Is A Second Try Possible?

[Robbc]

I met a much younger woman about 2 months ago and
we hit it off , we had a obvious connection between us ( she
even said so). We had a wonderful time everytime we went
out and we talked on the phone for hours. She called me
about 80% of the time.
I screwed up and fell in love with her and to make matters
worse I told her so. Also I gave her gifts , took her to
expensive resturtants and bascally broke every rule in the
book. I knew better , but I did it anyway. Theres no doubt
she has lost interest in me. We haven't seen each other in
a week or more and the phone calls are getting scarce and
short.
My question is this: is it possible to back off for a while
and then come up with a new strategy for getting her
interested again? How would I go about this? Any
suggestions?
I can find other women easy, but I don't want to give
up on this one just yet.

thanks,
RC

 

[Donald Kaufman]

Yes, a second chance is possible. However, you can't count on it. I read somewhere that one of the laws of the universe is, those that need luck never have it.

So many people know what they should do. They might study for a specific obstacle. They may watch others encounter the obstacle and laugh at their feeble attempts to try to make the wrong thing work. They might spout off on internet message boards about the right way to handle a situation. Somehow, in the middle of the obstacle they have felt so confident about they decide they are the exception.

Are there times that are exceptions? Yes. Are there people out there who have defied the rules of thumb and made it work anyway? Yes. Are people, who thought they were the exception, surprised when they are not? Yes?

Very few people on this board have not discovered themselves to have RAFC tendencies. Most have indulged a few of them. Some have pulled it out anyway.

The first job is to understand your mistake. Falling in love was not your mistake. Maybe falling in love too fast was your problem. It's an important distinction. If you are looking for an LTR falling in love is the goal.

OK, maybe the falling part is the problem. Falling implies an out of control, nature induced, state that you are helpless against. Floating through the air can be an exhilirating experience but nature has not equipped us with a parachute.

Maybe part of programming ourselves better requires us to rephrase "falling in love". Perhaps it is unromantic but, for the purpose of correcting societies miscues, maybe we should call it something like "discovering someone with whom we share enough attitudes and goals and beliefs that are both in common and complimentary with our own that allowing ourselves, with eyes wide open, to explore the future with someone else, we can imagine developing a bond that can warm into what we may some day call love". Again, an important distinction.

If you give her some breathing room and do something that resets your interactional expectations with her and use this new definition of what falling in love is you will increase your chances of having a second chance.

As always, it is important to get back to working on making your life better, as opposed to chasing and complimenting her, in order to be the person who is most likely to have a second chance.

If you have to think about fundamentals you still have to rely on fundementals.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

you claim you can find another woman easy so do it.
this time, skip the gifts and fancy restuarants.

 

[mystic03]

I second that.

It's far easier to hit it off with a new girl than to "repair" an AFC move.

NEXT!!!

 

[yunghova35]

ok WHY did you do this, what good did you think would come out of this?

now to answer your question a 2nd chance is possible but odd are slim that you will get it. the only chance you have is to ignore her do not call her and if you do call mayeb once every 2 or 3 weeks, let her knwo your out with other women and having fun. this will show her that, your life didnt stop with her.

now my REAL advice is like everyone else's MOVE ON, you have to realize your not attracted to ONE WOMAN, you attracted to ONE KIND of women meaning there are plently more of this same TYPE of girl out girl, make a list up of thing you like about THIS woman and every other women you really liked, and find that TYPE that you like.

 

[Albion4]

Originally posted by Robbc
My question is this: is it possible to back off for a while and then come up with a new strategy for getting her interested again? How would I go about this? Any
suggestions?

Nope, you're dead to her romantically. She was having fun with you and you took that away from her. I don't blame her. Next time you'll know better.

-Al

 

[cave dweller]

no..........

Hey,

You blew it.
She has lost interest in you. Once that happens it is over.
Write her off and move on.
Next.................

cave dweller

 

[Royal Elite]

The past is written in stone. i dont believe you can't fix mistakes from the past if the same situation is still present.

