Input on my poem!

[sano]

Well, I have been in a great LTR now for nearly a year. This is not my first LTR, but it is one in which we definately have a strong and bright future. The other night I was just sitting here at my comp and started to right a poem for my girl. Not for any particular reason, just because kind of thing. Anyway I know many of you do not believe in love, but I strongly do so to be honest with you, I dont want to hear your "love doesnt exist rants."

So...Here's the poem I wrote for her, btw- I havent given it to her yet.


How True Love Came To Be

The journey through life is filled with many roads and many trails.
Many people will be liked, but only few will be loved.

Here is a true tale of how truelove came to be and grew for all the world to see.
It started near a year ago with a young lady and a president wannabe.

After smiling and nodding; and many hands shaking
It soon became clear why we met under the sun baking

Many say we met by hap stance,
But if that were the case we wouldn’t stand a chance.

And stand we have, together so long
Looking brightly to the future ahead for together as one we stand- together so strong.

So many good times spent together
So many good times yet to be

For there will always be love and laughter, peace ever after
Just you and me.

Together we stand peering into the future
To see if the future is ready, for ready are we, it can only be our destiny.

Here is the true tale of how truelove came to be and grew for all the world to see.
It started near a year ago, by the fate of God, this I know.

For I truly love thee, and you me
For this I know, for this we know- together forever just you and me.

-Sano

 

[Unregistered]

It doesn't really flow, does it? The meter is off.

Also, it seems like some of the rhymes are forced, for example:

"After smiling and nodding; and many hands shaking
It soon became clear why we met under the sun baking"

It's obvious that you just threw in the word "baking" for a quick rhyme.


It'll probably get you some good lovin', though.

 

[jlujan]

I have been in love and i have written nice things to my women, theres nothing wrong with that, but aren't you in the wrong forum?

 

[thejuice]

I personally love poetry but i dont know about giving it to girls. It may come off as cheesy...

Anyway, your poem is ok but if you want to make it good, do this:

Stop praising somethig from one angle. Great poems always have a sense of ambivalence.

Do not use generic themes.

Develop a rhythm.

Let it flow from the inside man!

 

[Ragnar]

Here is a great poem 4 your girl.


There once was an old man from nantucket whose d*ck was so long he could suck it........


FCUK poetry.

Just whip out your member and tell her to suck it like the ***** she is.


UM....ER...sorry dude...I've been drinking....later...

 

[Legend]

how old are you?

Anyway...dont give it to her...she'll lose respect for you.

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

FCUK poetry.

LOL!!

Just whip out your member and tell her to suck it like the ***** she is.

Now THAT is true love.

 

[CLOONEY]

jlujan, your from Cabo San Lucas, that place is meant to be like a paradise isnt it? Man there should be some woman there!!

Oh yeah and about the Poetry, that was a bit off I think, although if you really want to give her poetry go ahead, dont worry about all these AFC's (trying to be hard) telling you not too. Do whatever you feel, just make it special, and dont let her get used to it, this is when you will loose your "challenge".

 

[jlujan]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
jlujan, your from Cabo San Lucas, that place is meant to be like a paradise isnt it? Man there should be some woman there!!

Oh yeah and about the Poetry, that was a bit off I think, although if you really want to give her poetry go ahead, dont worry about all these AFC's (trying to be hard) telling you not too. Do whatever you feel, just make it special, and dont let her get used to it, this is when you will loose your "challenge".

Cabo is paradise, and theres a ton of women, but i am no longer looking for a ****, i am after a decent lady to cook me breakfast in the morning and ***** and cry about my long surfing trips.

 

[CLOONEY]

Cool man, how do you like the Mexican woman? I know quiet a few stunners! But one lives in Guadalajara, and the others in Queretaro. Hey and do you have paytv and watch Mexican MTV a lot?

 

[matius]

Mexican MTV! >> Oh shyte, that sounds worse than good old American EMpTy V.

 

[jlujan]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Cool man, how do you like the Mexican woman? I know quiet a few stunners! But one lives in Guadalajara, and the others in Queretaro. Hey and do you have paytv and watch Mexican MTV a lot?

The women are beautiful, here we get them from all over the world, so its cool. We do have Cable, and Sky, and Direct TV, and yes we get MTV Latino, as wells as the HBO, Cinemax, E entertainment, and others, but all in the spanish version.

We even get to see a lot of videos that are censored in the "land of the free", so its cool.

 

[matius]

We even get to see a lot of videos that are censored in the "land of the free"

We live in a land that has free speech but you really got to watch what you say.
It's ridiculous.

 

[CLOONEY]

haha, so true Matius. Man Im gonna go to Cabo San Lucas my next holidays. I only asked about MTV because I know the producer pretty well, and I was wondering if it was any good, I just got back from Mexico a few months ago and I didnt get to see it.

 

[Escalade]

Like someone else said, poems are cool and can get you some points but only if you use them sparingly.

As for the poem, it's ok, like said before some stuff was forced and doesn't always flow, just go back and think about it some more and you will get it right.