Is it normal to find it hard to come to terms with swallowing the red pill/becoming a don juan?

[tommeh9]

I find myself here after lots of fk ups with women. I don't take the lead with women AT ALL, due to fear of being rejected/not good enough. I just keep to myself and don't put myself out there. I can think of 5 separate occasions in the past few years when I have done absolutely nothing and yet an attractive girl has thrown herself at me, I've ended up in bed with her, haven't made a move, she loses interest and I find myself trying to figure out what the fk just happened.

The latest instance happened a few weeks ago where a girl invited me back to her house, was getting touchy/feely in bed and all I did was cuddle her and talked. I felt as if she was a typical "nice" girl -quiet, shy, acted nervous when we were alone together and thought she would reject me if I made a move. I thought she would think I respected her, wasn't just trying to use her for sex and we would end up in a relationship. She never talked to me again. I tried "chasing" her and found out that I completely misjudged her as she sleeps around A LOT and leads guys on.

I've come to terms with the fact that I have very low self esteem and I'm in a constant cycle of oneitis - I obsess over one girl and only move on when another shows me interest. I've started reading lots of different books - "The Rational Male", "Models", "Six Pillars of Self Esteem" and am able to relate to a lot of the material and at the time, I understand where I've gone wrong. But I feel like nothing is becoming hard-wired and is only a temporary solution. For instance I was reading about oneitis in "The Rational Male" and all the theory made sense to me. How toxic it is and how I need to break out of this habit. I found myself laughing at how this girl had affected me and put her out of my mind. Yet, 2 days later, I'm thinking about her again and playing out scenarios in my head about us getting together in the future, despite being aware that she is completely incompatible with me.

TLDR; Is it normal to experience this kind of thinking in the early stages. I cannot imagine myself approaching girls, "spinning plates' and what not. I'm so hard-wired in my "nice guy" approach that I'm struggling. Yet logically I know its something I need to do. My mother, who brought me up with this "nice guy" mentality even told me "The world has changed, you need to just start having sex with these girls" but i'm just scared that I won't be able to succeed. I guess what i'm trying to look for is some support. Is it normal to feel this way early on. Do most people who go on to become normal functioning males feel the same?

 

[ChangePages]

You have to reach a level of not giving a **** what people think about you, it's only then when you have success and ease in your self and allow the conversation to flow the right way or whatever direction you want it to go. You'll probably make it, you probably won't. It really depends on the person but experience would give you that and once you understand the psychology of women and actually experience the **** they do then overtime you'll begin to grow colder and not rely on a women to give you that self assurance and self esteem that you crave from them. Because why the **** do you want a girl to raise your self esteem when most don't even have one to begin with. You have to get over the fear of rejection. You're the most ugliest person in the world to one women and the most handsome to the next. It doesn't matter you'll forget them as soon as you talk to someone else. I don't recall the girls that rejected me a year ago or two years after that because when they rejected me I had someone else who was sucking my **** you get what I mean? So don't stress about it man.

 

[switch7]

I find myself here after lots of fk ups with women. I don't take the lead with women AT ALL, due to fear of being rejected/not good enough. I just keep to myself and don't put myself out there. I can think of 5 separate occasions in the past few years when I have done absolutely nothing and yet an attractive girl has thrown herself at me, I've ended up in bed with her, haven't made a move, she loses interest and I find myself trying to figure out what the fk just happened.

The latest instance happened a few weeks ago where a girl invited me back to her house, was getting touchy/feely in bed and all I did was cuddle her and talked. I felt as if she was a typical "nice" girl -quiet, shy, acted nervous when we were alone together and thought she would reject me if I made a move. I thought she would think I respected her, wasn't just trying to use her for sex and we would end up in a relationship. She never talked to me again. I tried "chasing" her and found out that I completely misjudged her as she sleeps around A LOT and leads guys on.

I've come to terms with the fact that I have very low self esteem and I'm in a constant cycle of oneitis - I obsess over one girl and only move on when another shows me interest. I've started reading lots of different books - "The Rational Male", "Models", "Six Pillars of Self Esteem" and am able to relate to a lot of the material and at the time, I understand where I've gone wrong. But I feel like nothing is becoming hard-wired and is only a temporary solution. For instance I was reading about oneitis in "The Rational Male" and all the theory made sense to me. How toxic it is and how I need to break out of this habit. I found myself laughing at how this girl had affected me and put her out of my mind. Yet, 2 days later, I'm thinking about her again and playing out scenarios in my head about us getting together in the future, despite being aware that she is completely incompatible with me.

