is he just freaking or does he want out?

[32swf]

so this guy I've been seeing for just over a month told me on Saturday that he "wanted to slow things down" which I totally took in a negative way. He didn't understand why I was upset and kept saying "it's not a bad thing, it's not a bad thing" and that he wasn't seeing anyone else and didn't want to, and he loved spending time with me but he "wasn't ready to jump into a relationship with both feet yet" and he thinks I am. (which is true). He hasn't had a relationship in years, and he said that spending 3 nights in a row with someone is a huge adjustment from having no one for so long.
I said "I thought things were going really well, and he said they are, he just wants to go slow.
So is he just freaking out and just needs some time, or is this a way for him to slowly fade away??

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by 32swf
so this guy I've been seeing for just over a month told me on Saturday that he "wanted to slow things down" which I totally took in a negative way. He didn't understand why I was upset and kept saying "it's not a bad thing, it's not a bad thing" and that he wasn't seeing anyone else and didn't want to, and he loved spending time with me but he "wasn't ready to jump into a relationship with both feet yet" and he thinks I am. (which is true). He hasn't had a relationship in years, and he said that spending 3 nights in a row with someone is a huge adjustment from having no one for so long.
I said "I thought things were going really well, and he said they are, he just wants to go slow.
So is he just freaking out and just needs some time, or is this a way for him to slowly fade away??

He spent 3 nights at your place? So I'm speculating here that you both have had gotten dirty dirty already? I think your last post was whether or not you were going to give him some love.

 

[32swf]

I spent Wed, Thur, and Fri nights at his place and yes I gave him some love. And it was great .

Now I'm kinda thinking that:
1. that's all he was after or
2. He's freaking.

I'm fine with him freaking out but with it coming right after we spent 3 night together, I'm not happy about the timing.
I guess I just need to wait and see.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by 32swf
I spent Wed, Thur, and Fri nights at his place and yes I gave him some love. And it was great .

Now I'm kinda thinking that:
1. that's all he was after or
2. He's freaking.

I'm fine with him freaking out but with it coming right after we spent 3 night together, I'm not happy about the timing.
I guess I just need to wait and see.

If I were you, no calls..... ......just test him, and see how long he'll wait to call you. Go on with your bidness. Hell, if you meet another guy, set up a date, life's too short. ....but go about your bidness like it ain't no thang. Then when he calls, be like, 'Oh hey how are you?' ...now if he's calling you for more booty, and that's it, then you may have to take his ass to the curb, unless you're fine with just having him as a f*ck buddy, which isn't a bad thing. Then there's no expectations, just friends. That's until you find Mr. Right. Good luck 32swf....

 

[Demon]

What kind of guy even requests, "Let's slow down"?

 

[32swf]

that's what I want to know!!!
It's not like I packed a bag and showed up at his house. He asked me to stay over each time.And now I guess he's overwelmed. I asked him what he wanted and he said he didn't know. He said we could stop talking in a week, or we could be married in a year, he had no idea.


I do have more experience than he does in relationships, so I think anything would freak him out at this point.
He's 30 and the longest he's been with anyone is 6 months.and he says he's very picky.
Is that a red flag??

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by Demon
What kind of guy even requests, "Let's slow down"?

There are many reasons dude.... If she's talking marriage, after a short time dating, I'd be the first to say 'Hey, slow your row.' So to answer your question.... what kind of a guy would suggest this? A smart mothasucka.

 

[JohnJones]

This may not apply, but if he is interested in an LTR and has seen women move forward very quickly and pull back just as quickly, he may be trying to control the burnout.

I've had this happen -- the girl says "I love you" early on, or some similar expression, asks you a day or two later if you were scared by it (are you going to say that you were scared by anything?), THEN, just when it seemed like things would settle in, you get a massive pull-back and you wonder why she pushed it so fast to begin with.

 

[32swf]

thanks for the replies

I really don't feel like I am pushing him or chasing him. but I can understand why he might freak out.

But I haven't said I loved him or said anything that would scare him away, he's just used to being alone.

We really do seem to "click" so if he is interested in a LTR with me, I can certainly understand why he wants to go slow. I just don't like losing all the control. it's totally on his terms now, and that makes me uncomfortable.

I asked him what he wanted and he said "I don't know. We could stop talking next week (which I don't want) or we could be married in a year, I have no idea!)

I guess I'm wigging out because I've never had anyone come out and actually SAY "let's slow things down". They just do it.
so maybe it's good in a way, that he's honest and open. He was truly amazed at how I reacted. So now he probably thinks I'm a clingy high-maintenance psycho, which is so far from the truth.
AGHHHH!

 

[The Edge]

Re: thanks for the replies

Originally posted by 32swf
high-maintenance psycho

Now why would you say that???..

The Edge ' Some have it, and some don't '

 

[Howie Farkes]

He hasn't had a relationship in years, and he said that spending 3 nights in a row with someone is a huge adjustment from having no one for so long

I think this is key. He's being honest and not sh!tting with you. Don't over analyse it. Sounds to me like he's sized up the situation and sees that he may potentially freak is things get too heavy too quick so "let's just slow it down." Doesn't mean he wants to get out of it or anything.

 

[Halo]

A lot of women in their thirties are aggressively husband-hunting. This is just common guy knowledge. Even if it's not the case at all for you, maybe it's a concern he has. I would agree with the previous poster who suggested that you limit contact for a while and let him be the one to initiate it. If he ends up being wishy-washy then it's not worth your time anyway.

