Invites friend at the last second

[DragonBlood]

I have dated this girl twice, very physical but havent smashed up to this point. Ive been busy for a month and (to my surprise) she reaches out to me. She asks to hang out with her at the market and then going back to hers so she can "teach me how to cook". I just go with it.

However the day before the meet up she shoots me this text asking if I mind if her friend comes along? I tell her it doesnt bother me, but how do I proceed? She suggests isolating to her house because she misses me and then throws her friend in at the last second? huh?

 

[No.Danny]

Loooooooool




Threesome?

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Your answer should be absolutely not. Don't participate. This is a mega sht-test, not unforgiveable, but an overt, in-your-face cuck block. You should pull back and make her initiate the next 2-3 encounters.

 

[pyros]

This has happened to me twice.

If you reject her offer you wont hear from her again, you know why? because she's having doubts about you, and if you "reject" her and her friend now, she will confirm you're not that interested in getting to know her.

SO JUST GO WITH IT, HAVE FUN WITH BOTH OF THEM, ESCALATE WITH YOUR GIRL...and thus you will keep that relationship going. (hey, maybe she will get rid of her in the middle of the date, or you will end up having a threesome, win-win).

First time this happened to me I followed the same advise some ppl have given to you here, and it screwed everything.

Just go out with them both and have fun. Next date I assure that by doing this you you will have earned several points with her.

 

[Trump]

I have dated this girl twice, very physical but havent smashed up to this point. Ive been busy for a month and (to my surprise) she reaches out to me. She asks to hang out with her at the market and then going back to hers so she can "teach me how to cook". I just go with it.

However the day before the meet up she shoots me this text asking if I mind if her friend comes along? I tell her it doesnt bother me, but how do I proceed? She suggests isolating to her house because she misses me and then throws her friend in at the last second? huh?

Its tough because she suddenly introduced inviting a third party you know nothing about and haven't seen. Can you ask for a picture? :crackup:

But if you haven't had sex yet and she's asking her best friend to join, it's not good. You ask the friends what they think after the sex, it's not important before.

 

[Thorninmyside]

I'd let them cook for me and then tell I've gotta leave for a date haha

 

[DragonBlood]

If you reject her offer you wont hear from her again, you know why? because she's having doubts about you, and if you "reject" her and her friend now, she will confirm you're not that interested in getting to know her.

Yeah, even though you are the only one posting "got for it" pyros Im inclined to agree from experience to also go against the theory. I was dating another girl 2 years ago and invited her to the movies. She also invited her friend and I made the "is she hot" jokes and eventually decided to cancel. She was massively offended and I never got a follow up. Calling her out and making it all about the sex completely killed the vibe.

I do feel disrespected and less enthusiastic about the meet up because it sounds like a huge waste of my time, its bad form but I cant really see anything good coming from nexting. For all I know this other girl might leave once we are done in the market as you pointed out. If I get over my disappointment about the **** block and that things are not moving as fast as I want, and just continue to escalate and enjoy the interaction, I am inclined to agree things could swing back way into my favor. Winning over the friend and getting her on my side is key now as well.

The only thing I was thinking differently is actually giving the new girl more attention and escalating her. Not really sure though, maybe thats over the top. The only thing I can think of that would have caused this is that I have been busy and usually text logistical stuff in response to her. Shes doing all the work and organised the last date as well so I am probably coming off pretty disinterested.

@trump I think she sent a pic of her before, if its the same person shes HB6.5. I seriously doubt she would invite someone along more attractive than herself.

 

[pyros]

the problem with Espi's recomendations is that... well, he's 44, and I think in this case the girl must young, maybe around 20 something?

it is not the dame to deal with mature women than with teenagers or young chicks.
If a 40 years old woman says she's bringing a friend...wHAT DA FVCK?
but if she's 20 it is not such a big deal.
So if you follow his advise in this case...say bye bye to this chick lol.


See this, as I mention above I had this same situation three times already. The first two times, I folllowed the advise of the majority here, ie, cancelling the date, and I never saw those chicks again eventhough I tried to arrange another date...it was futile.
Third time it happened to me the girl brought a female friend of hers and told me about it 20 minutes before the date. I got pissed, I did not reply to her...I remember I started walking in circles around the streets...but I remembered my past mistakes...and I just said fine, and went with it.

We all went to have dinner, to dance...we had fun, took some pictures and I ended up in this other chick's place fvcking my date for the first time, so the final result went way beyond my expectations, and I went from really pissed to happy lol.

Being as harsh as Espi suggests is good once you've banged her a few times. If you do it before, well, she will go to another dude who is 'nicer', cause at this point she hasnt invested in you, so she doesnt mind to dump you and replace you.

 

[Tictac]

I've had stuff like this try to happen a time or two.

Both times, I said (simply) - "that's how this works, I'm out".

 

[Wisconsin144]

She might just be nervous and having a friend there as security. I'm sure after this date she'll feel more comfortable and then invite you around more often alone. This is how it was with multiple girls I've been with.

 

[DragonBlood]

The man who is outcome-dependent limits his options and chicks can sense this.

I agree, and that is why Im not going to worry about the "sex outcome" tomorrow and get pissed at her for not doing what I want. Im just going to adjust my expectations and enjoy the interaction.