TLDR; Is it normal to experience this kind of thinking in the early stages. I cannot imagine myself approaching girls, "spinning plates' and what not. I'm so hard-wired in my "nice guy" approach that I'm struggling. Yet logically I know its something I need to do. My mother, who brought me up with this "nice guy" mentality even told me "The world has changed, you need to just start having sex with these girls" but i'm just scared that I won't be able to succeed. I guess what i'm trying to look for is some support. Is it normal to feel this way early on. Do most people who go on to become normal functioning males feel the same?

Forget about women for the time being. My advice would to be spend 1 year on yourself. Hit the gym and get into a good diet. Make it a habit. This should give you good discipline if you don't already have it, and you can use it in other areas of your life. It will also increase your self confidence and fill you with feel good hormones making you feel more masculine and more capable. It will motivate you.

Regarding the low self esteem. Tackling this has to become your priority. The 6 pillars of self esteem book is good but it doesn't deal with the nuts and bolts of low self esteem enough, which is a huge topic.

Get a book called 'overcoming low self esteem' by melanie fennell. This is the one most shrinks recommend. Read it and do all the exercises repeatedly and to a schedule. Your task is to weaken the negative neurological pathways in your brain and to create new positive pathways. This requires repetition of new positive thoughts and requires a lot of time and practice. Its a good idea to get a therapist to help you figure out what is the root cause of your low self esteem and give you proper guidance.

Thats my advice.

 

[Desdinova]

I understand where I've gone wrong. But I feel like nothing is becoming hard-wired and is only a temporary solution.

I'm so hard-wired in my "nice guy" approach that I'm struggling.

I was extremely hard wired in my "nice guy" ways as well. I was brought up in a strict religious environment that put a proverbial chastity belt on me, and wasn't supposed to come off until I was around 20 years old. My sexual encounters all happened out of luck before I found this place.

What you need to do in order to overcome your fears and break out of your shell is to constantly put yourself outside your comfort zone. You need to do things that seem foreign to you and things that you perceive as offensive to the woman you're interacting with. Slap her on the ass, tell her she's a brat, play with her hair, smell her neck, etc. You'll quickly find out that women absolutely LOVE a man who's not afraid of being sexual, which is contrary to all the bull5hit you were taught about how "offensive overt sexuality is.

Is it normal to feel this way early on.

Yes. You're going to feel uncomfortable and find yourself in situations that are going to make you feel awkward. Luckily for you, many women can be quite patient while you're learning how to be sexual. The key is that you ARE putting in the effort to be more sexual. You have to take those steps of progress (even small ones) in order for the woman to be patient with your learning. Touch her. Kiss her. Be playful with her. Have sex with her (or at least make an attempt to have sex). If your progress comes to a screeching halt, so will her patience.

You have to put yourself out there to make real change to your personality. The more you continue being a "nice guy", the more opportunities you're going to miss out on. You MUST force yourself into uncomfortable situations. The more you expose yourself to them and prove to yourself that there's nothing wrong with what your doing, the more comfortable you're going to become doing it.

 

[sph21]

Yes. It hard to move from a typical nice guy to be a Don Juan. It takes everything you've got to change yourself.

There are somethings you need to realize or find out by yourself:

1. Men and women are sexual beings. The only reason why you didn't take advantage even though she "gave" herself away to you is that you don't want to think about her as a slvt. Women can be horny. You can tell when she's horny she uses a sexy outfit or wearing red. Part of being a don juan is to be comfortable with your own sexual nature. If you can't accept it, then she will be rejected by your asexual nature.
2. Overcome your neediness. Needy = desperate. No sane woman wants to be with a desperate man.
3. Don't put her on a pedestal. She's not a queen & don't worship her like one.
4. Be a strong man--mentally. Muscles can only help you a little. But a man who is mentally strong is a much sexier man in her eyes.
5. Reading without applying is nonsense. If don't learn from your own mistakes, you can never learn how to become a man. It took me a stupid mistake by dating an ugly girl and obsessed over her because I thought she was the only one for me. Can you believe it? I lowered myself just to save that stupid relationship and in the end I lost her. It took me several months just to fix my desperation. But in the end, I learned that I needed to follow strickly everything i had learned so far.
6. Have a standard and make sure it's a good one. You gotta stand for something in life.
7. Read DJ Bible and don't rush it. While you are reading it, make sure you also visualize how to apply it in real life.

When i was about to have a relationship with that ugly girl, I thought I knew how to be a Don Juan. But while i started to have a relationship with her, i threw everything I had learned through the window. So it's not about how much materials you've learned so far but about how to apply them no matter what.

If you start to act like a girl, she will treat you like one. Forget about those feminine traits and start acting masculine. Lead in everything you can, especially lead her and take full responsibility for everything you do.