New to the site? Welcome! I hope this isn't too generic of a post...this is how I am tackling both the info here and my own weaknesses -- see if it helps you out.
So if you're new, I've bet you found out about this site and you've come here for help with your love life, or because people have been telling you that you're a push over, or because you're girlfriend left you, bla bla bla. Whatever the reason is, leave it at the door. You shouldn't be here to complain or vent, but to learn and to improve. An open mind is essential.
So first things first, you must relax. The first part of your journey to become not only a better man but a better person is about one thing and one thing only: You. You can't possibly hope to succeed at this if you're all uptight or constantly worried about this or that. As you will learn, a relaxed demeanor is absolutely necessary for a not only a DJ, but for those who hope to become DJs. I stated above that this process of improvement is about you and you alone. Thus, you must also forget about girls for now. Take a break from all that. Don't worry, when you return to the scene again they will still be there, and they won't have changed one bit...I promise.
You must start slowly. Take it one day at a time. Before you even start browsing the site, I want you to leave your computer. If the weather is nice, go sit outside. If not, just sit at a place you like without distractions. Bring a long a sheet of paper and a pen, as some self reflection is in order here. You're going to analyze where you are in all of this and where your problem areas lie. For instance, do you have problems talking to girls or people in general? What about smiling at girls, or making eye contact, or taking charge of a group, putting your foot down when necessary, or talking to your grandma? Well, I dunno about the grandma thing
, but think of all those scenarios and more and write them down. Which ones are you good at, which ones are you okay at, and which ones need a lot of work? Okay, so go do that...Yes, I'm talking to you!
Okay so now that you're back, feel free to browse over the site and the DJ bible after reading all of this. Unless you are pretty far along and are here for some fine tuning, you need to keep it simple at first...so ignore the seduction stuff, the tactics, and anything else not related to basic self improvement. As your progress, all of that will make more sense and "click" together. For now, it's just mumbo jumbo that will only confuse you. Start with the basic things, and move out from there. You need to have a routine for your self-improvement -- split the work up into little chunks and tackle each chunk one at a time. What I personally try to do is every week or so is to have a goal for myself if I find there's something I need to work on. At the end of that week, I would evaluate my behavior in this field: how much I've improved, what I could have done better, what came of it, how my viewpoint on this all has changed, etc. I can talk to adults and do public speaking fine, but my biggest problem area was (and still is to some extent) meeting and dating girls that I was attracted to. Thus, I split this area up into little chunks. One week my goal was to start smiling at girls when I make eye contact. I tried to do this whenever I noticed a girl giving me prolonged eye contact of her own. I used to be so shy that I would make eye contact, but then quickly look away. I worked hard at it: keeping my eyes on the girl's eyes and giving a nice modest smile. The results I got were great...but even if the results aren't great, KEEP IT UP! Sometimes I felt discouraged or stupid with doing these new things, but right now it's become almost second nature to me and I don't have to think about doing it! At the end of a week of that, I thought to myself "How did I do? What came of this? Was all that shyness I had before really justified?" Self reflection is extremely important: don't be afraid to be honest with yourself. If you didn't do as well as you hoped, admit it and TRY AGAIN a second week for instance, or move on to something else for a bit and come back to it refreshed.
If you're having problems approaching girls or trying out your new improvement of the week with them, just see them objectively: as test rats or something along those lines. A scientist doesn't care about the rats he's using in an experiment, his goal is the outcome of that experiment and the progress and discoveries that have been made. If you happen to impress the girls, make them wet, or piss them off, those are all secondary effects. Your primary goal is to enhance your own abilities and blow through that shyness and desperation.
So overall, to get over this nice guy facade, you need to get into many uncomfortable situations -- situations where you feel like an ass and are thinking "why in the hell am I doing this, I feel so stupid". The situation still might feel dumb a week or so down the road when you reflect back on it, but that doesn't matter. YOU WENT OUT THERE AND DID SOMETHING AND YOU'VE GROWN AS A MAN BECAUSE OF THAT. And THAT'S what's important. There is no substitute to this: this process will NOT be comfortable! At times it may suck, or you will ask yourself why the hell you are doing this. But just remember all of those big and little victories you've had along the way, and it will bring the awkwardness of the current situation in a more appropriate context. Your brain is an amazing thing, it grows and reforms and you have no idea it's doing that. You will subconsciously integrate these new improvements of yours, and down the road you might even catch yourself subconsciously doing what you once worked so hard at! THAT is one of the things that makes it all worthwhile.
Just to restate an important fact: you are working to change something so deep wired within your mind, and that will take time. If you're new to this, you will not wake up tomorrow and be the man with ladies after reading this site. I've been working at this stuff for about 3/4 of a year and have made amazing improvements not just with my interactions with females my age, but with how I interact with EVERYONE and how I see things in general. More than a few friends and relatives have noticed and commented to me about this. My aunts couldn't believe I was the same guy because I was so shy before! I might not be a DJ yet, but I'm much more outwardly friendly and open with people and I don't take shyt when it is dished out at me. As long as I keep learning and keep improving, that's what I care about, not my status as some playa or ladies man. But, that's just me.
So, to conclude: If you put in the effort, you WILL see results.
Good luck, and let the games begin!
Robby
(This was originally a forum reply posting, but I figured I should adapt it to a full topic of its own.)
