Initial attraction on her part based on looks alone?

[Abbott]

Do any of you think it's possible to get women to open up to easier if you looked better? As opposed to looking the way I do now?

I've sometimes thought that getting certain kinds of treatments and/or cosmetic surgery would help. Now, before you start thinking that I would do that only for women, let me say:

I've actually thought of doing this for a while, when I get enough money for it. Why? Because I'd look better, feel better, and I think I'd like the look. The part about the women didn't really occur to me until later.

I can't suddenly have lots of money, at least not anytime very soon (maybe after a few years when I achieve my ultimate career goal). So no house of my own and no second car (right now I only have one).

I think my personality is OK, apart from slight cynicism about women and the fact that I hate what I see in the mirror enough that it affects me negatively (but I hope this will soon change after some cosmetics).

I suppose I should mention that I'm a white 19 year old male (but more mature than many 21 year olds I see), and the women I want are attractive 19-23 year olds.

I should also mention that the ideas I have to improve my appearance are:

-Get teeth straightened: My teeth aren't really crooked but I have a very slight overbite and they could be better.
-Get teeth whitened (permanent treatment): I think it just looks better.
-Get/maintain a mild sunless tan: My skin is probably a little paler than the ideal.
-Get facial/skin treatments/whatever: So I can have perfect skin!
-Also maybe getting blue color contacts so I'd be blue-eyed instead of brown. Blue eyes with black hair, ya know.

Oh yeah...On HotorNot my score wasn't that great (under 7) and in the picture I was the most formally dressed ever. It was during my Senior Prom, though I still look the same minus the tux., of course! I suppose that partially prompted me to think of this, but I've always hated what I saw in the mirror. I've heard that on HotorNot many male users would just give every man on the site a "1," so I have many 1's (and I'm not THAT ugly), but I also notice that I have a lot of 5's, and that bothers me. I also thought that someone, somewhere, somehow, would give me a 10 (even if most people wouldn't), but so for no one has.

Now keep in mind I don't wish to discuss whether or not I should do those things because I'm fairly sure I want to do at least most of them, probably all.

What I'm interested in is what type of effect would it have for me in helping me to get women. I'm sure it will have some impact, whether positive or negative. I'm just curious what that impact would be. I'd imagine that at least some of you may have done something similar and noticed a difference, while others may have witnessed something second-hand.

Talk to you soon!

Ben

 

[MetalFortress]

Being comfortable in your own skin will do three times the wonders that this cosmetic stuff will. Maybe you will get checked out more, but that doesn't really matter in the long run, compared to having the kind of confidence and power that causes her to start mentally molding her own ideals in a guy's looks to be basically a guy that looks like you. The negativity is something that needs fixing by something else other than cosmetic surgery and metrosexualesque treatments. Only do cosmetic surgery if, ironically, it is something you feel you would like to do, but it is no big deal if you are unable to. Relying on it to fix your self esteem problems is like relying on women to fix your loneliness problems.

 

[quest]

you sound very much like me..

i'd like to have a darker complexion, don't really want to do solarium... but certainly don't want to get sprayed every week or whatever it takes?

i want to get braces.. wish it was an instant fix.. don't want "train tracks" but i think in the long run it'd be better...

i think go for it..
i have no problem with picking up and prob am about a 7/10..
but i know that i'd be more confident if i could walk around knowing that i look good enough to turn heads..

 

[JT47319]

Girls will do a sh it load of things with/for guys that are GOOD LOOKING than they will for guys of average or even above average looks.

It sounds like you can get into ABOVE average looks, but you aren't going to get into model hot good looks. Trust me, I wing with some model caliber dudes and while their game is WEAK, they can bag a new girl once every week.

Still, above average is still way better than average or below average.

 

[AMF]

Hi Abbott,

Firstly, please post your "hot or not" link so we can see for ourselves.

Secondly, while its possible to go too far with the image-conscious "metro" thing, I think that generally speaking, the things youve mentioned are all likely to have a positive effect on you. At least, the way you look.

