according to their standards. "for you own good, so you can change" they tell me these days.

I just tell them to get the hell out of my business. They have never supported me in anything I do; school, sports, girls etc, and therefore I try to separate myself from them as much as I can. Just two more years and I'll be 18 and then I will move out, no matter what it takes.

Do it man. I'm at Uni. Its awesome. I don't have anyone to nag me and try to put me down. It's not so great in other respects since I still have problems from my lack of childhood and all, but at least its not getting any worse.

Get away. Now that you know, do whatever you can. Get the fvck away. Live with an Uncle or Aunt if you have any. Seriously. You have no idea the psychological damage this is doing to you. I will vouch that it can get REALLY fvcking bad. I say this because I know the effects on my own skin.

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

My dad used to be a hell of an optimist. The guy managed to cheer up EVERYONE!

He died depressed. Go figure.

WTF?! When I read that I thought it said optimist at first. This makes no sense now.

 

[djbr]

WTF?! When I read that I thought it said optimist at first. This makes no sense now.

You read it correctly. One of the reasons I get so wrapped up on the whole improve yourself idea is just because of this.

WTF?! When I read that I thought it said pessimist at first. This makes no sense now.

No you did not read it correctly. LOL

For a long time, I was confused by why my dad became such a pessimist... I guess he lost track. Something happened, I am sure I do **NOT** know every detail of it.

What I know is, he got into some huge financial problems and my mother did not want to support him at the time. Partly because he got messed up and did not want to be helped too, making things even more difficult. He ended up WANTING to die, and got just what he wanted.

Before all of that, he was really an amazing person. He had little education yet managed to get a lot of assets. He was a cheerful person that everyone loved to be around.

From my experience, these kinds of things do not get fixed by itself. You have to make an effort to see the good side of things, and act on them all the time. I am aware of it now and I can see when I am about to make a comment about a negative side of anything, and I try to be quick to deny it (BTW, it's hard, and I am not always successful... old habits take long to change). In the end, all I do is embrace the positive or STFU, which is very good for being a happy person.

I had to learn the hardest way, but at least I did.

edit.: english errors too. see the asterisks...

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

WTF?! When I read that I thought it said pessimist at first. This makes no sense now.

Sh!t. Wrong word. I need to go back to English class or something.

Fixed now.