is it justifiable in public she won't hold hands or come close but in private she wil

[drift king]

i dont understand if this girl im seeing is toying with me or is just waiting to see if we're officially together before demonstrating any public displays of affection.

this girl once she's had 1 drink is happy for me to have my arm around her and be intimate, hold hands etc. but as soon as we're outside she'll freeze up and won't even come close to hug me even if she's freezing. i told her to come inside my coat and she was like 'no!!' i was shocked it was literally 2mins before in the bar she was happy me being all over her.

should i stop overthinking? i feel something isn't right.. like maybe she doesn't want people to know we're seeing each other. i know she hasn't got a bf, however maybe she's seeing some other guy.

does this sound strange?

 

[1337]

Yeah sounds fishy but your overthinking it. Don't even bother trying to figure it out just chill and see what she does later. I think she's probably keeping her distance until you guys are official and doesn't wantto lead you on when she's not interested anymore

 

[playerone]

Dude i know you're really troubled over this particular girl, as your threads are all over the discussion forum. Well, you said she'd only allow contact when she's had a drink. She probably just wants to let loose and have fun during that time. After she's come to her senses, she wants none of it? She's not attracted to you. That's why.

However, the information you've provided is too brief to tell anything. Do you two only go out at night? How long have you two been going out? How are your conversations like? Any IOIs from her? Tell us more about this woman.

 

[horaholic]

Is this the girl you've been on 6 dates with, without a kiss? It doesnjt sound like you're getting ANY affection.

 

[drift king]

the thing is she's from a traditional country and keeps saying im too pushy, i don't personally feel i am especially as you say after 6 dates. however we had 2 dates originally which she didn't consider dates. then i messed up. we didn't speak for 5 weeks. i restarted it 2 weeks ago.

we had 1 ok meet, then 2 good dates to the extent where she seemed really into me. thought it's worrying that only once she's had 1 drink she's all affectionate.

i've noticed that she's pacing how much affection she gives me. after the 4th (2nd after 5 weeks) date, she'd start kissing me affectionately but pulling away when i go for a kiss, the next good date i asked her why she wouldn't let me kiss her, she says it was too soon and was worried if i'd be 'trouble' if she broke up with me. her ex went a bit crazy on her and he was the pushy type so now she's wary of pushy guys after the trouble she had. she 'says' its a border which she doesn't want to cross, can a girl really start to fall for you after 1 kiss?? they say the first kiss tells them everything.

on the date she's practically licking my lips but then when i go in she pulls away.

i didnt' figure that she's just pacing her affection towards me and i messed up on the date on saturday cos i said to her in advance that i wouldn't try to kiss her cos i didn't want to seem pushy after what she said last time. her reaction was like 'huh? umm ok....' almost in a strange way (i think she was ready to kiss me) but since i already said this when i went over her face and kissed her lips she didn't pull away, but as i already said i wouldn't i felt i shouldn't do it cos i'd come across as a liar. i was caught between in 2 minds.

if she's pacing her affection towards me giving me a little bit more each date, does this sound reasonable?

granted she is a tease, no doubt. but im sure i should/would have got the kiss close on saturday. if i dont get it next date then i guess she's toying with me?

it's just concerning that she only behaves affectionately when she has 1 drink. she must be just a low status girl.

 

[DonGorgon]

She thinks you dont look good enough for her.. So you need to spin other pates cause she will leave you soon but you also need t o clean yourself up get some stylish cloths and shoes and a cool hair cut.. This will give you more confidence and make her more attracted and proud to be with you.

 

[drift king]

She thinks you dont look good enough for her.. So you need to spin other pates cause she will leave you soon but you also need t o clean yourself up get some stylish cloths and shoes and a cool hair cut.. This will give you more confidence and make her more attracted and proud to be with you.

i already look good and wear stylish clothes, it cant be that. maybe she's playing the field and doesn't want anyone she knows seeing her out with a guy. i asked her if she thought her friends knew we were seeing each other, her response was 'i dont care, its none of their business. its my private life, maybe they do maybe they dont' saying it in almost an annoyed tone.

does this tell me anything?

 

[jophil28]

i already look good and wear stylish clothes, it cant be that. maybe she's playing the field and doesn't want anyone she knows seeing her out with a guy. i asked her if she thought her friends knew we were seeing each other, her response was 'i dont care, its none of their business. its my private life, maybe they do maybe they dont' saying it in almost an annoyed tone.

does this tell me anything?

