infidelity...if cheating is human nature...

[iqqi]

I have been briefly been going over some posts, and there seems to be a general consensus that at one point or another in a relationship, someone will cheat in some respect. I don't know if this is something that is a truth or just an excuse for the weak. But it seems to be something I keep seeing.

So my question for you all is, if this is an idea you believe, then how do you feel about your girl cheating on you? If you believe that cheating is just to be expected at some point, then can you deal with the one you love's dishonesty or infidelities?

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Originally posted by iqqi
how do you feel about your girl cheating on you?

Game over - Thanks for playing.

Originally posted by iqqi
If you believe that cheating is just to be expected at some point, then can you deal with the one you love's dishonesty or infidelities?

There is no such thing as an indispensible person.

If that happens, I'll just find another girl. More than likely a newer model w/ upgrades

 

[JohnJones]

I think you set up a given that a lot would disagree with (I doubt cheating is inevitable in all cases), but you're the master of your question.

Wouldn't put up with it for a second. Won't be jealous, insecure dramatic, hurt, wounded or really anything -- the girl has proved she's a 'ho, she's not worth the time.

Wife, g/f, twelve months, 12 years, whatever. She's gone before she knows it.

There are too many virtuous girls in the world to waste time on someone like that.

 

[Genghis Juan]

Infidelity is 100% unforgivable. Anyone who tolerates infidelity is not respecting themselves.

If a girl I really cared for cheated on me though, of course I would really be hurt, but still, the trust is irreversibly destroyed. Plus, I'm way too passionate. I have too strong of a temper, if I found out a girl I liked cheated on me, I'd probably do something that would get me in jail, or at least cause some serious property damage.

I am at least a skeptic about women in general, but I am still optimistic enough to believe that there too many faithful girls out there to accept infidelity.

 

[princelydeeds]

tough question I'd like to say she'd be gone without question, but in reality sh!t happens. You never know what you will do. I haven't been in a relationship since 98 so I am by no means the relationship expert. This may sound crazy but I can imagine that at some point in time everyone will get curious about someone else. Im not saying its right, Im just saying that I understand.

I don't know what I would do.

 

[Bonhomme]

Dunno

I don't know how I'd react, since I've never experienced it. I've never cheated, nor have any girlfriends of mine been involved in any extracurricular activities I've been aware of.

My inclination would probably be to live by the same rules she lives by. If I still wanted to enjoy her company, I'd not next her, but wouldn't feel obligated to pass up any side dish that's served up, either.

I think it is natural to have the urge to cheat, especially for men, who tend not to be as bonded by sex, for perfectly natural reasons. Not to say that justifies it.

 

[Eileen]

I've heard any number of excuses for cheating and not a one of them makes any sense to me. The "it just happened" excuse is the worst.

It's not like having sex with someone is a knee-jerk reaction like cussing when you accidentally give yourself a paper cut.

I have a zero tolerance policy with cheating.

 

[THIAGO BRAZIL]

it happened to me.

I use to go out and flirt with chicks, but never actually kissed another girl, I always respected her (at the edge, but did).

I consider what she did like Pandoras box.

She opened the Pandoras box.

I mean, if she can do it, so can I, and if I am able to go and kiss other girls, there is a chance that I will find another girl, a better one, who knows, then I will dump her.

She invited evil in to the relationship.

How I felt? Bad, it has been 2 1/2 weeks that she told me what she did and what I did since is this:

1> felt horrible, I never cheated her, what a BYTCH! Sometimes I remember and must have discipline to focus back.
2> played cool, gonna get revenge (a red head, a brunet and an oriental girl)
3> turned this anger* to a positive, all this energy * to develop my DJ skills to cheat on her back (she did, I can do so, free as a bird). It really feel good to focus this energy of anger and disilusion to DJ power.
4> gonna keep her around, and do other girls, if I feel that the revenge is over and that I still like her and she proves me that wont do that again, then I will keep the ltr and go on.
**revenge is bad, you might say, but it is important to clean my soul, capisce?
Thats what I am doing. Suggestions are welcome.

