Is it ok to make your girlfriend feel like she is not good enough for you?

[BobFuest]

well through all my challenge and flirting with other woman i ran into a new snag. My woman feels like she is not good enough for me. I have had this problem before so maybe it is something i do to women.. In any case, is that good or bad? She didnt say shes never going to be good enough, just she feels she is not good enough because i look at other women and i told her that . Jealousy is one thing but I think i am makin her feel not good about herself. Any suggestions? shes quite upset about the whole thing. Not like she would leave me but shes been crying all day. Dont know what my next move should be. i liked that we trusted each other..
p.s. guess i am a jerk. :cuss:

 

[STR8UP]

well through all my challenge and flirting with other woman i ran into a new snag. My woman feels like she is not good enough for me. I have had this problem before so maybe it is something i do to women.. In any case, is that good or bad? She didnt say shes never going to be good enough, just she feels she is not good enough because i look at other women and i told her that . Jealousy is one thing but I think i am makin her feel not good about herself. Any suggestions? shes quite upset about the whole thing. Not like she would leave me but shes been crying all day. Dont know what my next move should be. i liked that we trusted each other..
p.s. guess i am a jerk. :cuss:

Why is this a snag? It keeps 'em on their toes.

I have the same problem. Mine probably stems from my narcissistic personality though.

 

[Vulpine]

Narcissism is a character trait that I actually had to try to develop. I think I call myself a narcissist out of guilt - guilt that I'm not as modest as I used to be. But, mine's more of a "fake it till you make it" scenario. I stopped apologizing for being so smooth.

In Bob's case, he's likely getting feedback that his "I AM THE PRIZE." stance is working as it should. Don't second guess yourself Bob. If she is complaining in so many words that "she's not good enough for you" it's one of three things:

1. You ARE too good for her. YOU are the prize. She isn't being chased.

2. She has a low self esteem. Still, YOU ARE THE PRIZE!

3. You are a "nice guy" and she feels guilty for doing some nasty things behind your back that will "hurt you".

Rather than worry yourself silly about the meaning, assume that it's merely a compliment and that everything is going as planned.... MUAHahAHah!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What's the payoff for doing this? Your own stroked ego and a woman that has low self esteem? Thanks but no thanks, too much drama...

 

[OpenMind]

I'm with Francisco on this. Sounds like you are trying to feel better about yourself at her expense. Just my 2 cents....

 

[Desdinova]

1. You ARE too good for her. YOU are the prize. She isn't being chased.

2. She has a low self esteem. Still, YOU ARE THE PRIZE!

3. You are a "nice guy" and she feels guilty for doing some nasty things behind your back that will "hurt you".

Good post, Vulpine

What it all boils down to is she'll tell you this whether you're doing things right, or if you're doing things wrong. I get it all the time, but I don't let it bother me. Women sometimes need to emotionally bleed all over the place. As long as you're not soaking it up and spoiling her rotten for her emotional mess, things will be fine. They just need some drama when they're not getting enough of it in their lives.

You'd also be surprised at how often they tell you why they're sad, but it actually has nothing to do with the REAL problem they're crying about.

well through all my challenge and flirting with other woman i ran into a new snag. My woman feels like she is not good enough for me.

This is what gets me though. There's nothing wrong with chatting to other women. However, if you're openly flirting with them in front of your gf, then why the hell are you in a LTR? Flirt with your gf, it'll keep your relationship going.

 

[Bourne]

First of all I think she sounds that she has low-self-esteem. Second, you shouldn't deliberatly do what you are doing. Never put anyone above you or below you.

 

[Bourne]

Good post, Vulpine

What it all boils down to is she'll tell you this whether you're doing things right, or if you're doing things wrong. I get it all the time, but I don't let it bother me. Women sometimes need to emotionally bleed all over the place. As long as you're not soaking it up and spoiling her rotten for her emotional mess, things will be fine. They just need some drama when they're not getting enough of it in their lives.

You'd also be surprised at how often they tell you what they're sad about, but it actually has nothing to do with the REAL problem they're crying about.

My ex-g/f used to tell me almost the same thing. This is good.

 

[STR8UP]

I spent MANY years trying to give women what they ask for. Nobody bothered to tell me when I was growing up that women often tell you that you are doing something wrong when you are actually doing everything right.

