Interested or not?

[Kinohoic]

Hey Guys, I've got a question that I think you'll be able to shed some light on. I'm a student at a University. I met this really nice girl (HB8) in one of my classes. She's a shy and busy girl as she's really involved with her studies, but I decided to give things a shot and asked her out on a casual lunch date. We hit it off really well - conversation was very natural and we ended up talking for a couple of hours. I set up another date with her, where we got coffee and went for a walk. I did the isolate and escalate strategy, and it worked very well (we ended up kissing a few times during the date).

I waited a few days, and tried to set up another date with her - but she had plans with family that was visiting so she gave me a maybe. That night, she invited over to her apartment to watch a movie - but her appt. mates were there as well and I couldn't isolate so wasn't able to make further moves. I figured though things didn't go as well as I planned, her inviting me over was a good sign (especially since she's so shy).

Here's where things get stickier. Over thanksgiving break, I tried to set up another date with her for Saturday night- but again got a maybe because she was meeting up with old high school friends she hadn't seen for months. She informed me the next day that she indeed couldn't do it, but maybe we could do something during the week we get back. I saw her today (three days after I tried to set up the date) during class, but kept conversation brief and light, and made my exit without trying to reschedule.

So here's my question(s): Do you think she is now deflecting my advances, or should I chalk it up to busy holiday times? And if the excuses seem genuine, should I go ahead and try and reschedule, or wait for her to make the move?

 

[NorwegianDJ]

She offered another meetup. She seems interested man, don't think so much!
Also, you're in college, live it up!

 

[Iceberg]

What's the big deal? She denied one of your date offers during a busy time of year. Seems like it was the first time this happened. She even made an offer for later in the week.

I don't see enough evidence here to look at her negatively.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

She offered another meetup. She seems interested man, don't think so much!
Also, you're in college, live it up!

Agreed. Sounds like you're doing well enough here on your own! As you say, it shows a decent IL on her part that she was prepared to invite you over and that she counteroffered when she couldn't make the second date. Her excuses sound legitimate to me. If it were me, I'd take the initiative and arrange to meet up this week like she suggested.

Lastly, I'm also a student, and the best part of being in college (or university, if you're English like me) is that there are so many attractive girls available. What I'm trying to say is this: even if she isn't interested, you really shouldn't care. There are so many girls to choose from.

 

[Kinohoic]

Thanks for the support guys! You were right and things progressed further.

here's an update:

Last Thursday we went to the bar with a group of friends. I isolated and brought here to a private place, where we had a pretty heavy make-out session for an hour or so, with soft talking and cuddling interspersed. Things seemed to go really well and felt much more confirmed in terms of IL.

I followed up Monday (four days after), and tried to plan a date for Wednesday night. She said she was busy, but would get back to me if she was free later in the week. I'm aware this is not an ideal way to plan a date since she has control, but oh well. She did get back to me (via txt), but said she was busy for the entire rest of the week, with no suggestion of a future date.

How would you guys go about looking at/dealing with this situation? It is a busy time of year (end of the semester), and her IL looked high to me, so I may be reading too much into this. Any thoughts would be great!

 

[Chickfight]

You dun goofed BOY.
Yea, sorry to say, but you fvcked up.
What you should have done was slightly push her away after making out. Something as simple as you being the one to end the kiss is a push. Then when you make out again (pull) you escalate further until she stops you, here you go cold or show less interest or whatever (push again). Then pull her in again. See what I mean? Push-pull.

End the date with either:
A-leaving her wanting more (the state she's in after being pushed NOTE: if she's in pull, you ending the date is SUFFICIENT push).
B- Banging her.

You became too happy and eager with the making out situation and thus she realized you were an AFC and her interest evaporated.

Best thing you can do now is a big push (go completely aloof/indifferent on her, don't contact her anymore). This is the only possible way to increase her interest again (although it's not guaranteed.)

Good luck.

EDIT: Let me add that you seem too caught up on determining her interest level. Remember, her interest level is only at what your behavior causes it to be at. It is NOT static. It changes constantly. That's why you need a consistent attitude to keep it high. Even if you get a girl, the game is not over, if you lose your consistency and revert to being an AFC, she will eventually leave you.

 

[Kinohoic]

Thanks for the reply Chickfight! I did do what you said - I always ended each kiss and also ended the date. But maybe I didn't do enough pushing to compensate for the pull?

 

[Chickfight]

Ok, if you did all of that right then I'm not exactly sure what you did wrong.
I reread your post. It SEEMS like she's lost a lot of interest, but maybe she really is busy. Though it's unlikely, it's possible.

It really doesn't matter. You should still do the big push I described above. If her IL is low, it could win her back. If it's high, doing this will not lower it, but might even increase it further. She'll contact you. Ball's in her court, leave it there.

When she does contact you make sure:
-You don't start texting back and forth. (call or in person)
-You don't act to too available
-You push/pull (Also known as give/take-away. Read up more about this. It's an easy principle to apply.)

 

[Kinohoic]

Well I do know for a fact she's really busy - but my thinking is that she would make time for me if she really wanted to see me regardless. Her apartment-mate invited me to a party over the weekend (HB8 is co-hosting it). I didn't give an answer - I figure I'll wait to see if HB8 personally follows up with me to see if I'm going.

Sounds like putting her on the back-burner for a while is the best option, and if she's interested she'll make a move. Live and learn!

 

[squirrels]

Holiday times ARE busy. What are your other girls up to?