Is friends with ex's worth it?

[ink_wizard]

Hey guys,

Its been a while, but i have a confusing situation i am in and would like your views & opinions.

Last year i met a girl on facebook who lives in another country but we managed to fall in love with each other. We had a great connection and chemistry and had plans to fly to each others countries to visit. We started dating and i was the happiest man alive. She really was my dream girl, everything you could want in a girl she had. We skyped nearly every day, sent each other gifts, made plans about our future together, told each other our deepest secrets, we were basically very smitten about one another. And before you attack me about LDR, i wasnt "looking" for one it just happened between us and before you know it, this girl was my world.

Anyway we were dating for 6 months and things seemed great, we were getting together money and decideing who'd fly to who. A few weeks later though, i noticed she started becoming really distant and pulling away, didnt hear from her as much and so i confronted her about this....I find out shes met another guy in her home town whose swept her off her feet and she tells me she cant do it with me anymore and basically cuts all contact with me and goes ghost for over a year, despite how hurt and heart broken i was and couldnt believe she'd just throw us all away like that.

So anyway i decided to lick my wounds and put it all behind me and forget about her. So what happens? a year later she writes to me saying how much she misses me and how much she regrets letting go off me and how unhappy she is with her new bf....So we exchanged some messages and she tells me she still loves me and always will and is trying hard to save cash to come and see me, in the mean time she tells me she would still like to be friends with me? At first i said no because fu** it, she cant have her cake and eat it too, she chose him and now she can deal with it....She rings me up this morning crying over the phone telling me how she wants me in her life and will never forgive herself for throwing us away....

Now im stuck and i dont know what to do? A part of me feels like i should just be her friend and see what happens, after all we may never be anything and it'd be silly to throw away a special person like her who means everything to me, but then in another way i feel like just cutting all contact and worrying about girls here which i have been doing anyway and see if she will dump him and be with me...

Im sooooo confused!! Help!!

 

[ink_wizard]

I should despite her being so "unhappy" she still has the nerve to write all over her facebook just how much she loves this guy etc

Ok then?

 

[dasein]

Trouble on the home front, seeking supply, just how many other guys do you reckon she was carrying on with online and then broke it off when local option presented? now calling all of you crying because top dog is not toeing her line. Several I'll wager. Flee from LDR type net things like the plague until they show up on your doorstep at their own expense. Then flee from 90% of those. All that time wasted when you could have been cultivating local prospects. Good luck.

 

[ink_wizard]

so is it wise to just cut her off untill she decides to dump him and be with me? or should i just continue to be friends with her and not worry about anything else?

 

[Arthy]

Dude, why do you visit sosuave? Did you read the dj bible? You fell in love with a girl from other country over fb and you sent her gifts and skyped everyday? I didnt even read past this. Typical afc behavior. .Its not worth to be friends with any girl.

 

[dasein]

so is it wise to just cut her off untill she decides to dump him and be with me? or should i just continue to be friends with her and not worry about anything else?

Forget about her entirely, forever, and cultivate local options. Don't be the dog that circles back to old vomit, it won't end up tasting good this goround either.

 

[ink_wizard]

I do have local options, lots of them but the point is im not interested in any of them, and they dont have what this girl has. I know its silly to be pinning over someone from another country but im madly inlove with her still thats what makes this so hard.

I need to get her to break up with this guy and realize im the one for her

 

[iamnobody]

I do have local options, lots of them but the point is im not interested in any of them, and they dont have what this girl has.

What do you mean other chicks don't have what your LDR has? You never met her in person.
What you think she has is pure rationalization, your idealized version of her. It's not her.
She is someone who dumped you for somebody else. Things with this guy might not work out, she's looking for an ego boots, and nothing else.
Unless your d*ck is long enough to reach her p*ssy across borders, LET. IT. GO.

 

[iamnobody]

Forget about her entirely, forever, and cultivate local options. Don't be the dog that circles back to old vomit, it won't end up tasting good this goround either.

This ^

 

[ink_wizard]

What do you mean other chicks don't have what your LDR has? You never met her in person.
What you think she has is pure rationalization, your idealized version of her. It's not her.
She is someone who dumped you for somebody else. Things with this guy might not work out, she's looking for an ego boots, and nothing else.
Unless your d*ck is long enough to reach her p*ssy across borders, LET. IT. GO.

No i have never met her but we skype alot so thats close to it and we always facetime. What im saying is i had a connection with her like nothing ive ever had, i sometimes think shes even though its hard to believe but shes "the one".

I have tried hooking up and going out on dates with girls here but i dont get the same chemistry or attraction as i do for my LDR. I just sleep with them and thats it. But whenever i tell her its best if we dont be friends unless she changes her mind about me, she gets really upset, calls me crying and tells me she cant live without me, yet she wont dump this other dude.

I cant lose her or move on, i am nothing without her. It was torture not having contact with her for so long and i need a plan to get her back as we are made for each other

 

[iamnobody]

If you're not willing to listen to advices, better not ask questions.

No i have never met her

Enough said. See my original statement.

I cant lose her or move on

You've lost her a year ago. Move on.

i am nothing without her.

pathetic.

i need a plan to get her back

Not happening. Grow up, accept it and move on for your own sake.

as we are made for each other

Why do I smell a troll?

 

[ink_wizard]

I am not a troll at all, i am dead set serious. I always read up on the djbible and other articles on this site and it serves good purpose to me especially with the girls here but with this girl its as if she has something over me.

Im debating whether to send her a text saying me or him? i know everyone thinks LD doesnt work but we truly do love one another despite having not met yet.

Ive tried many times and most of this year trying to get over her and it hasnt worked. I have seen many hot girls here and theyre great but their not like her. I feel like despite our distance if she really wanted me she would atleast give us a try rather then running off with someone in her own town especially if she claims to love me that much and is so unhappy with mr new guy which i dont even know if thats true or not considering on her twitter/facebook she always writes how inlove with him she is.

 

[Cremasta]

She rings me up this morning crying over the phone telling me how she wants me in her life and will never forgive herself for throwing us away....

This is pretty crappy for you, but that's life. But you know what... make her work for it. One way to see how much of a change of heart she's had is to tell her something like this:

"I thought we had a chance for something great, but you threw it away. But tell you what, I'm going to give you one chance to convince me why I should spend my time on you. One chance... in person. I'll see you when you get here!"

If she complains about how hard it is to come and see you, or why can't she talk to you over Skype, just repeat "One chance, in person."