So I have a friend who is like 6-7 years older than me....we haven't had sex yet but yeah all the foreplay stuff has been done. Lately, she was like "she is going through a lot in life" and doesn't want to talk. I know she is feeling alone right now..I tried calling her but she didn't answer. Should I try to find out what went wrong or just leave it?
logicallefty
Moderator
Text her and say "I know you got a lot going on and I hope all goes well for you. Gimme a hollar when you are ready to hang out again and we can see where we are at that time".
This lets her know 1) You aren't going to pry and be her shrink AND 2) You aren't gonna sit around and wait on her so things can resume where they left off. The situation between you and her will need reevaluated (and what you are also indirectly saying here is, there are no guarantees that YOU are going to be willing to pick up where things left off)...
Then GO GHOST and wait to hear from her. She will do one of two things 1) Her hamster will go wacko and she will be contacting you more than ever because she will understand what this message really means.. that SHE is no longer in full control of the situation with you and her. You are only letting her decide when to resume contact again and the rest of the control is now yours and 2) You won't hear from her at all, which means she was likely blowing smoke up your butt and wanted to cut ties anyway.. No problem. You just did it on your terms, not hers.
Do not pry into her and her problems. While it's in our nature as men to want to help, you are entering very potentially dangerous territory if you become someone she can vent her problems to in any sort of depth. You are entering almost inevitable friend zone territory if you start giving her advice. That's what her female friends are for.
This lets her know 1) You aren't going to pry and be her shrink AND 2) You aren't gonna sit around and wait on her so things can resume where they left off. The situation between you and her will need reevaluated (and what you are also indirectly saying here is, there are no guarantees that YOU are going to be willing to pick up where things left off)...
Then GO GHOST and wait to hear from her. She will do one of two things 1) Her hamster will go wacko and she will be contacting you more than ever because she will understand what this message really means.. that SHE is no longer in full control of the situation with you and her. You are only letting her decide when to resume contact again and the rest of the control is now yours and 2) You won't hear from her at all, which means she was likely blowing smoke up your butt and wanted to cut ties anyway.. No problem. You just did it on your terms, not hers.
Do not pry into her and her problems. While it's in our nature as men to want to help, you are entering very potentially dangerous territory if you become someone she can vent her problems to in any sort of depth. You are entering almost inevitable friend zone territory if you start giving her advice. That's what her female friends are for.
A
AJ84
Guest
Do you want to find out what's wrong because you sincerely want to help her, without your own agenda, as an actual friend? If so then sure. If not then no.
I understand i was thinking the same way. After all, I got my problems to deal with and the last thing I need is taking more problems.
ummm...i will be honest it is a thin line. On one hand, I sincerely want to help on the other I wanted to escalate things with her.
A
AJ84
Guest
Leave it. Especially if she told you she doesn't want to talk about it and especially if you have your own problems.
And word of advice from a female: you can't be the caring friend and the f**k buddy without her thinking it's something more than you want it to be because you are then tapping into emotions that lead to all the mushy stuff you probably don't want.
MoreThanSmooth
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I'm going to be controversial and say that if you think she's in a really s*** place, you should help. If someone's thinking of dangling themselves from a rope, helping them comes before your f*** buddy relationship.
Doesn't matter if someone is male or female, f*ck buddy or GF, if they're close to you in some way it's natural to help them out.
In fact I'd say from personal experience that the girls I helped out with problems in their personal lives usually developed a stronger attraction to me afterwards. It shows you're not a d*uche, and even if you just want sex with this person, there is nothing wrong with caring about their well-being...quite the opposite.
Just once the worst times are over, don't become her disposable emotional tissue. Offer her some light support through the tough stuff, if she wants it that's good...if not, carry on as normal.
My 2 cents anyway.
Doesn't matter if someone is male or female, f*ck buddy or GF, if they're close to you in some way it's natural to help them out.
In fact I'd say from personal experience that the girls I helped out with problems in their personal lives usually developed a stronger attraction to me afterwards. It shows you're not a d*uche, and even if you just want sex with this person, there is nothing wrong with caring about their well-being...quite the opposite.
Just once the worst times are over, don't become her disposable emotional tissue. Offer her some light support through the tough stuff, if she wants it that's good...if not, carry on as normal.
My 2 cents anyway.
I did try talking to her...but she didn't reply. When I called her she didn't pick my call up too. Second time she cut it saying she wants to solve her problem on her own. At this point I didn't know what to do? Whether keep pestering her or just leave it..
Glassguy
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Leave it. Nothing good comes from any further action from you.
Women are more attracted to you going silent than you trying to be Mr Nice Guy that wants to help.
Trust me.
MoreThanSmooth
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If she wants to handle it on her own, respect her wishes and let her deal with it herself. If you're "pestering" that's not going to help her or your relationship.
what?