 

[NewMan]

**
Suggestions are welcome
**

Yeah - dump her.

Cold and quick.

That's the best revenge you could ever get.

Reason being is this.

As you do your own thing - the dynamics of the relationship change. She will realise over time what's going on and prepare for the inevitable. In fact she may turn the tables and dump you.

The satisfaction in you dumping her when she cheat's - is that she goes through the severe pain that her actions have caused. In the mean time you can do whatever the hell you like.

 

[THIAGO BRAZIL]

Originally posted by NewMan
**


As you do your own thing - the dynamics of the relationship change.

In fact she may turn the tables and dump you.

The satisfaction in you dumping her when she cheat's - is that she goes through the severe pain that her actions have caused. In the mean time you can do whatever the hell you like.

so true, last sunday I made just eye contact and smile with a beatiful brunet, that could easily become my new gf, and I felt like "what the hell am I still doing with that crazy bytch?"

The intrinsic value that the ltr, and she, had in my head felt like nasdaqs stocks .. crash!!

but before dumping gotta giver her back .. revenge feels good.

**********
another thing

I will say THANK YOU for SHOWING ME WHO YOU REALLY ARE..

Imagine if I marry this stupid girl?? I would like even to say thank you to the guy that she kissed, "Thank you, you saved my life from unhappiness and a sad relationship, and gave me a tremendous BOOST on my DJ power, you gave me a whole new package of girls and fun in my life."

 

[Kaine]

Would people agree with me that the likelyhood of cheating in women correlate with their age?

Such that younger girls i.e. 20s is likely to cheat more then those in their 30s? I tend to believe so.

Also in the case where your GF had in fact cheated on you, would you think it was preventable. What were the underlying circumstances or cause that you identified lead to this happening.

Lack of maintenance program
Physical distance
Character flaw (broken girl)
etc

It's disheartening to hear that humans by nature are not monogamous, and if so it's pretty cruel that we evolved to associate such intense emotions when such an event happens.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I've been married 8 years and have never cheated nor been cheated on (and I'm confident of this), but I have been on both sides of infidelity in my 'girlfriend' days. I will say that this is definitely a deal-breaker for any relationship and I'm mature enough to know that it's not about trust so much as it is about the manifestation of a lack of desire.

The opposite of love isn't hate; the opposite of love is indifference. If my wife refused to have sex with me (denial of intimacy) or preffered sex with another man (infidelity), both of these situations amount to a manifestation of indifference. Game over and no amount of counselling will remedy a lack of desire. Trust doesn't even enter the equation when it's a fundimental lack of desire that leads to the behavior.

I think a better question would be, 'Does it go against a human being's evolved, psycho-biological responses to expect monogamy or fidelity?'

And if so, how much appreciation or pity should we apply to the person who is capable of this lifetime of self-denial as opposed to understanding or rebuking the one who cannot?

BTW, Dr. Laura can kiss my a$$ on this.

 

[icecreaman]

Like many have said on this thread, cheating is definetly a no, no, I guess thats why Im so suspicious of females. I usually go into relationships half and half and always expect the worst. This way you can dump her and move on with ease. I think when dating females guys have to have the mentality "ride until the wheels fall off or until you get bored" and if the wheels fall off a week or two after meeting then so be it. There's too much booty out in the world to be hung up on one.

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
I'm mature enough to know that it's not about trust so much as it is about the manifestation of a lack of desire.

The opposite of love isn't hate; the opposite of love is indifference.

Trust doesn't even enter the equation when it's a fundimental lack of desire that leads to the behavior.

hmmm.

this is a great point. but are we seeing it from a different angle? i couldn't stay in a LTR where there was cheating, because i would lose desire for that person. the desire, the feelings, the way i saw them, would change, therefor the dynamics would change. and sadly, game over.

i couldn't stay and cheat back either, because that is a permanent glitch on your character. what are you saying about yourself?

