Ended up walking a woman home with whom I'd had some chemistry. We weren't really on a date and our hanging out that night happened spontaneously but went for the kiss, denied. However, she says really nicely: sorry, and that she's really glad I tried but just needs to know me better sort of thing. It's true we had just met last week. Anyway, she gives me her number and suggests we go out on Wednesday. What do you guys think? How would you read this in the end and what's the next course of action? Thanks for any insight on this matter!
Initial kiss
- Thread starter BlueFlyer
- Start date
Kailex
Master Don Juan
Call her today (I'm assuming that she meant Wednesday as in TOMORROW)... if she picks up, talk to her (Fluff) for about 2 minutes and then tell her that something came up tomorrow and that you will be busy (Don't be specific as to what and don't linger on it) and immediately counter-offer with Thursday.
She said Wednesday, DON'T go on Wednesday.
The fact that she denied a kiss but asked you to go out anyway is a good sign, but she suggested a date, and you as a man, need to regain control of this situation.
She already has the upper hand by turning away from you and "rejecting" your kiss advances.
If she accepts your counter-offer and you two go out again, try again, but at the end of the date. If she rejects you again... that's it. No one really needs to "know someone better" just for a first kiss. That's ludicrous. You're a man and you did the right thing by showing her interest, but don't let her dictate how that "relationship" is going to go.
When you went in for it and she rejected your advance, what was your reaction?
What did you do on that date?
And you said you two had "some" chemistry... just "some"? Not overly good? Just plain vanilla???
Maybe some details can help as to the WHY she didn't feel comfortable enough to want you to take the splash into her lips. Which means that if she does accept your counter-offer and you go on date #2, you have to build more comfort and rapport with her, in order to make her WANT that kiss.
She said Wednesday, DON'T go on Wednesday.
The fact that she denied a kiss but asked you to go out anyway is a good sign, but she suggested a date, and you as a man, need to regain control of this situation.
She already has the upper hand by turning away from you and "rejecting" your kiss advances.
If she accepts your counter-offer and you two go out again, try again, but at the end of the date. If she rejects you again... that's it. No one really needs to "know someone better" just for a first kiss. That's ludicrous. You're a man and you did the right thing by showing her interest, but don't let her dictate how that "relationship" is going to go.
When you went in for it and she rejected your advance, what was your reaction?
What did you do on that date?
And you said you two had "some" chemistry... just "some"? Not overly good? Just plain vanilla???
Maybe some details can help as to the WHY she didn't feel comfortable enough to want you to take the splash into her lips. Which means that if she does accept your counter-offer and you go on date #2, you have to build more comfort and rapport with her, in order to make her WANT that kiss.
So here's the deal. She's a bartender. I had seen her at the bar before and we flirted, held a couple long looks. Last night, we closed down the place together and were going to go dancing but time got away from us. So, it really wasn't a regular date at all as she just happened to be working that night. As I said though, I ended up walking her home. We talked on the long walk and that went well. My reaction to the rejected kiss wasn't a complete catastrophe but could have been better. With a laugh, I agreed that it was premature and that a kiss needs to be done when the moment's right- but looking back I wish I had had a line to really come across well. Any ideas? It'll probably come up again so I'd love a good one liner or two!
Kailex, so you really think I should cancel for tomorrow? The only thing is she has only certain nights off and this might push off our second meeting til next week when it's all cooled off. But maybe that would be a good thing at this point, hard to tell. Anyway, thanks again for the thoughts here. I appreciate it.
Kailex, so you really think I should cancel for tomorrow? The only thing is she has only certain nights off and this might push off our second meeting til next week when it's all cooled off. But maybe that would be a good thing at this point, hard to tell. Anyway, thanks again for the thoughts here. I appreciate it.
quick question, what exactly is phone fluff? isnt it kind of weird to call someone and just be like "hey whats up" for 2 minutes and then proceeding to change the plans? wouldnt changing be the original reaosn for calling her?Kailex said:
i ask this because, i honestly feel as though texting has really hurt my ability to have conversations on the phone. lol.
anyways, id really appreciate it if you cleared that up. cheers!
