Introvert in social situations. Does it help?

[Konada]

Okay so here's the deal, I've been invited to a party by my good buddy and I'm pretty sure there will be alot of new people (and chicks to meet.) I've been an introvert all my life, meaning I prefer to deal with people in groups of 3 or leas rather than a large group, and probably way better at that as well. Furthermore, it just isn't in me to be thr crazy azz guy that is the life of the party.

Being in a large social situation drains the hell out of me and I may end up being the creepy guy in the corner. I don't want that to happen and being an natural introvert, what can I do to be AMOG by not putting up a facade and not come off as the socially retarded guy?

 

[mahoney]

dont think of them as a large group. think of it as lots of groups of 3-4 people, all in the same place

imagine a restaurant with 40 people in. 40 people might be a lot for you to deal with, but they are not all sat around one table, they are grouped in tables of 2,3 and 4 mainly. you don't need to see all the people in the party as one enormous table as though you would be interacting with all of them at once. think of them as being in small groups and then just try being as natural as possible with each group (yes the groups will be fluid and reconfigure with different people at different times, but that doesn't make any difference)

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

You don't have to spend all night at the party. If parties are draining for you, then show up for 30 minutes or an hour. Once you start to feel yourself fading (after some reasonable time i.e. tell yourself to stay for at least an hour), then bounce.

This way people only see you at your best, but make sure not to use this an an excuse to show up for 10 minutes and then leave. Stick around until you're satisfied that you 'hung out' at the party.

 

[Konada]

You don't have to spend all night at the party. If parties are draining for you, then show up for 30 minutes or an hour. Once you start to feel yourself fading (after some reasonable time i.e. tell yourself to stay for at least an hour), then bounce.

This way people only see you at your best, but make sure not to use this an an excuse to show up for 10 minutes and then leave. Stick around until you're satisfied that you 'hung out' at the party.

About being my best, as I've said earlier I am not one who would be the life of the party if ever. So how do I portray myself as interesting, attractive without trying to be another extroverted person (or fake person)?

 

[donnyjondeppjuando]

get tipsy, check out girls see if any cute adn single and seem to notice you, if so make moves, if not go home lol

 

[the_stig]

I hear ya on this. I'm an introvert as well and 3 really is the magic number. The more people above that, the less I feel like I can be myself and stand out. Like one poster said, break it down in small groups talking to a just a few people at a time, if you can help it. If you start feeling uncomfortable, wander around so you appear busy and mingle with people as you come across them.

 

[Mike32ct]

One of my sticking points as an introvert is that I can't (or at least haven't developed the skill to) walk into a CROWDED/BUSY social setting such as a party, bar, club, etc. and start running game. I always have to get there EARLY and get warmed up WHILE IT'S STILL SLOW.

I would strongly suggest that you do the same. When you get there early, it's very quiet and laid back. There might only be a few people there. They are bored because nothing much is happening yet and will welcome your conversation. You can operate with a small group (because that is all that is there early on), which is the introvert's strength. It also allows you to setup a "home base" with familiar people. Plus, the "original group" includes the host, which will happily introduce you to everyone as they arrive.

As I mentioned before, cliques form VERY quickly, so you can get "in" with the people immediately, when they are most receptive to you. Plus, it is a gradual process. You start out with maybe three people, then four, five, etc. You don't walk into a place with 30 people and feel overwhelmed/drained.

Finally, it's good social proof. As more people arrive, they see you already there in a group talking. So their first impression of you is a positive one.

If you arrive late, you might be overwhelmed and just cling to your buddy all night. (It's all too easy for an introvert to do.) The other problem with arriving late is that cliques/groups have ALREADY FORMED WITHOUT YOU. It's a major UPHILL battle for any introvert to compete with extroverted and/or better looking people that are ALREADY ESTABLISHED in their cliques.

 

[bilboteabaggins]

I wish people really understood what it was like to be a true introvert(not just being some shy loser), large groups literally drain your batteries mentally and physically, its like the juice is sucked right out of you, then you need all this alone time to recharge

so sadly I must forget clubs and large partays!!! can't cut it, i've tried

not all is lost though, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, don't try and force yourself into this ****, it will never work, instead hone what you got, there are plenty hot ass girls out there that like introverted guys, just gotta find them

all else fails if you can pull it off, the hot mysterious quiet guy over in the corner can work and very well sometimes

 

[Mike32ct]

I wish people really understood what it was like to be a true introvert(not just being some shy loser), large groups literally drain your batteries mentally and physically, its like the juice is sucked right out of you, then you need all this alone time to recharge

so sadly I must forget clubs and large partays!!! can't cut it, i've tried

not all is lost though, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, don't try and force yourself into this ****, it will never work, instead hone what you got, there are plenty hot ass girls out there that like introverted guys, just gotta find them

all else fails if you can pull it off, the hot mysterious quiet guy over in the corner can work and very well sometimes

Agreed. Large social events are NOT the ideal place for a true introvert. I'm just providing some tips to help deal with it because the OP was invited to a party. I prefer to get there early, do the best I can, and if I don't click with any women, leave early.

Honestly, if I'm not "clicking" with a female or any of the people within an hour or (two TOPS) of a being in a venue, I'm getting ready to bounce or call it a night. I'm not going to drain my batteries by staying all night at a venue that only gets more busy filled with more and more people.

Introverts are more about DEPTH than FLASH. While the socialite party girl and/or the extroverted guy might prefer to talk and laugh about the most silly sh*t with a large group, the introvert prefers INTERESTING, IN-DEPTH conversations either (preferably) one-on-one, or possibly a small group (not more than say 3). That being said, I prefer quiet intelligent women, even if they aren't the hottest.

