in communication again with ex gf i treated appallingly please help approach

[derby1]

hi....split up with gf about 5 months ago after 2 years...last two months of relationship became toxic we were drinking too much.. and i became verbally abusive at the slightest thing she did to piss me off instead of handling it cool, i put the girl in tears not good....for 3 of the months like clockwork fortnightly she would pay for her own taxi to come to me and spend the night crying her eyes out saying shes never met anyone she she and the kids loved so much but she hates me at the same time then when sober the morning after she would go as cold as ice on me....

i have pursued this relationship 100% for the last two months and i understand she has an internal conflict about me i have completely become a new man in the last 5 months...and i feel i have chased enough now i have asked her to meet up more than the reccommended 2 times and she sidetracks the question etc......

she messaged asking if i was seeing someone 2 weeks ago as id gone quiet and i used my 2nd "meet up card " and she sidetracked the question...

on that day 2 weeks ago i walked away i have finally backed my words and she prob cant believe it.. as last night she initiated text i was polite happy etc and i kept it short no emotional tampon stuff....
however considering she initiated her responses were vague, on a plus note she messaged me during working hours so better than 11pm drink check in

im under the impression i am not to ask this girl to meet up again until she brings it up (ive asked enough)

where do i go from here i take it her interest is rising she has no need to message me with all her orbiters

do i just carry on as i am reply politely but dont initiate since the walk away.....

any help appreciated dealing with vague texts etc even though she initiated

 

[KingofPuss]

So you didn't walk away then.

Walking away means ZERO CONTACT. Let her stew for a bit. Right now youre another orbiter. Maybe go ghost for a week and see what's up.

 

[derby1]

just to add this woman is a bit of a validation seeker which is why i believe i dont initiate anymore contact with her till she arranges to meet up?

 

[derby1]

i dont agree?? walking away means you leave the person be and stop pestering them then when they initiate you keep it short not mentioning any romeo and juilet speel but nt being rude? its me whos been the *****

 

[derby1]

bump anyone? please read its me whos been the ***** and she is back intouch

 

[RedScorpion]

Seems a bit difficult, but - you've already stuck your hand out to try and resolve things well earlier right? So now it's her turn to offer. I think she's in doubt, and she might be curious - but you should let her press things forward if she wants. She knows you asked to meet up twice. But she also has to have some fear of you just simply moving on.

I think - be polite, indifferent, take your time replying if you want (just don't seem like you're waiting for her to text). But let her initiate any conversation.

Here's a decent post by Mauser96 for it (few posts down in bold) - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/thread...d-this-if-you-just-got-dumped.160056/page-237

I don't think I'd be as short in response as he says, based on the situation - but you'll have to trust your instinct on whether she's just looking for validation or not.

Regardless, if things end on a polite and friendly-ish note - then there's a chance of reconciliation later on, even if it fades fully away now. Try and focus on making your own life without her. Something she can be a bit envious of, something she goes 'I wish I was part of that life' - and that doesn't even necessarily need other girls in the equation. Outgoing, get in shape, be with friends and family, do your hobbies and sports. But mostly for yourself. It helps having some sort of a life to keep you going. Make your path supposing she's not part of your life, and if she does want to join it - great. If not, that's a shame, and you carry on. That way, you don't have regrets for yourself on putting your life on hold for this girl - that may just not work out in the end.

 

[Dingo]

"fortnightly"... I like that...

She's an ex for a reason.... You were toxic together... Go FULL no contact.... Hard and painful but in the end better for both.....

Go out and live your life.

 

[Thorninmyside]

she and the kids loved so much

Dysfunctional relationship with single mom who drinks too much. You're trying to save this why?

If you've truly become a brand new man then you've earned a brand new woman. Same as my vibe with @bigneil's comeback girl. Losing weight, getting fitter and wiser just to get back what you had before when you weren't the best version of yourself... In what world does that seem like a fair deal?

 

[derby1]

i appreciate the opinions and ill keep a wide eye, im happy to see if she initiates.. im not going to go hard no contact on her...if she asks to meet up ill evaluate over the weeks whether shes made any changes to her ways and use the oportunity to have a good evening with sex if she hasnt made any changes ill explain what i see and go our seperate ways for her to reflect or not