Kailex
Master Don Juan
Okay, I'm going to respond to the two of you, so bare with me.
BlueFlyer:
First of all, her being a bartender clears up the situation a little more. The fact that you have SOME chemistry works in your favor and that you got that far. That being said, I know what you mean about her having only other nights off.
But here's the problem... trust me, you're definitely NOT the only guy vying for her attention right now. Trust me, she has at least 15 to 20 guys a WEEK (and I use the term week LOOSELY) actively REALLY hitting on her.
Yes, your reaction could have been better, BUT if she said she wanted to see you on one of her off-nights, then it means that you definitely made some sort of impression on her. But next time, if you go in for a kiss and someone turns their head, don't say that you agree that it was premature... this is almost the same as apologizing, BUT at least you didn't turn all AFC and start pouting.
Had I known she was a bartender, I'd tell you: YES, make the counter offer. I know you're afraid that switching the date might "cool things off", but in reality, you don't want to always be seeing her on her schedule... remember, you are a man and you have things to do as well. You can't have this "I have to adjust to HER" from the get-go. Show her that you're a man and if things "cool off" then maybe it's for the best.
The one thing I will MOST definitely say to you right now is... don't go to that bar this week. I used to work with a female bartender side-by-side and the men she was least attracted to were the stalkers.
When you do call her, give her the counter-offer for Thursday, if she's really interested BUT will be WORKING, ask her what days she has off and then say that you have only ONE of those days off and that you can go do something together then. But like I said, she already has control of the situation, and she's used to it by now with guys (she IS a bartender) so take a little control back and don't do things her way all the time.
And remember, if it doesn't work out with her, there's millions more to choose from and this one is just practice.
garruk: Phone fluff. Just "Hey, how are you"... and then add something that happened to you, something interesting, something that stands out... and maybe something that can transition into asking her out. You don't want to just call and be: "Hi, this is Kailex, let's go out on Friday."
Women are emotional and sometimes it takes them a minute or two to remember what kind of emotional attachment comes with talking to you. If it were to guy friends talking together, that above conversation is perfect, but you want to get that lady to warm up to you again, but you don't want to linger. Remember, you're trying to leave all the awesome conversations for when you two are on the actual date.
In Blue's case, what he'd do is the female's version of letting the girl down softly. You don't want to call and just be very blunt and say: Hey, it's Blue, I have to cancel but I can go out on Thursday.
He can just have an opener, talk about something and then transition smoothly into: Well, about Wednesday, I need to reschedule...
Granted, there are guys who will tell you to be very direct and immediately cut into the "Hey, I have plans so I can't go on Wednesday" part... but I try to be a little more suave with it, show that you're busy but not that you're TOO much of a jerk.
And my other piece of advice is: Stop texting so much. Yes, it can help, but the more you text, the more it's hurting your game overall. Leave conversations for dates/going out. Text/Phone calls should be minimal and I'm sure Rollo has that covered in most of his posts, they serve as a medium. They are NOT the centerpiece of getting to know someone.
BlueFlyer:
First of all, her being a bartender clears up the situation a little more. The fact that you have SOME chemistry works in your favor and that you got that far. That being said, I know what you mean about her having only other nights off.
But here's the problem... trust me, you're definitely NOT the only guy vying for her attention right now. Trust me, she has at least 15 to 20 guys a WEEK (and I use the term week LOOSELY) actively REALLY hitting on her.
Yes, your reaction could have been better, BUT if she said she wanted to see you on one of her off-nights, then it means that you definitely made some sort of impression on her. But next time, if you go in for a kiss and someone turns their head, don't say that you agree that it was premature... this is almost the same as apologizing, BUT at least you didn't turn all AFC and start pouting.
