Interested women will help/facilitate you setting up a date, right?

[Herb]

By this I mean, if a girl is really interested, she will enable you to effectively make a date as opposed to making it hard for you to do it; she'll give you when she's free if you ask and give you alternatives or otherwise let you know in some way that she is for it, without outright saying it. Even if the time you suggested doesn't work, they'll tell you what may, or be accommodating in some way. At least this is what I've come to understand. But this situation lately is a bit confusing with mixed signals coming from a girl.

Threw in a lot of background info specific to my situation below if it matters, but the crux of the question is above and more general so don't worry about reading that necessarily. I'm just curious as to others' opinion.

Spoiler

The last two girls I met were actually not online and through other friends or at parties, which feels much better. Meeting in a natural, organic kind of way lets you bypass all that awkward online convo stuff, and more importantly means you're approved by your mutual friend network or social circle. So I started off on a better foot with her than with most other girls.

Met this cute blond Swedish-American chick after a party through a mutual girl friend, and gave her a ride home. Had a lot of unique things in common, similar weird interests and styles. Couple of days later I set up a date, and had it the next week, on Wednesday. We had a great time, bouncing around different places, and I knew a lot of the bar/club owners so it made me look extra good. Had good interaction both intellectually and emotionally, and of course a decent amount of sexual banter and some escalation. Seemed to like me a lot. I very probably coulda gone home to her place and ****ed her but decided to hold off for the first date, instead kissing her and walking her back.

The next day she sent me some funny news stories related to what we were talking about and I replied after a while but cut the ensuing text convo short since I was busy at the time and didn't want to get into the habit of texting too much about nonsense anyway. But I took this as a sign that she had a good time and wanted to indicate she was interested in me setting up another The next day I called her after work, and she let it ring but then texted me back right after... Thought this was a bit sketchy but some girls are just more comfortable texting and she is a kinda shy. Asked her what she was doing Sunday and told her it was one of the few days in the coming week that I was free, which was true (normally I'd wait a day or two longer to set up another date, or set one up further in the future but it seemed the time to strike was when the iron was hot). I used the idea of the modern art museum that she was into but hadn't seen, and told her a definite time, 4:30. I intentionally told her the thing about Sunday being my only time to meet up for two reasons: one, it may have compelled her to meet up again soon so I could seal the deal, if she was really interested, and two, to give her an easy out if she wasn't interested. It was understood that she could have easily said, "oh sorry I'm busy that day", and not had to worry about me trying to set up another day anytime soon...

But she didn't

She said she didn't have any real plans but had to do some Craiglist deal and the person was coming from some vague time between 1 and 3, and was late last time. Told her that was enough time then teased her a bit about something, and said even if it doesn't work out, we can play it by ear, and I know of plenty of other things we could get into later in the evening instead. She responded to the other unrelated stuff I said but didn't seem to acknowledge the part about doing something and setting up plans... Thought I'd give her a little space and then tried feeling her out again the next day, the day of, but she didn't mention anything about meeting, even though she responded quickly to all my texts, and with decent enthusiasm.

Finally, I came to the conclusion that, at least at that time, she didn't seem interested in setting up plans or even enabling me to do that. Otherwise she would have done more or gave me more info to be able to. Thought that, at best, she was indifferent about it, and at worst, she was outright against it but wanted to let me know softly. She had changed her mind in the preceding day for some reason. Am I right in this thinking?

So I threw in one last light tease and then told her I'm actually going to meet up with some buddies of mine, and said to let me know if she wants to hang again sometime. Haven't heard from her in like five hours since that. Not sure if it's because she's glad it's over and has nothing more to say, or was just shocked that I turned it around on her like that instead of begging for a date like a *****. Unless it's all just bad miscommunication and she actually wanted and thought I'd ask her out, or maybe wanted to convey she was interested in something later at night, possibly leading to sex, as opposed to a museum in the day kind of thing. She does have a weird style of communication...

I have different date later this week, so it's not that bad either way. But I just wanted to understand this kind of situation for future reference.

Edit- right after I typed this I did get some texts back about how she got a surprise friend visit and asking me about my night.. not sure I'm gonna respond for now.

 

[icantgetlaid]

when you have to start deciphering their responses to see if there's a meaning that might lead to the answer you want to hear ... your answer is no.

girls with interest do not confuse guys when they get asked out .. they make it very clear they are free and OVERTLY accept a time and place to meet.

 

[Herb]

That's what I thought. It's just annoying when they send confusing or mixed signals. Like she didn't have to say anything the next day after the date, and could have just left it as that, but she initiated banter of her own volition, only to seemingly change her mind the next day. But if she really didn't want to meet she could've just said that she was busy that whole evening rather than telling me she might have something to do earlier, but implying her evening was basically free, and then later not acknowledging my attempt to set something up. She just had a kind of distracted vibe going on that day, which she admitted herself.

