In a "Secret Relationships"

[Axcell]

I have yet to come across a topic in this forum where a discussion on secret relationships take place, so I thought I would post one up.
Not really interested in views on whether they work out or not; BUT what I do want to know is how to get yourself out of that position. I was in one about 2 years ago, and in my point of view, it sucked.

I seemed to have gotten myself in that situation again, and I really want to get that part of my life handled, before it happens yet again.

My current situation, I'll make this as short as possible:
- I like a girl, the same girl likes me. However, we are both quiet about it.
- 3 weeks later, we get into a conversation in person...
- She tells me she likes 2 guys, one of them including me. (At this point, I do not know which one she likes more.)
- I tell her the same thing, to ensure I do not look desperate incase she says she likes the other guy more.
- She says for me to go first, and we end up saying we like the other person more.
- 2 days later, she goes out with him. Now, 2 months into their relationship, when they break up... I hear she only went out with him to get me jealous.. and she still likes me. Another note: I only liked this girl, and this girl only, I put in the other girl randomly.
- She breaks up with him.
- 3 weeks go by...
- We hook up, and now it is a secret because that ex-boyfriend cannot find out. Her ex-boyfriend also during their relationship knew she liked me before she went out with him, and he kep't on confronting her because she continually used to check me out while going out with him.
- ALSO, 1 girl has had a BIG thing for me for about 2 months, and my girlfriend is really good friends with her, so she feels bad that if she find out my girlfriend is going out with me.. that it will seem like my girlfriend stole me away from her..... and the girl who has a thing for me, will hate my gf for that. NOTE: I do not have a thing AT ALL for this girl, she even knows that.
- My girlfriend says we need to keep this a secret, and now she tells me she is working this whole summer, so I can only see her once a week.

How do I deal with this situation? I don't know what to tell her.. because I do not want a secret relationship, they hardly work out.
Thanks for your time guys,
Nick.

 

[Dark Chivalry]

This sounds like a headache, date other girls.

 

[Axcell]

I'm afraid at the moment, it really isn't an option for me. I spent too much time trying to get this girl; and she is probably the best thing out there from the network of girls I know.
Things about girls can be easily changed - I just need to think of the right way to say it or what to do about it.

 

[Dark Chivalry]

I spent too much time trying to get this girl; and she is probably the best thing out there from the network of girls I know.

So you are going to spend more time on her? Make her an even bigger investment and avoid having more girls in your network?

Ask her why she needs it to be a secret. This smells fishy, you know?

 

[Quiksilver]

Hey princess, cut the drama and fvck her.

 

[Axcell]

@ Dark Chivalry - As explained above, I have already asked her why it needs to be a secret and she explained why.. it is said above.
And to get to the good stuff, sometimes you need to invest time on a girl. I also have a large amount, probably the best I have seen is her.
@ Quiksilver - Since I am currently 17 years old, and she is a year younger, I wouldn't count on it, not where I live.

 

[Quiksilver]

And to get to the good stuff, sometimes you need to invest time on a girl.

Everything about that statement is depressing.

The dishonesty of the relationship, you'll simply "waiting" for her to give you sex.

You give power over the relationship to her. You're letting her dictate the when, where, and 'how much' of the relationship. Girls do not want that power, they want you to have it.

You're wasting your time, if you are looking to get laid.

You can only see her once a week? Why the hell do you want a relationship like that? Unless it's only for the poon... In which case you aren't going to get any.

Trust me man, soo many of my friends take this approach and think stuff like "mabye in a couple months she'll give me sex" or some dumb **** & balls like that.

Next time you see her, don't say a word. Walk up and kiss her, and let it roll from there. If she backs off, guess what? She don't want you. Chances are if she's taking the time to see you alone, she wants you to rail her.

Seriously, don't take this "it takes time" approach garbage. IT - DOES - NOT -WORK.

good luck

edit: fyi, if she's telling you she can only chill with you one night per week, that's toootal bs. Just a word from experience.