There's this chick that has a thing for me. I'll bet she doesn't go more than 2 minutes in a conversation without saying "You're a jerk, I hate you!" or some variation thereof. You think that's bad? Of course not. She usually says this stuff after I tease her or after she asks me why I never call her. And she eats it up. This is what makes women feel ALIVE.

As long as you aren't making her feel inadequate by insulting her or somehow psychologically abusing her, the ball is in your court if she feels that you have options.

The other posters are missing the point here. It doesn't sound like you are degrading her or anything, you are just showing her that you want her but don't need her. If she has deeper insecurity issues there's nothing you can do about that and it's going to end up screwing things up, but like I said, you can't change that.

I dated a girl several years ago who I couldn't take to a club without her throwing a fit accusing me of checking out other women all night. She was a basketcase. Needless to say that lasted all of about two minutes. There's no way I could have fixed her even if I had the patience to try.

 

[DoubleA]

It's all good.

But I can't flow with the disrespect. I don't have a GF. GF in the context, I go places with her, see her, touch, smell, and hear. Now I'm trying to move to the next stage. I know that I'm ready for a full time monogomous relationship; however, I'm also knowing what I bring to the table.

I used to make women feel that way because I was searching for my "holy grail" woman. Now I chill. Finally, narrowing down faults. Maybe she's good for you and you don't realize. I wouldn't commit if you're not into her.

all things higher says there is a season for everything. Which in turn constitutes time. You're time here is valuable while sometimes you may see it mundane. Make the best of it. We never know when we're going to go. I think really like her but want to her understand what a prize she has. And You are. If you weren't she would have tried to skip out.

Just give respect. And you'll get it.

Ask yorself this..Do you think you could do better? Did you settle?
If not. Keep being her trophy as she is hers. I know you knock around with her because she's something to you.

Let us know how it goes.

 

[penkitten]

it sounds like if you continue to make her feel badly and she continues to cry all day, she is gonna dump you.

 

[loser2]

ya keep this up and one day she will wake up and leave you.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

it sounds like if you continue to make her feel badly and she continues to cry all day, she is gonna dump you.

This, and the "I don't feel I measure up" line are passive-aggressive sh!t tests women use to express competition anxiety. This is ******** for "I don't feel as if I can train you well enough not to look at other women I might actually have to compete with for your attention."

,...she is gonna dump you.

Ooooh, and this would be a bad thing for a guy with options?

This is exactly why I say Spin More Plates and to establish, honest non-exclusivity with the women you date. Always recognize what an ultimate is: An ultimatum is a declaration of powerlessness. The minute someone tells you, "you better ____ or else" that person is stating their inability to control your decisions and this is exactly where you want this girl.

Narcissism and self-concern are two very different animals, but it will be Narcissism that a woman giving ultimatums will accuse a man of.

Self-love is not so great a sin as self-neglect.

 

[Wyldfire]

well through all my challenge and flirting with other woman i ran into a new snag. My woman feels like she is not good enough for me. I have had this problem before so maybe it is something i do to women.. In any case, is that good or bad? She didnt say shes never going to be good enough, just she feels she is not good enough because i look at other women and i told her that . Jealousy is one thing but I think i am makin her feel not good about herself. Any suggestions? shes quite upset about the whole thing. Not like she would leave me but shes been crying all day. Dont know what my next move should be. i liked that we trusted each other..
p.s. guess i am a jerk. :cuss:

If she's crying like that she's associating being with you with pain, sadness and unhappiness. That will wear on her at some point and she'll leave. In fact, at some point she is going to snap out of being sad and be mad. When she is mad she'll do herself all up and go out and find a guy who makes her feel good. That's how it always goes.

 

[Vulpine]

well through all my challenge and flirting with other woman i ran into a new snag. My woman feels like she is not good enough for me. I have had this problem before so maybe it is something i do to women.. In any case, is that good or bad? She didnt say shes never going to be good enough, just she feels she is not good enough because i look at other women and i told her that . Jealousy is one thing but I think i am makin her feel not good about herself. Any suggestions? shes quite upset about the whole thing. Not like she would leave me but shes been crying all day. Dont know what my next move should be. i liked that we trusted each other..
p.s. guess i am a jerk. :cuss:

My original point still stands.

