I'm tired of being the second choice.

[Leaf]

I've never been first in my life. Upon graduation, I was offered the position I'm in because the first candidate pulled out. Don't get me started on friends let alone girls. Hang out? Only if the person they really wanted to hang with has pulled out.

Hence I left my little country town for the big city in pursuit of starting over again as someone new. I've been here for two months and after hitting wall after wall, I'm getting that feeling again; like I'm never good enough or maybe it's as my friend put it, time I pack my bags again and run away to a new city than face myself.

I'm not young anymore. 26. I know those younger years are behind me yet I wonder if it's too late. I want to be that guy; the one that has game, is climbing the ladder socially and career wise.

Yet what is it I am lacking?

 

[lizardking82]

Dude, don't pack your bags and run away. Stay. The start is always hard, no matter what you are trying to accomplish. It takes patience and you don't seem to have it.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Don't be so sensitive man, sounding like a girl. Whats important is to make the most of what you have. It's not so bad to have to earn your popularity first.

 

[marmel75]

I've never been first in my life. Upon graduation, I was offered the position I'm in because the first candidate pulled out. Don't get me started on friends let alone girls. Hang out? Only if the person they really wanted to hang with has pulled out.

Hence I left my little country town for the big city in pursuit of starting over again as someone new. I've been here for two months and after hitting wall after wall, I'm getting that feeling again; like I'm never good enough or maybe it's as my friend put it, time I pack my bags again and run away to a new city than face myself.

I'm not young anymore. 26. I know those younger years are behind me yet I wonder if it's too late. I want to be that guy; the one that has game, is climbing the ladder socially and career wise.

Yet what is it I am lacking?

Confidence and by extension, and possibly testosterone...get your levels checked. It's not uncommon for people in the early 20s to be low in Testosterone these days...its the epidemic nobody will ever tell you about...the death of the male.

I'd also say you seem mentally fragile...you are lacking mental fortitude. Running away is for cowards unless your life is in danger. Stand up and be accountable to yourself for once.

 

[Urbanyst]

Stop trying to punch above your weight.

This is a problem people only have when they try to date girls out of their league, make friends with people out of their league and get jobs that are above their skill level.

Be realistic about what you offer. Then work to improve yourself!

 

[sazc]

I think EVERYBODY has had that foreboding sense of feeling second best at one time or another. Heck, my sister and brother are thick as thieves and I could never figure out why I'm not considered someone who is interesting enough to include out of the gate. I'm either not notified or notified last. I've mentioned this a few times, the desire to feel included more. Nothing has changed. I finally realized that this was not about me - more so they lack the ability to give a sh1t about their behavior and how it affects me. It's their issue, nothing I do, or have done. Not to mention, my sister needs to be in control of most things and knows that my brother is way more likely to follow without question.

Anyways, my point is, you are not the only one that has feelings like these. The important thing is that you not let them consume you and affect your decisions making. If you feel as if you have friends who put you second, it's time to find more friends. The way to find friends is to be active in a hobby or interest you have - there you will find people who are like minded, people that you get along with. Definitely get your testosterone checked, have them do a full hormonal workup. Our hormones are WAY out of whack because of the pollution in the air and the pesticides we eat. My friend, a female, just got hers done and found out her thyroid wasnt working and her testosterone is extremely low. It answered a lot of questions she had been having. You may want to consider speaking to a professional about all of this. It is likely that you are experiencing anxiety or even depression, and that is what's at the root of these feelings.

Dont give up. Keep looking for ways to solve the situation.

 

[Skyline]

I think EVERYBODY has had that foreboding sense of feeling second best at one time or another. Heck, my sister and brother are thick as thieves and I could never figure out why I'm not considered someone who is interesting enough to include out of the gate. I'm either not notified or notified last. I've mentioned this a few times, the desire to feel included more. Nothing has changed. I finally realized that this was not about me - more so they lack the ability to give a sh1t about their behavior and how it affects me. It's their issue, nothing I do, or have done. Not to mention, my sister needs to be in control of most things and knows that my brother is way more likely to follow without question.

Anyways, my point is, you are not the only one that has feelings like these. The important thing is that you not let them consume you and affect your decisions making. If you feel as if you have friends who put you second, it's time to find more friends. The way to find friends is to be active in a hobby or interest you have - there you will find people who are like minded, people that you get along with. Definitely get your testosterone checked, have them do a full hormonal workup. Our hormones are WAY out of whack because of the pollution in the air and the pesticides we eat. My friend, a female, just got hers done and found out her thyroid wasnt working and her testosterone is extremely low. It answered a lot of questions she had been having. You may want to consider speaking to a professional about all of this. It is likely that you are experiencing anxiety or even depression, and that is what's at the root of these feelings.

Dont give up. Keep looking for ways to solve the situation.

I would like to add to the low testosterone thing.

I've had a job, for a couple of months now, that requires me to be outside for 7+ hours a day. I noticed a blatant increase in libido. I also noticed a decrease in my anxiety.

Try and get some sun. It doesn't have to be for as long as I do, but at least a half hour a day shirtless will do.

 

[Von]

Bro, don't let it get you....