 

[shydude]

I say you go up to her EX and say I *fcuk your Ex every fcukiin day and what you gonna do about it. Then leave :]] Life goes on.

 

[The Shocker]

sounds like you're both 5 years old. What is all this drama??

 

[Dark Chivalry]

If you cannot call her your girl in public, you have no business being exclusive.

I don't know what to tell her.. because I do not want a secret relationship, they hardly work out.

Why do something you don't want to do that you also know doesn't work?

 

[dre007]

?

dude, why are you worrying so much about a "secret" relationship, if you don't want one then why are you pushing to have one? just let this be a no-strings attached type of thing with her, you can hookup or fck her if ya want but that doesn't mean you guys gotta be in a relationship...she seems like she just wants to mess around with you and be single, so play her game and just get some pvssy if you want, that you won't leave empty handed if she leaves you for some other guy

 

[Axcell]

Alright, I suppose you guys are correct.
However, I just need something to tell her to let her know that she doesn't have to worry about that other girl who likes me.. a ****y/funny yet really informative way of putting it.. something that will convince her to think, "Hey, what the hell... who gives a **** whether this girl likes him or not, it's no reason to have a secret relationship."

For example, when getting a girl's phone number, and she says she doesn't have her number.. a good way to turn this around is going and telling her, "Hey, it's okay if you don't have a cell phone.. it is nothing to be embarassed about."
But how do you turn around when a girl says it needs to be a secret till that girl stops liking me..

Appreciate the responses,
Nick.

 

[Mizzikiel]

Lol, this reminds me of last night. Me and a group of my friends were walking to this chicks place, my one friends (we'll call him C) wants to go out with her, but she refused to talk to him until he broke up with his girlfriend (which he had been meaning to do for a while, but kept chickening out) so on the way, my other friend (We'll call him A) grabs C's phone and texts C's girlfriend saying "I dont think its going to work out". C is happy its finally over (1.5 years) but is downed, then we get to the other chicks house, he was like its done and shes like alright, come in. He was single for less than 20 minutes. But, because his ex is insane, they have to be all secretive about it. So, they arent telling anyone (even though they both have told people and it'll get out by tonight).

It'll be hard to have a secretive relationship, what i'd suggest is just go out with her and dont be secretive about it. It'll be easier on the both of you.

 

[habdragon08]

dude- if you break it off right now or tell her something like "I dont have time to hang out this week", youll suddenly have all the power back in the relationship

 

[mpimpin]

This sounds a bit strange to me. I've seen friends go through the same thing and from what I've seen its not good. Seriously ask yourself why does she really wanna keep it a secret? She doesn't want her ex knowing he was right? ....So what? What does she care what he thinks. Watch out she may be playing around behind your back.

 

[Axcell]

Alright, an update.. my girlfriend had the idea of me just telling the girl how I felt, and she would tell her a week later how she felt to her as well... What does this mean? Well, she would realize we both like each other and if it goes well she will try hooking us up.
Thanks for your advice guys, mpimpin.. your questions were a great help, as when I asked them to her.. it got her really thinking about the matter.

 

[Sir Juanalot]

Alright, an update.. my girlfriend had the idea of me just telling the girl how I felt, and she would tell her a week later how she felt to her as well... What does this mean? Well, she would realize we both like each other and if it goes well she will try hooking us up.
Thanks for your advice guys, mpimpin.. your questions were a great help, as when I asked them to her.. it got her really thinking about the matter.

What does this mean?

It means "Never take advice from women about women" :crackup:

She would realise you liked her when you grabbed her ass and said "hey, nice ass" you dont need a goddam woman to pass the message on for you, what the hell does that make you look like?!

 

[mpimpin]

Glad I could help put things in motion

 

[The Shocker]

What the fvck??? Why is your girl telling you what to do???

 

[Plec07]

Looks like mpimpin handled the situation. Just remember your young, don't take things too seriously. If your not 100% happy then change something till you are. It's your life and you only get one shot at it. Either change the status of the relationship to public, or change the girl. But don't go for less than makes you happy.