International Council of Man Laws

[pLaYtHiNg]

Found this on another forum I frequent, and I thought of all of you, so enjoy!

The International Council of Man Laws

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7. In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

19. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

20. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

21. Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime,
green, yellow, orange or sky blue.

22. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for
Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 or a Playstation- End of story.

23. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

24. Never wear a man bag to work.

25. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next, fatty!'

THE END

 

[Deep Dish]

And never write in magneta color.

 

[Create Reality]

Or, SpElL uR nAmE lIkE tHiS

 

[fertileTurtle]

I hate the Pink Revolution.

 

[horaholic]

Where's the rule about banging your buddies ex's?

 

[Colossus]

Hilarious and awesome list.

Regarding the "bang a buddy's ex rule", my take on it is this:

Never bang your mate's ex unless he clearly gives you the green light or enough time has passed that he would not care.
It's disrespectful to do otherwise and I would not consider a guy a friend if he started shagging one of my exes behind my back.

Me personally, I dont WANT my buddies sloppy seconds. I mean Ive done it, but not knowingly. Kinda gross sharing girls.

 

[OzyBoy]

Why pink? That really spoils it. Blue or black would have been better. :nono:

 

[horaholic]

she's a chick, she writes in pink. I think it should be mandatory for ALL chicks on here to write in pink, so there is no question to their gender.

 

[DJDamage]

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2008/08/12/universal-truths-day/

The louder people protest and the quicker they resort to insults the closer you are to telling a truth they don’t like.

The angrier someone reacts to criticism, the more likely your criticism is accurate. Multiply anger factor by 10 for any criticism of a woman.

If you can afford to put yourself down you have value.

If you can brag without inspiring resentment or annoyance you don’t have value.

Every woman — and I mean EVERY woman — will cheat if enough conditions are met.

The minute you start spending money on a woman is the minute she starts to expect having money spent on her.

Corollary: If you spend on a woman like she’s a wh0re, that’s exactly what you’ll get.

If you become famous worldwide and leave hundreds of children and grandchildren as your legacy you will be the same memory-less nothing after your death as the solitary homeless bum who dies in the gutter. May as well live in the now and maximize your pleasure.

The only times to laugh at yourself are when it raises your value, or mitigates a drop in your value.

Legalizing prostitution will reduce the incidence of rape.

Soliciting prostitutes will alleviate the symptoms of malignant betatude, but the only cure is the love of a woman freely given.

Never spend more than a few drinks’ worth of money on a woman before you have fvcked her. If you’re going to pay for a woman, may as well go to a prostitute; at least you know she’ll put out.

If you have no other choice, treating women like sh1t will bring you more sexual and romantic satisfaction than treating women nicely.

Don’t get married. The piece of paper is unnecessary for having a loving relationship with a woman. Any woman you are dating who tells you otherwise does not love you completely.

The question to ask yourself is not ”Will she like me?”, it’s “Do I want her?”.

The strongest frame you can bring to any interaction with a woman is the frame of qualifying her.

The strongest skill you can bring to any interaction with a woman is the ability to listen and remember.

The strongest first impression you can make with a woman is the way you walk over to her.

The strongest image you can present to a woman is one of contrast. Nothing builds intrigue like contrast.

Bitterness is created, not born.

If you’re not mentally prepared for your girlfriend to leave you tomorrow, she will be more likely to do so.

What you will never hear in marriage counseling: The divorce rate would drop in half if men learned to say Shut the fvck up and women stayed the same size they were on their wedding day.

Every woman has an inner wh0re. Pay her in the currency of a good fvck.

Don’t allow the biomechanics of love to spoil the beauty of it for you. Don’t allow the beauty of love to blind you to the reality of earning it.

People are at their most sincere when they’re pissed off.

Don’t take yourself seriously when other people are. Take yourself seriously when other people aren’t.

If you need to set rules for yourself, the Three Date Rule is a good place to start.

Indulge hate like you would indulge love. The energy of both can be a creative force, and it makes you a well-rounded person.

It is more likely to be true that a wife will love her deformed husband than a husband will love his deformed wife.

The biggest difference between men and women? A man will stick his d1ck in an attractive stranger’s warm pvssy without exchanging one word.

Men who truly believe in feminism are beta chumps. An alpha may parrot the lies of feminism but he won’t take them to heart or act in accordance with its principles.

Your genes don’t give a sh1t about you. Their goal is to replicate, not make you happy.

You will get more pvssy if you substitute going out Monday nights for Friday nights.

Sarcasm is the tool of the insecure.

If you catch your woman lying to your face, leave her immediately. No more good is to be had from that relationship.

Adopt a mentality of abundance instead of scarcity. It will become a self-fulfilling philosophy. In this way you will never fear to lose a girl. And in your fearlessness she will not want to leave you.

Make a habit of imagining you will die in a year. What would you do differently today?

The best way to gain perspective is to focus on those below you. The best way to gain motivation is to focus on those above you. Strike a balance.

Don’t let anyone tell you revenge is the instinct of the weak. They’ve just never experienced its sweet deliverance.

Children’s games make great adult dates.

Pity is a form of contempt.

When you’ve lost your curiosity, you’ve taken one step closer to vegetable status.

A happy fulfilling relationship starts with you believing you are better than your woman.

You don’t really give a sh1t about the poor.

Condoms suck.

Circumcision will make you last longer, at the expense of pleasure. It is a discredited barbaric practice.

Women love men who love themselves. Men love women capable of loving someone other than themselves.

You can gain more knowledge from a Wikipedia entry than traveling to lay on the beach in a foreign country.

Don’t be ashamed to create your myth.

Credentialism is the philosophy of the fearful, the self-doubting and the deferential.

A woman who has won your heart will slowly lose interest in you unless you take steps to counter it.

Make love when you can, because it is good.

 

[horaholic]

Awesome!!!!!

 

[The Bat]

Here you go:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2213557603

Comprehensive list of all man laws ever invented/discovered/imagined by any man anywhere....