Is divorcing a woman because she Became very overweight justified?

[roaming shark]

Thoughts? As I look around at the dating landscape this question has been occurring to me. We must acknowledge the rampant issue of obesity.

I know many of you would never consider marriage, but still-discuss.

 

[Bigpapa]

Depends on the reason why she became overweight and also what value she brings to the table

if for example you make a good team and already have children , I think that it would be stupid to divorce her when you can just have out of marriage relationships ( and explaining her why ) , like most married guys do

most women are cool with cheating as long as you do not lead them on , especially if they grow older

always depends on the context , it is not a black or white thing

 

[The Duke]

I don't think its black and white, for reasons @Bigpapa stated.

However, I do think it is super important that she maintains a nice body. I have no use for a woman that doesn't turn me on visually. Its the foundation for me. If I am not visually attracted to her, then I can't be mentally attracted.

I once let my exwife know I wasn't happy with the 15lbs she gained. I told her if I wanted to be with a fat girl I would have found me one to start with. She got in the gym and took care of the problem.

IF you bring it to her attention and she fails to do anything about it, then it shows me she doesn't care and Its like false advertising. Its a fake bill of goods. Not caring and false advertising are grounds for divorce. They know we are super visual.

I had a neighbor that married a hottie. 10yrs later she was a fattie. He quit having secks with her. She got the hint.

Never get into a LTR with a girl that doesn't have great genetics and or a work out program going long before you. Makes it easier for you down the road.

Do you think that girl is going to stay happy if you stop leading in the relationship? What if you go broke and mismanage your finances? She'll be wanting a divorce at some point. Both the man and woman have obligations they need to fulfill.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you find yourself disgusted at the thought of seeing her naked then you have to.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Absolutely yes.

If it’s medical, urge and egg her on to seek help (think thyroid issues).

Obesity simply kills people, diabetes, hypertension, leading to cardiovascular disease, stroke, infarctions, hormonal disorders. I’m not talking 10-15lbs here - most western women could lose much more.

If you have married this woman you should be able to have open dialog about your future together, if she doesn’t correct the issue over time by inaction then yes you are fully justified to say to her it’s a deal breaker. It’s horrible but it’s fair.

 

[Whydomyeyeshurt]

I have to agree that divorce might be on the table. The thing you don't want to have happen is where you become sort of an orbiting caretaker of an obese person. Some dudes like thick women but if she's just let herself go then I don't see how the relationship remains complimentary.

And let me be clear this isn't about divorcing someone just because they gained weight but usually that will be a sign of a number of other things that are going to poison the marriage.

 

[EyeBRollin]

100% justified.

Women have a duty to stay attractive to their man. Letting themselves get fat is disrespectful.

 

[IKO69]

Depends why. Does she have a health issue or something? Or is it a matter of self loathing and so she eats for comfort? I have plans on taking up some form of exercise for as long as I live so I would like a wife that at least looks after herself. My issue with it would be that she doesn't care enough about herself that she is inviting illness/disease. That would be #1, then it would be the visual aspect. I do want to be visually attracted to the person I have sex with. We can't stop aging but we can do something about our habits - obesity is largely a choice. Old age doesn't automatically bring it on though people want to normalize it for some reason.

So yes I would be extremely frustrated but I would try to encourage her to exercise whether with me or by herself. Gym membership is cheaper and is less stressful than a divorce lol.

 

[logicallefty]

I think it’s justified so long as you do everything in your power to get her to loose weight. Which may mean you both do a diet and exercise program together even if you don’t think you need it yourself. You really need to make sure you try everything you can do and give her an honest chance. I actually have a buddy going through this now. She only put on like 30lbs and I still think she is hot but he doesn’t. But the other thing is she doesn’t cook or clean anymore. Yet expects him to still be her honey-do handyman husband and do shyt she wants. To me that’s a quicker deal breaker than the weight. But a lot of married women are going this route now.

 

[oOh Nasty]

Very overweight? Completely fair. Just had a baby? She has a time period to get back in shape.

Once she stops caring about being as attractive as possible for you, it was probably a few steps after starting to lose respect for you. Unless you're both just so unattractive to any other person of the opposite sex that there are zero possible options except for each other, then it's okay to stay married I guess.