Teeth are VERY important, because they affect your most powerful way of communicating: smiling! The other things you want to do are pretty standard, at least for me, like occasional tanning (be careful though.) More important than any of the things youve mentioned, however, is getting a really GOOD haricut. I dont mean necessarily a fashionable haircut - I mean one that really suits you. Which haircut suits you depends entirely on your facial features and your head shape.

The only problem with improving your appearance: you become FOCUSSED on it. You could end up neglecting all other areas, personality, ambition, status etc... in favour of just working on your image. From my experience, it is easy for image-consciousness to become debilitating. Image conscious = self conscious = inhibited = frustrated.

Oh, and 2 last points. One: people generally have a tendency to under-rate or completely mis-judge their looks; we know our faces so well that we naturally look for faults. Chances are, other dont notice your "faults" nearly so easily. Two: please dont trust "hot or not"! Im currently 9.8 on there. People tend to vote randomly.

Best of luck.

 

[CLOONEY]

Looks play a HUGE part in attracting females, make no mistake about that. Notice the only ones to argue this are the ones without the looks? If you dont have the looks and have tight game, u have no problem either.

However, ANYONE can look at least average, with the right haircut, tan, clothes etc.

I would definately recommend going getting your teeth straightened and whitened. Going to a dermatologist and getting your skin nice and clear. Getting a good haircut. It will DEFINATELY make u feel good about yourself. As long as you dont take it too far and become obsessive.

Post your hotornot pic and let us see......

AMF, good advice also, show us your hotornot pic also if u will? I want to see what some of these guys I talk to look like......

My pic is in that large pic thread that was up in the anything else forum. Cant post anymore as my computer crashed a few days ago and I had to erase everything (as I didnt have a burner and disks are way too small and time consuming).

 

[AMF]

http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=OEAQEYH&key=EVP

 

[frivolousz21]

is that you amf?

or abbot?


Im a very attractive guy..with a great body.

the only knock i have is im 5 foot 7!

oh well ill just really piss off the 6 foot guys when im getting the hot girls they want!

 

[Abbott]

Hm....hairstyle. I've also thought of changing that too, though I'm not sure what I should get instead.

The only rules I really have with hairstyle is no dyeing, fairly short hair, nothing very radical, and it can't scare old people. And it needs to be wind and hat resistant (I always use a hat when I'm outside, call me traditional but that's just how I am).

But, that should leave many options left.

Anyone have any ideas of where I could get some ideas for that?


Oh yeah....here is me in my ugly 6.2 glory:

Click Here

Keep in mind that this was during my Senior Prom, which was over a year ago. That is why I'm very formal in that pic. Unfortunately the top hat covers the hair, but that's OK because my hairstyle back then wasn't any good.


Ben

P.S. I have glasses. Should I get contacts and save the glasses for later (emergencies)?

 

[Abbott]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
is that you amf?

or abbot?


Im a very attractive guy..with a great body.

the only knock i have is im 5 foot 7!

oh well ill just really piss off the 6 foot guys when im getting the hot girls they want!

That's probably AMF, since he's the one who posted it.

I just posted mine within the reply right before this one.


I'm 5'7" too! At least I don't see a whole lot of women over 5'7" though, which is good because many women seem to be uncomfortable with men shorter than they are. I wouldn't a mind a taller woman, but that's just me.

 

[frivolousz21]

im about to post a pic of me.

yea who cares...5 7 aint bad.

its always better than 5 6 or 5 5.

most girls are 5 7 or shorter.

actually its like 90 percent

my bad..i should of realized not to post that there:

http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=OUNZSES&key=MVB

i got a 9.3! weeee!

 

[dbot]

Sh!t abbot, You had me worried there for a minute. The way you talk about yourself I was hesitant to even look at your picture. Personally I think you look fine. Your below average score probably has more to do with the quality of the picture and the inability to see your whole face very clearly. I hope that you aren't going through all of this just because of that one picture on hotornot.