I appreciate your insights as standing your man is the right approach overall, but I am going with pyros advice. This person is in her 20s and not experienced with men. Shes not a confident approach/escalate machine like most men so she probably feels nervous without her support circle.

Seeing as she set up the last two dates herself and said "I miss you" in one of her last texts, Im not going to worry about it. Building more comfort, winning over the friend and accepting her invite to her house should be the main purpose of this. I dont think shes invested enough for me to walk.

 

[Suspens]

the problem with Espi's recomendations is that... well, he's 44, and I think in this case the girl must young, maybe around 20 something?

it is not the dame to deal with mature women than with teenagers or young chicks.
If a 40 years old woman says she's bringing a friend...wHAT DA FVCK?
but if she's 20 it is not such a big deal.
So if you follow his advise in this case...say bye bye to this chick lol.

Interesting topic.

But I agree with you, that would be a bit strict, since she has expressed high interest multiple times already.

 

[GigalöDJ]

Echoing some other guys..get her too.

 

[icantgetlaid]

A girl with high interest level will want any opportunity to spend time alone with you -- not bring a ****-blocking friend into the picture.

I'd cut my losses and keep it moving.

 

[ubercat]

Hi DB
What about a bet each way. Tell her u ll meet her and the friend out. Line up a date later with another chick. Then if its looking good flake on the other girl. Otherwise he its been great to meet yr friend gotta run. I think hanging out at her place with a friend its too FZ so early on.

 

[Tictac]

Invites friend at the... 07-03-2015 07:57 PM Suspens STFU loser

 

[DragonBlood]

I think hanging out at her place with a friend its too FZ so early on.

True that ubercat.

I prefer losing them than EVER trying to accommodate them and "earning points" from them.

Thats cool. But this is definitely a position than an absolute.


I dont regret going. Heres the cliffs.


Went to the market and back to hers. Sarah throws on some music and starts getting the food ready. I ask her where is her friend? She was running late and wasnt going to show up at the house for another two hours. This is not a possibility I had considered when I put the thread up. I start to escalate and even put my hands around her waist as I watch her cook. Shes receptive but Im not getting anything back. While we wait for the food she shows me some books.... I get tried of this and pull her out to dance with me and tell her "I need to loosen her up". I kick of my shoes and take off hers as well and we dance for a little while.. Im not doing anything overtly physical but she eventually gets uncomfortable, puts her shoes back on and goes back to cooking. At this point Im thinking maybe I am in the friendzone and just dont know it, so I keep my hands off her for the rest of the evening and keep the conversation more light and logical.

Sarahs friend Becky shows up and sits on the couch beside me. Becky notices I have taken my shoes off, does the same and compliments my sandals. Im thinking here "awesome! compliance, dont need to worry about winning over the friend." She seems more chill than my original target so I dance with her instead. There I am dancing barefoot with Becky while Sarah sees to catering We have a good time over dinner. Afterwards I discover Becky is into fitness so I ask her to show me some exercises. Shes demonstrates afew moves and puts her hands on me to correct my posture. Its about 5pm now and the time just flew. Becky had to go so I got her number before she left.

I decide to stay because its another hour before my bus home. So its back to me and Sarah. Sarah suggests we go for a walk around the park before getting my bus, and afterwards she waits with me at the bus stop for my bus to arrive. So far I dont think Sarah has even laid a hand on me the whole evening and we had been hanging out for hours, I was just treating her like a friend.. so heres where things get a bit freaky. While sitting down waiting for the bus:

DB: Are you cold? (It was sunny and she was wearing a jacket)
HB: Yes, are you?
DB: no not at all actually

Then out of ****ing nowhere Sarah sits right up to me as close as possible thigh pressing thigh. She starts rubbing the small of my back with one hand and the top of my thigh with her other trying to "warm herself up"... WTF. Where did this **** come from? Once shes calmed down I hold her hand while we wait for the bus and I kiss her before I leave. This is a girl I firmly thought was in the friendzone.

 

[DragonBlood]

Just saw an email from Sarah from two days ago asking if I want to go touring around with her and it was signed "kisses".

Ok well safe to say pyros was right, just go with the flow and dont worry about rushing through and nexting at the first sign of resistance. Rep to you my friend!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Man...

For the most part, I agree with the majority's assessment on here that, if a girl is bringing a friend on a date, chances are she's not that interested. My experience, as is probably the experience of other guys on here, is that if a friend is coming along it spells disaster.

HOWEVER...

I'm also aware of the rare "exceptions to the rule." Ones where the girl is a bit shy and feels they need someone else there to make them feel less nervous. Or, one where the guy is suggesting a date idea that could lead to intimacies she's not ready for, and wants someone else there so she'll feel safe. This was the case with my Mom - her best friend wanted to hook her up with a guy (her cousin), and she said she didn't want to go. So, her friend suggested having the date as his place where he'd cook for her, and she would be there as well. So, that's what my Mom did - and her first date with my dad was at his place with her and her friend/my dad's cousin. 1.5 yrs later they were married.

I say all that to say: while I'm still very much a man of probability (and, in the case of friends showing up on dates, it's more likely she would NOT be interested), there is something to be said for trying things out the norm every once in a while, this being one of those cases.

 

[Peña]

I wouldn't make too much of a big deal on it. I once met up with a girl who brought her friend. She hung out with us for a bit then parted ways so we could be alone. The 2nd date we were hooking up. Look for high IL if it is there you are cool.