Internals...

[psychocandy]

There are times when I feel that I love each and every thing in this world, and that I would cry if I chose not to embrace the infinite possibility that is life.

And I don't embrace this.

At this current moment I find myself slave to small failures, and I rely on certain addictive behaviours just to get me through the day, and neglect to do the things that I know I should do, because for some reason, my mind will rationalise that I will do them tomorrow, or the next day, or the next...

I jerk off to internet pornography. I do not want to.
I do not get the exercise that would make me feel better. I keep promising to myself to do this, and yet I never do.
I play the guitar and the bass, and there was a time in which I took joy in learning new things, and yet I never seem to practise as much as I should.
I see hot girls walking by every day, and I never talk to them, even when I know they are at least attracted.
I stress to myself that I never meet new people, and yet I never make the effort.
I smoke too much weed, using it as a crutch, pretending that I'm doing something "cause I'm hangin wit my friends" (who I hang around with EVERY day).
I put off EVERYTHING that I tell myself that I want to do, because my subconcious thinks that the rewards won't be worth the temporary pain.

And I only realised this recently. I thought that I was pretty damn suave, and that hell, almost every girl should be into me. I thought that my life was pretty much in order, until I found out that I just was not happy doing what I've been doing, and that I need to become a better person, and **** anyone else until I can sort out my own problems.

Because even when I'm with a girl, whom I genuinely like, and is a really cool person whom I get on really well with, there's this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I'm just not good enough. I feel that this is down to a lot of backed up personal issues from when I was younger, that I still have not dealt with. So even though I might look the part, and my outer game is tight enough to get girls attracted (when I don't ***** out that is) I need to get the internals sorted before I can progress as a person.

And I want to do this for myself, not for girls, which is the message that I've been missing all along.

 

[bigshovel]

When I first read the title, I thought you were talking about cumming in a chick.. That is the best feeling in the world

 

[diablo]

Moved to AE...

The following is called "tough love".

Your problem is a lack of motivation and self-restraint.

I jerk off to internet pornography. I do not want to.

Are you saying your will is so weak that you can't even control what you do to your body?

I do not get the exercise that would make me feel better. I keep promising to myself to do this, and yet I never do.

Perhaps promising isn't enough. "There's always tomorrow" is the catchphrase of the lazy - don't overanalyze going to the gym, or running around the block. Just start putting on the proper clothes, go outside, and do it. Don't think. Don't make promises that are easy to break through lack of willpower.

I play the guitar and the bass, and there was a time in which I took joy in learning new things, and yet I never seem to practise as much as I should.

Practice them. It's that easy.

I see hot girls walking by every day, and I never talk to them, even when I know they are at least attracted.

Fear of rejection, lack of self-worth and/or confidence are all probable factors in this. Not to mention you've got your warm and cuddly internet porn to jack off to - why would you waste time and effort trying to get into a real girls panties when you can just log on to some adult website?

I stress to myself that I never meet new people, and yet I never make the effort.

STOP BEING LAZY!

I smoke too much weed, using it as a crutch, pretending that I'm doing something "cause I'm hangin wit my friends" (who I hang around with EVERY day).

At least you realize that weed is an escapism from you. Sounds like you have avoidance issues, brought on by a lack of self-confidence.

I put off EVERYTHING that I tell myself that I want to do, because my subconcious thinks that the rewards won't be worth the temporary pain.

Once again, stop being lazy! I don't know how else to put it. You came on here hoping for some magic advice that would solve your problems for you. Instead you're getting a dose of reality - there isn't anything anybody here can do or say thats going to change your life. In fact, another harsh reality is that your failures and shortcomings don't affect anybody here, other than yourself. If you don't care enough about the way your life is going to change it, why should any of us?

I thought that .. almost every girl should be into me.

Yeah. With the picture you've painted of your life it's a wonder you're not stumbling over girls throwing themselves at your feet.

..until I can sort out my own problems.

There's nothing to sort out! The only problems you're having is that you're lazy and have no self-control, pure and simple. If you don't want to jack off to porn, don't. If you want to meet new people, be willing to say "hi!". This isn't rocket science...

I feel that this is down to a lot of backed up personal issues from when I was younger, that I still have not dealt with.

Keep telling yourself that. The reason you can't stop jacking off is because you didn't get hugged enough. The reason you don't go to the gym or take a run around the block is because you got yelled at for stealing something when you were a kid. Better yet, why don't you just keep making excuses? I mean, you just told us all how much you want to change and then even at the end of the very thread where you claim to want to make changes you make an excuse as to why you can't change in the first place! Dude, it's your life. If you want to be mediocre then that's fine with me.

 

[Big Eee Zee]

ignore the retards.

I am proud, this self realization is VERY important. However, it is only the first step in a long journey to getting your life where you want it.

Yes, it will be hard. Damn hard. But ask yourself, wouldn't it be worth it to be able to wake up and just be happy to be yourself?

EDIT_ diablo isn't a retard, he posted that while I was typing.

 

[psychocandy]

Shyt, that was the whole point of the article, that I've realised this and have started to change.

And I've started on these things, and was posting this to point out that I've realised that this was holding me back, and I needed to make positive steps towards making myself a better person.

And that if this has been happening to anyone, step back, and take a look at yourself, and make steps to change it.

Apparently I need to be less subtle.

Will keep you updated...