tvercettiinnocentman
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I’ve only posted once here before because I have an intense fear of being vulnerable and it does impact my dating life in a negative way, but you all were so helpful the last time I thought I’d open myself up to you here.
I’ve got a couple questions about a LTR prospect I’ve been talking to for a couple months. Without going into too much detail, we’re part of the same group of about 50 people who meet up regularly during the week and on the weekends for hangouts, parties, etc. Everybody gets along, but I’m new to social-circle game so I’m afraid of risking my chances with the group if I make a mistake with this one girl I’m interested in.
FYI, I’m 31. She’s 19. She’ll be 20 in a month.
We met in November. She’s new in town and joined our group in August but my work schedule was super busy so I didn’t start hanging out with the group in earnest until Nov. There was initial chemistry, but I wasn’t interested in dating anyone at the time so I didn’t think much of it. We chatted at group events a couple times after that, but nothing major.
A month later, my friend (who was trying to date my girl’s friend but was unsuccessful) texted me out of the blue saying that he invited my girl’s friend out and she suggested that they hang in a group so he asked me if I wanted to hang out with them and my girl. I agreed. The day of, I found out a couple other guys were coming so I thought my girl was only interested in hanging out as friends and kept it super casual. We did, however, talk almost all night and there was a lot of strong eye contact – so much so that it felt like we were the only two people in the room, even though we were sitting across from each other. There was not a lot of physical touching. My girl is conservative and not affectionate in public.
The holidays came around and we didn’t see each other because I went back home for a long vacation and she was on winter break (still in school). She group-texted the people who were at the group date, asking us what our New Year’s Eve plans were because she wanted to have a party at her house. I couldn’t go (had other plans, but they were shaky) so I told her through the group text that I might be able to make it if my other plans fell through. She responded by telling me that she didn’t mind being my Plan B. She followed up the day before NYE through group text (she claimed she wanted a head count) and I told her I wouldn’t be able to make it. She said “aw too bad” and that was that. I was the only person she responded to in the group text.
A few weeks after New Year’s Eve I see her again at a group function. I tell my girl and her friend that we should all hang out again. My girl asks what me and my friends are doing for Valentine’s Day because she wants to go ice skating and get a big group of people together who don’t have dates so nobody is alone on V-Day. I thought this was really thoughtful of her so I told her I didn’t have any plans and I would go. We tried getting a big group of people together but a lot cancelled at the last minute because they were too shy. She came up to me at several of these group events and told me that people were flaking on her, she was trying to get others to come, but she was really sorry if she wasn’t able to make it because she didn’t want to be the only girl. I told her I understood, and that if she could make it great and if not, that’s okay too. My guy friends and I all planned on going regardless if any girls were going.
On V-Day she came out and arrived at the rink before my friends and I did, so she called me (and only me) asking where we were. I told her we were five minutes out. Because none of her friends showed up, she was the only girl with four other guys. I kept it casual because I didn’t think much of it (again). She’s very, very attractive so guys are always trying to give her attention. I let them do their thing and I did mine.
After, we all go to dinner at In-N-Out. She wanted to ride in my car but so did one of my guy friends so she sat in the back seat (her choice). She sits across from me at dinner and the same thing happened: lots of strong eye contact (her pupils are really dilated when we talk, btw, but I dunno if that’s standard for her or just for me) and again it felt like we were the only people in the room.
The group of 50 has started to have regular hangouts now that the weather is getting better. We basically go and cheer on local college basketball teams on Fridays and Saturdays. Two Fridays ago she sits behind me at the basketball game and constantly taps my shoulder to talk to me about random stuff. The following Friday she sits directly in front of me at another basketball game and every time I said something (no matter who it was to), she’d turn around and make conversation with me. She also was on my rear to make an Instagram (I don’t have one – hate social media) so she could follow me and favorite me (whatever that means). We have other group events that weekend and during the week. At each one, she initiates conversation by coming up to me directly but we only make small talk.
This weekend is where things start to get interesting. The group was hanging out all weekend. On Thursday we have a movie night at someone’s house. Again, she comes up to me and initiates conversation only by making small talk.
The next day we go to another basketball game. We don’t sit with each other but afterwards we go to kick it at someone’s house. She sits right next to me on the couch (other spaces were available) and this is weird to me because I wasn’t expecting it. We don’t talk much and people get up and move around so there wasn’t too much conversation but as always it was free-flowing and easygoing.
