Intolerable behavior???

[Brandonc662]

I'm not sure how to feel about this situation. I am not in a relationship with this girl, if I was it would be blatant disrespect and I would know how to handle it. Again that is not the situation so here goes....

I have been seeing this girl for about 3 months. She had a boyfriend and it was only physical at first. About a month ago we both started catching feelings. She would talk about leaving her boyfriend for me, unsolicited by me.

Well she spent 5 days with me last week, went back to him and within 24 hours she came back having broke it off with him. We spent another 4 days together, we **** at least once a day, and she left this morning to stay at her step-moms to get settled in there. Fast forward to this afternoon, she sent me a text saying she cannot talk after 3pm because her ex wanted to take her out for the evening.

So there is the problem. I feel disrespected but am not in a relationship with her. I understand that she was with him for 2 years and is worried about him. I also respect the fact she told me the truth. I see and talk to other girls but since we discussed our feelings I have not had sex with any other girls, it would feel like cheating to me.

So my question is what would you do? Also I cannot get the search to work on my iPhone today so if this has been discussed before, and I'm sure it has, links would be appreciated.

 

[Aaron B]

i feel like she is trying to force your hand here

she doesn't know how you feel about her and she wants to get a reaction out of you

 

[pdx1138]

classic attention ho behavior.

1. she's no keeper.....understand that right away

2. if you're game for it, getting free lay's at her beckon call, go for it, but
don't get feelings for her.

I dealt with one of these for 1 1/2 years. It was fun for about a year then I had to quit.

 

[49au]

She is "worried" about him? How worried was she when she was fvcking another guy behind his back?

Use her for the sex and nothing more. She will do the same thing to you that she did to him.

 

[Brandonc662]

How would you handle this specific situation?

 

[Aaron B]

I would focus on getting what I want (more sex) while avoiding any sort of obligation or entanglement

And I would take advantage of any opportunity to treat her the way she is treating you (seeing other people and rubbing your nose in it)

She's not girlfriend material for you, or at least she shouldn't be. Her situation with her ex shouldn't even be mentioned to you by her if she wants a future with you, which apparently she doesn't

Hit it then when it no longer suits you, quit it

In general, if you are unsure how to respond, you are probably best served by not responding at all

If pressed by her, responses like "huh" can work well

Do not volunteer information and rebuke her efforts to prompt it from you

If she starts acting silly and/or erratic I have no problems telling her I'm only interested in her for sex

Ultimately if you only want her for sex, him taking her out on dates can work in your favor

 

[Brandonc662]

Thanks

 

[perseverance]

She is "worried" about him? How worried was she when she was fvcking another guy behind his back?

Use her for the sex and nothing more. She will do the same thing to you that she did to him.

Yep, spot on. I have no sympathy for the OP and the girl involved, my sympathy lies with the ex-boyfriend.

What makes me laugh is that men are supposed to be logical creatures and yet you'd think what you've posted what have occurred to the OP?

I almost want him to get into a relationship with her, so that when she cheats on him he will know what it feels like.

 

[perseverance]

How would you handle this specific situation?

An intelligent man wouldn't get himself involved in a "love triangle" or a "lust triangle", that's how most intelligent people would handle this specific situation.

 

[Brandonc662]

Yep, spot on. I have no sympathy for the OP and the girl involved, my sympathy lies with the ex-boyfriend.

What makes me laugh is that men are supposed to be logical creatures and yet you'd think what you've posted what have occurred to the OP?

I almost want him to get into a relationship with her, so that when she cheats on him he will know what it feels like.

Who hurt you?

 

[perseverance]

Who hurt you?

I abhor people who cheat and those men who chase taken women and vice versa, such people are low life scum in my opinion, I hope that clarifies my position?

 

[Brandonc662]

Still didn't answer my question. Oh well, at least I know you are pro-death penalty. Also, I didn't chase, she came to me every time!

 

[perseverance]

Still didn't answer my question. Oh well, at least I know you are pro-death penalty. Also, I didn't chase, she came to me every time!

I was being facetious with my comment. I should have probably used a smilie to indicate that.

She came to you everytime? That's not a good enough excuse in my opinion, that's like people blaming alcohol for their behaviour, it doesn't wash. You were in control of your actions and your penis, so you can't blame her for your actions.

What I do find amusing is that you feel the need to justify behaviour to me. I am not Judge, Jury and Executioner and you can do whatever you like, but as someone who is a moralist I do find your behaviour and her behaviour disgusting.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

By letting her go out with her ex again without protesting, you're letting her know that you're not really interested in a relationship with her. If you're not, then you don't really have anything to be upset about.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Yeah dude, just keep hitting it and no commitment. If you step things up with her she will eventually bore and do you like she's doing her current man..

 

[Noodles]

Intolerable behavior? Blatant disrespect?

What exactly did you expect?

I have been seeing this girl for about 3 months. She had a boyfriend and it was only physical at first.

What did you think she was doing to the boyfriend when she was doing this with you? Or doesn't that count?

About a month ago we both started catching feelings. She would talk about leaving her boyfriend for me, unsolicited by me.

Unsolicited by you? Guys always say this. Because you didn't directly say you had feelings for her she doesn't think you do, right?

But...

Well she spent 5 days with me last week, went back to him and within 24 hours she came back having broke it off with him. We spent another 4 days together, we **** at least once a day, and she left this morning to stay at her step-moms to get settled in there.

Easy cowboy! Slow down. I lot of people round here say judge by actions. And she judged you by your actions. Your actions told her you cared. So she said the same thing back to you.

Fast forward to this afternoon, she sent me a text saying she cannot talk after 3pm because her ex wanted to take her out for the evening.

Again...why is that different to when you enjoyed being the bit on the side?
My guess? She's playing both of you for attention and getting exactly what she wants.

I also respect the fact she told me the truth.

You honestly think she's telling you the truth? You know she lied to her ex when she was seeing you. You really think she's told him about you? You really think you're different? Because it sounds like she's treating you exactly how she treated him. Only this time you're seeing it from the other side.

Sorry man, but if you lay with dogs you get fleas.

 

[Yo'Mama]

I was being facetious with my comment. I should have probably used a smilie to indicate that.

She came to you everytime? That's not a good enough excuse in my opinion, that's like people blaming alcohol for their behaviour, it doesn't wash. You were in control of your actions and your penis, so you can't blame her for your actions.

What I do find amusing is that you feel the need to justify behaviour to me. I am not Judge, Jury and Executioner and you can do whatever you like, but as someone who is a moralist I do find your behaviour and her behaviour disgusting.

Grow up. She was in the relationship not him. He's not the one breaking any promises or lying. I find your simplistic and judgmental moralising disgusting, but there you go.

 

[perseverance]

Grow up. She was in the relationship not him. He's not the one breaking any promises or lying. I find your simplistic and judgmental moralising disgusting, but there you go.

I couldn't care less what you think. If people thought with their brain cells instead of their testosterone and estrogen levels society wouldn't be drowning in the gutter. I cannot understand why a man would pursue a woman in a relationship or allow a woman who is in a relationship to pursue him. I have no problems with people who sleep around providing they are both single. If you find yourself losing interest in your partner or you find it hard to remain faithful in a relationship then end the relationship and go off and sleep around. It's quite simple.

 

[Aaron B]

In my opinion unmarried women with boyfriends are single.

Although if she lives with her boyfriend that can be a pretty clear boundary as well.