Inner game problem - even though life is better than ever

[Duracell_Bunny]

Is this a normal thing or is it just down to inexperience?

Long story short I used to be very passive and was always used to being led. It wasn't until a breakup with my first g/f a few months ago that all changed - but I still can't let go of placing my happiness on women.

For example last time I saw this chick was only for an odd hour and I felt a loss of interest with the way she left in a hurry and only returned a brief kiss, which is different to the norm. Maybe she just wanted to take a massive crap or something.

Anyway, after that she didn't contact me for a couple of days, again different to the norm, she usually calls/texts regulary to see if I'm available. I asked her out on a date which she rejected, then I decided to go NC for a few days to see what she does.

As each day went without her contacting me I became more miserable. I tried everything, called up friends for a spur of the moment night out. Tried to focus extra hours on a big project at work. Arranged a second date Friday night with another girl that I have low interest in that she openly accepted. But I still felt low and moody.

Last night I took an extremely heavy session at the gym, returned to my locker to see a missed call from this girl I got down about, with a message asking if I'm free to go out somewhere that evening. She already sent 2 texts today that are more flirty than usual and asked if I'm out in town Friday. Now I have that calm n balanced feeling back.


Regardless of this chick, the thing is:

• When shes texting me all the time, I get annoyed and can't be bothered to respond. If its her wanting to see me when I actually am free, I feel too content to chill and watch a nice manly film at home or something.
• But, when she cooled off for a few days I was in a state of worry and didn't feel like settling at home as I usually do on a particular day of the week

The crazy thing is, this chick so far really seems like relationship material, and its great convenience she lives within walking distance, has her own place/car etc. But for some reason when she shows high interest I have this feeling in the back of my head that I can do better and I'm too content with the first point above, when she doesn't contact and I mistake some of her actions for low interest I become all AFC and get a little but of oneitis.

Is this normal or is there something I'm unaware of with myself here thats could do with sorting out???

I can proudly say I've been on a few dates since the breakup, of which before I had never even been on a date at all (first ones being disasters). I used to meet women with high interest but didn't know how to handle the situation.

Apart from that, I'm in great shape now after a couple of months with a personal trainer (even noticing the odd HB checking me out). I have a more social lifestyle that I'm only at home 1/2 nights a week. Before (other than going to work etc.) I only used to leave the house once a week.

As a person I now do things for ME, and do what I want to do. I now find a domineering clash with friends on arranging things that I want to do or disagree with, I also get annoyed when people tell me what to do or give an opinion of myself or someone that I disagree with.

But how come when I get a hint of rejection off a chick that I feel is below my league, I get so down and don't feel like doing all these activities that interest me???

Whats a good fix for this??? I'm actively looking at pushing my comfort zone to see if what I can achieve. I'm fed up with the 6s and low 7s.

What worries me the most is if I get a negative vibe from chicks that I only meet for the sake of it, god knows how I'm gonna feel if its one I find very attractive.

 

[Kailex]

You have the worst 2 dependences out there:

(1) Outcome dependence
(2) Women dependence

You get a chemical high when there is not only a woman in your life, but when all is well and good with her.

You need to build a life of your own first and THEN add women to them. You are making them the sole focus of your day. Whenever something goes good, you are great, but when you are rejected or one you are dating has her IL go low, you are worse.

This NEEDS to stop and the best way to do that is build a WHOLE life independent of women. They are a side dish to your life, NOT the main course. Dating 6's and 7's isn't going to help... it could actually make matters worse. What happens if one of these women rejects you? Your self-esteem will bury even lower.

WORK ON YOURSELF, not only physically, but emotionally. You need to start enjoying life for what it is and not enjoying life solely because of women.

 

[vatoloco]

Very much in agreement with Kailex.

Something else you might want to notice DB is that this girl is using push-pull on you (inadvertently or not) and since your IL is very high in this girl, it works like a charm in keeping her in your mind!

Push-pull is a very powerful tool for when people have high IL.

Just thought I'd mention it.

 

[Ease]

You have what they call 'one-itis'. You need to pull someone else, not because you dont want this girl, but so that you can think straight.

You will suddenly feel like a king if you get another girl on the go. That's life, there is no easy fix to being not 'outcome dependant'.

And there's nothing worst that getting rejected unexpectedly by a girl who is clearly below usual standard. Stop stressing about normal things.

 

[Serg897]

Duracell, I struggle with similar issues. Try hard as I might, women take up a large percentage of my conscious thought during the day and if Im starting to get involved with a particular woman I have high interest in Im constantly thinking about the same things...how many days its been since she last texted me, when the next date is going to be, etc, etc...

The advice Kailex gives is spot on. Life needs to be independent of women. For some of us this seems to be easier said than done at times.

Might I suggest meditation? I've been actively pursuing this as a way to ground myself in the moment and appreciate life in the present, rather than going off into my thoughts of past/future endeavors. See if you can find somewhere to do it a group/guiding setting to help introduce you to the practice - PM me if you are interested/have questions and I'll try my best to answer.