I know how you feel, because I went through this same stage. I convinced myself that I was super ugly for years, when I was actually pretty good looking. I just needed a better haircut and nicer clothes.

As for cosmetics, I would say go for it as it will give your self esteem the boost that it definitely needs. However I don't see much of a problem with your looks at all. If your teeth aren't straight, taking care of that should be your first priority.

You asked about contact lenses or glasses. I've gone through that delema myself. I prefer my glasses over contact lenses. There are so many wireframed glasses that are meant to be subtle and less noticeable on your face. FUK those glasses. Get a pair of plastic frames that STAND OUT... that define your personality. If you have really dark hair then black frames would probably look best. I know so many people that wear stylish glasses even though they have perfect vision. Embrace your imperfections!

It's tough to tell from that pic, but I would guess your hair looks best when its short... especially if its dark.

Ill post a couple of my own pics...

http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=OLSQGZB&key=NJQ
http://www.oc-adventures.com/dustin/final.jpg

There are several characteristics of myself that aren't noticeable in the second picture (because I edited it). First of all, my head isn't as big as it normally is. My eyebrows are less bushy. You can't see the acne on my face. My teeth are whiter. The photo is heavily retouched because its used as a proffessional composite, but it gives you an idea of my own insecurities. The top photo is completely unaltered.

 

[frivolousz21]

dbot,


go workout...not that i think you look bad now, you dont.
but thats one way guys can improve

add 15 to 20 lbs of mass to ur frame.

just a friendly suggestion


sorry if i seem judgemental..NOT at all..I dont want to come off as degrading..im sure you cant get girls now.

nevermind im sure you see what im saying

 

[dbot]

Thanks for the tip, buddy. I've actually been going to the gym for a few weeks now. I know I'm super skinny, but I'm working on it

 

[Jason#4]

Abbot, you should find some new frames for those glasses.

 

[Abbott]

Dbot:

No, this general feeling about myself and my appearance started long before I ever posted my picture up on HotorNot. To tell you the truth, I was actually a little scared of posting my picture up there because I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know what my score was. I've always wanted to do something about my appearance, though it wasn't until fairly recently that it became (somewhat) possible that I could do anything about it, since back when I was a minor I would've needed my parents' approval to do anything.

I only hope that the cash I will get at X-mas will be enough for me to do some of those things.

Jason#4:

Actually, I did. The glasses I use now are more rectangular and smaller. Unlike the old ones that are larger and round. I like the newer style better.

Everyone:

I appreciate the input from everyone here. I did expect that these operations would have a positive impact, I just wasn't sure how positive.

Also, anyone have any idea what all this stuff will cost?

At my last dental checkup I asked how much teeth whitening (permanant) would be and I was told $400. But how about the other stuff?

I also thought I read that strictly color contacts (no vision correction) would be like $30-50, though regular contacts with color will of course be more.

How much to straighten the teeth perfectly? I heard there's an operation that can do it quickly, instead of braces which look terrible and take too long (not to mention you look awful the whole time).

How about the skin treatment thing? Anyone have any idea about that? My idea is to get as close to model perfect as I can, even if I can't (I will have at least I tried).

Last but not least...how much can I expect for the sunless tanning each month/couple weeks/whatever? I've never been to a tanning place before and don't really know anyone who has.

Talk to you all soon!

Ben

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by Abbott
Hm....hairstyle. I've also thought of changing that too, though I'm not sure what I should get instead.

The only rules I really have with hairstyle is no dyeing, fairly short hair, nothing very radical, and it can't scare old people. And it needs to be wind and hat resistant (I always use a hat when I'm outside, call me traditional but that's just how I am).

But, that should leave many options left.

Anyone have any ideas of where I could get some ideas for that?


Oh yeah....here is me in my ugly 6.2 glory:

Click Here

Keep in mind that this was during my Senior Prom, which was over a year ago. That is why I'm very formal in that pic. Unfortunately the top hat covers the hair, but that's OK because my hairstyle back then wasn't any good.