Saturday the group goes to a concert. I randomly see her there by herself and she pretty much sticks to me like glue. Before the concert, she told me that she wanted to text me and ask me if I wanted to hang out at her house and she’d cook for me but she thought I was going to pre-game with my friends (which I was), so I told her we could reschedule for next Saturday. I don’t know if she was planning on having other people there because I didn’t ask.
At the concert, I was with the same four or five guys I’m always with so she was with them, too, but she did ditch her friends who were standing 20 feet in front of us because she commented that she saw them but made no effort to talk to them until after the concert was over. She also said she needed to go to the bathroom and asked me to save her place and if I didn’t she’d have to sit on my shoulders.
During a break she reminded me of Instagram and when I told her I hate having my picture taken she said it was going to be her mission to get a picture of us together. I just laughed.
During the show, she was mostly friendly with everybody (other guys included) but she did constantly try to make conversation whenever I made a comment either to her or to someone else.
We didn’t talk after the show. She left with her friends and walked by me without saying much but that was also because I was talking to another girl from the group who is interested in me but I’m not feeling her at the moment. Dunno if that means I killed my chances because she’s now upset, but whatever.
The first question I have is: Is she interested? I think I know the answer, but I’ve been burned in the past thinking girls were interested when they were really just being friendly. Having never dated a girl 11 years my junior, I have no idea how youngins express interest these days.
The second question I have is: How long do I have before she’ll become DISinterested because I haven’t asked her out for a one-on-one? Assuming this Saturday still happens, I’ll have to make a move then if my window of opportunity is closing.
I won’t get too deep into this, however, but my past is littered with lots of ****ty women and I have a dark past that I don’t share with many people. I have a very, very big fear of being vulnerable. I can’t just roll the dice with any girl because it causes me to have severe panic attacks and that always kills my game.
I’ve been getting professional help for it, but because of my past this might be as good as it’s going to get for a while and that’s okay with me.
I had to acknowledge that I'm not someone who can just play the field or spin plates anymore, so all I can really do is get to know a girl for LTR potential. Thus, I’d like to get to know HER just a little bit more before I ask her for a one-on-one because by doing so I’ve pretty much telegraphed that I want her to be my GF since we’ve been in this talking stage for four months.
Thanks, all, for your help in advance.
I’ve got a couple questions about a LTR prospect I’ve been talking to for a couple months. Without going into too much detail, we’re part of the same group of about 50 people who meet up regularly during the week and on the weekends for hangouts, parties, etc. Everybody gets along, but I’m new to social-circle game so I’m afraid of risking my chances with the group if I make a mistake with this one girl I’m interested in.
FYI, I’m 31. She’s 19. She’ll be 20 in a month.
We met in November. She’s new in town and joined our group in August but my work schedule was super busy so I didn’t start hanging out with the group in earnest until Nov. There was initial chemistry, but I wasn’t interested in dating anyone at the time so I didn’t think much of it. We chatted at group events a couple times after that, but nothing major.
A month later, my friend (who was trying to date my girl’s friend but was unsuccessful) texted me out of the blue saying that he invited my girl’s friend out and she suggested that they hang in a group so he asked me if I wanted to hang out with them and my girl. I agreed. The day of, I found out a couple other guys were coming so I thought my girl was only interested in hanging out as friends and kept it super casual. We did, however, talk almost all night and there was a lot of strong eye contact – so much so that it felt like we were the only two people in the room, even though we were sitting across from each other. There was not a lot of physical touching. My girl is conservative and not affectionate in public.
The holidays came around and we didn’t see each other because I went back home for a long vacation and she was on winter break (still in school). She group-texted the people who were at the group date, asking us what our New Year’s Eve plans were because she wanted to have a party at her house. I couldn’t go (had other plans, but they were shaky) so I told her through the group text that I might be able to make it if my other plans fell through. She responded by telling me that she didn’t mind being my Plan B. She followed up the day before NYE through group text (she claimed she wanted a head count) and I told her I wouldn’t be able to make it. She said “aw too bad” and that was that. I was the only person she responded to in the group text.
