Is it possible to redefine yourself as an alpha among your friends?

[DJorBUST]

Hey guys...long time fan, first time caller...wait, nevermind. So, I was listening to David DeAngelo's Body Language and he talks about status or the concept of a pecking order or establishing alphaness so to speak. Among my group of friends, I would say that I have moderate respect, but I am far from an alpha. Part of that has to do with the very few dates I have gone on since they've known me (for the last three years since I've moved here). I recently started casually dating somebody and have been having sex with her since the first date. I was thinking to myself that my friends would see me in a different light after this and the social dynamic would change as a result. However, nothing much seems to have changed.

So, my question to you guys is whether I can change a long-standing dynamic within the group with more time and more women or whether I should seek out a new group of friends and start fresh. Sure, this might seem petty or a silly question, but it can be pretty damn irritating to be getting less respect than you feel you deserve among your closest friends. Can I convince people who have seen me as a beta (or maybe a delta...i don't know) for years to see me as an alpha?

 

[MacDiddy]

Far easier to eject and find new groups to project your new found alphaness... Old groups will resist and treat you as per your original pecking order status.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Punch them in the face when they disrespect you.

That's pretty alpha.

 

[backbreaker]

In short...no

it's easier to find new freinds, just like it's pointless to try to recreate yourself to women you have already fuvked up with

 

[MacDiddy]

Punch them in the face when they disrespect you.

That's pretty alpha.

Maybe you need to grow up.

 

[Raikojo17]

why would you care? worrying about how alpha you are all day only hurts your game.

here's a tip. a true alpha doesnt care how alpha he is to others.

 

[Jariel]

It has to be a genuine change. You're either an alpha male or you are not.

Anything else would just be a pretence and result in some unusual behaviour.

 

[everywomanshero]

This is pretty much what I thinktoo, old friends can be brought around but it just takes longer since they already have some image of you. Guys have an unconcious motivation to try and define you certain ways, it's not personal nor they realize they are even doing it.

If you can find guy friends who truly want to see you suceed and not get in the way of your success to protect their own self-esteem, then you have found yourself good friends.

Being alpha certainly isn't about losing control and starting fights. That's the most unalpha thing I can think of. If being alpha means having sex with large, tatooed men in a cage, count me out!!!!

 

[PigAdlemPimp]

Once the other dudes have ranked you as being lower than them the only way to win over their respect for you is if you take them on and beat them in a punch up.
You are better off moving into a new environment where no ones knows anything about you then you will be ranked by your behaviour and can attain the AlphaMale rank without having a fist fight.
If other people veiw you as being a loser wimp or wuss you need to do something very dramatic to change their thinking.
If you take the lead role straight away you won't need to do anything to gain their respect.

 

[DJorBUST]

A lot of good advice here (save the advice that would have landed me in jail). I think I'm going to try and combine a few bits of advice here. I'm going to work on my game with women while maintaining the same group of friends without expecting them to change their perceptions of me. I'm just working on my game just for the sake of getting women and not to try and gain respect from friends. After I've achieved that, I'll reassess where I'm at and how my friends perceive me. If they are still acting the same, but I've achieved what Amante suggested I achieve, then I will move on to a new group of friends. Thanks again. Any additional advice would be appreciated.

 

[2Cool]

You're attempting to gain respect from a group of people for the wrong reasons. Your focus is them and not you. Why do you care what they think? Ultimately, it's you that has to gain self respect. If these people are your real friends they will accept you as you are and as you grow and develop.

If they cannot see and genuinely admire the change and progress you have made, are they your friends? I am not going to say drop them, but you need to see where they stand as it comes to you and your growth. No one stays the same over time, and you will have to make your own decisions.

 

[Master Bates]

Maybe you need to grow up.

That's pretty much what I'd say to someone who's trying to become the "alpha male" of his pack of friends. I mean seriously, get real.