Bewildering behavior or ambiguous behavior in a woman is her way of holding you at arms length. And it is also her way of exercizing control over the forward velocity and intensity of the relationship via the uncertainty which she creates.
THis is manifesting itself in your relationship with her in PDAs.

She is willling to partake in affectionate behavior in private but not in public.
How odd.
Frankly, if you are considering her as a contender for an LTR, I would suggest that you re-open the audition process.

 

[InPresent]

Ditch her.

 

[sodbuster]

She's a pr1ck tease to you. SHe keeps leading you on,but won't let it go anywhere. She is either not interested or one of the cluster B's. If she's bailing when it's time for a little intimacy-DTB

 

[playerone]

She sees you as a little boy who will trip the moment she wants a breakup, if you two were in a relationship. And you're probably acting like one. You want this woman, you don't need her. Show her you're the man. Sit back on this one, relax, and have fun. Date other women, you're being too needy. You want her to feel like she's not the only woman you want, and you got options and other priorities in life.

She's playing games. If she's interested, she won't make things hard for you. Remember, you have the option to walk away. You've given her plenty of chances, its been 6 dates. If she doesn't show a satisfactory amount of interest, delete her number and don't contact her anymore. If she wants you, she will call you. Problem solved. Now work your game on new women.

 

[tafakna]

This is a classical case of a relationship in which RESPECT is missing.

You're acting like the girl. She's in control of when to kiss, in what to do, while you're desperatly fishing for feedback.

For starters you need to get some control back. Quit holding her hand in public before she does, stop trying to kiss her, act with self-confidence. Women respect men that are independent, so quit trying to find an angle, and just be yourself.

Act like you don't give a damn if she shows affection in public, and soon you will start seeing some change.

 

[DonGorgon]

This is why relationships dont and cant work.. The person who becomes attached and really cares first is labelled and weak an needy for simply trying to make the relationship and emotionally fulfilling as possible. Its a no win situation.

Its a fact that women are attracted to men who treat them crappy but its very difficult to treat a woman crappy when you really start liking or loving her so its a catch 22 situation for men who most times have less options than women. Options mean power to leave and not care cause you dont have to worry about being lonely or sexless..

 

[Warrior74]

It may be some validity the above statements...the real question you have to figure out is, what type of girl is she? Is she a freak, a club girl, a traditional good girl? Do you know? Does her behavior match up with the kind of girl you think she is? How do traditional women in her country date? Is she acting accordingly? Has she been in your country long? How has her dating history and behavior been here? the point is, is she being consistant with who she is?

Honestly it reminds me of jr high, high school dating where everything was slow and each kiss was some special big moment.

Or on the flip side, it reminds me of a girl I dated who was a closet freak but tried to keep things slow because she thought I was husband material.

You have to make an assessment and then act accordingly for better or worse, pick a path and stick to it.


Oh and by the way...how many other women are you dating again? better not just be this one. that might be your problem.

 

[DonGorgon]

Oh and by the way...how many other women are you dating again? better not just be this one. that might be your problem.

Its sad when such a big part of our solution to dealing with women effectively is dating other women at the same time..lol Commitment and dedication become highly unlikely and even undesirable.

 

[Warrior74]

Its sad when such a big part of our solution to dealing with women effectively is dating other women at the same time..lol Commitment and dedication become highly unlikely and even undesirable.

What the f*ck are you on about again? I swear your posts oscillate between brilliant and completely f*cktarted asinine.

How exactly is that sad? Explain yourself.

 

[DonGorgon]

What the f*ck are you on about again? I swear your posts oscillate between brilliant and completely f*cktarted asinine.

How exactly is that sad? Explain yourself.

Your haste to hostility is quite disconcerting but strangely comical at the same time..lol

Thanks for calling me half brilliant, and FU for calling me half asinine.. or do I mean that the other way round..lol

Explanation:

So yes im a player and im trying to F as many hos as possible cause im super cool..blablabla.. BUT , I would prefer to be in love, with one woman who wants to be in love, with one man so we can have a family full of love and dedication etc. So thats why i find it sad that most women cannot be dealt with and or the only way to deal with them is to "cheat"..