Ben

P.S. I have glasses. Should I get contacts and save the glasses for later (emergencies)?

Abbott -


Sorry you're going thru a period of self-doubt, but I will be honest and just tell you straight up that I get a very 'goofy dude' vibe from you, from that picture. I mean, a tux? A top hat? Come on.
You remind me of a drama-club geek or something of that sort. I apologize if I come off as harsh, but I'm holding back right now, out of respect.


Anyhoo, the good news is that all that can be changed relatively quickly. Get another picture of you in some cool clothing, because I also get this vibe that you don't really know how to dress too well. Copy the styles of metrosexuals, but tone it down from their level a notch or two or three to reduce the 'flamage' factor. Then you will look trendy enough to catch girls' eyes, but hetero enough to not raise suspicions. An awsome fashion sense can help alleviate the 'minus points' you get in the eyes of girls for not being handsome (only slightly, but any 'edge' you can get helps).

 

[jakethasnake]

Another thing. That smile is FAKE (i.e. you're hamming it up for the lens) - any person can instinctively see a fake smile from a mile away. I can sense that you're just akwardly holding the shape of a smile with your face muscles - it's the same muscles you use when you exaggerate the sound of the letter 'E' with your mouth muscles. Try it.


A REAL smile will cause your eyes to narrow and the corners of your eyes to wrinkle. And depending on your mouth/gum structure your gums might show too. Fake smiles don't do this. Yours fails on those counts. Work on it, please. I can see that you're not natural in front of a camera - learn to work it. Smile broadly and charismatically. Experiment with body posture. Clothing. I could go on and on.

 

[david90]

I should stop fake smiling too. It makes me look like a wuss.

 

[Abbott]

Originally posted by jakethasnake
Abbott -


Sorry you're going thru a period of self-doubt, but I will be honest and just tell you straight up that I get a very 'goofy dude' vibe from you, from that picture. I mean, a tux? A top hat? Come on.
You remind me of a drama-club geek or something of that sort. I apologize if I come off as harsh, but I'm holding back right now, out of respect.

It's OK. That's my Senior Prom picture, so that's why I'm much more formal in that picture. I still have that tuxedo, but the last time I actually used it was Senior Prom (over a year ago).

I'm also a little surprised by the "drama-club geek" remark, since I have never even considered being in such a group, much less actually BE in one. Nor do I really talk to anyone who is in one. Plus, I'd get an extreme case of stage fright if I tried that. Me act? No way.

Originally posted by jakethasnake
Another thing. That smile is FAKE (i.e. you're hamming it up for the lens) - any person can instinctively see a fake smile from a mile away. I can sense that you're just akwardly holding the shape of a smile with your face muscles - it's the same muscles you use when you exaggerate the sound of the letter 'E' with your mouth muscles. Try it.

A REAL smile will cause your eyes to narrow and the corners of your eyes to wrinkle. And depending on your mouth/gum structure your gums might show too. Fake smiles don't do this. Yours fails on those counts. Work on it, please. I can see that you're not natural in front of a camera - learn to work it. Smile broadly and charismatically. Experiment with body posture. Clothing. I could go on and on.

You really think so? When, and if I smile I don't think about it. I just do it.

And no...I'm not a natural for the camera. In fact, I hate getting my picture taken, probably because I hate what I see in the mirror every morning.

Just how am I supposed to work on a smile? It's not very clear to me, since I'm not even sure what an "ideal" smile looks like. To tell you the truth, I've never really paid attention to HOW people smile. Typically the only thing I'd notice is whether they do or not.

One thing though...I probably smile different in real life than I do in a picture, since that element of camera shyness doesn't apply. Is this the sort of thing you're talking about? I do know that when I get my picture taken there's an element of stress that probably makes me do things.

One last thing...since Senior Prom, I haven't had any opportunities to get my picture taken. So I'm kind of trying to run off of memory here. It's hard to remember, really. If I were to get a picture today I might be different, but I don't think so.

Talk to you soon!

Ben