 

[Touchout]

You're attempting to gain respect from a group of people for the wrong reasons. Your focus is them and not you. Why do you care what they think? Ultimately, it's you that has to gain self respect. If these people are your real friends they will accept you as you are and as you grow and develop.

If they cannot see and genuinely admire the change and progress you have made, are they your friends? I am not going to say drop them, but you need to see where they stand as it comes to you and your growth. No one stays the same over time, and you will have to make your own decisions.

Amen to that, this is the best post on this thread.

It sounds like you want to be "alpha" because you want your friends to look up to you, kind of put you on a pedestal above them.

If you try to impress them, your only going to take away some of their respect for you because your almost validating yourself to them.

Just continue to improve and become more confident and people will be see the change, but like 2Cool said, do it for yourself.

 

[DJorBUST]

That's pretty much what I'd say to someone who's trying to become the "alpha male" of his pack of friends. I mean seriously, get real.

Spoken like the type of person who would pick Master Bates as his user name. Why don't you go hang out with your right hand in the corner where you belong.

 

[Raikojo17]

Spoken like the type of person who would pick Master Bates as his user name. Why don't you go hang out with your right hand in the corner where you belong.

no man. he's right. you should grow up. a real man or and "alpha" doesnt seek to control others or put himself above his friends. he doesnt care how alpha others see him as. he just does his own thing.

what you're doin is trying to validate yourself for your friends. you're trying to impress them. alphas dont need to impress others.

 

[DJorBUST]

This is such a load of crap. Everybody wants respect from their friends. It isn't a matter of putting yourself ABOVE others or a matter of CONTROL. It's about mutual respect not a unidirectional praise of me over them. I can have multiple reasons for wanting to better myself, it doesn't have to be isolated to just one thing. People don't come onto this board because they just want to get women. People come onto this board to improve themselves overall.

 

[backbreaker]

lol, dude, how are you going to ask for advice, get it, and then pout like a little b!tch when it's not what you want to hear?

It's not like we don't like you. we odn't know you. There are thousands of combined years of experience on this forum.. use it wisely.


You are right, everyone wants respect from their friends. EVERYONE. But if you are at a point where they have lost respect for you, it's hard, if not downright impossible to get it back. That's what we are saying. it's better to start anew.

I've been there. It's not fun, or easy.


Also, you have no idea what being an alpha male is. I can see by your response. you act like it's a guy that walks around, beats the crap out of people and gets loads of ass.

I can tell you from personal expericne, that being.. I won't call it "alpha male".. that's to general.. I'm going to take it back. Being a "DJ" is about being yourself to the upmost.

I've accomplished alot. to be frank, i've accomplished more than most people on this forum at a very young age. AS far as respect, it's more like resentment. My dad doesn't talk to me. Hell no one on my dad's side of my family talks to me because I won't give them any money (any more ). The only person I talk to on a regular basis and have a working fucntional relatoinshiip with in my family is my mom. When I was a failure, I was a fat kid who didn't have anything in their eyes.. they wouldn't even invite me to thanksgiving.. my own fvcking family. Now, they have their hands out and I'm supposed to just drop money like Santa Claus. **** that. to this day I don't have anything really do to on holidays, and it's the few times of the year I wish I had a different family... one of the reasons I wouldn't mind h aving one of my own (one of the ONLY reasons might i add)

My friends I literarly came out of the craddle with, resent me. they sabatoge me, they make wisecracks to women (that I am talking to) about me when I wasn't around, they undermind me.. so I had to cut them off. These are guys that weren't friends.. they were blood to me. I would take a bullet for them and wouldn't think twice, and because I have grown up faster than them they got resentful.