But as I mentioned, she did end up texting me like half past midnight asking how my night was. I'm almost tempted to say something like "oh now you're interested" "wouldn't you like to know" or "why should i tell you", due to her kind of disinterested and distracted demeanor earlier. But that just sounds stupid so nevermind.

 

[cola]

Can't get butt hurt with women man.
When they flake just act like it didn't happen, reinitiate in a few days and ask her out again..
You know how many chicks I've slept with who flaked the first time?

 

[dude99]

By this I mean, if a girl is really interested, she will enable you to effectively make a date as opposed to making it hard for you to do it; she'll give you when she's free if you ask and give you alternatives or otherwise let you know in some way that she is for it, without outright saying it. Even if the time you suggested doesn't work, they'll tell you what may, or be accommodating in some way. At least this is what I've come to understand. But this situation lately is a bit confusing with mixed signals coming from a girl.

Threw in a lot of background info specific to my situation below if it matters, but the crux of the question is above and more general so don't worry about reading that necessarily. I'm just curious as to others' opinion.

Spoiler

The last two girls I met were actually not online and through other friends or at parties, which feels much better. Meeting in a natural, organic kind of way lets you bypass all that awkward online convo stuff, and more importantly means you're approved by your mutual friend network or social circle. So I started off on a better foot with her than with most other girls.

Met this cute blond Swedish-American chick after a party through a mutual girl friend, and gave her a ride home. Had a lot of unique things in common, similar weird interests and styles. Couple of days later I set up a date, and had it the next week, on Wednesday. We had a great time, bouncing around different places, and I knew a lot of the bar/club owners so it made me look extra good. Had good interaction both intellectually and emotionally, and of course a decent amount of sexual banter and some escalation. Seemed to like me a lot. I very probably coulda gone home to her place and ****ed her but decided to hold off for the first date, instead kissing her and walking her back.

The next day she sent me some funny news stories related to what we were talking about and I replied after a while but cut the ensuing text convo short since I was busy at the time and didn't want to get into the habit of texting too much about nonsense anyway. But I took this as a sign that she had a good time and wanted to indicate she was interested in me setting up another The next day I called her after work, and she let it ring but then texted me back right after... Thought this was a bit sketchy but some girls are just more comfortable texting and she is a kinda shy. Asked her what she was doing Sunday and told her it was one of the few days in the coming week that I was free, which was true (normally I'd wait a day or two longer to set up another date, or set one up further in the future but it seemed the time to strike was when the iron was hot). I used the idea of the modern art museum that she was into but hadn't seen, and told her a definite time, 4:30. I intentionally told her the thing about Sunday being my only time to meet up for two reasons: one, it may have compelled her to meet up again soon so I could seal the deal, if she was really interested, and two, to give her an easy out if she wasn't interested. It was understood that she could have easily said, "oh sorry I'm busy that day", and not had to worry about me trying to set up another day anytime soon...

But she didn't

She said she didn't have any real plans but had to do some Craiglist deal and the person was coming from some vague time between 1 and 3, and was late last time. Told her that was enough time then teased her a bit about something, and said even if it doesn't work out, we can play it by ear, and I know of plenty of other things we could get into later in the evening instead. She responded to the other unrelated stuff I said but didn't seem to acknowledge the part about doing something and setting up plans... Thought I'd give her a little space and then tried feeling her out again the next day, the day of, but she didn't mention anything about meeting, even though she responded quickly to all my texts, and with decent enthusiasm.

Finally, I came to the conclusion that, at least at that time, she didn't seem interested in setting up plans or even enabling me to do that. Otherwise she would have done more or gave me more info to be able to. Thought that, at best, she was indifferent about it, and at worst, she was outright against it but wanted to let me know softly. She had changed her mind in the preceding day for some reason. Am I right in this thinking?

So I threw in one last light tease and then told her I'm actually going to meet up with some buddies of mine, and said to let me know if she wants to hang again sometime. Haven't heard from her in like five hours since that. Not sure if it's because she's glad it's over and has nothing more to say, or was just shocked that I turned it around on her like that instead of begging for a date like a *****. Unless it's all just bad miscommunication and she actually wanted and thought I'd ask her out, or maybe wanted to convey she was interested in something later at night, possibly leading to sex, as opposed to a museum in the day kind of thing. She does have a weird style of communication...

I have different date later this week, so it's not that bad either way. But I just wanted to understand this kind of situation for future reference.