You said you gave him some good lovin though...my bet is he'll call

 

[32swf]

Hopeful Update

I got home around 6, and he had called at 545 and left a message. He said, " I was just wondering how your weekend was. I hope you're doing well. I just called to see how you were. Today I picked you up a little something, if you want to come over at some point, I'd really like to give it to you. Hope you're doing well. Give me a call."

I made dinner and was resting for a few minutes before I had to go to a meeting at 7. Then he calls back 1/2 hour later, but I didn't pick it up, because I figured I'll call him when I got back home. He leaves a message, "I hope you're doing ok, Please give me a call". So then I felt bad, because he sounded so worried.

After my meeting I called him back around 915. We chit chatted for a few minutes. I told him how crappy Saturday was and he apologized, but I assurred him it wasn't because of what he said, it was the crowds, cold, etc. I said, "I want to apologize for overreacting on Saturday." and he said, "no, no, you don't have to apologize for how you feel. Don't feel bad." and I said, "well I'm not usually like that, I was PMSing or something." Then he asked if I wanted to get together on Thursday, and then we went over our schedules for like 10 minutes, trying to find a time to get together. So I'm supposed to call him after work tonight and tell him if I'm coming over tonight around 9 or Thursday around 730. Probably Thursday, because I have to be at work early Wed morning.

 

[HuuBinh]

Hey 32swf, give him some time right now, I have a feeling that he might be approaching toward suffering from a disease called one-itis. He is probably fallen for you, but he's confused and undecided. On the other hand he might just used you for a F***, cuz he said that he wants to slow down?

----------------
"Most guys can have Sex w/o Love, but they can never Love w/o the Sex."

 

[32swf]

update on my situation:

He wanted me to come over on Tuesday night, but I said no. and made him wait until last night. it was hard because he really wanted me to (he asked 3x), but I did the right thing and said no.

So last night I went over around 8 pm after I went shopping with a friend, and we had a great time just snuggling on the couch and chatting. I spent the night but didn't say anything about what happened last time I saw him. and he didn't either.

The only thing he said was "my sex drive is low these days because of this medication I'm taking, which is partly why I just want us to chill". He didn't seem to have a problem last week or last night though. I don't know if this is an excuse or if he's waiting for his sex drive to get back to normal. I know he stopped taking the medication a few weeks ago.

And the little present he picked up for me was the book "The Four Agreements" which he also got for himself. He wants us both to read it so we can discuss it. It's a sort of a philosphical code of how to live your life in order to get the most freedom, happiness and love out of it. I wouldn't think he'd want to discuss something like that with some one he was just having a fling with. I'm taking it as a positive sign.

But he didn't mention getting together over the weekend, so I didn't either. I guess I'll just see what happens.
any advice?

I feel like all we do is "hang out" and then I spend the night. But the way he talks is like he wants a relationship, like asking me to take his friend kayaking, offering to help me learn the machines at the gym, always alluding to things in the future. BUT at the same time, he doesn't call me up and say "I'm picking you up friday at 8 and we're going out". He's just confusing me about what's really going on.
If we're "dating" then we should go out on real "dates" and if we're just f$ck buddies why is he giving me presents and apologizing me about his low sex drive?

 

[PANK]

This guy is doing what he should be hes playing hard to get if he didnt and never kept you guessing youd next him. Its how the game works.

 

[Quick]

It definitely sounds like he's thinking of you in the long term, so I wouldn't be too worried about that. If you aren't okay with being f@ck buddies, then stop acting like one. Have you ever expressed to him that you want to go out on dates and not just hang at his place? That may just be his comfort zone, and since you never objected, he may think you're fine with it. Without nagging, tell him you'd like to go out places with him, and not just hang on the couch. If he doesn't ask you out somewhere soon, then when he invites you to his house, start saying no. Make it obvious that if he wants to see you, it won't be completely on his terms.

If he doesn't want to have sex with a girl he recently met, something is probably wrong, so take his words at face value for now. Keep your eyes open though.

 

[thissucks003]

A better question then the one posted as the title, is why are you always freaking out? He doesn't seem to be the one asking is everything ok in every post. This is not a flame, more like I am trying to point out that you don't need to analyze every small detail like it is a life ending situation.

Unless you and him have an agreement to date exclusively, you should be dating more than one person. It keeps you from freaking out this early in the relationship. Get out there and have fun. If he is serious, he will ask about how serious the relationship is. Then you will know where you stand.

TS

 

[32swf]

Help!!!! Am I wasting my time??

I'm still seeing this same guy, it's been about a month and a half now, but I'm not really sure what's going on. He never makes plans ahead of time, and it's starting to bother me.

He called last night and we chatted for a while, and then said "well I'll talk to you soon". didn't try to make any plans for the weekend at all. He might be going out of town, but I don't know if it's for the entire weekend or not. Everything's always up in the air with him.

I had asked him on Tuesday when I stayed the night if he wanted to do something on Thurday night, and he said "what do you want to do?" I said, "I don't know, anything" and he says, " I really don't like going out much, I like staying home." It's always very casual, we just usually hang out at his house.

I just want to know if we're headed somewhere or if I'm wasting my time. How do I find out without scaring im away. I really like him and we really hit it off - we have lots to talk about and we're very comfortable with each other.

He did tell me 2 weeks ago he "wasn't ready to jump into a relationship with both feet yet." and we should take things slow, but that he didn't want to see anyone else. Does that mean he just wants me as a sex buddy, or that he wants a relationship with me, but just wants to take things slow?

I'm thinking I'll give it a couple more weeks and see if things improve. He's not doing anything particularly wrong, but he's not giving me enough.

 

[thissucks003]

I still go by my past post that you should be dating others while you are dating him. You will see how serious he is when you are in demand.