But do they respect me? how can they not? They may not LIKE me, I don't live my life for them, so they can kiss it. I'm happy, and I've been though enough **** to weed out who is there for me and how isn't.

to this day, you can call my grandmother... she will call me every name in the book because I won't send her any money.. but ask her what type of person I am.... When something serious goes down who is the first person they call? Me. when my cousin wanted to fly her son out to Germany to see her (she's in the army), who did she call to buy the plane tickets for her and her son (to and from?)... and I did it, and didn't think twice. do what's right by me. I'm not resentful, my family never will live on the street, but that's it.

Being a DJ is about knowing you can live with or without a woman, makes me no difference. I don't need anyone but myself.

being a DJ is about knowing you can get yourself though any situtation, becuase you are a MAN.

Being a DJ is kowning when to forgive, when to forget and when to move on.

Being a DJ is about being the best YOU, that you can possibly be.


memorizing a few pickup lines, and hitting the gym isn't going to make you what you want to become (by itself)

 

[three12]

DJorBust..

All the advice I read here is totally wrong. -i skipped alot of it-

I went from a lower-middle runged guy in my group of friends to the top guy.

It took quite some time and was largely based around women.

You need to have other successful attributes too though.

I've always been smarter/quick witted then most of my friends.

I'm one of the taller ones (6ft)..

Back when I first found this site. 2003.

I was posting all sorts of things like... "How can I get the girls that my better looking friends get?"

It was essentially *How can I be more alpha then my friends?* but I didn't understand that at the time.

Here is what I would suggest.

STOP TALKING.

Like.. Don't talk anything about "I learnt this and this and this.." "...say this to get women.." "You should be opening women up and you'll get more women.."

Don't offer them any advice like that.

Just shut your mouth, knuckle down in your spare time. Hit the gym. Study hard. Work hard. Etc. Etc.

Then when it comes to girls. Continue to do your best and work on improving.

For me, this involved going to clubs with my buddies. Drinking with my buddies. Like normal. Having fun like normal.

But then I'd cruise off alone. Meet girls. Pick girls up.

The next day would roll around and they'd be... "What'd you get up to?" I'd tell them. But I'd talk it down, rather then up. "I picked up this girl.. She was alright.. blah blah blah.."

You keep that kind of form up for 6-12 months and these guys will be totally begging you for every peice of advice you can offer.

You've got what they want. You've got value. You need nothing from them.

You become a value giver. They become value takers.

You are now alpha.

The best thing about this is that in future, your mates are now assuming the role that you are currently doing.

Say you and the most alpha guy are out.. You meet 2 girls.. You are expecting him to get the hotter girl, and you'll take the scraps..

This will change.

He will expect you to get the hotter girl..

When he expects it. And you expect it. The hotter girl then understands her role is to be with you.

-This is all coming totally from experience.

I found this site when I was 19. By 21 I was 'the alpha' that you want to be. It could be done much faster. I didn't understand what I was doing.

I'm 23 now and I'd never look back.

three12.

 

[MacDiddy]

why would you care? worrying about how alpha you are all day only hurts your game.

here's a tip. a true alpha doesnt care how alpha he is to others.

Dude, you're putting the cart before the horse here. If you were a loser, you first have to recognise that you are one in order to change and become a winner and secondly take steps to affect the change. This guy is simply setting goals for himself and achieving it thru due process like so many other guys who have come to this website a lesser man and walked away quite happy with themselves.

 

[shaunuk]

In my experience, you can, but as Jariel etc. have said, it has to be a REAL change, and you've gotta do it for you.

About a year and a bit ago I started getting my act together. I was self-concious, had little confidence, had no game, and felt like a beta among my FRIENDS. And naturally I was treated as such. I got it together, tidied myself up, began developing confidence, seeing multiple chicks, making new friends etc.

I pretty much stopped hanging with most of those friends so I could get out the habit of being beta and feeling unconfident. Now, a year later on, they all think I'm a waaaay cooler guy, a good talker, funny and confident. I've changed, and they know it as well.

I agree with MacDiddy in that last post. I was unconfident, therefore had little self-respect. I HAD to change, it was killing me.

-shaun