Edit- right after I typed this I did get some texts back about how she got a surprise friend visit and asking me about my night.. not sure I'm gonna respond for now.

Interested girls do not put up road blocks. Interested girls make dates.

Girls who aren't interested make escuses. Girls who aren't interested make things difficult.

If your lady is impossible to see or never available or cancelling or cryptic or confusing then she is telling you, she isn't your lady.

 

[dude99]

That's what I thought. It's just annoying when they send confusing or mixed signals. Like she didn't have to say anything the next day after the date, and could have just left it as that, but she initiated banter of her own volition, only to seemingly change her mind the next day. But if she really didn't want to meet she could've just said that she was busy that whole evening rather than telling me she might have something to do earlier, but implying her evening was basically free, and then later not acknowledging my attempt to set something up. She just had a kind of distracted vibe going on that day, which she admitted herself.

But as I mentioned, she did end up texting me like half past midnight asking how my night was. I'm almost tempted to say something like "oh now you're interested" "wouldn't you like to know" or "why should i tell you", due to her kind of disinterested and distracted demeanor earlier. But that just sounds stupid so nevermind.

"Might have something to do."

Was her way of saying "perhaps yes for now," until better plans come along. So she dangled hope in front of you so you would keep your evening free and then she could do whatever the heck she wanted to.

Dude she didn't want to pass up the chance at a free meal if nothing else was going on.

When they say crap like "i might have something to do," she is setting up the flake so you aren't too surprised when it happens.

Next chick to pull the "Might," bs card, you just say "no problem, i already have my plans. Anyways, next time."

Then you flush/delete their number and go on to the next one

 

[fastlife]

I love the idea that 'women who are interested won't confuse you'--but it's simply not that binary. Women are emotional. Emotions change from moment to moment. I've had 'high interest' girls chase me to hangout with absolutely no interest in sex and I've had 'low interest' who gave me nothing to work with until I was already balls deep.

It just depends on the girl--her personality, her preferences, her communication skills--and circumstance--how she feels, is she horny, etc. OP, you messed up by not fvcking her when you had the chance. You pvssied out; then you backtracked. You didn't lead; you didn't go for what you wanted; you didn't know what you wanted. You didn't have a plan; you didn't stick to it. Usually, you only get one chance & you can feel it when you miss it.

That said, don't waste time looking backwards or trying to glue back together something you broke in the first place. Keep the show rolling. If you still want to see this girl, try again in a week or two.

 

[icantgetlaid]

I love the idea that 'women who are interested won't confuse you'--but it's simply not that binary. Women are emotional. Emotions change from moment to moment. I've had 'high interest' girls chase me to hangout with absolutely no interest in sex and I've had 'low interest' who gave me nothing to work with until I was already balls deep.

Definitely. But there are so many girls out there, it isn't worth the energy to pursue a girl who has luke warm interest. You are much better off approaching more girls, and finding one who wants to see you, on your terms, accept a date, etc.

 

[fastlife]

Definitely. But there are so many girls out there, it isn't worth the energy to pursue a girl who has luke warm interest. You are much better off approaching more girls, and finding one who wants to see you, on your terms, accept a date, etc.

Within reason. If you live in NYC or LA or even a 2nd tier city, I'd agree. If you don't have super high standards, even better. BUT I can go out 8 nights a month and might meet 2-3 girls I really want. Of those, at least half (probably more) are visiting from out of town--so that's a weekend tops. A significant portion of them have boyfriends. So while at this point I know I can find another girl on her level, the time investment in doing so is pretty costly & I already pay for unlimited texting.

Additionally, it depends on if you're looking for an LTR, a ONS, or a plate. At this point in my life, even of the girls I'm physically attracted to & have chemistry with, I might meet one girl a year who makes me think an LTR would be a good idea. So, it's not like I get anything out of having her be in love with me; in fact, it's better that she's not and that I'm not particularly high on her list of priorities.

I think the only time it becomes an issue is if you are using an attachment to one girl whose not all that into you to avoid pursuing other options or to avoid subjecting yourself to other rejection. Eventually I'll lose interest in a girl who won't make an effort but no harm in throwing a couple more darts at the board to see if they stick.

 

[Herb]

I love the idea that 'women who are interested won't confuse you'--but it's simply not that binary. Women are emotional. Emotions change from moment to moment. I've had 'high interest' girls chase me to hangout with absolutely no interest in sex and I've had 'low interest' who gave me nothing to work with until I was already balls deep.

It just depends on the girl--her personality, her preferences, her communication skills--and circumstance--how she feels, is she horny, etc. OP, you messed up by not fvcking her when you had the chance. You pvssied out; then you backtracked. You didn't lead; you didn't go for what you wanted; you didn't know what you wanted. You didn't have a plan; you didn't stick to it. Usually, you only get one chance & you can feel it when you miss it.

