It seems to me an inordinate amount of attention is paid to how to get a girl (or rather, girls), get her into bed, get some dates, and so on. I don't see a lot of threads about keeping a single girl for a LTR. When people ask for advice on how to keep a girl during difficult times the most often advice I hear is ditch her and move on (I'm not referring to dates, but girls already in a relationship). What's going on here? Any thoughts on that? Or have I gone to the wrong site for trying to find advice on how to get AND keep a girl?
Is it just about "getting" a girl? How about "keeping" a girl?
- Thread starter julym
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Ace of Flames
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I think the reason its hard to find a thread on keeping a girl is because it isn't that hard. If you're good enough to get lots of girls without difficulty, you kind of get good enough to keep a girl along with it. Does that make sense?
The main purpose of becoming a DJ is to better yourself. Once you've bettered yourself enough to get a girl into an LTR, then you should be able to keep her. The way to keep any relationship going is to keep it fun and exciting. DJ's already keep things fun and exciting by default. As long as you don't stop doing what you did to get the girl, you should be fine.
The reason why most responses to those kind of threads are "dump her", is because the problem is usually that bad. I've only ever seen real, difficult problems in those threads. A good DJ could handle any little argument or squabble he and his gf might have, but big problems, like suspisions of cheating, or a psycho gf... a little help from the community is useful.
The main purpose of becoming a DJ is to better yourself. Once you've bettered yourself enough to get a girl into an LTR, then you should be able to keep her. The way to keep any relationship going is to keep it fun and exciting. DJ's already keep things fun and exciting by default. As long as you don't stop doing what you did to get the girl, you should be fine.
The reason why most responses to those kind of threads are "dump her", is because the problem is usually that bad. I've only ever seen real, difficult problems in those threads. A good DJ could handle any little argument or squabble he and his gf might have, but big problems, like suspisions of cheating, or a psycho gf... a little help from the community is useful.
coolguy676767
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This is how I look at it.
Date as many women as possible, don't even let the thought, action, or idea of relationship enter you head.
You will know which one is the right one for you. It will just hit. In the meantime you can have sex and flings and fun nights with all kinds of girls, and mature in the mean time.
I have a friend who every girl he talks to he thinks about a relationship with, and if they aren't marraige material he won't even call them back and HE IS ONLY 18. So my advice is to go out and have fun and when the right girl comes along you will know it.
Otherwise you might miss the right girl because you are too busy in a LTR with an average girl, just because you think it will make you feel loved or better inside, or just because society says that you have to get married immediately and that LTR are everything.
Date as many women as possible, don't even let the thought, action, or idea of relationship enter you head.
You will know which one is the right one for you. It will just hit. In the meantime you can have sex and flings and fun nights with all kinds of girls, and mature in the mean time.
I have a friend who every girl he talks to he thinks about a relationship with, and if they aren't marraige material he won't even call them back and HE IS ONLY 18. So my advice is to go out and have fun and when the right girl comes along you will know it.
Otherwise you might miss the right girl because you are too busy in a LTR with an average girl, just because you think it will make you feel loved or better inside, or just because society says that you have to get married immediately and that LTR are everything.
I agree... Everything here is about how to get a girl. Guess what some of us have had a natural nack through trial and error years before this site was out on how to get them. But keeping them. Thats a different ball game. Any sign of trouble, any red flag its to NEXT them.
Ive also acted as a DJ in a LTR and it does the opposite. It pushes them away. I think your on to something...
For me... getting girls is like holding my hands under running water. They flow... consistant.. but right through my fingers. I get them but shortly after depends on my goals. I lose them. Never been with a girl longer then 6mo to a year. But getting another isnt hard at all. So expendable i would like to actually try and keep one.
Ive also acted as a DJ in a LTR and it does the opposite. It pushes them away. I think your on to something...
For me... getting girls is like holding my hands under running water. They flow... consistant.. but right through my fingers. I get them but shortly after depends on my goals. I lose them. Never been with a girl longer then 6mo to a year. But getting another isnt hard at all. So expendable i would like to actually try and keep one.
Remulak
Senior Don Juan
i know with girls in your early 20's the way to keep them interested is by being a d!ckhead who doesn't give a shyt about her if you start falling in love your a55 is grass.
Here are some articles on long-term relationships. One of the articles was written by the founder and owner of SoSuave.com. There are many, many more articles on long-term relationships in the Don Juan Tips forum as well as in the DJ Bible.