A few weeks after New Year’s Eve I see her again at a group function. I tell my girl and her friend that we should all hang out again. My girl asks what me and my friends are doing for Valentine’s Day because she wants to go ice skating and get a big group of people together who don’t have dates so nobody is alone on V-Day. I thought this was really thoughtful of her so I told her I didn’t have any plans and I would go. We tried getting a big group of people together but a lot cancelled at the last minute because they were too shy. She came up to me at several of these group events and told me that people were flaking on her, she was trying to get others to come, but she was really sorry if she wasn’t able to make it because she didn’t want to be the only girl. I told her I understood, and that if she could make it great and if not, that’s okay too. My guy friends and I all planned on going regardless if any girls were going.
On V-Day she came out and arrived at the rink before my friends and I did, so she called me (and only me) asking where we were. I told her we were five minutes out. Because none of her friends showed up, she was the only girl with four other guys. I kept it casual because I didn’t think much of it (again). She’s very, very attractive so guys are always trying to give her attention. I let them do their thing and I did mine.
After, we all go to dinner at In-N-Out. She wanted to ride in my car but so did one of my guy friends so she sat in the back seat (her choice). She sits across from me at dinner and the same thing happened: lots of strong eye contact (her pupils are really dilated when we talk, btw, but I dunno if that’s standard for her or just for me) and again it felt like we were the only people in the room.
The group of 50 has started to have regular hangouts now that the weather is getting better. We basically go and cheer on local college basketball teams on Fridays and Saturdays. Two Fridays ago she sits behind me at the basketball game and constantly taps my shoulder to talk to me about random stuff. The following Friday she sits directly in front of me at another basketball game and every time I said something (no matter who it was to), she’d turn around and make conversation with me. She also was on my rear to make an Instagram (I don’t have one – hate social media) so she could follow me and favorite me (whatever that means). We have other group events that weekend and during the week. At each one, she initiates conversation by coming up to me directly but we only make small talk.
This weekend is where things start to get interesting. The group was hanging out all weekend. On Thursday we have a movie night at someone’s house. Again, she comes up to me and initiates conversation only by making small talk.
The next day we go to another basketball game. We don’t sit with each other but afterwards we go to kick it at someone’s house. She sits right next to me on the couch (other spaces were available) and this is weird to me because I wasn’t expecting it. We don’t talk much and people get up and move around so there wasn’t too much conversation but as always it was free-flowing and easygoing.
Saturday the group goes to a concert. I randomly see her there by herself and she pretty much sticks to me like glue. Before the concert, she told me that she wanted to text me and ask me if I wanted to hang out at her house and she’d cook for me but she thought I was going to pre-game with my friends (which I was), so I told her we could reschedule for next Saturday. I don’t know if she was planning on having other people there because I didn’t ask.
At the concert, I was with the same four or five guys I’m always with so she was with them, too, but she did ditch her friends who were standing 20 feet in front of us because she commented that she saw them but made no effort to talk to them until after the concert was over. She also said she needed to go to the bathroom and asked me to save her place and if I didn’t she’d have to sit on my shoulders.
During a break she reminded me of Instagram and when I told her I hate having my picture taken she said it was going to be her mission to get a picture of us together. I just laughed.
During the show, she was mostly friendly with everybody (other guys included) but she did constantly try to make conversation whenever I made a comment either to her or to someone else.
We didn’t talk after the show. She left with her friends and walked by me without saying much but that was also because I was talking to another girl from the group who is interested in me but I’m not feeling her at the moment. Dunno if that means I killed my chances because she’s now upset, but whatever.
The first question I have is: Is she interested? I think I know the answer, but I’ve been burned in the past thinking girls were interested when they were really just being friendly. Having never dated a girl 11 years my junior, I have no idea how youngins express interest these days.
The second question I have is: How long do I have before she’ll become DISinterested because I haven’t asked her out for a one-on-one? Assuming this Saturday still happens, I’ll have to make a move then if my window of opportunity is closing.
I won’t get too deep into this, however, but my past is littered with lots of ****ty women and I have a dark past that I don’t share with many people. I have a very, very big fear of being vulnerable. I can’t just roll the dice with any girl because it causes me to have severe panic attacks and that always kills my game.
I’ve been getting professional help for it, but because of my past this might be as good as it’s going to get for a while and that’s okay with me.
I had to acknowledge that I'm not someone who can just play the field or spin plates anymore, so all I can really do is get to know a girl for LTR potential. Thus, I’d like to get to know HER just a little bit more before I ask her for a one-on-one because by doing so I’ve pretty much telegraphed that I want her to be my GF since we’ve been in this talking stage for four months.
Thanks, all, for your help in advance.
