I'm too jokey. I want to be SMOOTH.

[Cyfer]

17 here.

Cold approaching girls led me onto a positive spiral of confidence. I lost 20kg, have been working out for a year, have good fashion sense, I've actually been invited to parties (!!!), and I've still kept up my grades. Trying to become a 'don juan' has been the most significant event in my life. Thank you.

I've hit a brick wall.

I've become confident and have started to express my unique self but going out with friends a couple of nights ago people pointed out that I was getting girls to hang onto my every word and I looked "just like a performer". I don't want to be a performer.

Performers aren't self assured. They have charisma, but it's fake. I want to mature, develop true confidence. Become a king, at least in nature.

It's just too much. I feel like I may know deep inside what to say or do around girls to be smooth but I always abandon it at the last minute to say something crude or make some sexual joke because I think taking the piss will be more fun.

It got to the point where I had an incredibly attractive girl come round yesterday to my house for SEVEN HOURS until midnight and I didn't get past first - a girl I've gotten to first with on and off since I've started becoming a Don Juan. We started off by baking cookies and then we just chilled and then snuggled up together to watch TV... but nothing happened.

I was being a performer all over again - when she asked me to meet her again on Sunday I kept joking about how I wouldn't since she still hadn't given me a *******. She even asked if I was being serious about the ******* and I laughed it off with another joke. And GOD DAMN was she down for it. Tight hugging clothes, clearly see through to show off lace underwear underneath it when she bent over.

How can I develop my maturity? I feel like knowing how to become smooth is the next stage for me to transition to. I'm not saying I should stop being jokey - there are times when you're with your mates and you take the piss to have a fun time.
But I feel like I put that on far too much, especially when I need to be intimate with girls, I just don't know what to do.

Is there something I can imagine like 'think of what George Clooney would say or do'? Are there any mantras or lines I can keep in my head? How did you become smooth?

I just want to shake off this jokey character. It's helped me get girls because I'm still expressing confidence through it, but it's holding me back from becoming even more confident. It's just ridiculous if it's at the point where I feel like a girl is basically advertising for more, but I just can't do it.

I know I need to be more suave. I need to start becoming a true Don Juan. What can I do?



Too long, didn't read: I am a performer and express my confidence by making funny but crude jokes. How can I become smooth to develop my maturity to the next level?

 

[Alvafe]

my question is more like what you did to escalate? if at all?

 

[Cyfer]

my question is more like what you did to escalate? if at all?

I don't think I did escalate, because I don't know how to escalate. It's not something that will get beaten to you naturally if you do something like work hard at cold approaches, and I don't want to turn to PUA manuals to find out how to escalate.

I think it's part of a much larger problem though, of me lacking maturity in intimate situations.

 

[Alvafe]

escalate is not the same as cold approaches, maturity means little, you can look and act mature but if you don't escalate you will still be the same, you are letting the girls around you confortable, that is the first thing.

and I don't consider someone who toss jokes immature, its how you deal with the things in your life.

try next time to kiss her, better yet see what you really wanted to do with the girl and try to do it, also read the DJ bible here on the site. it can point or give you ideas

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Dont be afraid to open up.

The excessive joking can also be a cover-up for lack of confidence in those situations.

 

[devilkingx2]

I'm of the (obviously correct) opinion that you should always make jokes, that it's always a good time and it's never too many, your problem lies here:

I was being a performer all over again - when she asked me to meet her again on Sunday I kept joking about how I wouldn't since she still hadn't given me a *******. She even asked if I was being serious about the ******* and I laughed it off with another joke. And GOD DAMN was she down for it. Tight hugging clothes, clearly see through to show off lace underwear underneath it when she bent over.

if she was down for it, why didn't you do it?

that sounds like you chickened out( no offense, it happened to everyone at one point), not that it has anything to do with jokes, work on that confidence a little more

 

[Cyfer]

I'm of the (obviously correct) opinion that you should always make jokes, that it's always a good time and it's never too many, your problem lies here:

if she was down for it, why didn't you do it?

that sounds like you chickened out( no offense, it happened to everyone at one point), not that it has anything to do with jokes, work on that confidence a little more

Yeah, I definitely chickened out. I don't understand why I get so scared or nervous in intimate situations. It might be because I've come such a long way from not having a girl poke me with a stick in such a short time - hopefully this'll come with experience.
But I also keep thinking 'how on earth does this girl want me? There must be another reason...' even though girls have hit on me. I just can't break out of the mindset that a girl wouldn't actually want me, rather than me having to work for it and force it.