Investing in a Relationship by Allen Thompson
The Long Term Relationship by Nine Breaker
Investing in a Relationship by Allen Thompson
The Long Term Relationship by Nine Breaker
DJs adapt. You didn't adapt. More importantly, you were acting. DJs don't act. They are. All the pick-up lines, techniques, methods, and Jedi Mind Tricks in the universe won't make you a DJ. Read the article linked in my signature.Weak_Game said:
Remulak
Senior Don Juan
I don't know what this crap about being a DJ in a relationship pushes them away, thats bullsh!t you need to keep the challenge alive.
The difference between a PUA and a DJ.
A PUA knows how to get girls...but a DJ truly know how to keep one (or two).
Anyone can get laid. ANYONE. Heck, all you have to do is be a good liar.
But keeping a girl interested for a very long time truly take skills. And managing to do that (knowing well that there plenty of men out there trying to get her too) is certainly what defines a DJ. After all...a DJ is the PRIZE.
A PUA knows how to get girls...but a DJ truly know how to keep one (or two).
Anyone can get laid. ANYONE. Heck, all you have to do is be a good liar.
But keeping a girl interested for a very long time truly take skills. And managing to do that (knowing well that there plenty of men out there trying to get her too) is certainly what defines a DJ. After all...a DJ is the PRIZE.
Sparks fly, magic is in the air, pumpkins become carriages, and then the lovebirds ride off into the sunset, right? If only that were true; well, for most people someone involved in the relationship has to step forward and make the magic happen. You simply cannot wait for the ideal situation or the perfect woman to come along. Avoid complacency at all costs. The DJ is the spark, not the carriage.coolguy676767 said:
resilient
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I found some basic information from the main page, but mostly what I follow now is reading her actions and her interest level in me.
Does she return all my calls?
Does she call me more than I call her?
Is she the first to initiate kino?
Does she feel like she has to qualify often or keep herself on her best behavior?
It's healthier for the girl to be more into the DJ than the DJ to be into her. She may iniate a relationship, but on the side I'm still flirting and working on my game and most especially my life aspirations.
I'm not the best at spinning plates yet, but certainly see the importance of it. It protects the heart and keeps her on her toes.
The guys above are absolutely right though; if you work on your self first, than she'll want to stick around - because she's recognized your integrity and building future. Doc Love a relationship guru has taught me a lot about challenge and a woman's interest level - you may want to look into his free podcast on iTunes.
Experience will become your guilding intuition. Listen to your gut and let it guide you instincts.
Does she return all my calls?
Does she call me more than I call her?
Is she the first to initiate kino?
Does she feel like she has to qualify often or keep herself on her best behavior?
It's healthier for the girl to be more into the DJ than the DJ to be into her. She may iniate a relationship, but on the side I'm still flirting and working on my game and most especially my life aspirations.
I'm not the best at spinning plates yet, but certainly see the importance of it. It protects the heart and keeps her on her toes.
The guys above are absolutely right though; if you work on your self first, than she'll want to stick around - because she's recognized your integrity and building future. Doc Love a relationship guru has taught me a lot about challenge and a woman's interest level - you may want to look into his free podcast on iTunes.
Experience will become your guilding intuition. Listen to your gut and let it guide you instincts.
Yep, you are right. The problem is that many guys here have been brainwashed by the seduction community to think relationships and connections with women are bad, and just regurgitate what they've previously heard. Then again, I'd say most guys here are just inadequate with women, end of story.julym said:
There are actually very few posters here who have got a girlfriend and know how to maintain a healthy relationship, so most of the relationship advice you will here is keyboard jockey theory anyway.
I think it's simple: you must always retain something of the guy she first met and flirted (whatever initially attracted her) no matter how long you've been together. My parents have been together 25 years and what does he get her on Valentine's day? A humour card the punchline of which is 'I like your breasts because they make nice pillows'... She lapped it up, playfully hitting him etc. Also, never become that guy whose response you can predict in every situation without exception. Unpredictability helps keeps things fresh. In relationships familiarity (at least in some areas) does breed contempt.
Most of what I've read is plain wrong....
I've been in 3 real relationships, one for 2 1/2 years, the next for 8 months and my current one now for going on 8 months and the two before this current one were ended by me for some reason or other... So I'm no KBJ or giving you info you can find somewhere else, this is true advice based in actual experience
If you and a female decide to get into a serious relationship, meaning you and her have been dating for a while and you both appreciate each other and are invested in getting to know the other persons less than stellar side (this is the real meaning of a relationship) then keeping that going is not hard at all...
For one, you can't try and rush things. THat means you shouldn't do everything possible within the first 2 weeks, that means movies, nights out on the town, gifts, wierd sex ect... In the beginning just learn about each other and communicate with your partner, go walking, chat it out, hang out with her friends, your friends, just keep it light and cooL....