And yes, there are women that like introverted guys. I was out with four guy friends one night at this bar. One of the guys was very tall, good looking, extroverted, etc., and he was trying to game the bartender chick. The other three guys were chatting with her off and on, but letting him game her. I was dead quiet the ENTIRE time, because as an introvert, I prefer to OBSERVE. Finally, it was clear that the guy gaming her was getting nowhere. One of the other guys finally asked her, "Hypothetically, if you were to hook up with one of us, who would it be?" She pointed to me and said, "This guy." I almost fell off my bar stool.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Agreed re: arriving early. This is the BEST time to meet people, as introductions come quite naturally.

The easiest way to bring value to a party is to keep a smile on your face and simply say "hi, I'm [name]." Most people are NOT good with strangers, so the simple act of taking the initiative to introduce yourself will make you stand out right off the bat.

When meeting a group that already has a bit of rapport, the best way to be welcomed in is to ask, "so, how do you guys know each other?" Usually, SOMEONE will recall some kind of funny story, and you can use this to tease the girls or branch off onto another thread.

Other things that work well to get girls talking:

"What did you want to be when you were 7?" ---> get them feeling like a little girl again

"What nationality are you?" ----> get them talking about what makes their family unique

"Are you an only child?" ---> tease them for pretty much anything

"Are you the party girl in your group of friends, or the responsible one?" ---> they will talk about how they can be both at times, and you can get them to recount specific stories.

^^That's ALL YOU NEED to build comfort and get girls to open up. Of course, it doesn't mean you'll get them ATTRACTED to you, but at the very least you'll come off as a cool, friendly guy that is genuinely interested in what makes her tick.


Conversations to AVOID: "What do you do?," "Where are you from?" and other boring biographical questions. Let these come up naturally in conversation.

 

[Konada]

all else fails if you can pull it off, the hot mysterious quiet guy over in the corner can work and very well sometimes

LOL been there done that. Results were disastrous to say the least.

Really amazed at the solid advice given here, can't thank you guys enough for helping me out here. The party will be in a few hours time, will report my how it went later on. Thanks guys!

 

[bilboteabaggins]

And yes, there are women that like introverted guys. I was out with four guy friends one night at this bar. One of the guys was very tall, good looking, extroverted, etc., and he was trying to game the bartender chick. The other three guys were chatting with her off and on, but letting him game her. I was dead quiet the ENTIRE time, because as an introvert, I prefer to OBSERVE. Finally, it was clear that the guy gaming her was getting nowhere. One of the other guys finally asked her, "Hypothetically, if you were to hook up with one of us, who would it be?" She pointed to me and said, "This guy." I almost fell off my bar stool.

exactly son :rockon: this can work if you got the looks (which you obsiously do), broads will wonder "why isn't he trying with me or doesn't he like me/think I look hot??"...hard to pull off and if they say something the close must be done and done perfectly or you are DOA

I was out of town and getting ready to head back home and decided to hit the hooters nearby, I sat alone, minded my business, just chilled, laid back, I watched the mid 20's guys flood the girls with compliments, try to get numbers, it was pathetic, these guys were damn good looking too, meanwhile they were all batting their eyes at me, dying for me to "try", one girl was pretty tore up, had I even cared or wanted to try I could have landed one

right there is the introverts strength, use your ears and mind instead of flapping that mouth

 

[bilboteabaggins]

LOL been there done that. Results were disastrous to say the least.

how good looking are you?, it takes Cary Grant brother:rockon:

 

[Konada]

Not hot, but definitely good looking. But not hot enough to pull that off, hence disaster.

 

[FairShake]

You know what is just as creepy as the quiet guy in a corner?

The loud guy who tries to dominate a party when he doesn't know anybody there.

Stop putting pressure on yourself. This is a get together where you don't know anyone. It's down right self-centered of you to think that you have to be the center of attention!

The smart, savvy guy observes and gets in where he fits in...if he even DOES fit in!

 

[Fotis]

Agreed re: arriving early. This is the BEST time to meet people, as introductions come quite naturally.

The easiest way to bring value to a party is to keep a smile on your face and simply say "hi, I'm [name]." Most people are NOT good with strangers, so the simple act of taking the initiative to introduce yourself will make you stand out right off the bat.

When meeting a group that already has a bit of rapport, the best way to be welcomed in is to ask, "so, how do you guys know each other?" Usually, SOMEONE will recall some kind of funny story, and you can use this to tease the girls or branch off onto another thread.

Other things that work well to get girls talking:

"What did you want to be when you were 7?" ---> get them feeling like a little girl again

"What nationality are you?" ----> get them talking about what makes their family unique

"Are you an only child?" ---> tease them for pretty much anything

"Are you the party girl in your group of friends, or the responsible one?" ---> they will talk about how they can be both at times, and you can get them to recount specific stories.

^^That's ALL YOU NEED to build comfort and get girls to open up. Of course, it doesn't mean you'll get them ATTRACTED to you, but at the very least you'll come off as a cool, friendly guy that is genuinely interested in what makes her tick.


Conversations to AVOID: "What do you do?," "Where are you from?" and other boring biographical questions. Let these come up naturally in conversation.

Personally I've used some of these and they have worked really well for me to keep a conversation going, but as far as comfort and attraction, i can say using these in the right way can definitely build some solid attraction. In my experience some comfort too but not enough to pull one away and start macking on 'er.


But as far as being introverted, i can definitely relate to what most of you guys are saying. Im not sure whether its just the music or the people but I do get drained VERY quickly in crowded places like clubs.

Although if im forced to be there (by friends)
i have found three things that work for me

1. breaking down the room into smaller groups of people who appear to be talking to each other

2. looking for interesting articles of clothing on chicks just to strike up conversation

3. avoid staring at the dancefloor