Interpreting "mixed messages"

[ChumpNoMore]

I know the rule of thumb is "Anything other than a YES is a NO", but are there any exceptions to the rule?

Just nexted a prospect that was giving me a mixed message (returned calls but never available to meet), so second guessing myself a bit...

Case studies?

 

[Slickster]

I know the rule of thumb is "Anything other than a YES is a NO", but are there any exceptions to the rule?

Just nexted a prospect that was giving me a mixed message (returned calls but never available to meet), so second guessing myself a bit...

Case studies?

In my world the rule of thumb is "Actions speak louder than words".

If she's returning calls but not agreeing to meet then stop calling.

If she's calling you then give her ONE more chance. If she doesn't want to get together then cut her loose. End all contact and forget her.

 

[Mr. Me]

I'd say the exceptions are:

when she specifically counter offers, as in "...but next Wednesday's good for me"

or says, "When are you available next?"

When they say, "...maybe another time?" My reply is usually, "What day do you have in mind?" because I'm trying to flush her out and see if she's for real or just stalling.

When they're stalling, it's usually easy to tell, because they all use the same fall-back lines (or variations of):

"I don't know what my schedule is for next week"
"My friend is coming in from out of town"
"I have to check with [whoever]"
"I'm not sure"
"I have to vacuum my kitty cat"

Sometimes it's obvious and you just go ahead and next them, sometimes when you're not sure you proceed with caution and see if it happens again and then next them if it does.

But replace the phrase "mixed signals" with "low interest" and you'll have a more accurate idea of what's going on.

 

[speed dawg]

If it's easy, she has high interest.

If it's hard, ie mixed signals/messages, confusing, etc., she has low interest. Low interest could be tons of things, but we know for sure it is low interest.

Yes, actions speak louder than words.

It really is that easy.

 

[ChumpNoMore]

True.

In this case ACTION <> TALK.

I guess I just lost perspective on how much of an ego boost women can get from thinking they are being "pursued", and thus will lead you on to get that stroking.

I also find that a lot of women today don't seem to have very rich lives or interests outside endlessly seeking male attention and validation - that IS their LEISURE and HOBBY.

So while I bought the line "just busy but soon for sure, let's plan something", in the end NO ONE is that busy to not be able to make time for someone you're interested in, especially after 2 weeks... I know, a big DOH! on my part... I did do takeaways and radio silence after she put me off for "later" - that's what seem to precipitate her calling me.

I will run into her at the gym, where we met: how should I handle that go forward? Once we hung out outside the gym, I kept my gym interactions with her brief, C&F, and got back to my workout, had places to go (legit, I'm a busy fella). I like to think I'm a friendly fellow, and there's a lot of other hotties there I could and will chat up... Any warnings there? Should I be concerned about fallout trying to sarge any of 'em with her in the same venue? Ignore her, be cordial, what?

As side question - what is your take on situations where women who seem interested, but insist on "planning" something, as opposed to being flexible and a bit more receptive to spontaneity, or letting them know a bit prior?

Thanks guys.

 

[ChumpNoMore]

Mr Me, I like your flush 'em out tactics - but do you think that insistence on setting a date can make you seem too eager?

 

[Mr. Me]

>> Mr Me, I like your flush 'em out tactics - but do you think that insistence on setting a date can make you seem too eager?>>

Only if you pant and salivate while asking.

Ask with an innocent tone, as if she's saying yes, as if all it is is a matter of when. Don't press it. Don't become "insistent".

Think of it as if you're a Detective and you're asking innocent seeming questions. A Detective asks questions that the suspect doesn't realize are aimed to give him answers OTHER then what they think the question's about, like "How was traffic?" let's them know you took a car there without directly asking if you took a car there.

But what's usually going to happen is she'll respond with another stall. Either way, it tells you what you need to know.

Even "just busy but soon for sure, let's plan something" can be handled the same way. The response being: "Like what?" IOW, does she really have something in mind, or is she just stalling? Does she answer "uh...uh... I dunno, we'll figure it out...call me next week" or does she answer, "Well, I'd really like to see that new Hugh Jackman movie!" Get it?

Otherwise, it sounds like you're handling it properly, especially how you go about when you bump into her in real life. C+F, polite, brief and not mentioning anything about getting together. And yes, talk to the other girls there, absolutely try and get their numbers.

 

[Tazman]

Above all, you have to give the impression that none of this really matters to you and you're still the happy confident guy you've always been. If she tries to say something along the lines of "oh sorry I haven't gotten back to you I've really been busy, etc." you simply shrug and say "whooaaa!! calm down it wasn't that big of a deal!! (with a ****y smile)", like she's crazy for thinking you were so hung up on her.

I've done that before and was quite amused by the look I got, she wasn't expecting it at all and it sort of took her down a couple notches, all the while seeming completely genuine and innocent on my part.

 

[ChumpNoMore]

Thanks guys, I get what you're saying, now to make it a natural behaviour... Finding it tough to think one step ahead on the fly but that's what it takes to read 'em.

Edit: To give back a bit here's a tip for sarging at the gym, the masters around here won't need this, but this is what broke the ice for initial conversation, after smiles and eye contact...

Ask the hottie for a spot (get THEM to spot YOU) -- 4/5 times they will quite willingly come over, most won't know what to do, or think you're serious, but just be genuine, smile and say "No really, it's easy, I'll talk you through it..."

Get the spot, thank 'em, and tell 'em they're good luck / bust their chops a bit, C&F banter... Chances are they'll be up for another spot next set, if they're into you, and it goes from there... This has worked successfully for me a few times in pulling numbers.