Edited because I composed this in another program, and it didn't import too cleanly.
[This message has been edited by rbd (edited 03-25-2002).]
So if you're new, I've bet you found out about this site and you've come here for help with your love life, or because people have been telling you that you're a push over, or because you're girlfriend left you, bla bla bla. Whatever the reason is, leave it at the door. You shouldn't be here to complain or vent, but to learn and to improve. An open mind is essential.
So first things first, you must relax. The first part of your journey to become not only a better man but a better person is about one thing and one thing only: You. You can't possibly hope to succeed at this if you're all uptight or constantly worried about this or that. As you will learn, a relaxed demeanor is absolutely necessary for a not only a DJ, but for those who hope to become DJs. I stated above that this process of improvement is about you and you alone. Thus, you must also forget about girls for now. Take a break from all that. Don't worry, when you return to the scene again they will still be there, and they won't have changed one bit...I promise.
You must start slowly. Take it one day at a time. Before you even start browsing the site, I want you to leave your computer. If the weather is nice, go sit outside. If not, just sit at a place you like without distractions. Bring a long a sheet of paper and a pen, as some self reflection is in order here. You're going to analyze where you are in all of this and where your problem areas lie. For instance, do you have problems talking to girls or people in general? What about smiling at girls, or making eye contact, or taking charge of a group, putting your foot down when necessary, or talking to your grandma? Well, I dunno about the grandma thing
Okay so now that you're back, feel free to browse over the site and the DJ bible after reading all of this. Unless you are pretty far along and are here for some fine tuning, you need to keep it simple at first...so ignore the seduction stuff, the tactics, and anything else not related to basic self improvement. As your progress, all of that will make more sense and "click" together. For now, it's just mumbo jumbo that will only confuse you. Start with the basic things, and move out from there. You need to have a routine for your self-improvement -- split the work up into little chunks and tackle each chunk one at a time. What I personally try to do is every week or so is to have a goal for myself if I find there's something I need to work on. At the end of that week, I would evaluate my behavior in this field: how much I've improved, what I could have done better, what came of it, how my viewpoint on this all has changed, etc. I can talk to adults and do public speaking fine, but my biggest problem area was (and still is to some extent) meeting and dating girls that I was attracted to. Thus, I split this area up into little chunks. One week my goal was to start smiling at girls when I make eye contact. I tried to do this whenever I noticed a girl giving me prolonged eye contact of her own. I used to be so shy that I would make eye contact, but then quickly look away. I worked hard at it: keeping my eyes on the girl's eyes and giving a nice modest smile. The results I got were great...but even if the results aren't great, KEEP IT UP! Sometimes I felt discouraged or stupid with doing these new things, but right now it's become almost second nature to me and I don't have to think about doing it! At the end of a week of that, I thought to myself "How did I do? What came of this? Was all that shyness I had before really justified?" Self reflection is extremely important: don't be afraid to be honest with yourself. If you didn't do as well as you hoped, admit it and TRY AGAIN a second week for instance, or move on to something else for a bit and come back to it refreshed.
If you're having problems approaching girls or trying out your new improvement of the week with them, just see them objectively: as test rats or something along those lines. A scientist doesn't care about the rats he's using in an experiment, his goal is the outcome of that experiment and the progress and discoveries that have been made. If you happen to impress the girls, make them wet, or piss them off, those are all secondary effects. Your primary goal is to enhance your own abilities and blow through that shyness and desperation.
So overall, to get over this nice guy facade, you need to get into many uncomfortable situations -- situations where you feel like an ass and are thinking "why in the hell am I doing this, I feel so stupid". The situation still might feel dumb a week or so down the road when you reflect back on it, but that doesn't matter. YOU WENT OUT THERE AND DID SOMETHING AND YOU'VE GROWN AS A MAN BECAUSE OF THAT. And THAT'S what's important. There is no substitute to this: this process will NOT be comfortable! At times it may suck, or you will ask yourself why the hell you are doing this. But just remember all of those big and little victories you've had along the way, and it will bring the awkwardness of the current situation in a more appropriate context. Your brain is an amazing thing, it grows and reforms and you have no idea it's doing that. You will subconsciously integrate these new improvements of yours, and down the road you might even catch yourself subconsciously doing what you once worked so hard at! THAT is one of the things that makes it all worthwhile.
Just to restate an important fact: you are working to change something so deep wired within your mind, and that will take time. If you're new to this, you will not wake up tomorrow and be the man with ladies after reading this site. I've been working at this stuff for about 3/4 of a year and have made amazing improvements not just with my interactions with females my age, but with how I interact with EVERYONE and how I see things in general. More than a few friends and relatives have noticed and commented to me about this. My aunts couldn't believe I was the same guy because I was so shy before! I might not be a DJ yet, but I'm much more outwardly friendly and open with people and I don't take shyt when it is dished out at me. As long as I keep learning and keep improving, that's what I care about, not my status as some playa or ladies man. But, that's just me.
So, to conclude: If you put in the effort, you WILL see results.
Good luck, and let the games begin!
Robby
(This was originally a forum reply posting, but I figured I should adapt it to a full topic of its own.)
Edited because I composed this in another program, and it didn't import too cleanly.
[This message has been edited by rbd (edited 03-25-2002).]