 

[LTG71]

Divorce seems a little bit extreme but the extreme weight gain could be a sign of other issues. A lot of women get complacent when they get in a LTR or married.. As a parent, I’ve met other couples while taking kids through the school years. Seen many young milfs in kindergarten that later become unrecognizable blimps when their kids hit high school. It’s a crying shame to see. Like @Howiestern mentioned, some have good genetics and have a regular workout routine. Know one that had 4 kids but trains to run marathons. Her body is exceptional for her age but the real difference is her attitude and disposition. Once women let themselves go, they start to become more difficult and miserable because they are not happy with themselves. The weight gain plus a miserable, b!tchy disposition can kill attraction and ultimately ruin a relationship.

And telling your wife she is fat is a double edge sword. Best to leader her to do activities together which ultimately increase her fitness level and weight loss. Regardless, we all get tired of seeing our mates in an LTR, It’s inevitable.

 

[Robert28]

Very overweight? Completely fair. Just had a baby? She has a time period to get back in shape.

Once she stops caring about being as attractive as possible for you, it was probably a few steps after starting to lose respect for you. Unless you're both just so unattractive to any other person of the opposite sex that there are zero possible options except for each other, then it's okay to stay married I guess.

I know a girl who had a baby 3 years ago and she still looks pregnant! People legit mistake her for being pregnant and even make comments to her and she gets so pissed off about it lol the thing is she used to be hot, she had a nice little body. But not only does she look pregnant 3 years after having a kid, her attitude is terrible and her list of demands and “what she deserves” is higher than you can imagine! She kept trying to talk to me and being all aggressive, I tried to shut her down nicely several times but eventually I just had to say “look, I’m not attracted to you AT ALL.” She got pissed and blocked me lol

 

[thermodynamic]

It depends if there are kids or not.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It depends if there are kids or not.

Nah. It’s unacceptable for a wife to become a whale. Grounds for divorce.

 

[thermodynamic]

Nah. It’s unacceptable for a wife to become a whale. Grounds for divorce.

Your really going to do your kids like that so readily? By all means pressure her to improve, but your causing a lot of harm to your kids when you put them through a divorce.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Your really going to do your kids like that so readily? By all means pressure her to improve, but your causing a lot of harm to your kids when you put them through a divorce.

Nope, wife is causing harm to the kids. If wife doesn’t play her role, she can get to stepping. Best believe if you refuse going to work and providing as a man she will divorce your ass.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I don't understand this thread.

It's been posted on this forum almost ad nauseum how men suffer more than women from divorce, especially financially which affects them emotionally.

How horribly they're treated by the courts, the government, often times not being able to see their own kids!

Pan87 used to post about this all the time! Too bad his posts have been deleted, I'd resurrect a few to refresh memories.

But typically a man suffers more from divorce than the woman, so not sure why that is the recommended course of action, it hurts you more than her.

Financially mostly and also with respect to seeing your kids.

If your wife gets fat through her own poor choices and makes no effort or doesn't care to become attractive to you again or you feel she's disrespectful in other ways, then seek counseling or do what you need to do outside the marriage.

But I used to work in legal and divorce is not a good outcome for a man in most instances.

A wife that turns into a hippopotamus over the course of marriage has long lost respect for her husband. It is never in a man’s interest to stay where he isn’t respected.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Divorce benefits women more than men.

I disagree. You’re making the assumption that finances is all a man is good for. Ask a widow if she’d rather have the life insurance policy or her husband back. Men provide a lot more value than just money to their wives and children. Divorce only “benefits” women that can secure another man.

 

[Fruitbat]

This depends on a lot of things. Marriage is for better or for worse.

if you have kids I say it is not justified.
if you got married just to have a party and think it’s like dating, it is.

it also depends on if this has been well communicated. It’s very easy to fall into a rut of eating. If she’s willing but not built the skills to do it, fair enough.

if she’s all DGAF and has no intention of modifying her behaviour then it’s another matter.

A common one is for women to claim having kids means they will always be overweight. My wife was slim as ever 3 months aftergiving birth. She did some aerobics and ate sensibly.

I’ve seen some poor dudes suddenly with an overweight wife post birth, and to add insult to injury, they often cut their hair short at this time too lol

 

[EyeBRollin]

However, at least from what I've seen in my demographic (CA and NY), you'd be hard-pressed to find a man willing to hand over 75% of his assets to a disrespectful wife not to mention risk losing his kids, simply because his wife got fat.

They aren’t “his assets.” Nearly everything built over the course of the marriage is shared property. People should understand that going in.

Women are smarter than men on this front; they wait until they have their replacement lined up before jumping ship.