Also keep your previous life, if you were outgoing before just tell your partner you want to keep that portion of your life as well, but you're willing to sacrifice on occassion to spend time with her, express to her that you want the same to her, that you don't want her X'ing her friends for you all the time and becoming one of 'those' type of girls...
Communication is the key I've found. If you feel something strong for her and wish to tell her, sit her down and tell her in a genuine way. If she's invested in the LTR equal as you, she will appreciate this. You don't have to come onto an online forum and ask a bunch of KBJ's "is it ok to say I love you first" I mean come on, if you feel it tell your partner. If she feels it she'll let you know, if not she'll communicate her feelings. If they aren't on the level with yours, then you two might not be best in the relationship... If a relationship ends because two people don't feel the same way, that's not 'LOSING' its called a relationship that wasn't meant to be... u didn't do anything wrong, it just wasn't meant to be...
You don't have to play games with a female that is truly interested in you plain and simple. I tell my gf all the time that I think she's the most beautiful and best girl I've ever been with, I splurge on her and pay her lots of attention with no doubts about 'is this too much ?? is this dj" it never enters my head because I know she genuinely cares for ME... not COD3r or some alternate personality...
If she does something that pisses me off, I act pissed off. If i'm frustrated, you better know she will know it. If i'm sad and need to talk, I talk to her. I don't act around her, you shouldn't have to act if you are in a serious and commited relationship, if I need to cry, I cry on her shoulders. And in fact I've cried a few times after sex with her because i can't believe how much emotion I feel when I'm near her, it's not AFC or wussy, its me and she loves it because she loves me, not the guy I pretend to be...
Most of you can't keep LTR's because you don't know what a LTR really is about. You are completely confused about the purpose of them and hence forth you think its a game to be played, a LTR is the end of the game. The true definition of a LTR is to shed lights on the real you and for your partner to see through the visage to see if she likes the true person underneath...
That means if you were a suave guy when she met you and in actuality you are a dork, in a LTR she's going to see that and if she really likes you she's going to love you even more, if she dosen't like the person you really are she's going to leave plain and simply... its no ones fault, you two were just looking for two different things, its not a win or lose... You don't have to keep a relationship going, if you ever have to ask a question about how to behave in a LTR you are not meant to be in one...
Most people aren't ready for LTR's to be completely honest, me and my first gf were both not ready for a true realtionship, we just wanted what we thought a relationship was... I am 100% ready for one now and so is my partner and that is why we are so happy...
-Cod3r
I've been in 3 real relationships, one for 2 1/2 years, the next for 8 months and my current one now for going on 8 months and the two before this current one were ended by me for some reason or other... So I'm no KBJ or giving you info you can find somewhere else, this is true advice based in actual experience
If you and a female decide to get into a serious relationship, meaning you and her have been dating for a while and you both appreciate each other and are invested in getting to know the other persons less than stellar side (this is the real meaning of a relationship) then keeping that going is not hard at all...
For one, you can't try and rush things. THat means you shouldn't do everything possible within the first 2 weeks, that means movies, nights out on the town, gifts, wierd sex ect... In the beginning just learn about each other and communicate with your partner, go walking, chat it out, hang out with her friends, your friends, just keep it light and cooL....
Also keep your previous life, if you were outgoing before just tell your partner you want to keep that portion of your life as well, but you're willing to sacrifice on occassion to spend time with her, express to her that you want the same to her, that you don't want her X'ing her friends for you all the time and becoming one of 'those' type of girls...
Communication is the key I've found. If you feel something strong for her and wish to tell her, sit her down and tell her in a genuine way. If she's invested in the LTR equal as you, she will appreciate this. You don't have to come onto an online forum and ask a bunch of KBJ's "is it ok to say I love you first" I mean come on, if you feel it tell your partner. If she feels it she'll let you know, if not she'll communicate her feelings. If they aren't on the level with yours, then you two might not be best in the relationship... If a relationship ends because two people don't feel the same way, that's not 'LOSING' its called a relationship that wasn't meant to be... u didn't do anything wrong, it just wasn't meant to be...
You don't have to play games with a female that is truly interested in you plain and simple. I tell my gf all the time that I think she's the most beautiful and best girl I've ever been with, I splurge on her and pay her lots of attention with no doubts about 'is this too much ?? is this dj" it never enters my head because I know she genuinely cares for ME... not COD3r or some alternate personality...