That said, don't waste time looking backwards or trying to glue back together something you broke in the first place. Keep the show rolling. If you still want to see this girl, try again in a week or two.

I know, I get that I kinda f'd up by not fvcking... so that means when she texted me the next day, it was more to confirm to herself that I was interested in her, since she might have been thrown off by me not hooking up the night before and that affected her self-esteem. Kind of like self-validation?

I'm thinking she just changed her mind over some random trivial thing or something else was happening in the background that I didn't know about.

Anyway, the end to this story is that about three or four days later I hit her up again with a bait text saying that I heard the craziest story about her from our mutual friend, to which she immediately and eagerly replied, wanting to hear what it was. I then played around with her a bit saying that she'll have to wait until we met in person if we did, to which she gave a pissy reply. I then veered the convo away to trying to set something up, and she just asked about the story again. Eventually I made up some short over the top story but after she heard it seemed to lose interest. The next day she told me that she couldn't go out with me again because I reminded her a lot of her ex (something she did briefly note when I first met her), who she realized she wasn't completely over yet. I was just like alright whatevs peace, and that was it.

 

[Wilko]

Best case scenario if a girl jerks you around but has the best of intentions and asks to reschedule: her life is a hot mess - kids, family, work, whatever - you really want a piece of that?

Actually, best case scenario is getting laid, but you get my point!

 

[RangerMIke]

Can't get butt hurt with women man.
When they flake just act like it didn't happen, reinitiate in a few days and ask her out again..
You know how many chicks I've slept with who flaked the first time?

This....

Flaky behavior is just what chicks do...the hotter they the more they do this. Just keep dating other chicks and you will be fine. If you over react to this then you are just sending her a message that you don't date much and do not understand women.

You can not expect a chick will fall for you on the first couple of dates. Don't spend too much time reading PUA relationship BS... yes chicks that like you will not confuse you, but you can not expect a chick will like you even before you go out with her.

 

[fastlife]

I know, I get that I kinda f'd up by not fvcking... so that means when she texted me the next day, it was more to confirm to herself that I was interested in her, since she might have been thrown off by me not hooking up the night before and that affected her self-esteem. Kind of like self-validation?

I'm thinking she just changed her mind over some random trivial thing or something else was happening in the background that I didn't know about.

Anyway, the end to this story is that about three or four days later I hit her up again with a bait text saying that I heard the craziest story about her from our mutual friend, to which she immediately and eagerly replied, wanting to hear what it was. I then played around with her a bit saying that she'll have to wait until we met in person if we did, to which she gave a pissy reply. I then veered the convo away to trying to set something up, and she just asked about the story again. Eventually I made up some short over the top story but after she heard it seemed to lose interest. The next day she told me that she couldn't go out with me again because I reminded her a lot of her ex (something she did briefly note when I first met her), who she realized she wasn't completely over yet. I was just like alright whatevs peace, and that was it.

IME this one is done. You might can try again in a month or two but not much you can do here now.

But field test it for yourself. And again, girls backward rationalize. If she sleeps with you & you're not a total azzhole, she'll find all these wonderful qualities in you to justify that decision. If she doesn't, we'll, she must not have liked you that much. Of course, none of this happens at a conscious level but it's a dynamic you need to keep in mind.

You usually only get one clean shot. Two if she really really really likes you.

 

[MatureDJ]

I think it's on a spectrum. There could be women who are not so interested at the beginning - and legitimately have a lot of stuff like work, etc. that makes them feel like they can't commit to a certain time (although, I think that the rejection I once got, that she had to wash her dog, would not fit this description, LOL) - but then become more interested. But yes, if the interest is high, they will figure out a way to be available for you.

 

[Fruitbat]

Interested women make dates.

Uninterested women do sometimes.

Never had an uninterested girl not make a date.

Get her out and grab her by the pvssy. You'll find out

 

[skinnyguy]

Usually yes. But if things go wrong you have to be alpha.

Last night I scheduled a date with an HB 8.5 at 8:30 pm. She confirmed with me two hours earlier. Turns out she got in an uber and was stuck in traffic a long time. I waited until 9 pm and then told her I was leaving. She then called me multiple times and texted me that she was really sorry and she would "make it up to me". I told her point blank that I had just made other plans to meet another chick at the club at 11. She was suprised and told me to bail on that girl because she was more fun. I said that if she wanted to meet up it wouldn't be until 1 or 2 am when I got home.

Well she texted me at 1:27 am last night. She came over and well you know the rest.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Interested women would make it easy for you. She might play musical chairs with her ten orbiter, but not the one she wants.