 

[THIAGO BRAZIL]

Originally posted by iqqi
hmmm.

this is a great point. but are we seeing it from a different angle? i couldn't stay in a LTR where there was cheating, because i would lose desire for that person. the desire, the feelings, the way i saw them, would change, therefor the dynamics would change. and sadly, game over.

i couldn't stay and cheat back either, because that is a permanent glitch on your character. what are you saying about yourself?

true
true

yesterday I was watching a movie, where the cop did something wrong in the past, and he was the hero of this young cop. Then the older cop went to solve this case on the young´s territory.
While they were searching for the guilty, the old did something wrong, he killed a man, but he didnt know if he was or not the guilty, and he told everyone that another person did it.
The young cop found out that he did... and .. at the end of the movie when they figured out who was the criminal, the old took a shot, and was laying on the youngs arms. That time the old told him about what he did in the past (a wrong thing - for us here, it would be cheating) and the young was abot to throw away the proof that old killed the man, the old said "dont ... dont.... stay in the path... stay in the path....." and he died.

history moral

If you give on step, a single step, ouside the path (fidelity for us) your entire coming days will have something that will sometime, someday, somehow, come back to you, you will have that taint in your eye ball, that wont come out.

After watching the movie I started to rethink what I am going to do about my situation (read above). I dont want to step out of the path, just because she did it, she did it, I didnt, she is going to have problems in the future (in the movie, the cop was shot dead) Who knows what life will bring her........

I dont know.... now I want to tell her all this thing of path thing thing.. ehheeh and to keep with her she is going to prove me that she is worthy, but prove it in a way that I will be undoubtlly trustfull (sorry my english heheh) that I can sleep with both eyes closed next to her..... what is very difficult... but.. thats the test.


its a shyt life ahahhahahahahha

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

IQQI: Men and women respond to infidelity with different methods, but the outcome is the same. In the same way that both sexes respond to competition we tend to approach infidelity from perspectives of someone wronging the other party and seek retribution accordingly. Men tend to be physical in this regard (as in wanting to kick the a$$ of the guy who she cheated with) and address the infraction in physical ways. Women on the other hand tend to internalize the circumstances, exact revenge by arranging emotionally satisfying retributions and then break off the relationship, similar to infighting among women.

The basis of this infraction isn't a trust dynamic, it's a desire dynamic. Most therapists love to spout off about rebuilding trust after infidelity, but all this does is insure that the estranged couple continue to pay for more therapy sessions. If they were honest they'd address the fact that both the perpetrator and the victim aren't fighting trust issues, but desire issues. All the trust in the world isn't going to alay the nagging doubt that the cheater isn't being genuine about the motivations of his/her actions. You can trust all you want that your wife-grilfriend will never cheat again, but you can't shake the doubt that she was or is more interested in other option than you. It's not a betrayal of trust, it's a betrayal of interest.

This also leads into what exactly constitutes cheating or a betray of interest. For some women, a man covertly looking at porn is treason for others it's not. We can't deny our own impulses of attraction to other people, it's whether and how we act on them that constitutes a lack of interest.

 

[Aztec]

Very interesting topic.

 

[nw1512]

I suggest you read this book if you find this subject interesting and want find out why.

this book is a bit of freak show and will change the whole way you look at relationships

Search on amazon For SPERM WARS by ROBIN BAKER

 

[Don Ronny]

Scientists believe that some people are genetically disposed to infidelity.

Monogamists show high levels of phytotycin in the blood. This happy little chemical is triggered by cuddling and feelings of supreme attachment.

Polygamists, on the other hand, have higher levels of testosterone. They are a little more animalistic than the "cuddlers" and get their high off sexual conquest.

Even more people fall somewhere in the middle, like myself. I am one of those guys who likes to have his cake and eat it too. I mean...why settle for the madonna or the wh0re, when you can have both?

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
You can trust all you want that your wife-grilfriend will never cheat again, but you can't shake the doubt that she was or is more interested in other option than you. It's not a betrayal of trust, it's a betrayal of interest.

i don't know if i swallow this. i have seen too many men who are completely whipped by their girlfriends, who still cheat on her. and alot of them are applauded by their boys. is it a control thing? by having ones cake, and eating it too, is it a control thing? i don't get it, why men do this so much.

and women too. its like they are trying to gain control, and not be played, but really they are just becoming easy.