If she does something that pisses me off, I act pissed off. If i'm frustrated, you better know she will know it. If i'm sad and need to talk, I talk to her. I don't act around her, you shouldn't have to act if you are in a serious and commited relationship, if I need to cry, I cry on her shoulders. And in fact I've cried a few times after sex with her because i can't believe how much emotion I feel when I'm near her, it's not AFC or wussy, its me and she loves it because she loves me, not the guy I pretend to be...
Most of you can't keep LTR's because you don't know what a LTR really is about. You are completely confused about the purpose of them and hence forth you think its a game to be played, a LTR is the end of the game. The true definition of a LTR is to shed lights on the real you and for your partner to see through the visage to see if she likes the true person underneath...
That means if you were a suave guy when she met you and in actuality you are a dork, in a LTR she's going to see that and if she really likes you she's going to love you even more, if she dosen't like the person you really are she's going to leave plain and simply... its no ones fault, you two were just looking for two different things, its not a win or lose... You don't have to keep a relationship going, if you ever have to ask a question about how to behave in a LTR you are not meant to be in one...
Most people aren't ready for LTR's to be completely honest, me and my first gf were both not ready for a true realtionship, we just wanted what we thought a relationship was... I am 100% ready for one now and so is my partner and that is why we are so happy...
-Cod3r
You cannot make these sort of statements. No-one can. Yes by all means offer your opinions but these will largely be based on your experience as you go on to say (I've had x long term relationships)...If you've perceived what you've read as wrong, then say why.Cod3r said:
i've been in a couple of long term relationships... one that i dont really consider long term was 9 months, and the current one im in which is 1.5 years...
my current one is ending... and i can provide some insight into why...
when a we met everything was perfect, i didnt pretend to be something that im not, and she didnt pretend to be something that she wasnt. which is a key in establishing a long term relationship.. NOT PRETENDING to be something that you arent. it will be exposed sooner or later...
a LTR is all about balance... you make her feel special, and she should reward you for it, and make you feel special... when you dont want to do **** all, she should feel it, and make you feel special... and vice versa... its a balance thats hard to acheive... games dont work but you have to be mindful of the fact that girls do get distracted more so then guys, im my experience anyway...
you have to give her a sense of that adrenaline she felt the first time she met you... you cant be needy, in which case the DJ principles still apply, you have to have a life outside of her which she can endulge in, and she has to have a life outside of you, in which you endulge in... if she wants to go spend a night out with her friends and u really want to stay home or spend a night out with your friends, DONT go with her just for the sake of going with her... TRUST is everything. if you cant trust her, then the relationship will fail sooner or later, jealousy is a cancer.
now the reason my relationship with my current girl is coming to an end is exactly because of this trust issue... and im not going to get into details...
just be real to eachother, sharing everything is a good thing that you dont have to be afraid of... for a successful long term relationship everything has to align just right. you cant "make it work" because sooner or later one of you will get tired of "making it work".
remember, BALANCE is the key as with many other aspects in life. dont over analyze everything... and when you feel that you are giving far more then you are recieving, let it be known. talk about it... dont hide it and dont sublimate your negativity into other aspects of your relationship, it will just cause the slide that much quicker.
all of this is just my opinion... hope it helps somebody out there
my current one is ending... and i can provide some insight into why...
when a we met everything was perfect, i didnt pretend to be something that im not, and she didnt pretend to be something that she wasnt. which is a key in establishing a long term relationship.. NOT PRETENDING to be something that you arent. it will be exposed sooner or later...
a LTR is all about balance... you make her feel special, and she should reward you for it, and make you feel special... when you dont want to do **** all, she should feel it, and make you feel special... and vice versa... its a balance thats hard to acheive... games dont work but you have to be mindful of the fact that girls do get distracted more so then guys, im my experience anyway...
you have to give her a sense of that adrenaline she felt the first time she met you... you cant be needy, in which case the DJ principles still apply, you have to have a life outside of her which she can endulge in, and she has to have a life outside of you, in which you endulge in... if she wants to go spend a night out with her friends and u really want to stay home or spend a night out with your friends, DONT go with her just for the sake of going with her... TRUST is everything. if you cant trust her, then the relationship will fail sooner or later, jealousy is a cancer.
now the reason my relationship with my current girl is coming to an end is exactly because of this trust issue... and im not going to get into details...
just be real to eachother, sharing everything is a good thing that you dont have to be afraid of... for a successful long term relationship everything has to align just right. you cant "make it work" because sooner or later one of you will get tired of "making it work".
remember, BALANCE is the key as with many other aspects in life. dont over analyze everything... and when you feel that you are giving far more then you are recieving, let it be known. talk about it... dont hide it and dont sublimate your negativity into other aspects of your relationship, it will just cause the slide that much quicker.
all of this is just my opinion... hope it helps somebody out there
