Is it ever OK to be vindictive??

[yellowfever]

I recently got dumped by my attention seeking LTR. I was too good to her and I tried too hard and I did nothing to work on myself. I know the errors I made in the relationship.

I find out she was contacting her ex-bf from more than 1 year ago. She's hoping to see him again in a few months.

I'm relieved it is over and I will move on but is it ever OK to be vindictive and let him know about her lies and deceptions? I'm upset because she would text with him (in Vietnamese) while being beside me.

 

[VikingKing]

are you 46 years old, or 16 years old?

 

[Steve-O]

are you 46 years old, or 16 years old?

This.

 

[Robert28]

I'm not the type person to go and cause trouble when I get screwed over by someone, especially a girl. If you go out of your way to contact her ex it shows you care still. Even though you still might care, ask yourself what good will it do? I've been blown off and rejected by lots of girls in my life. I had the last laugh with most of them though when I started working out again. I used to workout a lot when I played football but after my playing days were over I got fat and I noticed my success went down the tubes pretty much. I started working out for ME, not because of what those girls would think about me. The funny thing is most of the one's that didn't want to date me back then, or chose to date some other dude over me, now all try to talk to me and give me compliments and all that crap. I see right though it and I blow them off completely because the way I look at it is my bar has been raised and they no longer meet my expectations now. I didn't meet theirs back then so they sure as he!! don't meet mine now.

 

[:-)]

i had a oneitis with a girl who had a bfriend. she led me on and gave me mixed messages and one final night (the last time i saw her) after i had gone NC on her she had the gall to tell me i was too old, that she only loved me as a friend and the various other guys in my department she had been kissing and seeing etc.

i was so incensed (not to mention drunk) i messaged her (by then) ex bfriend via a fake facebook profile and although i didn't tell him outright what she was up to, i intimated it.

when i sobered up i realised i was being a complete d!ck and deleted my alt account. i felt bad for making him feel bad just to make myself feel better. all i did, it seemed, was get them back together because i noticed he had added her back on his friends list.

so, no, i wouldn't advise it. it only makes you look bad - like some bunny boiler . much better to be dignified and just erase them out of your life.

 

[abe0]

Let it go... "he who seeks revenge better dig two graves..one for the person you are seeking revenge on....and one for yourself"

 

[Starfvcks 64]

It won't have any affect.

I was pretty vindictive towards an ex once. Like burglary, sabotage, internet hacking, etc. Becoming friends with her dad while pretending to be "worried" about her drinking and drug habit so he'd cut off her money, forcing her to move back home, etc.

Pretty much anything and everything I could to make her feel some of the pain I felt.
But that's some gay stuff, and it has no effect either.
Girls aren't capable of accepting responsibility and have no sense of accountability.

You know what actually made her feel bad? (and keep in mind, I only know this because I spied on all her emails and FB messages from over 100 miles away)
When I didn't text her back after she hit me up.

When I stopped paying her any attention, and ignored her.
Negative attention, is still attention. NO attention is what hurts.

You want to get her back? Why?
She won't learn anything.

The BEST way to get "revenge" is to make YOURSELF better.
When she sees you later in life, if she should be so lucky, she'll see a man she's always wanted, but can never, ever have again.
Plus, she'll look like **** compared to the new, hotter, and younger girls you'll be chilling with.

And STILL it won't even matter. Life goes on.
It's fine to get hurt by a girl, as long as you LEARN from your mistakes, so get "revenge" by getting smarter.

 

[Tomo]

Consider what is to gain. A moment of good feel can bring about eons of crap. I wished I did not let a moment of vindication out of myself. While I felt good and don't regret it - was my turning point of being AFC to be honest, I wished I'd done things differently.

 

[yellowfever]

I'm glad I wrote my original post, my first post here. It was therapeutic to read the replies and let me think clearly about this situation. This forum is an amazing resource, if I knew all the stuff that I read on this forum - I would never have lost this woman. Now I know - I need to live for me, not for anyone else.

Sure I still care about this woman. I can't stop that but time will cure this addiction, especially as I go out and play more, spend more time with my friends and eventually (if I chose to) find a better girlfriend.

it still hurts, this was an amazing relationship for me. I'm almost 47 and she was 25, incredibly hot, sexy and smart. Honestly I'd still try for the rest of my life to make her happy if she gave me the chance. I'm totally smitten.

I will work on myself, get in better shape and work on my business to earn more cash and become more successful. Life in China can be hard. It was my choice to come here but it has not been lucrative but it certainly has been an interesting life with experiences I could never have had if I stayed in America.

I may even move to Vietnam, not to be closer to her but because I love the girls there and the living environment. I like the look, the style and the attitude of the girls in Vietnam. The cost of living is nice too! Saigon is a great place to live and party. I'm lucky I should be able to make a business in Vietnam (while keeping some work in China and Hong Kong) to support myself.

Life will get better. I will recover and learn from my experiences.

Thanks everyone for writing your experiences. I really appreciate it. I even appreciate the name calling private emails I got.

I'm glad to be a part of this forum.

 

[Atom Smasher]

WTF, you actually got name-calling PMs?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Whenever you find yourself looking for revenge, realize that the person who offended you is your jailer; They own you.

 

[devilkingx2]

seek revenge, that's what I'd do

don't get yourself in too much trouble though