Don't bother to hyperanalyze her problems. (See also: emotional tampon) If she's been "crying all day", then leave. Whatever her problem is, be it PMS or a hard day at work, you aren't the problem. Because you are standing there asking "What's wrong?" she's going to say "You this and that wah wah wah." The truth is, she's just emotional and has no idea why. Since she's crying and you're standing there, you must be why is what she'll deduce. So, she's going to try to come up with things and spit them out at you to answer your annoying questions. This is why we should avoid women when they are upset, we get associated with the negativity. You don't want to make yourself the reason she was crying.

I glazed over the mushy how's and why's in my first post because it's somewhat understood. Everyone has stood over a crying woman and asked what's wrong. And, everyone has heard "YOU. You're what's wrong." Then we get sucked in and stand there getting unloaded on. You smell too good, you're too nice for me, you left the seat up, ...............emotional diarrhea jibberish all over my freshly polished shoes and I wasn't even the last male to use the bathroom!

I look at other women all the time. Now, if a woman should bring it up or hit me on the arm... I don't play that crap. I will tell them how childish their insecurity is and that looking at women is like going to an art gallery - women are beautiful and pleasant to look at. It doesn't mean I'm going to buy every piece in the gallery.

Like I said before, YOU ARE THE PRIZE. Therefore, you don't need to over-analyze her sniveling. And, you don't need her crying and emotion to leech your happiness away. If she had something valid as a negative point to tell you, you would've picked up on it. But she had something POSITIVE as an excuse (for her crying?), so you shouldn't worry about it at all, you're golden. If she can't handle the competition, that's her problem not yours.
:yawn:

As for your "guess I'm a jerk".... if she's staging this episode, it's working because she is "knocking you off your pedestal". Where you felt like the prize before, now you don't think so. If she keeps up the boo-hooing, soon you'll no longer be "too good for her" and under her control. FOLLOW? YOU'RE THE PRIZE! :trouble:

 

[BobFuest]

Everyone has given a good opinion but to be honest this one really was me stepping out of line. It was not jealousy, i really was trying to hook it up with another chick and gave her my number. Why? For my own insecurities. To be honest, i thought this girl i was with now was going to leave me so i started laying groundwork for something new. It ends up that the girl is madly in love with me and I am just reading it all wrong. In fact she thought (and my guy friend,her roomate,confirmed it) everything was wonderful. She just freaked me out with the intensity of her emotions over her period. So i made a mountain out of a mole hill. Now i know your going to read into this but after deep thought i did read the signs all wrong. Am i still the prize? Hell yea! Did i allow her to knock me off the pedestal? No because I did admit to being wrong but i didnt say sorry for being a man or sorry for other woman wanting me. I was just wrong in my actions (trying to get with another girl).After this she did try and test me and have me do things for her or to get me to get off my pedestal and I stayed hard. Everything looks like it will work out and I am sure everything will be just fine. I am glad that it happened actually because now she got knocked off her pedestal (which has probably never happened to hot chick like her) and reminded that she is not always the hottest thing on this planet. Thats why I am going to be a keeper and different then every other AFC she dated. She now knows i can live without her and if sh1t dont go right i will be out the door.

 

[BobFuest]

As for your "guess I'm a jerk".... if she's staging this episode, it's working because she is "knocking you off your pedestal". Where you felt like the prize before, now you don't think so. If she keeps up the boo-hooing, soon you'll no longer be "too good for her" and under her control. FOLLOW? YOU'RE THE PRIZE! :trouble:

Its not a staged anything. she really loves me and her feelings are hurt because she feels like I treat her like she is not good enough for me. She is also hurt because she doesnt want to live with out me. will i bow down at any point? not on your life. i may apoligize and buy flowers but never am i going to turn into an AFC or a lapdog. I told her to accept my apology and forget about it. Those are the terms i will take or nothing. She knows that.

 

[Vulpine]

:cheer:

Desdinova, show him your signature.... Don't do this right now::flowers:

 

[BobFuest]

:cheer:

Desdinova, show him your signature.... Don't do this right now::flowers:

hahah funny you metion it. she wanted flowers and i said no. good thing i did because your right. Although she is not upset anymore. Just trying to pull power rank on me and I am not goin for it.

 

[Desdinova]

Desdinova, show him your signature.... Don't do this right now:

Apparently, I have to write a minimum of three characters to post this: