Is it weird if your mother is friends with your ex?

[SargeMaximus]

Today I found out that my mother has been friends and in contact with an ex I had from 2019… I found that odd. Like they are best girlfriends almost. Anyone wanna weigh in?

 

[SW15]

That's total disrespect.

 

[SargeMaximus]

That's total disrespect.

From mother?

 

[SW15]

From mother?

Yes, your mother has totally disrespected you.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Yes, your mother has totally disrespected you.

Why? How? And what to do about it?

 

[Murk]

Why? How? And what to do about it?

Because it’s a little secret your mother (the only person who will ever have your back 100% without fail) and your ex (who should be gone from your life forever) have together, at your expense.

It shows a complete lack of respect to you, you or privacy and the fact they both feel there is no consequence.

I have to assume you have no frame with either women. I would tell mum, “this isn’t on, you don’t speak to anyone I know without me knowing, you don’t contact any exs and you don’t speak to my friends”.

Then no contact your mother for 6-12 months to let it sink in. Honestly I’ve been in similar situation 15 years ago with my own mother, I was away at uni and she was talking to my friend asking questions about me. I took it as a massive disrespect and she never did that again. She passed away from cancer 7 years later and I wished I hadn’t been so harsh on her, however I deserve respect and I won’t have gossiping and secrets behind my back.

You will never get a someone like your mother so try to keep that bond strong.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Because it’s a little secret your mother (the only person who will ever have your back 100% without fail) and your ex (who should be gone from your life forever) have together, at your expense.

It shows a complete lack of respect to you, you or privacy and the fact they both feel there is no consequence.

I have to assume you have no frame with either women. I would tell mum, “this isn’t on, you don’t speak to anyone I know without me knowing, you don’t contact any exs and you don’t speak to my friends”.

Then no contact your mother for 6-12 months to let it sink in. Honestly I’ve been in similar situation 15 years ago with my own mother, I was away at uni and she was talking to my friend asking questions about me. I took it as a massive disrespect and she never did that again. She passed away from cancer 7 years later and I wished I hadn’t been so harsh on her, however I deserve respect and I won’t have gossiping and secrets behind my back.

You will never get a someone like your mother so try to keep that bond strong.

I don’t see how it’s at my expense. What are they plotting to kill me or something? It’s odd you see it that way and that’s not what I was expecting the pov of you guys would be.

Do I have frame with either woman? According to you I don’t but what is frame in this regard? Mom can’t talk to my ex? Would an alpha care? I doubt it.
Very odd takes.

my mom used to be very disrespectful of me in MY opinion. And I DID cut contact for over a year. She smartened up after that and has been better ever since. But now you say this is disrespectful. I’m not sure. I guess I don’t see it that way.

i thought the pov here would be that my mom and that ex had something in common I could use for insight into myself and my game.

lack of frame. Odd. Frame of what? Again, I don’t see the big crime they are committing.

 

[Murk]

I don’t see how it’s at my expense. What are they plotting to kill me or something? It’s odd you see it that way and that’s not what I was expecting the pov of you guys would be.

Do I have frame with either woman? According to you I don’t but what is frame in this regard? Mom can’t talk to my ex? Would an alpha care? I doubt it.
Very odd takes.

my mom used to be very disrespectful of me in MY opinion. And I DID cut contact for over a year. She smartened up after that and has been better ever since. But now you say this is disrespectful. I’m not sure. I guess I don’t see it that way.

i thought the pov here would be that my mom and that ex had something in common I could use for insight into myself and my game.

lack of frame. Odd. Frame of what? Again, I don’t see the big crime they are committing.

Hey, I’m not “you guys” I’m Murk and I can only speak for myself and I’m giving my advice/take, bro that’s what this forum is for incase you hadn’t noticed yet.

Frame meaning they don’t respect you, disregard you, mainly aimed at your mother here as your ex shouldn’t be in your life unless you have kids. You just admitted your mother used to disrespect you and you cut her off for year… that’s exactly what I said in my first reply yet it’s an odd take?

