Interesting and confusing!

[sharkman]

Hey dudes, just curious what any of you make of this:

One night me and my bud go into bar: very quiet

Very pretty barmaid asks if I'll stay at the bar to 'protect' her from the strange drunk guy at the other end.

Talk to her get chattin, find out she is studying marine biology: I have a PhD in marine bio. Find out she wants to learn latin dance: I am a salsa teacher and dj. Before I leave think 'what the hell?' and ask if she'd like to meet up sometime away from the bar.

Girl has bf - fair enough (if its true or not, I dont mind)

Then a week later a girl asks me out for a drink to the same bar and I go along. When we get there I didnt see the barmaid from before and get served by a dude. A minute later while he's gettin my beer, pretty barmaid lassie comes over and her first words to me are: 'Hey, I broke up with by bf!', then she looks over my shoulder and says 'hey, are you on a date?', to which I replied that I was bein polite and havin a drink with an old friend.

A week later back in the bar for a works night out, and I ask the barmaid lassie out again. She says she is staying clear of men, but thanks. Then my bud who thinks the whole situation is confusing goes and asks if she has any interest in me, and the answer is no.

So obviously I'm leavin this girl well alone, I dont care, I still was a man and asked her out without pissing about being friends or whatever.

My question is: Isnt telling someone you hardly know that you've just split with your bf an obvious invitation to ask her out?

If it is, where did I screw up?

Cheers dudes,

Sharkman,

making sure its not safe to get back in the water

 

[StringShredder]

I think the girl has some man issues sharkman. The first clue was her being afraid of that drunk when she asked for protection. I think she really meant it. It wasn't just a ploy to get you to stay and converse. She's scared of something.

When she asked if you were on a date, you should have said, ``Yes! It might go somewhere, might not!'' or something like that. She has to see whatever girl you are with as competition, but still feel that she has a chance. But you went out of your way to give her space by insinuating that you were on some kind of mercy date. That makes you, guess what, a guy who can't say no to girls and goes on dates just to be polite. You could just as well have said "Oh her! She's nothing to me, but she's interested in me, and so I'm doing this really unkind thing by stringing her along with these little dates! Shhh! Don't tell her! It's okay for the barmaid to know what I'm up to, but my date must be in the dark."

You are saying that your buddy went and asked her is she was interested in you? Is that correct? If so, man, that's terrible. I think you should never ask about a girl's interest level directly, especially that early on. And never get another person to ask that kind of thing for you. Oh boy. The reason you shouldn't ask is because you reveal that you care whether she is interested, and because her answer is unimportant: whatever that answer is, it is only something she says, not something she does! Using a lieutenant to ask something like that makes you seem scared, and makes it seem like you care even more. It's so important to you that you are getting another person involved! Ouch.

 

[JazzPimpNYC]

Shred is right. You shouldn't have asked her if she was interested in you. I'd move on if were you, or at least lay off of her for a while and let things cool down. Let her apporach you next time.

 

[DrSoSuave]

You are a Salsa teacher, DJ, and have a PHD in Marine Biology.

You're not fooling me.

 

[tmpgstx]

She's a barmaid. These are not the type of girls to count on in terms of being stable - trust in that. They may be going to college, but most end up dropping out.