In Pain...help please

[Red_Hat]

Hello fellow bros. I am new to the site and read a few resources to familiarize myself with it all. I have a problem and I hope you guys could steer me right. I have been dating my fiancé for a couple years. We broke up a couple of times in the past and got back together again. This time we took the commitment level a notch higher and proposed. Wedding is planned May next year. But I am going through some emotional turmoil I have never experienced in my life. When we got back together this time, things were great in the beginning. But all started going downhill. She complains a lot about everything.

She accuses me of not emotionally connecting to her, not understanding her etc. It could be anything about a movie discussion to finances, she gets into this monumental rage and anger I have not seen on anyone before. She broke her phone once, opened the door in a moving car while on a highway, she drove her car open door while I was there standing to calm her down, she throws things and so on. She has a history of childhood abuse by her mum and molested by an ‘uncle’. She gets completely in depression mode once in a while and drinks and smokes excessively.

What am I dealing with here guys? Am I doing something wrong? I am hurting like hell and the emotional roller-coaster have been unbearable to say the least. Help me please so I can be out of my misery. I am not looking to break up at this point but if that is your suggestion then I will consider it. I am a highly successful professional, studying PhD part time, and running my own business. But I feel I am crumbling down to my knees and I don’t know where to turn to.

 

[Desdinova]

she gets into this monumental rage and anger I have not seen on anyone before. She broke her phone once, opened the door in a moving car while on a highway, she drove her car open door while I was there standing to calm her down, she throws things and so on. She has a history of childhood abuse by her mum and molested by an ‘uncle’. She gets completely in depression mode once in a while and drinks and smokes excessively.

What am I dealing with here guys?

You're dealing with my ex-fiancee, the woman who drove me to this site.

None of this is going to get any better. A wedding won't fix her temper tantrums nor her depression. Showing her unconditional love will not fix her. She is extremely damaged and always will be. You can either marry her and live in misery, or leave her and find another woman who isn't a complete psycho.

When my ex-fiancee dumped my ass, she did me a huge favour. Every woman I've dated since has been a walk in the park. No more stupid guilt trips, 5hit flying across the room, locking herself in the bathroom, and all the other crazy stuff that came from her.

Your happiness is what counts the most. If she's taking away from your happiness instead of adding to it, then it's in your best interest to remove her from your life.

 

[dustmuffin]

You're dealing with my ex-fiancee, the woman who drove me to this site.

None of this is going to get any better. A wedding won't fix her temper tantrums nor her depression. Showing her unconditional love will not fix her. She is extremely damaged and always will be. You can either marry her and live in misery, or leave her and find another woman who isn't a complete psycho.

When my ex-fiancee dumped my ass, she did me a huge favour. Every woman I've dated since has been a walk in the park. No more stupid guilt trips, 5hit flying across the room, locking herself in the bathroom, and all the other crazy stuff that came from her.

Your happiness is what counts the most. If she's taking away from your happiness instead of adding to it, then it's in your best interest to remove her from your life.

This^^ It's time to move on. It's for your sanity.

 

[mike72]

Dude, you need to GTFO. PRONTO!

Tons of red flags : abusive mom, sexual abuse , excessive anger , smoking and drinking.

She is showing you now what life with her is going to be. You have way too much going for you to put up with this crap. You cannot fix her.

Cancel the wedding, get deposits back if any and start disconnecting from her now. No negotiating with her , block her out in all ways.

Been there done that, not going there again

 

[Tictac]

Hey, I know you care for this woman.

You need to care for yourself as much as you do her.

Why would you do this to yourself? No woman, no person is worth that.

There are other women - women that aren't crazy and abusive.

What makes you think that staying with this woman is better than being alone?

 

[parkthebus]

Your questions were: 1. What am I dealing here with guys? 2. Am I doing something wrong?

1 - Your female has serious emotional issues. When you enter into a committed relationship with a female, she becomes like your child. You're the new daddy and her issues are now your issues. Sounds like your female is burdening you with many issues.

2 - You may be doing a lot wrong. But from what I have read, you have not been.

 

[dillj]

your insecurity and cowardice are appalling. Dump her now, or regret it forever, having your life ruined. For god's sake, get a vasectomy or you'll never have a life. If you trust her with the birth control or have a kid with her, you should suicide and save yourself the agony

 

[blind_one]

If you are posting this you probably already know the answer. So I'll be another voice of reassurement and Ill try and help.

1. What are you dealing with here is a toxic woman that you should avoid like the plague.

2. You will do yourself only harm by staying in any kind of relationship with a human like that.
As other brighter minds have already posted, I suggest you press the EJECT button asap.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I'm thinking bipolar disorder. Medication can be effective. She needs help.

 

[RangerMIke]

This is my ex-wife. You must dump her.... This will not get better.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

It's gotta be said, this woman isn't right in the head. Not meaning to be rude or anything, but she's not. It's probably not her fault, we all have issues and flawed characters especially when we are younger and haven't got to know ourselves properly.

It sounds like you are the stable one, and she is unstable. This story as you see neither unusual nor unfamiliar to many. I would certainly say that marriage should be put firmly on hold for now. And she could use some professional help. You can't force this on her, but don't be the sponge either; it can end badly, trust me I've been there; when eventually one's own fuse is lit. And unfortunately my own is quite short!

One of the best ways to deal with childish behaviour is to ignore it. Walk.out the house. Or even go out altogether. If it persists, leave for good, as has been said. It really is the only solution in some cases.