Had I known she was a bartender, I'd tell you: YES, make the counter offer. I know you're afraid that switching the date might "cool things off", but in reality, you don't want to always be seeing her on her schedule... remember, you are a man and you have things to do as well. You can't have this "I have to adjust to HER" from the get-go. Show her that you're a man and if things "cool off" then maybe it's for the best.
The one thing I will MOST definitely say to you right now is... don't go to that bar this week. I used to work with a female bartender side-by-side and the men she was least attracted to were the stalkers.
When you do call her, give her the counter-offer for Thursday, if she's really interested BUT will be WORKING, ask her what days she has off and then say that you have only ONE of those days off and that you can go do something together then. But like I said, she already has control of the situation, and she's used to it by now with guys (she IS a bartender) so take a little control back and don't do things her way all the time.
And remember, if it doesn't work out with her, there's millions more to choose from and this one is just practice.
garruk: Phone fluff. Just "Hey, how are you"... and then add something that happened to you, something interesting, something that stands out... and maybe something that can transition into asking her out. You don't want to just call and be: "Hi, this is Kailex, let's go out on Friday."
Women are emotional and sometimes it takes them a minute or two to remember what kind of emotional attachment comes with talking to you. If it were to guy friends talking together, that above conversation is perfect, but you want to get that lady to warm up to you again, but you don't want to linger. Remember, you're trying to leave all the awesome conversations for when you two are on the actual date.
In Blue's case, what he'd do is the female's version of letting the girl down softly. You don't want to call and just be very blunt and say: Hey, it's Blue, I have to cancel but I can go out on Thursday.
He can just have an opener, talk about something and then transition smoothly into: Well, about Wednesday, I need to reschedule...
Granted, there are guys who will tell you to be very direct and immediately cut into the "Hey, I have plans so I can't go on Wednesday" part... but I try to be a little more suave with it, show that you're busy but not that you're TOO much of a jerk.
And my other piece of advice is: Stop texting so much. Yes, it can help, but the more you text, the more it's hurting your game overall. Leave conversations for dates/going out. Text/Phone calls should be minimal and I'm sure Rollo has that covered in most of his posts, they serve as a medium. They are NOT the centerpiece of getting to know someone.
Couldn’t talk to her yesterday so had to call this morning. Light talk for a minute. She said she had wondered if she had actually given her number to me after all. Then more light talk for a minute or so. I suggested hanging out tonight and she said she actually had a rehearsal to go to and couldn’t make it out til 10:30 so it probably wasn’t the best night. She then started to mention other nights (including she’ll be at the bar tomorrow again) but I said my schedule was such a hash it would be hard to plan something so let’s play it by ear, we have each other’s number. Told her I had to go and she sounded genuinely sort of sad as we hung up the phone. Don’t know what to make of it all. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks! As you know, I appreciate it.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
My advice would be to call her on Sunday afternoon and see what's up then.
Just give her a few days without any contact, and like I said, don't go to the bar this weekend... I mean, the bar where SHE works at.
Go hang out other places.
At least she mentioned other days...
But don't ever make it a habit of meeting up when she's working. Remember, you want to date her outside of the bar, not paying her for her time with drinks/tips.
I think by Sunday, both of you should have a better idea of what next week's schedule is going to look like and it also gives it a few days so that your "hash of schedule" seems genuine to her (Not that it probably isn't).
The important thing is that she mentioned other nights.
But take it slowly. Sometimes dating a female bartender can be kinda rough because of the work hours.
Good luck.
Just give her a few days without any contact, and like I said, don't go to the bar this weekend... I mean, the bar where SHE works at.
Go hang out other places.
At least she mentioned other days...
But don't ever make it a habit of meeting up when she's working. Remember, you want to date her outside of the bar, not paying her for her time with drinks/tips.
I think by Sunday, both of you should have a better idea of what next week's schedule is going to look like and it also gives it a few days so that your "hash of schedule" seems genuine to her (Not that it probably isn't).
The important thing is that she mentioned other nights.
But take it slowly. Sometimes dating a female bartender can be kinda rough because of the work hours.
Good luck.