Eminem was 2nd in a musical contest.... he made it

Just keep moving, keep practicing and improving, do stuff that you passionnate about to relax, and exercise your body.

There is good stuff being 2nd... if you play your cards right you take all the benefits but none of the attention

 

[wifehunter]

Don't worry about it. Even if you do make it to number one... it's not all it's cracked up to be. People will get jealous of you, you will be lonely, you'll have to work harder to maintain your #1 status. It's over rated.

 

[BeExcellent]

I went through this and every once in a while still do. The whole "why me/why not me" mental gymnastics.

In my life if I found myself having bouts of self pity I eventually learned I was stagnating some way. The chip on my shoulder was large when I was younger. I still wrestle with it at times...but I know now it is a stagnation signal so I start looking at myself to see what I need to do in order to create forward progress.

When you are busy progressing you don't have time to wallow. So figure out what is holding you back & what you fear. Squarely face that fear & you will be on your way to overcoming.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Fortitude.

Champions are created, they aren't born. Heroes are forged in war through blood and steel, they don't come out of the womb with medals in their hands.

Lift yourself up, and realize that it's not the people who have been handed everything in life that rise to the top, but rather the people who stay hungry and keep fighting that win the war in the end. Maybe you coming in second all the time is the one thing you need to keep fighting and remain hungry.

I'll echo this. The BEST businessmen, athletes, movie stars, musicians, etc. all had a gigantic chip on their shoulders which is what led them to never be content and keep fighting. You'll often read that the early lives of the best were often rife with obstacles and extreme unfairness thrown at them by life. Key word here is the BEST. Not the good or even the great, the best ever to do it in any area of life are the ones who had to keep fighting and thus became great all while thinking they probably still aren't as good as they could be.

There was a great quote that I forgot where I read that said something like "Perfection is often achieved through stealth and unbeknownst to the one trying to capture it".

 

[Von]

Take inspiration from Sergio Garcia (golfer)

 

[zekko]

Better to be second choice than third, fourth, or fifth. Count your blessings.

Take inspiration from Sergio Garcia (golfer)

This thread reminded me of that yet. Garcia won the Masters yesterday, he's 37 years old, is well known on the tour but had never won a major before. There was a lot of talk this week about how he's learned to change his attitude. He said that in the past when things started to go wrong, he would let it get to him, but now he has learned to accept things as they come.

If he makes a bad shot, then he accepts it, and tries to make the best of it from there. He talked about being aware of what he is capable, staying positive, and if it doesn't work out then he will congratulate his opponent for winning. He said he wanted to win a major, but he's the same person regardless.

I've never been a fan of Sergio Garcia (for a variety of reasons), but I thought it was interesting that he was reaching a mature age and what lessons he had learned over the years, and how they could be applied to life in many ways, not just golf.

 

[RangerMIke]

Be patient. Do not judge yourself on where you are NOT, grade yourself on progress.

 

[Infern0]

If you are always "second choice" it's likely you are doing something to put yourself in that position.

You need to be very realistic about yourself, where you are at, what you deserve.

It's only by admitting to ourselves where we are lacking that we can improve.

I used to have an attitude like yours, it's very AFC.

Losers complain, winners figure out where they are failing and do something about it.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I suggest you to do a correct and honest assessment of your value and your skills 360 degrees.

No matter how low your point is doesnt really matters as long as the assessment is correct.

Once you know what you have just look for ways to obtain what you need, wheter we talk about social skills, bigger arms or more money in your wallet.

Find the means you need to obtain what you want and if you find yourself unable to get them the right way do it your own way.

And remember that there is no moral you have to follow or obey apart yours, you're not forced to do or avoid anything unless you believe so.

 

[The Duke]

I've never been first in my life. Upon graduation, I was offered the position I'm in because the first candidate pulled out. Don't get me started on friends let alone girls. Hang out? Only if the person they really wanted to hang with has pulled out.

Hence I left my little country town for the big city in pursuit of starting over again as someone new. I've been here for two months and after hitting wall after wall, I'm getting that feeling again; like I'm never good enough or maybe it's as my friend put it, time I pack my bags again and run away to a new city than face myself.

I'm not young anymore. 26. I know those younger years are behind me yet I wonder if it's too late. I want to be that guy; the one that has game, is climbing the ladder socially and career wise.

Yet what is it I am lacking?

I've never felt like I wasn't good enough and I usually get whatever I want out of life. The reason I'm that guy is because of these things right here: I know my who I am. I don't like to lose. I'm highly persistent. I am very confident. I'm always improving. I don't bullschit myself. I always want more. And I don't worry if I get picked first or last.

YOU on the other hand are crying the blues because after only 2 months you aren't getting what you think you deserve. Should they have picked the 3rd place guy instead of you? And how does running away from a problem solve anything?

Did you ever stop to think that maybe you got picked 2nd because you didn't have the skills the first pick had? So how are you going to improve so you can be #1?

You know what the main difference is between successful people vs. everybody else? Its work ethic and attitude. The less successful always fail to see the dedication, suffering, pain, rejection, commitment, effort, and sacrifice that go into being #1. If you want to be the absolute best at something you have to eat, sleep, and breath it. Your life needs to revolve around it. Talent helps, but work ethic and attitude are what gets you to the top.