You need to evaluate if you two are in it for the same reasons. If you want romantic ltr and she doesn't why would you want a second chance. Every relationship that goes sour doesnt have to do with right or wrong, sometimes it's just a mis-match. Some many guys never and know what type of relationship both parties are seeking.

It seems you are better off finding a girl who likes the whole sweeping off the feet thing, because that seems like something you like to do, and something she doesn't like, but there are women out there who do like that.

 

[Robbc]

Thanks for the replies guys.

Within the last 24 hours she has called me 4 times. She wanted
me to come see her at work and I did although she got real
busy and couldn't talk that much. But she called me again
at 2am when she got off work. I've been real cool ,not even
suggesting I want to see her. I believe I have turned the
dynamics of the relationship around ..fast. She wasn't as
disinterested as I may have thought once she realized I
would be fine without her.

I think the question was asked why did I behave that way?
Good question. I most definatly knew better. This girl is a petite
5"3 brunette with olive skin , big dark eyes and big tits for
a skinny girl. Everytime I looked into those eyes ( especially
after a beer of two) I just had crazy romantic thoughts I
couldn't (or didn't ) control. Hell, I wanted to move this girl in
and get her pregnant. I really don't know what came over
me.

I don't guess I mentioned I'm 49 ... shes 22.

And I would agree , its the type of girl and maybe not THE girl
that got me. I always go for that type.

For now I'm just playing it cool . If she wants to see me she
will have to ask. I won't. I'm already moving on.

thanks

 

[Wyldfire]

She sounds like a girl I know who has this older guy she keeps on the back burner and leads on to get taken out to expensive restaurants, get costly gifts, and get her bills paid when she can't afford it. She's in her early 20's too. And everytime she gets what she wants in the way of material items she always runs back to the same younger non-commital guy who she loves.

My guess is the girl is using you because it's unlikely a 22 year old girl is genuinely interested in a man almost 30 years older than she is. Not saying that to be mean...I just find it really unlikely she's not using you.

 

[stevera004]

Originally posted by Wyldfire

My guess is the girl is using you because it's unlikely a 22 year old girl is genuinely interested in a man almost 30 years older than she is. Not saying that to be mean...I just find it really unlikely she's not using you.

Well duh. He's exchanging his wealth for her youth and beauty ( he is banging her, right ... right ?). It was ever thus.

Only a self-absorbed, drama queen fembot would be unable to see this.

 

[Robbc]

Yes I was banging her. It was a fair trade until I lost my
head but I have good news to report. I just got home
and tonight I met or remet a girl I've known for 6 years but
never asked out. To tell the truth I was always a little
intimadated, this girl is a knockout. Shes 34 and looks way
better than the little girl I was seeing. When I asked her
all she said was " it took you long enough" and then gave
me the number. My problems are solved . The little hustler
has been expelled from my mind. I won't even anwser the
phone when she calls.

This is one great feeling.

thanks

 

[omerta1111]

Well then the 22YO is the best thing that could have happened to you...despite the mistakes you made with her, you learned a lesson that you won't repeat on the new girl!

Ain't that always the way these things seem to work out?!

 

[Nitemare]

Its over!! Why are you wasting your time! and money???

 

[cave dweller]

daddy.........

Hey,

You need to wake up.......
These younger girls, that you hang out with, are only looking for a 'sugar daddy'.

'When the money is gone, they will be gone.'

Don't take my work for it.....Stop buying them sh1t and watch them vanish.

cave dweller

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by stevera004
Well duh. He's exchanging his wealth for her youth and beauty ( he is banging her, right ... right ?). It was ever thus.

Only a self-absorbed, drama queen fembot would be unable to see this.

Biotch please...you should be thankful I'm NOT a "fembot". The only thing that prevents me from totally shredding the egos of the little pi$$ants who think it'll make people here respect them more if they insult me is the fact that I am NOT a feminist and don't hate men or blame them for all that is wrong in society, the world and life in general. If I were a "fembot" you would be running to your mother crying with pi$$y pants by now.