I think I'm being too disrespectful though. I guess it's fine to joke about stuff like getting a ******* from a girl, but I'm probably pushing it too much - I doubt a girl would want me to keep taking the piss about something that can be so personal.

Dont be afraid to open up.

The excessive joking can also be a cover-up for lack of confidence in those situations.

You're right, thank you.

you lack inner game.

try to remember all the times you've ever felt like a MAN. like you could take on anything and more and recreate those things. men ride on confidence.

you also need more ****y and dominance to go with that funny.

funny without ****y/dominance = class clown.

thats the only difference.

it doesnt even matter if your response comes out wrong, it matters more how you deliver it. how strong your frame is.

the best replies show ****y/funny with just a few words, no long draw out sentences.

hb "are you gay?"
you "dont get your hopes up"

you "what are you doin tonight?"
hb "i dont know"
you "i do"

amog other guys
tease the girls
start commanding bltches.
dont be so easily impressed.

Im definitely the class clown. Ok, thank you.
God damn though, I know I need to become more confident on the inside, I just don't know what to do. Cold approaching got me this far, what now?

 

[Eph]

Yeah, I definitely chickened out. I don't understand why I get so scared or nervous in intimate situations. It might be because I've come such a long way from not having a girl poke me with a stick in such a short time - hopefully this'll come with experience.
But I also keep thinking 'how on earth does this girl want me? There must be another reason...' even though girls have hit on me. I just can't break out of the mindset that a girl wouldn't actually want me, rather than me having to work for it and force it.

I think I'm being too disrespectful though. I guess it's fine to joke about stuff like getting a ******* from a girl, but I'm probably pushing it too much - I doubt a girl would want me to keep taking the piss about something that can be so personal.





You're right, thank you.






Im definitely the class clown. Ok, thank you.
God damn though, I know I need to become more confident on the inside, I just don't know what to do. Cold approaching got me this far, what now?

Easy, cold approaching got you comfortable meeting new people. Now, that you're comfortable with it, you've gone back inside your comfort zone. Its time to break out of it again. The single, biggest thing that's increased my confidence is having to lead others. So, find something where you have to be in charge. No matter how small of a role it is.

You'll be nervous as all hell at first, and feel awful when you make mistakes in front of people. But after a while, you get comfortable with it, and mistakes no longer bother you. You can also start working out to increase your confidence. But, not just working out. It doesn't do a damn thing for you, if you don't set and reach goals.

I'd say your biggest problem, even bigger than your lack of true confidence, is one that a lot of have: you're afraid to get out of your comfort zone. More so, than anything else. So, this is the next step. Start doing things you're not comfortable with. The more you expose yourself to, the better off you'll be.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Be more quiet, especially when you interact with groups of girls.

Don't talk to one girl over the others, always make eye contact with the person speaking. When you see openings to speak, go ahead, but if someone interrupts your story, let them talk, laugh, then keep going.

It's about being direct, having good eye contact, and reacting positively to what they give you. Give them more space to speak, put them on the spot to impress you. When you talk too much, you make mistakes and they hear them. When they talk a lot, you hear them and only have to do subtle things.

 

[Cyfer]

Easy, cold approaching got you comfortable meeting new people. Now, that you're comfortable with it, you've gone back inside your comfort zone. Its time to break out of it again. The single, biggest thing that's increased my confidence is having to lead others. So, find something where you have to be in charge. No matter how small of a role it is.

You'll be nervous as all hell at first, and feel awful when you make mistakes in front of people. But after a while, you get comfortable with it, and mistakes no longer bother you. You can also start working out to increase your confidence. But, not just working out. It doesn't do a damn thing for you, if you don't set and reach goals.

I'd say your biggest problem, even bigger than your lack of true confidence, is one that a lot of have: you're afraid to get out of your comfort zone. More so, than anything else. So, this is the next step. Start doing things you're not comfortable with. The more you expose yourself to, the better off you'll be.

Thank you, I really needed this.

I completely agree - I'm scared to get out of my comfort zone.

I'll find a role to lead in, and I'll start doing things that scare me.

I wanted to 'test getting out of my comfort zone' before replying to you again, but things didn't work out. For one, it turns out that the girl I was with before has a boyfriend - so I've stopped talking to her completely. It's not in my philosophy, or I think a DJ's to hit on a girl that's taken, even if she's opening up.