My issue is with mother/family/best friend taking sides and aligning with an enemy. An ex is an enemy because she’s not an ally. That’s just a very simplistic version to help you understand where I’m coming from.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Hey, I’m not “you guys” I’m Murk and I can only speak for myself and I’m giving my advice/take, bro that’s what this forum is for incase you hadn’t noticed yet.

Frame meaning they don’t respect you, disregard you, mainly aimed at your mother here as your ex shouldn’t be in your life unless you have kids. You just admitted your mother used to disrespect you and you cut her off for year… that’s exactly what I said in my first reply yet it’s an odd take?

My issue is with mother/family/best friend taking sides and aligning with an enemy. An ex is an enemy because she’s not an ally. That’s just a very simplistic version to help you understand where I’m coming from.

Ok, Murk.
1. Yes I had noticed, hence why I’m here. I don’t intend to just take any and all advice without thinking, however.

2. My ex isn’t in my life

3. It’s an odd take because of why you think she needs to be cut off. I cut her off because she was treating me like her 5 year old child every time we met. That, to me, is more disrespectful than this is. Hence why in that instance, cutting her off is justified imo.

But talking to an ex? I don’t see the disrespect there. They are two adult human beings. I’m not about to tell my mom who she can and can’t talk to. That’s just weird imo. Now if my ex had tried to kill me or harm me in some way and my mom is friends with her then yeah, that would be reason to cut her off for sure.

And ok, so you see an ex as an enemy. I don’t. Unless like I said they’ve done something to harm me or my mission.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Yes, its f0ckin weird. And you are clearly not cool with it. Talk to your mom.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Yes, its f0ckin weird. And you are clearly not cool with it. Talk to your mom.

I’m not into changing her. I’ll just dial back the contact. We aren’t on the best of terms

 

[logicallefty]

Today I found out that my mother has been friends and in contact with an ex I had from 2019… I found that odd. Like they are best girlfriends almost. Anyone wanna weigh in?

I don't have an issue with it if I still get along with the ex, such as my ex-wife/mother of my daughter. I'm still good friends with her and her family, and my mother still talks to her regularly as well. No issues there. I did have another ex years ago my mom kept in contact with who I didn't like. I sat mom down and said "If you want to talk to 'ex' then fine, but DO NOT mention my name or even hint about what I am up to. If she asks, play dumb. I do not want her knowing my business and she is not privy to it like you. Don't blow my trust. " Seemed to work.

 

[SargeMaximus]

I don't have an issue with it if I still get along with the ex, such as my ex-wife/mother of my daughter. I'm still good friends with her and her family, and my mother still talks to her regularly as well. No issues there. I did have another ex years ago my mom kept in contact with who I didn't like. I sat mom down and said "If you want to talk to 'ex' then fine, but DO NOT mention my name or even hint about what I am up to. If she asks, play dumb. I do not want her knowing my business and she is not privy to it like you. Don't blow my trust. " Seemed to work.

Yeah see my ex wasn’t crazy or anything, things just didn’t work out between us and we don’t stay in contact. So I dont think the alarming responses from the others makes much sense in my situation

thanks for weighing in

 

[Scars]

I doubt she truly enjoys her company.. but maybe she does. What I think is happening: Your ex is probably trying to "keep her foot in the door" to date you again eventually, or she thinks she is getting some type of "revenge" on you by being friends with her.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

That's a big no no. I wouldn't even want an ex and my mother to be friends on social media.
Talk civil and politely to your mother about it though.

 

[SargeMaximus]

I doubt she truly enjoys her company.. but maybe she does. What I think is happening: Your ex is probably trying to "keep her foot in the door" to date you again eventually, or she thinks she is getting some type of "revenge" on you by being friends with her.

It’s definitely possible

 

[Terra]

It's possible, what if guy or girl is friend to her or his ex?