Secondly, I failed in stepping out of my comfort zone. I went out on a semi-date (coffee/walking in the park) with a 20 year old (! ). Even though we got on great and she was clearly giving me signs - strong eye contact, leaning forward, legs touching, making up that she could 'read palms' just to hold my hand, I still didn't go for it.

God damn, I know what to do, I just need to do it. I'm meeting her again in a few days and as soon as I meet her I'm going to kiss her.

 

[Cyfer]

Be more quiet, especially when you interact with groups of girls.

Don't talk to one girl over the others, always make eye contact with the person speaking. When you see openings to speak, go ahead, but if someone interrupts your story, let them talk, laugh, then keep going.

It's about being direct, having good eye contact, and reacting positively to what they give you. Give them more space to speak, put them on the spot to impress you. When you talk too much, you make mistakes and they hear them. When they talk a lot, you hear them and only have to do subtle things.

Have you tried being quiet even in your opening? As in when you talk to girls you've never met? I feel like I'd still have to be dramatic or funny in my opening (How would you like to be the cream cheese to my bagel?) even if I'm being quiet afterwards - I do need to get their attention after all.

Eye contact is really damn hard, even if you are making a conscious effort to maintain it. Is it just practice?

Thank you.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Eye contact isn't practice, it's confidence. To get more comfortable with yourself is the whole sport, music, reading and meditating thing... Getting comfortable with others is spending more time around people. Try and spend a month with only two hours besides sleep alone. Heaps of approaches right off the bat and forcing "smooth" won't help as much as developing it from within. Give a man a fish, teach a man to fish.

 

[Mindgamez]

Haha... I'm having the same problem at the moment. I entertain too much. I'm too funny. I'm not purposeful enough.

But yeah, good tips everyone.

 

[ejswenso]

basically i think there are some pros to it, but if you can't go to the other extreme and show them you don't need to entertain them to keep them, you're gonna come across as much stronger.

 

[Cyfer]

basically i think there are some pros to it, but if you can't go to the other extreme and show them you don't need to entertain them to keep them, you're gonna come across as much stronger.

Getting comfortable with others is spending more time around people. Try and spend a month with only two hours besides sleep alone.

Two really interesting ideas, thank you I will try these out.


BESIDES! YOU GUYS YOU WOULD BE PROUD OF ME! God damn am I proud of myself.
I arranged to meet that beautiful 20 year old. We went to get coffee first and I said "I'll buy you coffee for a kiss" without a single ****ing stutter. I heard of this from simplepickup and I thought I might as well try it and see if risk pays off.

Well it didn't pay off! Haha, she turned her head and I ended up lunging for her cheek. But she clearly liked it - she smiled, and kept going on how abrupt it was and how she doesn't like kissing in public.

So the 'move' clearly failed, but it worked on such a better level. It showed that I was confident, it finally showed her that I was interested in her as more than just a friend, and it broke the 'ice' so that future kisses were smooth. Also, it put me in god mode - there's nothing to put you in the mood than lunging at a girl in front of a barista and a line of people waiting to get coffee.

Long story short, went to my place, said **** the movie and spent the next few hours making out. God damn was it good - I've never gotten so far with a girl. I fingered her and tried to go to third but she wouldn't let me, said she didn't want to go so fast straight away, saying she didn't even expect to go to second base then. At least I tried.

I'd never fingered a girl before so that part was kind of touch and go, I was mainly just relying on listening to when she moaned or sounded like she was enjoying it and repeating that. I'll definitely have to look up how to properly finger a girl and do oral for next time.

Oh and I need to learn how to undo a bra. I tried to undo her for 2 minutes before giving up and just pulling it down ahaha.

Right now I just feel on top of the world. Going to sleep that day just seemed surreal, like I could still feel her lips pressed against mine.

I feel like I'm finally making it - taking the first steps out of my comfort zone and into becoming a Don Juan.

Thank you for the support and for the advice guys. I'll still be trying your advice - I know I've no where near made it.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Good job! To answer your question to me, no I'm not quiet in the opening. I always talk about myself from some angle that reveals one cool thing about me, but not who I am entirely.

Keep trying these bold moves. Mindgamez does that stuff all the time. I've tried kissing a couple girls on cold approaches too (when I used to actually do it!)
The idea is to build the experiences and desensitize yourself to embarrassment. That way, when a natural opportunity comes up to be bold, you've been there before and look like a pro.